The Reality of my Life right now

Good Morning.

Today, I woke up and picked my clothes out of my suitcase for the day...I miss dresser drawers.

I went and prepared what we should have for dinner...getting spices out of the box in the storage room.  It is getting empty and I am not refilling it.  I only buy for specific meals now, no extras, as we prepare to move.

I took a long, hot shower this morning, because the kids and my in-laws have left and I didn't have to save them water:)

I made a mental to-do list as we prepare to go to Katy tomorrow for various errands.  What needs to go to storage, winter clothes I need to go through to drop off at KCM, a bag of Christmas stuff that needs to be returned.

I have lots of laundry to do, but that will have to wait.  We are living in the country and the Sun Pump went out.  My mother in law has lots of laundry to do too.  This is part of living with people, but I don't mind.  I am just thankful to do laundry in  our own home and not have to go to the laundromat.

The reality of this coming month lays heavy on my heart.  There are so many things to do as we prepare.  I mean, we have been preparing, for so long.  Yet, there are so many things we couldn't do until now.  Like we had to wait for Christmas gifts to pack, and wear winter clothes, a little, before getting rid of them.  Tomorrow is filled with fun things like movies with cousins and bowling at night, and not so fun things like haircuts and eyeglass exams.  But all is important.  To spend those last moments with family and friends, but to get all the business done as well.

Just went through the remainder of our winter gear...pulled out just enough gloves, a hat for Erika, and getting rid of the rest.  We need them for one last trip...to Abilene.  Because it may be cold.  Getting rid of my thick sweaters, thick PJs.  Things I just won't need in Belize.  Always downsizing.  Always trying to have less because less means less to carry around, less to worry about, less to move from here to there.  Yet, it still seems like so much.  I do think, where will we put all of this when we get there?  But we can give it away if needed, there.

Yesterday, I was putting away Erika's things for preschool, here in her box all about her life.  Erika and I went through her box, the stockings from that first Christmas she lay in a hospital unit and had surgery, the photo albums of her life before us (she asked where josh and tori were), then the scrapbook that Tori and I lovingly made of Erikas first year with us.  The things she has made in preschool.  So many happy memories and a reminder of what a miracle it is that we get to be her parents.  That we got her.  That God put her somewhere safe until we could get her.  Erika is a strong girl that takes a lot of my energy, so sometimes it good to be reminded of all that we did to get her...and how I would do it again.  All the sleepness nights of wondering, all the waiting for that phone call, or that paper to go through.  Having her come for the weekend and my heart being torn out of my chest as I had to take her back to her first home.  But all those days are behind us now.  Erika is our child, our blessing...forever.

We had the most wonderful friends come and visit us from California.  My in-laws were gracious to allow them to stay here at the house.  I felt if they were in a hotel, it would shorten our time, and I wanted every second with them.  And isn't it amazing how God just lets you pick up where you left off?  Facebook doesn't hurt.  I was worried Erika may be shy towards them because it has been 18 months since she saw them and that is a long time in her life.  And my friend has lost a tremendous amount of weight, so looks very different.  But she is the same on the inside.  Erika was in their laps, using their iphones to make movies, and even learned my friends' password.  Only Erika.  It was awesome to reminisce with them.  They remembered when Tori was in Kindergarten.  Hard to believe.  It was the topper for my Christmas.  We had a great time traveling to Dallas to see my side of the family as well.  It seems like we had several non-stop days, but today I rest, and do things around the house, as I prepare for another busy weekend.

Josh was ready to eat:)

Our babies aren't babies anymore...

One of our favorite families in the world....we are two peas in a pod

Christmas Eve is here

So, it is Christmas Eve.  We just ate a lunch of Bagel Bites and Oranges and Dr. Pepper.  That is a good Brockinton meal:)  I sat looking across the table, at my last kid to finish eating...
'just one more bite if you want a Christmas cookie'...  I see a beautiful little girl.  She is not a baby anymore.  She is gorgeous.  I have noticed it lately.  I remember back to a time when I was a teen shopping at a mall.  I always thought the little hispanic baby girls were so cute.  I thought I would love to have a little girl like that.  Well, I married an anglo and had two beautiful anglo children.  But God still gave me that gift.  Because I also have a beautiful hispanic daughter.  And she is just as much my daughter as Tori is.  I am thankful this Christmas Eve for my family.  My husband, my children, my extended family.  Family that has embraced us and supported us through this crazy journey to the mission field.  They are amazing.  They have extra dishes used, more utilities and lots more garbage because of taking us in.  But they do not complain.  Their homes are louder, busier, crazier, but they are just thankful to have this time with us.  And us with them.

Moving here is one step closer to the mission field.  Life on this side of Houston is different than the side we came from.  Life is different here in so many ways.  It is peaceful here.  My kids love playing outside.  Tori is taking piano lessons.  I am so proud of her.  She will do well.  Hopefully it is something we can continue in Belize.

A very special friend and her family come in 4 days.  I am so excited.  I actually saw them in March when we did our missions training, but we did not have our kids.  Kids change a lot in 18 months.  I can't wait to have them here...to laugh...to cry, whatever.  Just to enjoy good friends.  People have become more important to me in this transition.  I don't have a house to keep up with, things to buy for that house.  Life is simpler.  Of course it is temporary.  But it gives me time with people.  Its really cool.  Everyone should go through this.  You see things differently.  I pray what I see, I don't forget.  That I don't get too busy again.  That I am able to change my style of ministry...to see the people, not the things that need to get done.  I want to change from the Martha to the Mary.  Where I take that time to sit at Jesus' feet.  Somehow I lost that along the way of being a crazy busy pastor's wife..and missing service all the time to fill in for people who did not show up to help with the children.  I am not sure how, but I just don't want to get into that rut ever again.

