Yesterday was our first big event as GO Church. As people began to come, and we were starting to worship, I just felt the weight of the world. God has brought us the most amazing people, hungry to serve and reach out to this huge city of Katy. But He has also brought us many wounded hearts. I know the weight of being in ministry. I have been most of my life. I know that many people are in our congregation that have been hurt in other congregations. I don't ever want to be that...the person who hurts another. I want Lee and I to always encourage and walk with people where they are. Love them as they walk with God.
At the end, I went and talked to a few different people, just trying to connect. Even if we pastored them before, a lot has happened since we were gone. Their family dynamics have changed. And so have ours. But out of nowhere, I just felt complete exhaustion. Like I was not sure I would be able to carry my crock pot to the car and drive home. But I did.
This morning, I took a walk in my neighborhood. One for the exercise. Two, just to be alone with Jesus. He reminded me that this burden is not from Him. He takes the weight. I need to just walk close to Him, listen to His heart, as He is sending the people to Lee and I because He trusts us. This is the same word He gave to me before we went to Belize. That He was sending us, because He trusted us with the people who He would send to us.
Please pray for us. This journey of church planting is intense. God is doing great things, but the spiritual warfare is heavy. Whenever God is about to do big things, we know the battle is real. We need His strength as we make decisions. We need His strength as we pour into people.
Monday, October 22, 2018
Friday, September 21, 2018
Public School
The two youngest in the family have now been in public school for almost six weeks.
Last night, we went to meet all of their teachers. They were so excited to take us to all their classrooms. They have a beautiful school and I am so thankful for all of their teachers.
I was amazed how each of the teachers really seemed to know my children. In just six weeks.
I have homeschooled Erika her entire life until now. It is weird to have someone else pouring into her life. It is nice too. And I love how they see her strengths just like me. And two teachers said she didn't act homeschooled at all. I guess that's a compliment:)
Aviya, we have not had as long, but I definitely know her very well. I loved how the teachers spoke encouraging words over her life. That they saw how smart she was and a hard worker. I know for her it is a greater transition, but I was so proud to see that she is a joy to her teachers.
I feel like both of my girls have an opportunity to bloom outside of me now. And I have an opportunity to do whatever it is that God has for me in this new season.
I remember last year feeling that I could not even complete a thought at times. That I did not have any time just to think or anything. I am thankful for this new season. I am still busy, but there are some breathing breaks in between.
Coming home from Belize is a journey. I am very thankful for my life here. I feel very blessed. But I realize at times that I am still transitioning. Sometimes the enormity of it all, the decisions, little things really overwhelm me. It is just an entirely different culture here and I am still getting used to it again.
Last night, we went to meet all of their teachers. They were so excited to take us to all their classrooms. They have a beautiful school and I am so thankful for all of their teachers.
I was amazed how each of the teachers really seemed to know my children. In just six weeks.
I have homeschooled Erika her entire life until now. It is weird to have someone else pouring into her life. It is nice too. And I love how they see her strengths just like me. And two teachers said she didn't act homeschooled at all. I guess that's a compliment:)
Aviya, we have not had as long, but I definitely know her very well. I loved how the teachers spoke encouraging words over her life. That they saw how smart she was and a hard worker. I know for her it is a greater transition, but I was so proud to see that she is a joy to her teachers.
I feel like both of my girls have an opportunity to bloom outside of me now. And I have an opportunity to do whatever it is that God has for me in this new season.
I remember last year feeling that I could not even complete a thought at times. That I did not have any time just to think or anything. I am thankful for this new season. I am still busy, but there are some breathing breaks in between.
Coming home from Belize is a journey. I am very thankful for my life here. I feel very blessed. But I realize at times that I am still transitioning. Sometimes the enormity of it all, the decisions, little things really overwhelm me. It is just an entirely different culture here and I am still getting used to it again.
September 21st
Today is Belize Independence Day and once again there are tears in my eyes as I still have my heart in two countries. One of our biggest outreaches was that we passed out 7000 waters each year to the people along the parade route.
