On Feeling Loved

I have come to realize that one of the best feelings we, as humans, can feel, is being loved. 

We have a world desperately looking to have this feeling fulfilled.

They try to fill it in many different ways.

Often, walking away dissappointed.

They may "feel love" temporarily, but then end up feeling let down.

That is because only the love of our Heavenly Father is lasting.

He is the only one who will not let us down or dissapoint us.

And He uses people.  He uses you, if you allow Him, to be His hands and heart and to love people.

Since being in Belize, we have felt the love of our Father God so many times.  God has placed strangers in our lives, that I feel were direct effects of prayers that have covered our journey here.  There is a spiritual atmosphere, here in Belmopan, that I feel is different than the rest of Belize.  It is a more Family Friendly place to live.  The missionaries and pastors are welcomed to come into the schools and universities.  You can see the years of work and prayers that have already paved the way in Belmopan.  But there is still great need.

God has placed us here, with oppurtunity to show His love.  A real love that does not ask anything in return.  I have been so blessed to have been the recipient of love and blessings so much, especially this past year.  And you know what it does?  It does not obligate me, but rather propel me, to pass it on.  I am already thinking of inviting  specific people to our home, just to hang out and love on them.  Like has happened to us since we stepped off the plane.  Already, so many people, have fed us, gave us drinks, allowed us to cool off in their homes, just blessed us.  And it makes me thankful, and wanting to get settled so that we can do the same.  It is as if God has been filling our love tank to overflowing, so that we can just seep over as the time comes...

I want people in my life who have not felt so loved...so that I can show them.  I know there are a lot of people walking around, driving around, just waiting for someone to care about them.  Not that Belmopan does not have many believers here.  It does.  I have met so many of them.  But the need is great.  Compared to Katy, this is a small city.  Very small.  Everyone knows everyone else.  But, it seems that with many languages, there is maybe sometimes not clarity in communication.  I think of the home we are moving to.  We prefer to meet with the whole family, because the girls help us communicate with their parents and it makes it so much easier.  But these parents.  They have communicated, not with words, but actions, such love towards our family.  Everytime we go, we are so welcomed.  Always given a cold drink.  They even had Tori's very favorite candy in the world when we went over this week.  The girls play with Erika.  The father takes Josh outside to talk about fishing and us taking care of the fruit trees.  And I pray they feel love from us as well.  I pray that we are a blessing to them, and they feel a peace about us caring for their daughter.  It is such a unique situation.  We are not moving into an empty home.  We are moving into a home with the owner's daughter there.  I am thankful because both girls are so precious.  I am thankful that the Lord has given us this opportunity.  The opportunity to pour out Christ's love on two girls, while their parents are far away.  Even today, the mother asked about if we could take the girls to the airport for them to fly to Taiwan, and if they could borrow luggage, as they have to take all their luggage with them to move.  And of course, that is fine.  But what a blessing just to give her peace that we will watch out for her girls.  I know that I would be nervous if I was her.  I pray we are able to bless these parents by blessing their girls.

But wherever we are, there are people in our lives, people who need to feel loved.  I remember when I used to look at people in Katy that way, but then my view changed and I began to think about and pray for the people in Belize.  And now, here we are...in the harvest field that Jesus has prepared for us.  Sometimes, like last night at the worship night, it is so surreal, and I just look around and remember, yes, wow, we are here.

New Kids in Town

Tonight, we had a gathering in the town square of Belmopan, worshipping Jesus.  It was pretty cool.  We stood on steps that were like a Mayan temple and just worshipped for about two hours and prayed over this city.  And prayed for all of the things that Belize needs...all of the things my family has observed in our short month here.  It was pretty cool.

One thing that I observed, though, or thought about tonight is that Lee and I are new in town.  And noone really knows us.  All of our history really doesn't matter here.  Because it is just history.  We start fresh here.  It really doesn't matter how God has used us in the past.  We make a fresh start here.  And sometimes that is hard.  Starting over.  Feeling that every impression is a first impression and not wanting to mess that up.  We don't care what man thinks, but in our flesh, we probably do a little.  I don't want to care.

Today, Josh and I went and got haircuts, because we both needed them desperately.  Then my friend took me back to her house and blew dried and styled it...it was kind of out of my comfort zone, but so cool, how she just wanted to serve me, when I am the one that was sent here to serve.  That seems to be what God is doing...putting all these people in our lives who just bless and bless.  It is really quite cool.  It is also so neat how God is giving me friends here already.  Because that was the hardest part of leaving Katy for me.  These new friends will never replace my friends, but it is nice to have someone to talk to or call for advice, or just to hang out with.

  Well, when my friend was doing my hair, she was telling me about her father in law(who is a pastor here), on a plane recently.  He was sitting next to a man who refused the meal...and so he asked why, and the man replied, "I am fasting and praying AGAINST the marriages in Belize."  Wow, if that does not show the reality of spiritual warfare in this nation and others.  And tonight that was one of the things that was prayed for, by the Christians of Belmopan, and against the immorality, and even, yes, cable television.  You can flip through the channels here and see anything...including porn.  So, we have decided not to get cable when we get a home.  I am going to miss television, but after hearing them share tonight, I agree that why would we want these things in our home?  Unfortunately, Belize does not block anything, and that is why these young children are seeing things that grown adults should not be seeing. And just one of the reasons for the crimes in this country.