Christmas is very different this year for us.  We are so focused on the move, the coming activities, the goodbyes, the hot weather:), that it just does not seem like Christmas is tomorrow.  It is a good, healthy different.  Because I am enjoying the people in my life.  And have more time to think about why we celebrate...God sent His Son for us...and because we love God, we want to take that message to Belizeans.  Not a message about a faraway God, but  a personal God, who loves them so intimately.  They can't even imagine.

Merry Christmas

Life Disconnected...kind of

So the last five days have been pretty busy for us.  We had a goodbye lunch with the staff, goodbyes at youth, goodbyes all around.  Phew...  Then moved to Highlands.  It is good to be with my in-laws.  It is very calm out here.  It is hard to explain.  They actually live close to a good size suburb, but their house is so quiet.  My kids are playing outside right now.  That is so good for them.  They just didn't do that in Katy.

We had Tori's BFF here for a few days.  She came the day we moved here...our car was so full.  But we are so glad we brought her.  We took her home this morning, when I went for a follow-up with my Dr.  I really feel my Dr. is an answer to prayer.   She is wonderful.  She said my bloodwork looks good, and I am on my way.  I will be stopping one of the meds today.  I will see her one more time before we move, then will need to find a Dr. in Belize.

Tomorrow, Lee and I are heading to Galveston for a little getaway, just the two of us.   I have to do a lot to get ready, but am looking forward to it.  It may be a while before we leave our kids again.  It will take a while to build up trust with people...enough to leave our children.

The house we wanted in Belmopan appears to be occupied.  I am surprised that I am not that dissapointed.  I know it is God's peace, that He has something better for us.  I am really ready for this next step.  It is hard to understand, but I am truly peaceful and feel that it is time for us to move.  There are so many details over the next few weeks.  It makes it hard to focus on Christmas.  But this is part of the process.

It is a little surreal that we are leaving America in 6 weeks.  Like, I know it, but it doesn't seem real.  I am getting adjusted to our temporary life, constant moving, but long for the time, that I can settle into a home.  It is the nester in me.

Living at my in-laws house is incredibly peaceful.  Two big reasons are that we do not have a TV in our room, and there is no wi-fi.  So I have to use my mother-in-law's computer and it is too much hassle to check facebook and my email all the time.  But although I miss those things, it is so peaceful not to have them.

So my blog may not be updated quite as regularly, and there may not be as many pics.  But this is  just how it will probably be when we first move, as well.  And it is good.  God works things together for good for those who love Him. 

Four Years Ago Today

Four years ago today, someone very special was born...

and the world is better for it.

Four years ago today, I was praying for you...

even though I did not know you.



Four years ago today, you were a miracle in so many ways...

even those around you must have felt it.

Four years ago today, a prayer was beginning to be answered...

but we did not know it yet.

Four years ago today, a beautiful girl, with a headfull of dark brown hair, and beautiful tan skin, and intriquing hazel eyes, entered this world.

God already had a plan for this precious girl.

God already had put her in the heart of a momma...and the rest of her family.

Four years ago today, I did not know you yet.  I wish I had been there.  But we can't go back.  And besides, God took care of you better than I could have.  He put you in a home of people who cared for you and loved you until I could get to you.

My sweet Erika.  It is a joy to celebrate your birth today.  I am soooo glad you were born.  I am so glad that every day you make me smile laugh.  You challenge me in ways I never could have known, but you are worth it.  You are smarter than any girl I know.  God gave you an amazing brain.  Always use it.  It will get you far.  You are a fighter.  That is why you are here.  You fought for life...and you won.  You are beautiful.  People everywhere notice.  I thank your birthparents for that.  And that they chose life for you, even though they couldn't keep you.  God, please bless them for that.

I am thankful, Erika, that you fulfill my dream of three children.  Not just the number, but the chaos, and closeness, and busyness that goes with that.  I don't mind the extra laundry, or extra scoop of rice, or one more person to buy gifts for...I love those things.  I love what you add to this family.  I love that your sister prayed just as much for us to get you as I did.  I love that you stole your big brother's heart the first time he met you.  I love that you are my constant company, even when the big kids are gone.  I love the way your daddy is so proud of you, that he wants everyone to also see how special you are.

Erika, I pray that this fourth birthday is so special for you.  You were born at a busy time of year, but I never want it to be too busy for you to be celebrated.

And let me end with one last story...

A couple of weeks ago, I had a conversation with this girl...

Me: Erika, do you know why we celebrate Christmas?

Erika:  Well, we like to see the lights, open presents, be with our family.

Me:  Erika, all those things are nice, but do you know the meaning, why we do those things?  What special baby was born at Christmas?

Erika:  Oh, I know....ME:)

And of course, I explained we don't celebrate it for her, even though she is so special, but for Jesus.

Happy 4th Birthday, Princess Erika

Going Back...

Nine years ago, we had just started Life Church.  Today, Lee sold his car.  I kind of feel like we are right where we were 9 years ago.  It seems like forever ago, yet just like yesterday.

Nine years ago this past summer, we resigned from a church we had planted in Dallas...

Nine months ago, we resigned from a church we planted here in Katy...

Nine years ago, we stood on the brink of the unknown, a new work, that we felt very strongly that the Lord had told us to do.  Yet, we were still at a point of faith...believing for the unseen.

