Some Reflections

I feel like I need to "blog" to update on this past two month's happenings.  Truly, it has been a whirlwind, a time of joy, a time of sadness, a time of feeling God holding me...and my children.

When I think over the past few months, the biggest and most prominent event that sticks out to me is leaving my son at college...by himself.  It was a thing that I truly dreaded for about a year...and the dread only increased as it got closer.  The Sunday before Josh and I headed up was probably my most emotional day.  But someone very special to me prayed for me...and it is like when we left Monday morning, I truly was okay.  I felt God's hand continually blessing.  It seemed as Josh was just covered with God's favor.  First, by him receiving a car...for free...but then a million other things that happened along the way.  God truly loves my son more than I do.  And on top of that, I just thoroughly enjoyed having the last week with just him.  The girls were with their grandparents...and although we talked every day, I was able to focus on Josh.  And that is something I will forever be thankful for.

Another thing I realized on this trip was that I am really close to my children.  Like when I compare my relationships with them to other people.  Tori would facetime me when we were apart for that week.  My sister in law commented that she hoped when her daughter grew up, that she would be that close.  And then since I left Josh, he has facetimed me every day.  I do not say this to brag or boast, rather it is a comfort to me...and a blessing...that when they are not with me, they still actually want to call Mom.

The girls and I stayed three weeks after Lee this time.  That ended up being a really long time for us to be apart.  I think both of us really learned to appreciate the other and the roles we play in parenting and just friendship with each other.  We really missed each other.  And I had some difficulties, that all worked out, on the ride home and just knew Lee would have handled them better.  But, on a positive note, because of me being alone, I was pushed out of my comfort zone.  I took a few roadtrips with the kids that in the past, I never would have felt comfortable driving.  So I was proud of myself handling it on my own.

I was blessed to go up to Dallas for my sister's oldest son's graduation.  The trip was quick, but so special to me.  Erika loved her cousin that is the same age.

The other huge thing going on in our lives is that we have had a sweet girl move into our home, with the hopes of permanent placement with our family.  It is something that the Lord spoke very supernaturally to Lee, Tori and I, last summer when we were visiting the home.  We have simply walked in obedience over the past year.  It has not been an easy road and may not be in the future still.  But God has bonded our hearts to this 13 year old girl.  So, I arrived home late Tuesday night...and woke up Wednesday morning to go pick her up and bring her to our house to live.  When I walked into the children's home to get her, I was overwhelmed with emotion that I had not expected.  Another confirmation of what God is doing.  Since she got here, she has helped us move the bedrooms around, with ownership.  It is her home.  And that is what blesses me the most. She is so comfortable with us and missed us when we were gone.  She has very long hair and the first thing she wanted to know is if I would take her to get a pretty haircut.  Tori and she looked online and found a picture for me to take to the beautician...and it turned out beautiful.  And it was a joy that I got to be the one to take her:)

And finally, we are expecting an intern, who we are very close to, to come in a little over a week from now.  We are excited that the Lord is bringing us help as there is much to do.  She will relieve me a little from children's ministry, and that will allow me to focus on the homeschooling and household tasks.

It is great to be home.  It has been extremely busy getting the house moved around and cleaned.  But as I was cooking lunch today, I thought how good it is to be back in my kitchen preparing food for my amazing family.  And after lunch, I got a call from Josh.  My heart couldn't be fuller:)

Can we please slow down time?

I wrote this a couple weeks ago but didn't publish it at the time:)

Tonight we took Josh to a very fancy restaurant that he has always wanted to go...because we are proud of him graduating and beginning his life in University...I am all about all our last moments before leaving him...

But all I want is for time to stop, to stand still for a while.  Every wonderful day we enjoy here is another day closer to me having to tell Josh goodbye.  I don't want these last days to be filled with tears, but I just feel like I'm not ready...that he can't possibly be ready yet.  Lee is so laid back.  "He's 18.  He'll be fine."  But I don't always see a man.  I still see the little boy who was full of questions and curiosity.  I still see the little boy learning to ride his bike.  How can he be ready to work and go to college and drive a car?  Of course, in my mind, I know he can handle all these things and handle them well.  I could when I was 18.  But in my heart, I am just having a hard time letting him go.

Time seems to be moving so fast now.  Of course, its time to now walk out all we have planned.  Its time to let him soar.  Its time for him to be able to spread his wings on his own.  And I know all of this is what we feel God has for him.  But it is so hard to let him go...

Please pray for me to have strength the next few weeks.  To enjoy, but not smother my son:)  That he will find a job that will be a healthy environment.  Of course, the car was a huge answer to prayer and we know the Lord has his hand on Josh.  He is so excited about his future...and so I am excited for him too!!

Jesus, the Ultimate Redeemer

Being a pastor's wife, I have worked with all kinds of people dealing with all kinds of situations.  We all have stories.  Our hearts must never forget to have compassion.

When we were in Dallas for Convention, we were eating at a Subway downtown and  a homeless woman came in.  Who knows what that poor lady had been through in her lifetime.  She came in to use the restroom and didn't make it.  As a family, our hearts broke for her.  She came over to our table, not a tooth in her mouth, and asked if we could just buy her a sandwich.  Obviously one meal won't change her situation.  But one meal helped her feel loved and worth something, even for just a moment.  I thought about her a lot that day.  We encounter so much poverty where we live, but it is everywhere.  Even in America.  And sometimes people are in those situations because of their own bad choices.  But sometimes people are in those situations because of others' bad choices.

This weekend, I was moved by someone I really love...who has found healing and made good choices that have affected her whole family.  I was reminded over and over that God is for us.  He wants to redeem broken lives.  And really, only He can.  We help.  We make decisions to go that way.  But we truly need God's intervention.

In eight short days, I will be moving Josh into his dorm.  We will enjoy a family vacation with both sets of grandparents and my brother and sister in law this week.  I am really looking forward to it.  Just relaxing and enjoying all three of my kids.  I'm missing Lee and so grateful to him for letting me have this time with Josh before I have to leave him.

Please continue to pray for the perfect job for Josh as we get him settled in Waxahachie.  He has been blessed with a beautiful, safe, sound car.  He has his Belizean license, but please pray that we can get his Texas Drivers License before I leave.  It would make me feel better.  He is doing great driving, although still novice, he is picking it up.  Pray for his protection as he drives and learns the way around Waxahachie.  I am feeling pretty peaceful at the moment, but as the time draws near to drive away and then fly home to Belize, this momma still sees this 18 year old boy as a baby...