Honestly, I hated the work that day entailed. The unbearable heat mixed with rain. The long wait to begin. The exhaustion afterward.
But I LOVED that day because it was a day the whole church worked hard together. And after we would go get Barbecue. And then we would crash and call it a day.
One of my friends just sent a video of everyone working hard, setting up. And I began to cry as I saw all the people I loved. And that was my life for so many years.
I love my life here, but just as there was sadness of things missed while I was in Belize, now there is sadness of things and people missed now that I am in Texas.
The life of a missionary is forever loving two different families.
Honestly, I hated the work that day entailed. The unbearable heat mixed with rain. The long wait to begin. The exhaustion afterward.
But I LOVED that day because it was a day the whole church worked hard together. And after we would go get Barbecue. And then we would crash and call it a day.
One of my friends just sent a video of everyone working hard, setting up. And I began to cry as I saw all the people I loved. And that was my life for so many years.
I love my life here, but just as there was sadness of things missed while I was in Belize, now there is sadness of things and people missed now that I am in Texas.
The life of a missionary is forever loving two different families.
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
Re-entry
Sometimes I wonder if anyone still reads this...now that we are home. But I still love writing, so it is nice for me to look back at, nonetheless.
Before we went to Belize, we went to Missions Training in Los Angeles. Before we went to that, we had to read 7 books. One of those books was on re-entry. Every time we have come home in May, or for a surgery, or for whatever, there has always been some culture shock. But there is a different sort of culture shock now that I live here again. And it has come in waves. I feel like the wave right now is that we have our own home again. It still does not feel real. Because for eight years, we did not have our own home...we were always living in someone else's home. In Belize and in Katy.
Ironically, the home we bought is very similar to the one we left. It is the home that best fit what we were looking for. It is also very close to where we used to live. BUT, my life is totally different. My girls go to brand new schools. I shop in an area that is also new. We are planting a totally new church that is unlike any church we have ever planted. The nice thing is that our family and many of our friends are still here and many are in our church plant. We are all a little older and wiser:) But I am once again the new lady. Today, I will volunteer at the girl's school and I do not know anyone. It is hard always having to start over. I pray this is the last time:)
As we have settled into our home, I am constantly overwhelmed and reminded of how different my life is than just a few months ago. I live in constant air conditioning. I feel a little guilty about that. I can buy whatever I need at Walmart...or wherever. I am just so used to going without things until we would come home in May. I don't have to stock up now, but feel like I do. When I see something, I think I may not be able to get it again, so I better get a lot. I'm amazed at how many groceries I can buy compared to when I was in Belize. And there is a generic for everything so it is cheaper. And the variety and choices are actually a little overwhelming.
I sleep better than I have for 8 years!!! You guys, this is huge. Sleep has been a major missing piece in my life for so long. My room now is dark, air conditioned, and my bed is so comfortable. I feel a little guilty about this one too, but the world looks so different when you are resting well. This year has probably been my biggest and hardest struggle with sleep. I remember begging God to help me just be able to lie down like normal people and sleep. And now I do. And I am so grateful.
One huge difference is sending the girls to school each day and picking them up each afternoon. It is a nice break for me. I am typically busy while they are gone all day, but it is nice to just have Kailey. There is definitely some former Homeschool mom guilt about that. I'm so used to having all the kids with me all the day. And I do feel a little bad that they are gone so much now. My influence over them is shrinking. Life here is so busy though, in a different way. Like cooking and cleaning are easier here. My girls are going to get lazy:) There is not the constant sweeping. Cooking is so much faster in so many ways. And then the dishwasher...you just load it and push a button. And the washer and dryer are just so quick and easy.
The drive time to anywhere...wow. I'm so used to being in the car for just five minutes to get anywhere. If we went 30 minutes, that was a long drive. Now, I feel like I am constantly driving somewhere and everything is at least 20 minutes. Erika has had to start allergy shots and it is 20 minutes just to get to her doctor. It adds an hour to the end of the day just going and waiting and coming back. But I am thankful for good medical care. I remember Erika having trouble when she was a baby and every time we come back, so praying these shots will help her build her immunities. She had no allergies in Belize (to the air or trees or grass).