Today, we once again stand on the brink of the unknown again.  Yet, we believe, by faith, that we are doing exactly what God has told us to do.

Nine years ago, we lived with Lee's parents, then brother, as we were in a time of starting a new church, and looking for a new home.

Today, we live with Lee's brother and are in the process of heading to live with Lee's parents, as we strip ourselves of most of our material possessions, and prepare to go and start a new church in Belize.

Nine years ago, we had one car...and I prayed for a second.  Our first ten years of marriage, we shared a car, and amazingly it worked.  But then eventually got to a place where it just wasn't working anymore.

Today, we are back down to one car.  It would not have worked even a month ago...probably.  But now, it will.  We will make it work.  And will spend more time and more communication together because of it.  And this is how it will be in Belize, as well.  But God has put me in a place where I am home, my kids are home, and it will be okay.

So, today, I feel like we are going back, as we press forward.

The Goodbyes have Begun

Tonight, I am truly writing this post for therapeutic purposes.  We have begun the goodbyes.  The crying has begun...and I'm not quite sure when it will stop.

I am trying to set aside some time with some people before we leave Katy this week.  I will not fit everyone in, but just have to do what I can.

Yesterday I had a great tea with a great friend.  Someone who has truly been there for me every time I needed to talk, cry, rejoice, whatever.  We did not have long, but I savored every moment.  Also, this week, I finished---well, you never finish--the discipling book with a friend.  And, yes, I was a little sad.  I have become even closer...even though I felt I knew her before...these last months.

And tonight, we went and spent the evening with our youth pastors.  Our relationship is unique and runs deep.  Let me tell you about how God fused our hearts together.

Over five years ago, we were searching for a youth pastor.  We knew it was more than a staff position, that we needed to mesh.  They would be our first full-time staff.  We received their resume...and I was convinced...from their precious story, that they were the ones.  Then we asked for a photo.  Well, I hired them right then and there.  Unfortunately, that was not my position:(  So, the Council agreed to bring them.  They would stay with us so we could get to know them.  For me, I felt a deep love for this couple immediately.  And their precious 9 month old daughter stole my heart.  Our entire congregation loved them as well, and they were hired immediately.

I worked in the office two days a week, so have seen him as a little brother.  And I offered to watch Joy during youth, so they could both be there.  So, our Friday nights soon became Joy nights.  My kids and I would look forward to her coming over.  And she was that for me.  Joy in my life.  I would look forward to her coming, and hate her leaving.  Can you believe I loved a baby so much who was not mine?  It was the first time I realized God could do that through adoption.  We became Joy's second home.  If they needed time away, we would offer to watch her.   When we were at church, I would always hold Joy.  She loved me and I adored her.  Then came Faith.  I loved her as well.  Courtney was a good friend, but has definitely become so much closer over the past couple of years.  Then, when the Lord blessed us with Erika, she immediately became Faith's best friend.

There is more to this, though.  While we were beginning the process of getting Erika, Courtney was losing her mother.  I always feel bad that I was so consumed with my own life during that time.  I remember when her mom came to Houston to receive care for her cancer, her last words to me were "Please take care of my girls."  And with tear filled eyes, I promised I would.  Then within just that year, her father began to go downhill and recently died as well.  In fact the Sunday we told Life Church that we were going to Belize, she was gone to her dad's funeral.  So, through this deep grief...and our leaving only adding to the grief, we have actually become so much closer.

There are so many things I could write, tell.  But just this.  This family is dear to my heart.  In a way, I cannot even begin to explain.

So this evening was dedicated to them.  To us having one more evening with them.  We watched old videos that Courtney had found of her as a little girl.  Then moved on to videos of her girls and my kids when they were littler.  It was just too much.  But now looking back, it was set up by Him.

As the evening...a great evening...was getting late, Lee wanted to pray over them.  I lost it as he began to explain to Joy and Faith how special they were to all of us, but especially Robyn.  I just lost it.  I am crying as I write this.  I feel that I am leaving my grandgirls.  They are so precious to my heart.  I cannot even say.  I was able to pray over them, with weeping.

Leaving them is so hard.  I know we will see them again.  But it will never again be the same.  It will never again be Joy begging when can she sleep over?  Asking to come to my house...

But I am glad to cry.  It is cleansing.  It is part of this.  We knew it was coming.  It is now here.  This week is intense.  Leaving Katy.  And in crying, one day, Joy will grow up and remember this.  That there was a lady that thought she was the most special girl ever.

Thank you Adam and Courtney for letting your little girl bring me so much joy.

Today

Today is my last kind of free day for a while.  The next days after this are filled with many different things.  So, I kind of feel pressure to get some things done.  But there really is not anything...well, that I actually feel like doing.  Why do I do that?  Not resource my time better.  I am either crazy with busyness...or doing nothing.  There is no in between.

I wanted to share about Starbucks yesterday.  I was blessed to get some gift cards, so am rationing them out.  I have one more coffee left:)  So, yesterday I needed to take Faith, my youth pastor's daughter with us to preschool...and had an 8:45 parent/teacher conference for Erika.  The house was kind of LOUD that morning...so I drug myself out of bed and showered and got ready early (while my familia snoozed away).  By the time Courtney dropped off Faith, I was pretty much ready.  I did my last revisions for my Walmart list (I needed food majorly to prepare some dinners for both our families).  Well, we were in the car and buckled by about 8:25...way too early to head to preschool.  I, and the rest of Katy, decided this cold morning was a good time to run through the drive thru and get some peppermint mocha:)  As I drove around the building, I saw our new pastor...yes, he definitely likes his Bux...and thought "Maybe I should go in" when I saw the line.  But then I would have to take two hyper girlies in with me...and that would not be fun.  So we waited in the very long line.  As I was sitting there, I thought, wow, many of these people come every single day.  They sit in their gas guzzling suburbans and pay way too much for a cup of Joe.  For me, it is an occassional treat.  Sure, I love the stuff...I think they put addicting things in it, so we will come back.  But I know there are better ways for me to spend my money.  So I feel a little guilty.  But anyway.  It just made me a little sad, thinking about Belize, the way that we, as Americans, throw our money away.  When sometimes there are families that can't even feed their kids.