Anyway,  the more important thing is that my God is bigger than all of this.  And as I looked around, there were quite a lot of pastors there, who, like us, felt God call them here to Belize, many years ago.  And they have worked hard, sought God, and paved the way.  The spiritual atmosphere here in Belmopan is definitely quite different, but there are still a lot of untouched people here.  We have had the comment already said to us, why are you starting another church here in Belmopan, there are already so many?  The answer?  God told us to, and we are being obedient.  We had the same question asked of us, 10 years ago, when we started Life Church in Katy.  And have never doubted that we were to be obedient then either.  There are always more people that need to be reached...

I looked at my husband and family.  To me, we did not necessarily fit the typical missionary family.  We are different.  Everyone says they are different.  But we don't have any magic formulas or special ways of doing things.  But we are just who we are.  We can't lead worship...we will have to rely on God to bring that person in.  But we have a passion for people and relationships.  And that real people have real hurts that only Jesus can heal.  And that the majority of Christians need discipleship.  There are many who have began the relationship, but just never have gotten to that deeper level, for one reason or another.  And we have a desire to help them get there.  To have all God has for them, and for them to become leaders who can also lead others.

So many random thoughts tonight.  But I really enjoyed the evening of worship.  It was refreshing, and a time of soul searching for me.  Why does God have us here?  He obviously has us here, and has done so many miracles along the way and even since we have been here.

We, in our humaness, cannot see the bigger picture, but can see places already where the soil has been tilled, the seeds have been planted, and the harvest is ripe...ready for us to do our part...God makes it so easy when we are just willing to stop and let Him lead.  He has so many things to show us.

totally straight, then already curling by the time i got ready...not fully curly...welcome to belize...

yeah, she didn't bake just this chocalate cake, but THREE cakes...she is going to make us gain some weight.  erika was so proud of her cake...

two beauties with matching hair ready to worship...erika worshipped and worshipped...ran up and down the steps a million times...

Cooking in Belize...

My black beans...make a pot of this each week...looking forward to unpacking my crock pot, when we get in the house..

Fresh squeezed Orange Juice

our entertainment for the morning...and always.

Mr. Domestic

Everyone wanted to give the oranges a squeeze...

we squeezed all these oranges and just got three small, but DELICIOUS, cups of Orange Juice

This morning, we woke up early and headed to market, bought oranges and ordered the girls bunk beds.  They will come in two weeks.  Sorry girls, a couple more weeks of mattresses on the floor...:(

Then home for breakfast and school.

Tonight we will gather with the local churches for a night of worship.  Would love to take pictures of these events, but sometimes just feel that it is not the time...we will see.

It is amazingly warm here already...can't believe it.

Ready to be in our home and start unpacking.  Just a few days away.

Celebrating a Special Day Today

one of our first playdates before she came to live at our home

first family trip, about two weeks after you came to our home, yep to Disney World...

one very tired, but happy Mommy...my first Mother's Day with you

for real sisters, about a year into our journey...

adoption day breakfast

waiting with the family

You can eat as many  mints as you want today

skipping away from courthouse, light as can be

ready to get down and run

all done...officially adopted

adoption day meant pierced ears for you...

adoption party/dedication cake made by Courtney:)

proud mommy and big brother

this shot captures the true joy and fun of my Erika

always a big smile and ready for the next adventure

happily living her new life in Belmopan

One year ago today, we officially adopted Erika Ruth into our family. I was talking to Erika about this…to her it was unimportant. She really did not want to talk about judges and did not care to get her ears pierced again (because that is what adoption means to her). But today we will celebrate. Celebrate the fulfillment of a dream for me. Celebrate a life that was chosen. Celebrate that even though there is a lot bad in the world, that there is a lot of good too. Celebrate that God chose a precious little Latina baby girl to come into and change our family…for the good. To make a great family even better. If I was more settled, I would throw more of a party for our family, but life is still so unsettled in so many ways. I have asked Lee to pick up some frosting to go on the cake I will bake for her and a small Dora something or other for her. I will do my best to make the day special, to make Erika know how special she is. With Erika, every day is a party.




One year ago today, we stood on the brink of a life changing experience. We had not told our church yet, we had not gone to mission training yet (until next week), we had not put a for sale sign in our yard. But my heart was heavy, with all this change just a breath away. I was anxious, I will admit. God had done a lot in my heart by this point, but I was still really learning to trust Him as we walked into so many things uncertain. But I had this new faith. A new faith that had developed over two years of what I call My Adoption Journey. God had already proven over and over that He had His hand on our lives and that He was watching over us and guiding our steps. He had given us favor in situations, that even people who did not know the Lord, saw and spoke to us. That has happened once again in this journey to the mission field. Are we special? No. Just a couple/family trying to walk each day in the path He sets before us. Is life perfect every day? Definitely not. Yet, there is always peace.

I am so thankful for the journey. It is in the journey that we see God mold our hearts and change our hearts, grow us up. Learn that we still have a ways to go. But it is in the journey that we see our potential, God’s potential to use anyone.