When we didn't know where we would go, my constant thing was that I wanted to be close to family, but God also has blessed us that we are near friends that are like family as well. It is nice to be loved, to feel loved, not to have to earn love. We have many new people in our lives, in the church plant. But we are also blessed with people that we have a history with. People that we know deeply and are known deeply by. Friday, I spent three different little "coffee" dates with three of those women. One of my fondest memories of Katy was the amazing friends we have here. I feel so overwhelmed that God would let us come back to this. So many of the girls that are now wives and mothers that I ministered to in the past, but now my ministry to them will look and feel different. That is fun too.
Fifteen years ago, when we built our house in Katy, Lee and I were excited to plant roots and stay here forever. Honestly, there was deep grief when we had to give that up. But God had good plans for our family in Belize. He did and taught us things there that we would have never got here in America. He stretched us, added to our family, grew our faith deeper than ever before. And even more than that, He protected us when the enemy would attack us. He brought us home. He let us come back to where we wanted to be and now it is an honor to get to serve Him by planting another church body. Reaching a city that continues to grow. Everywhere I look, I see so many people who need Jesus. And authentic love. What an honor, that He would let us be His hands and feet here in Katy...again.
Before we went to Belize, we went to Missions Training in Los Angeles. Before we went to that, we had to read 7 books. One of those books was on re-entry. Every time we have come home in May, or for a surgery, or for whatever, there has always been some culture shock. But there is a different sort of culture shock now that I live here again. And it has come in waves. I feel like the wave right now is that we have our own home again. It still does not feel real. Because for eight years, we did not have our own home...we were always living in someone else's home. In Belize and in Katy.
Ironically, the home we bought is very similar to the one we left. It is the home that best fit what we were looking for. It is also very close to where we used to live. BUT, my life is totally different. My girls go to brand new schools. I shop in an area that is also new. We are planting a totally new church that is unlike any church we have ever planted. The nice thing is that our family and many of our friends are still here and many are in our church plant. We are all a little older and wiser:) But I am once again the new lady. Today, I will volunteer at the girl's school and I do not know anyone. It is hard always having to start over. I pray this is the last time:)
As we have settled into our home, I am constantly overwhelmed and reminded of how different my life is than just a few months ago. I live in constant air conditioning. I feel a little guilty about that. I can buy whatever I need at Walmart...or wherever. I am just so used to going without things until we would come home in May. I don't have to stock up now, but feel like I do. When I see something, I think I may not be able to get it again, so I better get a lot. I'm amazed at how many groceries I can buy compared to when I was in Belize. And there is a generic for everything so it is cheaper. And the variety and choices are actually a little overwhelming.
I sleep better than I have for 8 years!!! You guys, this is huge. Sleep has been a major missing piece in my life for so long. My room now is dark, air conditioned, and my bed is so comfortable. I feel a little guilty about this one too, but the world looks so different when you are resting well. This year has probably been my biggest and hardest struggle with sleep. I remember begging God to help me just be able to lie down like normal people and sleep. And now I do. And I am so grateful.
One huge difference is sending the girls to school each day and picking them up each afternoon. It is a nice break for me. I am typically busy while they are gone all day, but it is nice to just have Kailey. There is definitely some former Homeschool mom guilt about that. I'm so used to having all the kids with me all the day. And I do feel a little bad that they are gone so much now. My influence over them is shrinking. Life here is so busy though, in a different way. Like cooking and cleaning are easier here. My girls are going to get lazy:) There is not the constant sweeping. Cooking is so much faster in so many ways. And then the dishwasher...you just load it and push a button. And the washer and dryer are just so quick and easy.
The drive time to anywhere...wow. I'm so used to being in the car for just five minutes to get anywhere. If we went 30 minutes, that was a long drive. Now, I feel like I am constantly driving somewhere and everything is at least 20 minutes. Erika has had to start allergy shots and it is 20 minutes just to get to her doctor. It adds an hour to the end of the day just going and waiting and coming back. But I am thankful for good medical care. I remember Erika having trouble when she was a baby and every time we come back, so praying these shots will help her build her immunities. She had no allergies in Belize (to the air or trees or grass).