Well, I headed to the conference, and was late, because of the long drive-thru...and my not wanting to get out the line.  But the conference was great.  Erika is very bright and will definitely be prepared for Kindergarten next year.  I will be sad that the preschool years are over.  But it will be good for her to have her own homework when the kids are doing theirs.

The Coffee kept me going all day yesterday.  I went and grocery shopped, made lunch, prepared dinner prep, vaccuumed most of this way too big house, cleaned the bathrooms upstairs (that are larger than most), did laundry, and made a huge dinner for both of our families.  I was tired last night though.  But unfortunately woke up  early.  I am making tacos for both of our families tonight. 

Josh is heading to the youth leaders retreat.  I am glad he gets to go.  Something fun for him before we leave.  Next Wednesday, we will have a special dinner with the staff before we leave...oh, so sad.

Well, we must work on school today.  The kids are doing great.  They are right on track.  Soon, it will be halfway through the year, and we will mail in half of their tests.  Accomplishment is a good thing.  I really like this system of finishing a pace and throwing it away.  I keep Josh's score keys for Tori, but I really like throwing stuff away....downsizing.  It is like I'm addicted to it now!!!  JK.

Have a great day, whatever you are doing.

Getting Ready

A Beautiful Field Trip with my Parents and Girls

So, apparently Erika and Tori did not want to open their eyes in any of these photos:) 

Last week, the girls and I went with my parents to tour Brookwood, a community not far from here that is home to adults with special needs.  It was a beautiful day and a beautiful campus.  I really enjoyed it.  And we each got a souvenier ornament, personalized with the year and our names.  It was so neat to see them working, living, enjoying life and they had the most amazing swimming pool.  I think my girls wanted to jump in.  Look at all the poinsettas they grow.  And how tall the one by Erika is.

We are in our final days here in Katy.  Just one week left.  It is really too hard for me to put my mind around.  The next week is very busy.  Jampacked with good-byes, Christmas programs and parties, birthday stuff for my four year old.  And then packing to move to Lee's parents' house.  We knew this day would come.  But it is still hard to take in.  We will actually be back to Katy for several things like doctors appts, church itineraries, more last visits...but I don't know if we will ever live here again.  Okay, now I am about to cry:(

I am ready for Belize.  I am ready to settle into my own home.  I am ready to figure out the details of living there.  To get into a schedule.  To begin making relationships with the people there.  But until then, I am soaking up every last ounce of my life here.  Every second with my friends.  Those times are bittersweet.  I see it in their eyes...the way they look at me.  Every moment with them is tinged with sadness that we are leaving.  Moving is really hard.  I didn't want to do this again.  But I don't want my emotions to stop me from what God wants.  His ways are always better.  And right now, I just have to hold on to that.

So, from here til next Saturday, we are pretty busy.  Busy with good things.  We just wrote our Christmas letter...so soon, we will send those off.  I have pretty much finished my shopping.  Now just to savor....just to be.  Just to enjoy the amazing people God has in my life.

Night.

Do you have FURIOUS LOVE for those who don't know Jesus?

Last night, our youth pastors invited us to youth so they could pray over us.  My kids knew, but we didn't.  The youth have been collecting money to give us an offering for our mission to Belize.  It was so kind of them...it meant sacrificing going out with their friends and giving up what little money most teeagers have.  I was very blessed as I looked around the room and "felt the love" from all these kids we have watched grow up...some from kindergarten:)  It was the beginning of goodbyes for us.  My special friend, Laura, prayed over us.  She did not know she was going to, but it was so precious for my friend to be the one.

The youth were watching Furious Love last night.  I have heard about it, but wanted to see what was so amazing in it.  I literally had to hold back tears throughout the movie.  I am very aware of the spiritual war we are in, but was so moved by the movie.  What God is doing in the spiritual realm with Lee and I and our kids...moving us to Belize.  And it excited me that He chose us.  That He trusts us.  But made me sad.  All He has used us for here in Katy.  And just a gentle reminder of the spiritual battle that is going on over me every day.  But one thing that really stuck out to me, was that, we are intimidated by demon-possesed people, or people who need healing.  Well, the pressure is off.  It is up to God.  It is He who does it.  And it is easy for Him.  He pursues people...and we just have to be willing to be used to help those people in God's perfect timing.  This is not a casual family friendly movie.  But I challenge you to watch it.  To widen your perspective.  To see the bigger world out there.  It was a blessing to me.  And compelled me to LOVE, LOVE people to Christ.  That is what they need.  God will clean them up.  But we need to truly be vessels of love.  After all that Love is what caused God to sacrifice His SON and I think sometimes we need to be reminded of that.

We are off for family Photos this afternoon.  Hoping its a good hair day:)

Great Weekend

 i think this was her first time to jump in leaves...so fun

 the boys got a good workout

look what tori made

 first real tree my kids will ever have...it will be a fun Christmas for them

a little of our thanksgiving weekend to share...

we went to dewberry farm today to get a real tree for wayne and jodies house.  i will enjoy the smell of a real tree.  this is not something we usually have.

there were so many fun things to do at the farm.  i am so glad we joined them.  all the kids had fun...especially the biggest one.

