Have you TRULY forgiven?

Tonight, I was convicted and ministered to by a young lady who I consider a spiritual daughter:)

Last night, I was going through some photos on a CD of our time at our last church.  I saved a couple to my computer.  It was fun, emotional.  The memories good and bad flooded back.

Then this picture came up of a woman that was not very nice to me.  Actually more than not nice.  She verbally attacked me one Sunday during service out in the foyer...and the picture was of her holding her child in front of the doors just like the memory that I wish I could erase.  I realized in that moment that I had not let it go.  I had not truly forgiven her.  Not that she asked.  But it is my responsibility to forgive no matter what.  When I saw that picture, my heart hurt.  Yes, time has healed a lot of the hurt.  The enemy used her at a time that I was very vulnerable.  Fighting many inner battles myself.  And she got to me.  The pain went even deeper every time I saw her after that.  If I would show up at a small group, she would literally pack up her children and leave.  If I showed up for a Bible study, she would go outside to her vehicle.  I had never had someone I felt disliked me so much.  And it hurt.  At a time when I was fighting some of the biggest battles of my life.

I would love to say that I eventually got to talk to her, to work it out.  But I didn't.  

And that pain flooded me again last night.  

BUT TONIGHT, when this young lady was sharing, God told me, "You need to forgive  ___________.  You need to lay it down once and for all."

So that is what I am doing.  I am praying for her.  Wherever she is, whatever she is doing.  I pray that the Lord will bring restoration to the areas of her life that are broken.  Because I know it was out of her brokenness that she did what she did.

One wounded woman, one vulnerable woman.  And the enemy saw his opportunity.

And tonight, I lay it all down before Jesus.

Listening to God

Sometimes God asks us to do things that seem weird or crazy to other people.  It seems that the longer we walk with God the more crazy things He asks of us.  To name a few, we have taken in a few kids over the years that we did not give birth to, to care for.  We adopted a child.  We homeschool.  We moved to a third world nation to disciple people.  All those things absolutely were out of obedience to Jesus.  All those things we were questioned on along the way.  But that is how it is.  Sometimes we just do things because Jesus told us to.  And then sometimes those things we later hear stories of how God used that very thing to minister to someone.

In Dallas, we used to make cookie calls and deliver them to visitors.  Or should I say, I made cookie calls:)  And money was tight back then so it often was a sacrifice.

And I wasn't the best baker.

One time I had burned a few sets of cookies, was in tears, but felt we should still take something to a family that had visited the day before.  All I had left was a quick bread mix.  No cooking from scratch for me back then.  So the bread turned out pretty good and we delivered it to the family.

That family later became leaders in our church.  And they told us the story of visiting our church and then receiving that bread.  They literally had no food in the house and no money.  So the bread was God ordained.  Cookies would not have been as good.  Bread fed that family for dinner that night.  Of course, we never knew until much later.  But sometimes God uses those things that seem less than or different at the time.

Today, I had some CDs someone from Katy had made for us.  I  was saving them to my computer and felt like the Lord told them to give them to someone.  Someone who I am not even sure if she is saved.  Someone who definitely has not heard worship music like was on these CDs.  I argued with God and told Him it would be awkward.  But kept feeling Him tell me to give them to her.  She recently went through a tragedy and is deep in grief.  Finally it was time for me to give them to her.  I explained that the Lord can speak to us through music powerfully and asked her to listen to them.  Please pray that I was obedient and that this person comes back receptive for me to minister to her...

We had a guest speaker here for Youth Camp last week.  His ministry was great.  We are still hearing about it.  I was ministered to as well.  We get so busy pouring out that is a blessing to be poured into as well.

Tonight is the first time in two weeks we are having NetGroup here at the house.  Last week, we had to cancel because of camp and the week before we showed a movie at a local restaurant.  Ready for what the Lord has tonight.  One of the girls that we seen saved, discipled and gone through the 23 weeks of leadership training will be ministering tonight.  And that is what it is all about!  Raising up leaders.

WHEW...

Yesterday was just one of those days.  If you are a woman, you will understand how hard it was for me:)

Our sink has been slowing rusting underneath...it has been pretty gross and to the point that water has just been seeping, seeping underneath.  I pulled everything out and it was all gross black and dirty.  So my expert plumber husband went and bought and installed a new faucet in the afternoon.  My kitchen was a mess, but somehow I was able to fix a yummy dinner and Tori and I cleaned up.  When we cleaned up, it showed even more work needed to be done.  So after working a full day on the church, Lee recaulked EVERYTHING.  

