Sunday morning, we sang this song, I am Not Alone. I wept through it all. I have felt very alone lately. Not because of anyone letting me down. Actually, people have showered me with love and support. But I have had to make a decision to go to the states and seek medical attention. It is a decision I have wrestled over. And Sunday, I knew I needed to go. It was time. And so I wept. Thinking of missing my kids and husband. Thinking of missing my youngest's birthday. Thinking of missing the Holidays with them. Because that is probably the hardest part of it all for me.
I have prayed and prayed for God to heal me. But I also know that sometimes God uses doctors. And I have come to a place where more invasive things must be done and would rather be in my home country. I hear news reports so often here in Belize. Rats getting in an incubator of a newborn baby, a woman dying of a c-section, a young girl who went from hospital to hospital and every one of them missing her appendix needing to be removed, ending in her death. So in wisdom, I feel I must go home.
Please pray for our family over these next months. I am walking in faith. I have no idea how long I will be gone. And that is the hardest part. How do you prepare to leave your children when you don't know if it will be two weeks or two months until you see them again? I am thankful for my in-laws coming to help Lee and thankful for my parents who will take care of me in Texas.
Please pray for special moments over these next few weeks. Last night, I read books with Erika in her bed. She is so big, yet still my baby. She acts tough, but I know she will miss me...and I will miss her. Tori and Kailey both have birthdays coming over the next couple of weeks. I pray for special connections before I leave. The burden of housework and cooking will fall on them some and I know they are not excited about that. But I also know they want a mama who is well.
Please pray for wisdom as my doctor sees me. For favor in getting whatever surgeries I need. I do believe the Lord walks before me and is preparing things I don't even know.