Thanksgiving

Today is Black Friday, which I no longer participate in.  I tried a few times, but it was just never worth the savings to me.  Yesterday, I even looked through the ads and saw some good deals, but just didn't want to get into the crowds.  I do not like crowds.  They overwhelm me and I just don't care how good the deal is.  I will Christmas shop while Erika is in preschool, and most people are at work, thank you very much.

I am a little sentimental lately.  It didn't help just now reading a friend's blog who is also moving.  Moving is hard.  One part of me just wants it over and us in Belize and out of suitcases and in our own home.  The other part of me...is sad to go.

Wednesday night we headed to Lee's parents house.  Simply because I had a bad day as far as not feeling good and this house is too big for me to keep up with Erika and we wanted some time with my in-laws without everyone else.  It is nice to have lots of space, but when I just need to lie down, it is hard to keep up with a four year old:)  My mother in law had a nice dinner for us, made coke floats for dessert, and we slept in our own bed.  It was amazing. 

Thanksgiving day was eventful.  My mother in law woke up early to make a ham and turkey.  She pulled the ham out to make us cinammon rolls-she's pretty amazing that way.  Then when she went to stick the turkey in, the oven caught on fire.   She handled it so well.  I would have frieked out, and cancelled thanksgiving.  But not my MIL.  She took the turkey to her mom's house, the ham to her sister in laws house, and we baked the sides out in their RV.  She was so graceful through this whole process.  Then she went and picked it all back up and her mom as well.  She hosted a beautiful dinner, as always with some of her extended family as well.  Then began cleaning the dishes, etc.  I gave Grandmother a ride home, because she needed to lie down, and I knew my MIL was tired.

No sooner did I get back and the phone rang.  My MIL answered and it was the alert system.  Grandmother had fallen.  She hit a sharp hall tree with her breastbone.  By the time, my MIL got there, she could barely breathe due to pain, so they had to call an ambulance.  They spent the evening in the ER, then came home the same time that we got back from swimming at another relatives home.  Then we all went to sleep and slept well.

I wanted to share this story, because I am thankful for my in-laws.  They are just great people.  I am blessed they love me like a daughter.  My MIL is a great example.  She serves her husband and children.  She is an amazing cook.  She is not fancy about it, but her pancakes are amazing.  She just has the touch I guess.

As I laid in bed last night, I was emotional.  Thinking that is where I will sleep our last weeks in America.  That it is so close.  I am excited and terrified at the same time.  I really don' t know how to prepare.  God has done so much on the inside of me, yet, there are still so many uncertainties. 

I want to handle things with grace.  To look back, and see calm and peace through this journey.  I want to put my full trust in the Lord.

I am so thankful for friends and family who have blessed us during this time of transition.  It is so much better than a hotel.  My kids seem to be doing great.

some things about me

some things about me

• i love chocolate...cant ever get enough
• and peanut butter or milk with that chocolate is even better
• i love babies...if you have one, im going to ask to hold him/her
• i love lotion, i currently have three forms of it on the table beside me..and two tubes in my purse, one in my car:)
• i love watching movies...dramas that make me cry
• i love to read...just went to the library today...christian fiction, devotional types, non-fiction stories about families
• i love to worship.  i can't sing at all, but will belt it out in my car.  love music that is loud and that i can dance too...contemporary christian or worship
• i love rainy days, as long as im inside and not running errands
• i love to shop for just about anything except electronics
• i love to give gifts...if i had more money, i would give more gifts...but lee has me on a budget
• i love to be around kids...they make me happy...and laugh...and bring me joy...i will be the babysitter up in heaven

I have always wanted to....

• go to Paris...but only if it is a luxury trip
• rock newborns in a NICU
• have an orphanage
• write a book...not sure what about though
• go on a shopping spree, where i didn't have to budget the money...and it could be at marshalls or kohls for all i care
• be able to somehow help people who are in poverty to break the cycle
• teach preschool
• take my kids on a fantasy type vacation where we could just get whatever we wanted...

but as i look at that list, i am sort of thankful that i am on a budget, and that my kids are not spoiled, because they and i are more thankful because of it...

Thankful

thankful

today, i am thankful

i am thankful for a sleeping preschooler who had a blast for her thanksgiving party

i am thankful that said preschooler has an amazing preschool teacher

i am thankful that we will not do school for the rest of the week

that we will sleep in

and bake

and eat

and relax

and enjoy family

i am thankful that this weather will soon turn cold---it just has to

i am thankful for a sister-in-law who spoils my children

and me

i am thankful to be feeling better

much better

and that we found it here in america

and for doctors

and wisdom

and meds

that come because God gave them that wisdom

i am thankful for my husband

that he is home now

that I have a husband

who loves me

and takes care of me

i am thankful for three very amazing children

and their unique gifts and talents

and that for each of them i asked God,

and they are my best gifts ever

i am thankful for this coming holiday season

and time with friends and family

before our move

i am thankful for faith that sees me through

that God goes before us

and prepares things for us

and goes with us

i am thankful for friends and family who open their homes to us,

our kids,

our dog,

and our boxes

and that they still love us

after our noise

and our mess

i am thankful my children are homeschooled

most of the time

and that we can make our own schedules

and that i get to spend more time with them

than i used to

and most of all, i am thankful

for a personal God

who i knew from a young age

and that i get to serve him

and he blesses me...just because

he loves me,

not for anything i have done

and i am thankful for pecan pie on thursday, the worst thing calorically,

but the best tasty-wise:)



Isn't this the coolest?