When we didn't know where we would go, my constant thing was that I wanted to be close to family, but God also has blessed us that we are near friends that are like family as well. It is nice to be loved, to feel loved, not to have to earn love. We have many new people in our lives, in the church plant. But we are also blessed with people that we have a history with. People that we know deeply and are known deeply by. Friday, I spent three different little "coffee" dates with three of those women. One of my fondest memories of Katy was the amazing friends we have here. I feel so overwhelmed that God would let us come back to this. So many of the girls that are now wives and mothers that I ministered to in the past, but now my ministry to them will look and feel different. That is fun too.
Fifteen years ago, when we built our house in Katy, Lee and I were excited to plant roots and stay here forever. Honestly, there was deep grief when we had to give that up. But God had good plans for our family in Belize. He did and taught us things there that we would have never got here in America. He stretched us, added to our family, grew our faith deeper than ever before. And even more than that, He protected us when the enemy would attack us. He brought us home. He let us come back to where we wanted to be and now it is an honor to get to serve Him by planting another church body. Reaching a city that continues to grow. Everywhere I look, I see so many people who need Jesus. And authentic love. What an honor, that He would let us be His hands and feet here in Katy...again.
Monday, September 10, 2018
Feels like Home
The last two months have been a whirlwind. We left Belize on July 11, not knowing where we would live, and now two months later, just moved into our home.
Transitioning back to life in the states has stages. Especially, because it took about a month for us to get clear direction from the Lord as to what our next step would be. We really did not think we would ever church plant again, but here we are, planting our fourth church. There once was a prophecy that we would have a child for every church we pastored. We pastored in Ohio and then now are planting for the fourth time. Five kids. So, yes, this will be it:)
Erika and Aviya started school about three weeks ago. They love it. It is a new junior high about five minutes from the house. It is nice to have a little routine, sending them off each day and I keep busy during the day until they come home. Kailey is working on her senior year here at home with me. Tori is back in school at SAGU and working on campus this year. Josh is also still living in Waxahachie in an apartment, while working in Irving. He will get married in just two months!
About a month ago, we received very clear direction that we were to plant a new work here in Katy, where we came from. We really hesitated, wanting to know God wanted us to do this, and confirmation after confirmation came. So, by faith, we stepped out and the response was overwhelming. The new church is made up of many people we have pastored before that just have not connected anywhere and new people who we did not know before. It has been an exciting ride as we meet with people and hear their response to us obeying God's call. Another reminder of how our "yes" affects other people than ourselves.
Lee is crazy busy. He is trying to help me settle the house, while also working very hard to get the church going. Just so many things that people don't even realize go into a plant.
Sundays, we are meeting from 9-11 am, so leave the house about 7:30 am. After church on Sunday, I was exhausted. But I also was just so filled with peace. There is this amazing peace of being right where you are supposed to be. There is peace of being surrounded by amazing people. What a blessing how quickly we found church family again.
Thank you for praying for us during this time. Moving in on Thursday just brought this calm. I am finally home. Our home already feels comfortable and cozy. The night we closed, Lee and I came to bring some things and I just cried as I felt so blessed that the Lord would let me love my home again. We prayed that this will be a place where our first ministry of our children, can grow and be nurtured and beyond that, that the Lord would use this home as a place of deep ministry to many. That we would be a light in this neighborhood. That our home would be used to God's glory.
One of the reasons, I felt our time in Belize was ending was to be closer to my parents. Who would have guessed I would end up in the same city? My dad has had a hard time physically lately. Last week, he had his shoulder replaced, which is a pretty major operation. Please pray for him as his recovery has not been easy. It is a joy to me, though, that I can be close enough to visit and try to help my parents again. God is in the details.