It looks great, though, so I am thankful for the mess to get to the beauty of a nice kitchen counter and a faucet that works:)

Then, our bathtub.  The beautiful one framed in by wood.  Well, the wood didn't work out so well.  It is actually so sad because this friend of ours spent so much time doing it.  But the wood was holding water and as much as we tried to keep it dry, it was just too high maintenance and the wood was starting to rot.  So, also YESTERDAY, that process began.  The man who installed it came back, tore it all out and tiled the tub.  It is GORGEOUS with the tile.  He is still working on it today.  But I actually like it so much better.  I will post pictures soon.  And the tile is just way more practical for our family that takes a million showers and baths a day, especially when it is hot.

Yesterday, amidst school and swim lessons and making meals, my house was so messy.  It was driving me crazy, but I let it go.  Today I got up and vaccuumed, just to make myself feel better.  It really can't be cleaned until Saturday, when all of the fixing is finished.  But we are getting there.

Tonight starts the Foursquare Camp, which will be really busy for us as well.  Please pray for Josh and Tori. This camp is much more rustic than what they are used to in the states.  They each have a friend going though.  I am praying that all the kids are greatly ministered to.  Lee, Erika and I will join them for the evening sessions along with a guest speaker that is coming from Next Gen in Texas.  Hoping it is an amazing time.

And Saturday, I will work on getting this place back in shape:)

Its Been a while

So I was informed that its been a while since I posted.  That is because life is incredibly busy and HOT.  I wake up early to do what I can...and am wiped in the afternoon.  If I sneak a rest in the afternoon, I might stay up til ten.  If not, then I'm falling asleep by eight.

This morning, I was up and going strong by 6:00.  Its 8 now and I have swept and mopped the main areas, did some work in the kitchen, washed and hung three loads of laundry...but still have much more.  I am about to get Josh and Erika up for school.  Tori has been working for an hour already.

Last week was crazy and the rest of this week will be too.  Swim lessons require the girls to start school at 6.  Tori likes to go to get a tan.  I enjoy her company.  Erika is now a swimmer.  She can swim across the deep end.  It has been worth all the trouble of fitting it into our day.  Her best friend has been going with her each day too.  Erika is also sporting a nice tan.  She has four more days and then we will celebrate with her on Friday:)  Thankfully, we have a break from lessons this morning, so I am playing catch up here at home.

Church life has been busy.  It is the season of outreaches, which means, I am busy stuffing sports bottles for the teachers, wrapping pencils for the students we will pray over Sunday, and still keeping up with my Children's Church responsibilities.  We are thankful for all the teams that came this summer that blessed us so we could bless others.  We continue to see people giving their lives to the Lord.  I have had the honor of praying with two different young people over the past month...and I am just one of many leaders.

Oh, and its been hot.  Not the crazy, you can't move hot.  Just the once it reaches ten am you don't want to do as much because it is hot and sweaty.  We have been going through water like crazy.  Erika has been getting refreshed in the pool each day, but not us.  Maybe next week, we can fit that in.

This week is our first Foursquare Youth Camp.  We will be joining with the Cayo churches.  Please pray for the kids attending (including my two).

Here's a few pictures of what is going on.

Four of the Eight baptisms we did last night.

Beautiful flowers for our Anniversary.  A real treat here in Belize:)

Erika made lunch for the kids the day Lee took me out to lunch for our anniversary.

I love this special friend God has given Erika.  They have learned to swim together this week.  And have enjoyed every second of their time together.

Saturday we came home to find a bucket with a tiny turtle in it.  For those of you who know this sweet girl, she said the turtle swam past her as she was washing her family's clothes in the river and she got it for Tori.  She walked all the way here to give it to her and then waited around for us.  Her heart is so big.

A Wedding in the Village

There are two very different worlds here in Belize.  Last Saturday, Lee performed his first wedding in Belize.  In a little Baptist church in the village of Maya Mopan (because that was close enough for everyone to walk to).  It was a surreal experience for us.  Seriously, I will never watch Nacho Libre the same.

Poor Lee was operating on pure fumes at this point.  After four teams, he was totally depleted and had fallen asleep after lunch.  I let him sleep as long as possible, not realizing he had not even picked out any clothes for the wedding yet.  All his white shirts had yellowed in the closet, but he had no choice.  He had to wear what he had...but it all worked out.

