The Goodbyes have Begun

Tonight, I am truly writing this post for therapeutic purposes.  We have begun the goodbyes.  The crying has begun...and I'm not quite sure when it will stop.

I am trying to set aside some time with some people before we leave Katy this week.  I will not fit everyone in, but just have to do what I can.

Yesterday I had a great tea with a great friend.  Someone who has truly been there for me every time I needed to talk, cry, rejoice, whatever.  We did not have long, but I savored every moment.  Also, this week, I finished---well, you never finish--the discipling book with a friend.  And, yes, I was a little sad.  I have become even closer...even though I felt I knew her before...these last months.

And tonight, we went and spent the evening with our youth pastors.  Our relationship is unique and runs deep.  Let me tell you about how God fused our hearts together.

Over five years ago, we were searching for a youth pastor.  We knew it was more than a staff position, that we needed to mesh.  They would be our first full-time staff.  We received their resume...and I was convinced...from their precious story, that they were the ones.  Then we asked for a photo.  Well, I hired them right then and there.  Unfortunately, that was not my position:(  So, the Council agreed to bring them.  They would stay with us so we could get to know them.  For me, I felt a deep love for this couple immediately.  And their precious 9 month old daughter stole my heart.  Our entire congregation loved them as well, and they were hired immediately.

I worked in the office two days a week, so have seen him as a little brother.  And I offered to watch Joy during youth, so they could both be there.  So, our Friday nights soon became Joy nights.  My kids and I would look forward to her coming over.  And she was that for me.  Joy in my life.  I would look forward to her coming, and hate her leaving.  Can you believe I loved a baby so much who was not mine?  It was the first time I realized God could do that through adoption.  We became Joy's second home.  If they needed time away, we would offer to watch her.   When we were at church, I would always hold Joy.  She loved me and I adored her.  Then came Faith.  I loved her as well.  Courtney was a good friend, but has definitely become so much closer over the past couple of years.  Then, when the Lord blessed us with Erika, she immediately became Faith's best friend.

There is more to this, though.  While we were beginning the process of getting Erika, Courtney was losing her mother.  I always feel bad that I was so consumed with my own life during that time.  I remember when her mom came to Houston to receive care for her cancer, her last words to me were "Please take care of my girls."  And with tear filled eyes, I promised I would.  Then within just that year, her father began to go downhill and recently died as well.  In fact the Sunday we told Life Church that we were going to Belize, she was gone to her dad's funeral.  So, through this deep grief...and our leaving only adding to the grief, we have actually become so much closer.

There are so many things I could write, tell.  But just this.  This family is dear to my heart.  In a way, I cannot even begin to explain.

So this evening was dedicated to them.  To us having one more evening with them.  We watched old videos that Courtney had found of her as a little girl.  Then moved on to videos of her girls and my kids when they were littler.  It was just too much.  But now looking back, it was set up by Him.

As the evening...a great evening...was getting late, Lee wanted to pray over them.  I lost it as he began to explain to Joy and Faith how special they were to all of us, but especially Robyn.  I just lost it.  I am crying as I write this.  I feel that I am leaving my grandgirls.  They are so precious to my heart.  I cannot even say.  I was able to pray over them, with weeping.

Leaving them is so hard.  I know we will see them again.  But it will never again be the same.  It will never again be Joy begging when can she sleep over?  Asking to come to my house...

But I am glad to cry.  It is cleansing.  It is part of this.  We knew it was coming.  It is now here.  This week is intense.  Leaving Katy.  And in crying, one day, Joy will grow up and remember this.  That there was a lady that thought she was the most special girl ever.

Thank you Adam and Courtney for letting your little girl bring me so much joy.