Erika has changed our lives. She has lived with us for almost 3 years, been our legal daughter for 1. She was my daughter the moment I laid eyes on her. I fell in love with her the moment I first picked her up and held her. I remember how tiny she was for a one year old. It was if she weighed nothing. And it was if, she knew, too, on that first meeting, that we were her family, too. The way she went to each of the kids, and Lee, and me.

A year ago, we spent all morning getting ready. I made our whole family dress up and match. Erika had a new dress and held a baby with a matching one. I fixed her hair special. I was nervous. A friend came and caught it all on camera. Chris, I will treasure those photos forever. You truly caught the moments. While I got to just enjoy the moments with my family surrounding me.

As we stood before the judge, I remember there were so many official things she asked. And then she looked at me and said, “Do you feel that you have adequately bonded with this child to raise her as your own?” I lost it at these words. Yes, I definitely was bonded to Erika. Erika was my baby, is my baby. Just as if I carried her in my womb. It is a little corny, but true—I actually carried her in my heart. She is the third child I wanted for many years. But more than that, she is so perfect for me, for our home. Erika makes us laugh, makes us feel our age, amazes us, brings life into any room she enters, is a walking Testimony of God’s love and grace, and I am so thankful that He chose US to get to raise her. And I am also thankful she is napping beautifully for a moment.



Literally, I remember landing in Los Angeles the first week of March last year, turning to Lee and saying…”SO, we have completed the journey of adopting Erika…here we go for the next ride…” And God has given me strength when I knew it was Him carrying me, He has guided us to make decisions that I know He was there, He has timed things perfectly and at a pace that He knew I could handle. Whenever I have worried about the details, He has filled them in beautifully.



So thankful for my walk with the Lord this past year…let’s see what 2011 holds for us.



Brokedown in Roaring Creek

 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. ⁴ But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.  James 1:2-4

This morning, we woke up to a beautiful day...it is supposed to get hot later.  I fed everyone breakfast and we cleaned up and got ready.  We probably headed out around 9:30, stopping at the bread store, which was out of what we needed:( before leaving Belmopan.  Just as we crossed the bridge into Roaring Creek, the next town, Lee noticed our car was running hot.  So he pulled into a filling station.  The filling stations are all Full Serve here, so he asked one of the attendants for help.  It was not in the red yet, so thought we may be okay.   But as we drove another minute, it did not seem okay.  It seemed to be getting hotter.  So Lee made a quick uturn and it totally died, in a very bad place, blocking a road and kind of rolling into a ditch...Yes, we called on Jesus...and he did help us.  At first, Lee could not start it back, but as we prayed, it turned over and he was able to pull off onto another road.

God is good, because in the midst of this "crisis", Lee already had the number of a mechanic, who literally got there in 5 minutes, determined the problem, we need a new water pump, and left to get another vehicle to tow us to his shop.  By this time, everyone was pretty hot...remember, we don't really get to run the air conditioning in our car, and this is Belize.  But Josh saw a little grocery shop across the way, so the kids and I left and got juices.  By the time we got back, we only had to wait a little while.  This little boy was talking to Lee when we got back...we think he was supposed to be going to school:)

We are thankful to James and Anthony for helping us...

We are thankful that they gave us a ride back...their shop is very close to our apt. 

And we are thankful that this happened close to Belmopan, that help was available, and that maybe God was saving us from something worse up the road.

Farewells...

This is a post that is LONG past due...I just never had really had a chance to sit and upload all these pics...some are of our last Sunday at Life Church, some are of all the goodbyes to some wonderful people that we already miss very dearly...I have not included everyone, so please do not take it personally if you are not here...I still love you...But here is part of the longest GOOD BYE EVER!!!!!

Miss Lena coming to see the preschool for the Christmas party and Erika's last day

grown up with these kids for 9 years...

Wonderful friends and wonderful new pastors...

Special Friends and pretty good worship leaders too...he even let us pick the songs for our last Sunday.

love these sisters and this is not their baby, they were just borrowing him for the picture:)

sweet girlies we have watched grow up

our goodbye at CFNI, future world changers

love these sweet girls

oh, Kelly, how I miss your smile and encouraging words, always...

besties

miss my girls...love you

good luck on the CD this week...love ya

miss our talks on the phone, mom and dad

Jax came to Life when he was 3 weeks old...we have watched him turn into a little boy from a baby

love you Great Grandmother

sweet cousin Ryan, we miss you

so blessed to get to baptize Dagny on my last Sunday at Life

We miss you too Uncle Wayne...

and this precious lady and her family drove all the way from California to see us off...

  In all the hustle and bustle of leaving and preparing to leave, it is now, now that we are here, and can't call everyone, that we fully feel leaving everyone.  When we can't just call you up and hang out, meet for lunch or coffee...

and last but not least, I so love this picture of Lee and his dad, a few weeks before we moved, we went to Ryan's paintball party...love their outfits...so cute.  And when we lived with them, I really saw how much these two are alike!!!

To all our wonderful family and friends, we love and miss you.  But still know we are where the Lord wants us.