The Decor.  Lee and I got there on time and everyone was staring at me...the only white person:)  Most of the people only spoke Ketchie.  The church had some very loud worship before the wedding.  No,  really...look at those speakers:)

Then Lee said they asked if I would go pick up the bride.  I liked that for two reasons.  I could get in some AC because it was SOOO hot.  And also, because the bride is someone I love so much.  I am so proud of her willingness to set an example and marry in a culture that does not value marriage.  I am proud of how her and her husband have grown so much in the Lord since coming to LifeNet.  And I enjoyed the little time once we got to the church and everyone else got out of the car and I could just talk to encourage her:)  It was a sweet time.

Barry and Laura.  They serve so faithfully in Maya Mopan.  And this is who the bride chose to give her away.  I think it speaks a lot of Spiritual Fathering.

Lee's face speaks of how proud he is of this couple.

Their eldest daughter.

The Happy  Bride and Groom:)

And after the wedding, I am not kidding, they loaded up those wooden pews on the tops of trucks and took them down the street to the reception.  I should have taken a picture of that:)

It was a joyous occasion.  One other thing:  that whole family woke up early Sunday morning and was at church even though they had such a big day the day before.  This speaks so much of their commitment.

God is doing amazing things here in Belize.  Here in Maya Mopan.  He is raising up godly families in the village to be a light.

21 Years and More in Love than Ever

My Senior Year of High School, when I was 17 years old, I met Lee.  He was interning at my church while finishing up Bible College.  I was way too serious and Lee brought so much joy and laughter into my life.  It seemed as if we were madly in love immediately.

October 22, 1991, after FOUR months of dating seriously and exactly one week after my 18th birthday, we were engaged.  We told my parents (truly believing it) that we would wait a few years to get married.  I was a freshman in college and planned to graduate first.

But the story goes that by Christmas, we were planning the wedding, and on August 8 of the next year, we became man and wife.  We had little money and truly "lived on love" those first few years.

Those first few years included no exotic vacations or fancy dinners, but we truly felt blessed.  The Lord took care of every need we had.  We were blessed with two beautiful children that only brought even more joy into my heart. 

Somewhere in the Seventh Year

Even in the tough seasons of our marriage, I have found now that the Lord uses those experiences for me to minister to other women.  For them to know, it is worth working through, praying through, figuring out this marriage thing...because now, at 21 years in, it is worth it.

Somewhere around the Thirteenth or Fourteenth

Not every anniversary have we been able to get away or do something fun.  Two of them we have spent in the ER.  This one above, we were at Family Camp for Foursquare.  We went and enjoyed a nice lunch, but were called back to camp to the hospital, as one of our children from the church had gotten very ill.  Another year, Erika's first day of Kindergarten Homeschool fell on our anniversary.  We had planned to go to dinner, but instead spent the evening getting her little heel stitched up.  I was not willing to leave her, so we had pizza as a family.  Tonight, we will have forty teenagers in our house.  We will postpone our anniversary dinner until tomorrow.

Nineteenth

Tenth

There have also been some amazing anniversaries along the way.  Like the time a family was going to Cancun for their anniversary and blessed us by paying for us to join them.  What a blessing to enjoy our tenth anniversary at a beautiful resort...and have parents who pulled together to care for our children.    And right before we went on the mission field, we were able to get away for a relaxing night in Downtown Houston.  Just what we needed.  And last year, for our Twentieth, we also were able to take a special trip that my heart will never forget. As well as many other anniversaries that we have taken even just a meal to just get away just the two of us:)

Twentieth

I am so thankful for any time I get with this guy.  He has taken such good care of me over HALF of my life.  He has always provided.  He has cared for me though sickness.  He has loved me when I was unlovable.  He has helped my dreams come true.  

When my Thyroid went CRAZY (Eighteenth)

Standing by me in my Dream to Adopt

Lee has truly lived out Biblical Love to me.

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.  (1 Corinthians 13)

Sometimes it is really hard to have to share my husband with a whole congregation of people.  But I am blessed that he is my husband.  My kids are blessed that he is their Daddy.

Twenty-one years ago, when I walked down the aisle with this guy, I had no idea where our lives would go. 

 I had no idea that we would be living in the tiny country of Belize.

  I had no idea that I would be more in love with this guy than I was at that moment twenty-one years ago.

Happy Anniversary to the Love of my Life :)

The Story of my Bathtub

The following is a love story.  An example for men everywhere.

Once upon a time a girl prayed and prayed for a godly husband.  She waited patiently until before she knew it, she was head over heels in love.  This godly man was called into the ministry, but her heart was to serve Jesus too, so she knew he was the one.

The first years of their marriage were not always easy.  Being in ministry meant much sacrifice along the way.  But she was happy and in love.  Soon the couple was blessed with two beautiful children.  Many years passed and the couple adopted a third child.