Transitioning back to life in the states has stages. Especially, because it took about a month for us to get clear direction from the Lord as to what our next step would be. We really did not think we would ever church plant again, but here we are, planting our fourth church. There once was a prophecy that we would have a child for every church we pastored. We pastored in Ohio and then now are planting for the fourth time. Five kids. So, yes, this will be it:)
Erika and Aviya started school about three weeks ago. They love it. It is a new junior high about five minutes from the house. It is nice to have a little routine, sending them off each day and I keep busy during the day until they come home. Kailey is working on her senior year here at home with me. Tori is back in school at SAGU and working on campus this year. Josh is also still living in Waxahachie in an apartment, while working in Irving. He will get married in just two months!
About a month ago, we received very clear direction that we were to plant a new work here in Katy, where we came from. We really hesitated, wanting to know God wanted us to do this, and confirmation after confirmation came. So, by faith, we stepped out and the response was overwhelming. The new church is made up of many people we have pastored before that just have not connected anywhere and new people who we did not know before. It has been an exciting ride as we meet with people and hear their response to us obeying God's call. Another reminder of how our "yes" affects other people than ourselves.
Lee is crazy busy. He is trying to help me settle the house, while also working very hard to get the church going. Just so many things that people don't even realize go into a plant.
Sundays, we are meeting from 9-11 am, so leave the house about 7:30 am. After church on Sunday, I was exhausted. But I also was just so filled with peace. There is this amazing peace of being right where you are supposed to be. There is peace of being surrounded by amazing people. What a blessing how quickly we found church family again.
Thank you for praying for us during this time. Moving in on Thursday just brought this calm. I am finally home. Our home already feels comfortable and cozy. The night we closed, Lee and I came to bring some things and I just cried as I felt so blessed that the Lord would let me love my home again. We prayed that this will be a place where our first ministry of our children, can grow and be nurtured and beyond that, that the Lord would use this home as a place of deep ministry to many. That we would be a light in this neighborhood. That our home would be used to God's glory.
One of the reasons, I felt our time in Belize was ending was to be closer to my parents. Who would have guessed I would end up in the same city? My dad has had a hard time physically lately. Last week, he had his shoulder replaced, which is a pretty major operation. Please pray for him as his recovery has not been easy. It is a joy to me, though, that I can be close enough to visit and try to help my parents again. God is in the details.
Sunday, July 1, 2018
Transition
The Transition of LifeNet is going great. Pastor Kudzai is doing an amazing job. As we have returned, it is a little hard to find where we are needed anymore. That is what is supposed to happen. But it is a transition for our family, as well. To become attenders only. Because that is not who we are. It is hard to just "sit". Of course, we are still doing things. I recently spoke to the women. Lee spoke last Sunday as well. I will lead my Net Group this week...for the last time.
The reality of everything becoming our last is getting real. As I say goodbye now, I realize it will be for a while. It is a hard reality. As we leave every May, and always come back. I feel like those around me grasp the reality of us leaving more than I do. I have gone back and forth so many times over the past seven and half years. It just feels like I am going on another trip again. And part of that is because we do not know where we are going. We do not have a home we are moving to. Our possessions are in two crates in my in-laws barn. We have no furniture, no appliances. It is a weird place.
And transition is hard on the ones leaving. Yesterday, we went to help set up the chairs and they didn't really need us. They had already done it all. They sent Lee home on Friday because they have surprises they are working on and needed him gone. It is a freeing feeling, but also a feeling of what is my purpose now? When for seven and half years, we have lived and breathed to pour into a church body.
Our days are a little boring. Our evenings are spent eating dinner with different friends in the church. We will have a special dinner with the council on Monday and all church party on Friday. Then a team comes. And we will fly out in the middle of the team being here. All the teams we have hosted over the years, and now we don't have to host them anymore. Another strange feeling. Its a relief, but also sad. We always looked so forward to teams coming.
Lee and I came to plant and raise up young men and women to pastor and be leadership in the church. We have seen it happen beautifully. The journey was long and so often I just wanted to give up. At times, it was excruciating. The spiritual warfare was so intense at times. We watched old videos over the past years on Friday. It was a reminder of all we have gone through. But now, we sit in the fruit of all the warfare, all the work, all the sweat, all the prayers. GOD HAS BEEN FAITHFUL. And He truly has never let us down.