I found this on another blog...isn't it neat?

My Dreams or His Dreams????

currently, i am sitting in a dark room trying to get my youngest to sleep...she did not nap and has not been well behaved...she needs her daddy to come home.  he is on his way.  i am so ready to be us again instead of just me.

this morning, since the guys were in tulsa, the girls and i went to life.  it is always nice to go home.   the worship was amazing, as always.  i had actually driven around about 30-45 minutes before church wilth my worship blaring and erika in the backseat.  it was a nice way to prepare to enter his prescence.

so, during worship, our worship leader's daughter sang a song she wrote.  i so wish it was on itunes or youtube so i could refer you to it.  it was about going through the fire.  god refining us.  he does that.  he has done and is doing that in me.  i wouldn't trade it.  i am a better person for it.

but as we were sitting there, worshipping, many words were given.  i personally felt god telling me...we ask him to fulfill OUR dreams....we need to pray that he will show us HIS dreams for us.  he is our dad.  he knows what we need most.  he knows why he created us, what he wants fulfilled through us.  but instead, we ask for this and that...god fulfill my dreams...do this for me, help me, make all my wishes come true.  his plans are better than ours.  his ways are better.  he knows where we are best used.  sometimes it is a not a path we would have chosen, but if we are earnestly seeking his will, we will look back and see how he guided us.  my journey is so much evidence of this.   i would not have chosen this past year and a half.  i wouldn't.  i was content, for the most part.  but god had bigger plans for us.  and i am thankful that i have a husband who listens.  i want to and am seeking to listen more intently.

that is another thing the lord showed me in my car worship today.  i have felt at times, lost, or bored, over the past few months.   but he has stripped me of all responsibilities, except being a wife and mother, so that i would be free to just sit and listen at his feet.  this is still a challenge, but even this morning, even though erika was in the car with me, i was able to just talk and listen to him.  it was so cool.  my car is the only "space" of my own that i have left.  but it became my sanctuary to spend time with my friend, my savior, my everything.

so i walked away this morning, just asking, god, what are your dreams for me?  because i want to be right in the middle of what he has planned...cause i know they are good plans.

What's Happening????

 First of all, isn't this the most beautiful girl you have ever seen?  I know you all have your own beauties.  But I just think she is adorable:)  Today, I literally had nothing to do.  So we mosied around HEB, with the amazing car cart.  Erika loved it.  We came home and had a leisurely lunch.  Everyone else came and went all day, but Erika and I stayed home.  She played out back.  We went for a walk and fed the ducks.  This is her, just relaxing, asking if we can stay for a while.  And we did.  It is kind of nice not to have to rush, and to just be.  It is a unique place I find myself in these days.  Some days are crazy, and some days I have absolutely nothing to do.  No house to maintain, really.  Not too much.  Its nice.  I can just enjoy my kiddoes.

 Promise enjoyed the walk as well.

Earlier in the week, Tori enjoyed a cooking class with her BFF.  We are actually going to make the little pecan tarts for Thanksgiving next week.   Tori said they were good.



Erika took my camera and took a few pictures of Tyler's batcave, a secret hideout under their stairs that Jodie created years ago.  Erika really enjoyed playing in there.

This is the special Dora room that Aunt Jodie created for Erika.  She can take these special sheets, blanket, and extra stickers with her to Belize...and look what else???

And yes, Aunt Jodie spoiled Tori and I with flowers in our rooms and hot cheetos for the kids.

We moved here Thursday morning.  I was really tired, but it feels good to be semi-settled for a few weeks.  When Lee gets home, we will put some more things into storage.  We have a little more room here and a very large bathroom.  Erika is enjoying the swing set in the backyard as well.  And Tori is enjoying her cousin Ryan.

It is hard to believe the holidays are upon us.  They feel different this year.  Not to have my own home to decorate.  Not being responsible for planning things.  Not setting up a Christmas Tree.  But that part is okay.  We will enjoy Wayne and Jodie's real tree.  We will probably even go with them when they get it.  I have not had a real tree in 17 years, so it will be a nice treat for me...

This journey I am on is so different...different than anything I can compare it to in my lifetime experience.  Ten years ago, when we moved to Katy to start Life Church, we also lived her with our in-laws.  I was such a different person back then.  It is cool for me to see that.  I have learned so much these years.  I have spent half my marriage here in Katy.  I wouldn't change it.  But this experience is good.  Rarely do I grieve the things we no longer have.  I realize they were things.  I would like to get rid of more, honestly.  It is so freeing.  I have this feeling that this is just the beginning.  God wants us to declutter our lives, whether we go to the Mission Field, or live in America.  He wants us to be willing and free to serve Him.  For material things not to hold us back.  For us to give til it hurts.  Really.  Instead of buying a new wardrobe, to buy a little less, so that we can give to those who need it.  Instead of taking luxury vacations, to sometimes substitute it with a Missions Trip.  I promise, one thing I have learned...you get more out of going, then they get from you coming.  It will be interesting to see what God does in me in Five years...after what He has done in me in just short trips...

Okay, enough rattling, time to throw that adorable princess in her special Dora Bubble Bath (yes, from Aunt Jodie too), and maybe even give myself a pedicure...we'll see.