But during that time, the Lord began to ask something that this girl never thought He would.  He asked that they give up their comfortable life, comfortable church, and follow Him to a foreign land.

She remembered back to their wedding vows many years earlier where she pledged, "where you go, I'll go, where you stay, I'll stay..."  and slowly began to give her life away...

The couple was blessed in this new place.  God provided for them, blessed them with a beautiful home.  But one thing that this wife really missed was her bathtub.  Such a simple thing, yet, she longed to relax in her OWN home in her OWN tub.  She longed to listen to worship and soak away the stresses of the day.

Well, this is where the story gets really romantic...

So, secretly, this husband got permission from his landlord, and arranged with a contractor to install a bath for his wife...purely as a way to show her how deeply he loved her.

And this, my friends, is why this couple is celebrating 21 years of marriage today:)

Happy Anniversary Sweetie!!!  And thank you sooooo much:)

First Day of School

Yesterday, the girls spent cleaning their rooms, desks, closets, preparing for a new year.

We are thankful for the school supplies brought by the team so they could have new fun things.  Josh didn't take much.  Since he only has 3 1/2 credits this year:)

There are no first day jitters here.  No new school clothes.  They will work in casual tshirts and basketball shorts.  Comfy will be the key.  We will get an early start as there is also no AC and the hotter the day gets, the harder it is for the brain to function.

We have a special first day of school breakfast though.  They don't get a big breakfast every morning, but today, we will make it fun.

The normal chores will go on today.  I already have some laundry out hanging.  Meals will still need to be cooked and cleaned up from.  But we are adding school to the mix.  So this is where things get busy.

So, our day has officially started.  The house is very quiet as each child is working in their own rooms.  We have a second grader, Freshman and Senior.

Homeschool works so well for Erika.  She is very independent and can work at her own pace.  So if she wants to do more work, she can.  And she usually does.  Last year, she finished everything by February.  It is hard to believe just this time last year, I was teaching her to read and write.  Now, she writes so many words and can read everything

Tori has the most challenging of all three this year.  She has a full load with it being her first year of High School.

And Josh, well, he has it easy.  Or so he thinks.

Praying for clarity of thought and understanding for my children.  And praying the weather cools soon as the heat is definitely challenging to work in:)

This Season

I'm feeling like I am in this new season of being extra sensitive to what God is saying.

This morning a lady came to my gate with a little boy.  This happens often and we usually just tell them we don't give money...because we don't want to start something.  We are asked for money every single day here.  In fact, right after that, another man came asking for money...

Anyway, I was moved with compassion towards this woman and her son.  She said, "Could you just give me some food?  Rice, Bread, Anything at all?  So I can feed my children."  It worked.  She broke my heart.  Because I am a mama and I cannot imagine needing food for my children.  She said her husband is sick and can't work.  I will never know if she was telling me the truth, but I know that I felt the Lord say, "give her some food...you have so much inside the house."  So I went and asked Lee and he said whatever I felt to do.  

As I went through my pantry, that is overflowing because of all the teams that have come lately, I had plenty of beans, rice, etc.  I quickly filled a bag of staples and grabbed a couple of bananas because we went to market this morning.  My sacrifice was small...but I felt she was thankful.  One last thing, she said, "please can we have some cold water--it is so hot."  And as I filled the cups with ice and water, I was reminded of the scripture, Mark 10:42 "And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward.”

I don't share this story to say look how awesome I am...rather to say, I heard God's voice and responded, as simple as it was.   Sometimes I feel that I am so surrounded by great need every day.  I can't do for all, so sometimes I hold back.  Yesterday, I heard a story of someone who loved a child, yet cannot afford to care for the child, provide food.  In that moment, for some reason, it really hit me.  Sometimes,  here in Belize, people are working really hard, but still do not make much money.  When they cannot provide for their families, it is not because they love their children less than I love Josh, Tori and Erika.  Rather, they simply cannot provide.

God is moving in my heart...in so many areas lately.  I just want to make sure I hear His still small voice and do not act out of pity, but rather compassion.  This morning, I felt I was the hands and feet of Jesus to that mother and her son.  I pray that the children feel loved when their mother is able to walk in with some groceries and pray that the mother feels proud to be able to feed her children something.

My Greatest Struggle

I have to die to my flesh daily.

I hate to sweat. 

Hate it.

This morning I have had a great time with Jesus preparing a devotional that I will do with the girls at the Children's Home on Tuesday.  So into spending time with Jesus, that I didn't even hear Tori and her friend calling me at the gate.  That is some good Jesus time.

But now, I am trying to get ready for a wedding out in the village.  And it is hot.  It has been unmercifully hot this week.

And it is a reminder that I must die to my flesh.

As I straighten my hair that will soon curl from the sweat running down my neck.

As I try to apply makeup as it sweats off as quickly as I put it on.

And in these times, I must die to my flesh.

Because this family will be so happy that I am there with them.  Even with my sweatiness.

I will slowly sip cold water (because I won't have a restroom).  I will bring my washcloth to wipe away my sweaty face...just like a true Belizean.   And I will fan myself.  (And I will sweat a lot--did I mention that?) And I will rejoice as this couple weds. I will rejoice as this couple sets an example of the importance of marriage.   And I will be there for my husband.  To support him in his complete exhaustion.  As he serves (and sweats too).  But never complains.

And I will die to my flesh once again.  Because Jesus has blessed me with a husband who serves God with even more than he has in him.  He gives it all and then some.

And because Jesus came for these people who live in the hot  little village just as much as he came for me.

And I want to be where Jesus wants me to be.

Even if it means I have to die to my flesh daily.

Does your heart still break with compassion?

Sometimes I feel that I have to be careful not to become callous to some of the things I see on the mission field. It is almost a defense mechanism.  That my heart cannot contain the heartache that I see every single day of my life.

Last night, we were eating dinner with the team.  It had been a great day of ministry at the children's home, we had relaxed at the Blue Hole...because it is SUPER HOT this week.  A little girl came in selling avocados and such.  I told Lee, "let me buy some...a little girl like that shouldn't have to be selling things like that at 7 o'clock at night."  The sad thing is that when we went outside, her mother was there with more for her to sell. Of course, I was glad to see her mother was there and she was not alone.

The team ministered to her and loved on her, gave her food off their own plates, which she quickly went in the other room and ate.  I was trying so hard not to cry.  She was only a couple years older than my Erika.

Then look what happened today:

Last night at dinner a 9 year old girl came in to sell us avocados and nances. So I bought nances and started speaking with this little girl. At first she was in a stand off mode. Until I started asking her what she wanted to be when she grew up. She told me she wanted to be a teacher, meanwhile we prepared a plate of food for her. Thought I would never see her again then today I ended up at her house and her face lit up when she saw me. Then brightened up even more when she realized I recognized her. Totally feeling God's love here!--WRITTEN BY A GIRL ON THE MISSION TEAM

Isn't God Amazing?  He cares so much more for the little children than even we do:)

We need His wisdom as we minister to people, to always love.  To always have compassion.  We never know when we might see them again:)

Sharing

One of the funnest things for me when teams bring us things is that I get to share.  The team from Life Church brought two suitcases full of beautiful clothes ranging from newborn boy to teen girls.  Tori and I had the funnest time sorting through and putting things in the different sizes and then deciding who to bless.  I loved delivering the clothes to the families we thought could best use them and just getting to be a blessing as their pastor's wife.

This new team from Next Level brought tons and tons of school supplies.  Of course, many things we will keep for our office and children's church, I was able to let my own children pick out some things, and there is still SO MUCH LEFT.  So now I get to bless the Tutor Center, we are going to do a care package for the local high school teachers and I think we will still have some to pass out to the LifeNet children on Back to School Sunday.

Beyond that, it is just a blessing to have this little storehouse of blessings that I can pull from to bless people when I see need.  The first team had brought pillow case dresses, and although they passed out at least 200, there was still a little bag left for me to pass as I see an opportunity.

That is the fun of living here.  That is my joy.  The teams come and start things or open opportunities, build relationships.  We get to continue those relationships, disciple those people, help them continue to grow.

This current team  had an amazing time of ministry at the children's home yesterday.  I truly believe it was birthed and prepared by the previous two teams who we have taken in there this month.  God is deepening our relationships there.  Tori and I are feeling a very strong pulling of the Lord to be more connected, to minister to these girls on an even more regular basis, as only a few are able to come to our NetGroup.  Please pray for us as we seek the Lord as to what that looks like.

Also, as the harvest is very clearly coming in, please pray as we continue to raise up leaders.  It is a never-ending job.  Yet, we know it is vital.  Lee and I cannot do this alone.  It is bigger than us.  We enter into the next months full of intentional outreaches.  We are excited as we see people's view of church changing.  Their view of Jesus is changing.  We are thankful for the teams that have come and worked with us and helped us move even a little bit farther.