Im feeling great

Sorry to make so many posts about my THYROID, but I wanted to update everyone that I FEEL GREAT.  I started blood pressure medicine because of my accelerated heartbeat on Friday night.  I really did not want to.  But it is temporary.  And I feel awesome.  The hardest part is that I feel great, but still have to take precautions since the radiation could be harmful to others.  Erika is actually at my parents house since I cannot hold her.  It is very hard for her and for me.  It breaks my heart.  So her being at my parents for a few days is good.  And it gives me time to rest.

This morning, Lee and Josh headed to Dallas, then Tulsa for two weeks.  Then I dropped off Tori for Cell Sunday and Erika at my parents home.  Then I came home.  I can't remember the last time I had all day to myself.  I cleaned our bathroom, then cleaned up all of Lee and Josh's stuff to take to our next destination.  I organized a few of our boxes.  I Painted My Nails.  I watched a MOVIE.  It was glorious.  By one, I was so bored.  I ate lunch all by myself.  Again, when was the last time that happened.  Then I went shopping to use a gift card from my bday...at a store that had amazing sales.

God is awesome and knew I needed today.  The last week was a lot for me.  Non-stop, it felt like we never had a break.  So today I got that break.  The house is so quiet with just Tori and I , and Darrin and Kelly.  Even the dogs are quieter today because Josh is not chasing them!!!

And to top off this amazing day, we watched Cross and the Switchblade.  Darrin and Kelly had never seen it before.  It is a good movie, but that 70's high technology...and those clothes...it was great.

Tomorrow, I am taking Tori shopping with her birthday money.  Just Her and I.  I am looking forward to spending time with my precious girl.

Turn out the lights...I GLOW

Another update on my physical side...   The past two days, I have been tested to discover what is causing my hyperthyroidism.  I had to swallow a pill that measured how much iodine went to my thyroid.  I have learned so much these last couple of weeks.  So, today, was the final scan and it showed that I have Graves Disease...it is an autoimmune condition, obviously affecting my thyroid and making my body go crazy.

We have done all the research (on the internet, of course:)  ).  And so we already knew our options.  Surgery was one, but risky.  Our best option was for me to take radioactive Iodine and let it do its job.  It takes longer than surgery, but it is safe.  I like safe.  But there are some precautions I have to take to protect those living with me.  Especially Erika.  It  breaks my heart that I cannot hold her for about a week.  I may send her to my moms a few days to make it easier on both of us.  Thankfully, we are living with Kelly and she is holding her for me....

I am exhausted tonight.  I am thankful for my friend who is playing legos, and making milkshakes and watching MACGYVER reruns with my kids.  She is a blessing more than I can say.  And I am thankful to be living here.  My kids love it.

So the next week will be different for me.  But then in about 4-6 weeks, I should start feeling better.  I am looking forward to that happening at Christmas.  I am ready to have my energy back, not sweat like crazy, and shake all the time.  
God is good.

One specific thing I am praying for, is no negative side effects.  That would happen this week if they did.  Lee and Josh are leaving for two weeks, so it will be just me and the girls and my friends.  I want to be strong.  And feel like myself again.


My heart is ready for Belize.  I have had to more things in the past year that I would never have done in the past.  God has made me stronger and not afraid.  It does not mean that my heart did not sink when I got that call a month ago...but I did not stay in that place.

Today, when the doctor spoke to me, it really helped.  I honestly wish I could have taped the conversation to help my family understand what has been  happening to me.  I cannot think straight...I actually backed into a carport at the apartment recently!!!  I get overwhelmed and frustrated so easily.  I do not like it.  But am thankful to know that this is not me.  This is the disease.  And God is using Doctors to treat me and make me well.  He spent an hour just talking to me and explaining what is going on inside of me.

So, tonight, I sleep alone...Lee can't because it would be too much exposure.  And I pray I rest well and ready to spend the day with my three blessings tomorrow.  This week has been so crazy with moving and doctors appointments.

Twelve Years Ago Today

Twelve years ago today, God blessed Lee and I with a gem.  Victoria Joy surprised us three weeks early, but that is okay.  I was ready for her.  Tori came into this world a tiny little thing but quickly grew into an adorable cuddly baby.

When I prayed for another child, she prayed with me.  When I have a headache, she prays for me, and I am well.  She is an amazing girl.

Last weekend was our last weekend at the apartment, and so we celebrated her 12th birthday early.  It was so fun for her to see all her old friends.  They laughed and laughed.

 Our amazing youth pastor's wife (and dear friend) made this cake.  It is SOOOO Tori.

 We did face masks....with cucumbers, of course.  They all loved it.  Who knew a $3 mask bottle from Walmart could be such a hit?

 This is before the party, table all set, just anxiously awaiting our awesome friends to come.

 and you wouldnt believe all the cool purses and wallets they made out of duct tape...


and this has nothing to do with Tori's party, but isnt erika such a doll....wearing mommy's shoes???

I went for my thyroid scan this morning...took a pill and am headed back for the scan in a few minutes.

Moving Out

We are moving out of the apartment...right now.  "And you're blogging?," you say.  Yes, I am.  I am sitting for a moment while there is nothing for me to do at the moment...and I need to rest.  I am exhausted.

Yesterday, we started working on it around 2 and went strong til about 10:30 last night.  This morning we started at about 7.  So yes, I need to sit a minute.

I remember 6 months ago when we moved in...in the rain.  I thought we would get rid of more stuff while we were here.  But we didn't really.  A little.  I am going to try to downsize more during this season.  Why is it so hard to part with things?  How many clothes do we really each need?  I would say Josh and Erika are the best.  They don't have too much, and wear all they have.

So, this apartment has been a blessing.  It has been nice to have our own place, but I am actually looking forward to this next season.  Honestly I have felt a little secluded with the kids being homeschooled and us going to a different church every Sunday...and not really having enough room for company.  My life has become so much less social.  Lee still goes to the office Tues-Fri so sees everyone more.

It is very close.  Our move to Belize.  It is crazy.  Three months til we move.  We are still in Katy, so it doesn't really seem real.  But I am feeling it.  When we have to think about shipping stuff "Can we live without this for three months?"  That is not really that long.  It will fly.  Especially with the holidays in there.  Speaking of holidays, it is so crazy  that for the first time in forever, I will not decorate for Christmas, I will not plan church Christmas events, or help with the Christmas play.  Seriously, I used to go crazy during November and December.  My life is so different.  Not that moving isnt crazy, just different.

Well, I guess I need to go clean something, or pack something, or maybe take a nap.



Birthday Parties

Tonight is my soon-to-be-12-year-old's slumber birthday party.

The house is picked up, pizza ordered, beautiful cake delivered (pictures soon), guests invited, drinks chilling, table set...so now, we wait.  I am not a last minute person when it comes to parties.   I send out invitations early so guests can reserve the date, I buy paper goods in plenty of time, and I set up early.  Here it is 4 hours before the party and we are ready, except the last minute things.

I have given so many parties.  It is amazing as I think Josh has had 14, Tori 12, and Erika 2.  So I have thrown 18 parties for my kids alone, not to mention baby and wedding showers and parties for other relatives.  And I look forward to them just as much as my  kids.  I desperately want them to have a good time and good memories.  I am a little sad that we are going to have a squishy party this year.  But I am thankful we can  have it.  It is important to my girl.  Some of her close friends have changed over the years, some have stayed the same. 

So, now I will reflect to a little more than 12 years ago.  I had a little 2 year old boy who was full of joy and full of life.  He kept me busy but I enjoyed every day with him.  But I wanted him to have a sibling.  It took me a long time to have him, so we thought that may happen again.  It didn't.  I believe I knew within the week that I was pregnant, but Lee did not believe me.  I was instantly sick...and extremely tired.  Moreso than I had been with Josh.  In fact, for 8 months and 1 week I was nauseous.  My pregnancy with Tori, was much more difficult than Josh.  When I was about 4 months along, the Dr. discovered a problem with my placenta and something possibly blocking her source of food.  It could have cost her life or for her to be born early.  But my doctor was a Christian and told us to go home and pray.  And we did.  And Tori grew in spite of it.  I'll never forget the day I found out she was a girl.  I went and bought a bunch of pink stuff.  Tori's pregnancy was also hard because we had just planted a church and just about the time we got about 35 people, several of them moved away due to jobs or other situations.  It was a very emotional time.  And physically hard being pregnant with a now 2 1/2 yr old.  I remember one night when we were setting up chairs for service the next day.  And I looked at Lee, 8 months along, and said, Im not going to do this anymore.  God is going to have to send some men to help you do this.  And you know what, He did?

I ended up having Tori three weeks early.  She was so tiny, no fat on her.  I was so proud of how beautiful she was and so,  when my Victoria Joy was only about 4 days old, we headed to church.  One of the ladies said she was yellow, which I appreciated, because the next day we ran her to the doctor and she had a severe case of jaundice.  We had to put her on a blue light for a few days.  But she got well, and the church grew.  In fact as I came home from the hospital, some of our newest families were the ones bringing us dinner.

I really enjoyed Victoria as a baby.  She loved to be held, which Josh had not.  She always wanted to be near me. I finally had my girl.  Because Josh has always been a Daddy's boy. Tori has been a sweet girl.  She loves to shop with me.  She loves to cook with me.  She loves taking care of little kids like me.  She prayed with me for Erika.  She is extremely creative.  Writing, crafting.  She is always making or sewing something.  In fact, crafts have been the theme of her parties for years.

So, tonight we have a Slumber Party for my sweet 12 year old girl.  Not because it is convenient as we are moving out, because she is a wonderful gift that the Lord gave me and I want her to know how much I am thankful for her life.

So Much Stuff...

I thought about this too late, but I should have taken a pic of our stuff in storage.

SO MUCH STUFF

We packed a lot tonight and took another big load to storage...time is running out.  We need to get everything out by Tuesday, so I can clean before my busyness of Wednesday and Thursday. 

As we take box after box, we have

SO MUCH STUFF

and it makes me think...How much stuff do we really need?

There is so much uncertainty about what sort of things that we will be able to buy in Belize.  They say you can buy anything, but for what price?

So I feel like we are taking

SO MUCH STUFF

We really have gotten rid of

SO MUCH STUFF

so far.  We are down to no furniture but our beds.  Seriously, my nightstand is a blue plastic box.  My coffee table that I have my feet propped up on is blue too.  And lining the walls in my living room?  Yep, more boxes.  So far, numbered boxes would be 35, not counting air conditioners and and things in their own box.  So I would say we are actually closer to 50 boxes.  Is that too many?  Are we taking too much?  Its hard to say.

So, I will probably not be on here for a few days.  I look at this as my calm before the storm.  Tomorrow night, I will have 10 little girls spending the night, doing crafts, feeding them...and sending my boy camping...after homeschool in the morning.    Then Saturday, there are several things planned, not to mention, more packing and more trips to the storage place.

Monday we will move to our new temporary home and Tuesday we will finish our time in this apartment.  It is really hard to believe we have lived here for six months.  It really has flown.  It seems that we were just in our house...

Well, to finish up our day before the chaos, we are watching TOY STORY 3.  Its really good.