Since we came back this month, each service at LifeNet is so special to me. I feel like a grandmother looking around at my children, doing what I used to do. I feel proud as I look and see different races and different cultures worshiping together. I rejoice as I see mothers teaching their children to worship and know God, just like I have done with my children. I see the men that Lee has poured into being the men of God they are supposed to be. I see a lot of men...and that is not the norm in Belize. Dads and moms worshiping together. I rejoice as I hear of people who have co-habitated for years getting married. I rejoice that the Lord used little 'ole Lee and Robyn to touch a nation and bring a church that was different. A church that not only preached the Word, but walked it out day by day with people who were hungry for something more. I watch as I see generations that are being changed. A group of boys that comes from the roughest village, most without father, being raised to be men of God and change the future.
"Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it is what happens in the middle that counts...."
That is how I feel right now. I am so nervous for what is next. But right now, just rejoicing in what has been over these years. Rejoicing over the new family I now have in Belize. I am forever changed for these years. My faith in God is so much deeper. I know He is who He says He is.
The reality of everything becoming our last is getting real. As I say goodbye now, I realize it will be for a while. It is a hard reality. As we leave every May, and always come back. I feel like those around me grasp the reality of us leaving more than I do. I have gone back and forth so many times over the past seven and half years. It just feels like I am going on another trip again. And part of that is because we do not know where we are going. We do not have a home we are moving to. Our possessions are in two crates in my in-laws barn. We have no furniture, no appliances. It is a weird place.
And transition is hard on the ones leaving. Yesterday, we went to help set up the chairs and they didn't really need us. They had already done it all. They sent Lee home on Friday because they have surprises they are working on and needed him gone. It is a freeing feeling, but also a feeling of what is my purpose now? When for seven and half years, we have lived and breathed to pour into a church body.
Our days are a little boring. Our evenings are spent eating dinner with different friends in the church. We will have a special dinner with the council on Monday and all church party on Friday. Then a team comes. And we will fly out in the middle of the team being here. All the teams we have hosted over the years, and now we don't have to host them anymore. Another strange feeling. Its a relief, but also sad. We always looked so forward to teams coming.
Lee and I came to plant and raise up young men and women to pastor and be leadership in the church. We have seen it happen beautifully. The journey was long and so often I just wanted to give up. At times, it was excruciating. The spiritual warfare was so intense at times. We watched old videos over the past years on Friday. It was a reminder of all we have gone through. But now, we sit in the fruit of all the warfare, all the work, all the sweat, all the prayers. GOD HAS BEEN FAITHFUL. And He truly has never let us down.
Since we came back this month, each service at LifeNet is so special to me. I feel like a grandmother looking around at my children, doing what I used to do. I feel proud as I look and see different races and different cultures worshiping together. I rejoice as I see mothers teaching their children to worship and know God, just like I have done with my children. I see the men that Lee has poured into being the men of God they are supposed to be. I see a lot of men...and that is not the norm in Belize. Dads and moms worshiping together. I rejoice as I hear of people who have co-habitated for years getting married. I rejoice that the Lord used little 'ole Lee and Robyn to touch a nation and bring a church that was different. A church that not only preached the Word, but walked it out day by day with people who were hungry for something more. I watch as I see generations that are being changed. A group of boys that comes from the roughest village, most without father, being raised to be men of God and change the future.
"Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it is what happens in the middle that counts...."
That is how I feel right now. I am so nervous for what is next. But right now, just rejoicing in what has been over these years. Rejoicing over the new family I now have in Belize. I am forever changed for these years. My faith in God is so much deeper. I know He is who He says He is.
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
This Season
So many times I start to write. What can I share? This is such a strange season filled with so many feelings.
Sunday, we officially released Pastor Kudzai and Tanya as the LifeNet Pastors. We have known this day was coming. It went beautifully and felt covered by the Lord. It was truly a joy to be a part of. So many things have happened in seven and a half years. So much more will continue as we leave. I cannot wait to see how the Lord will use LifeNet in this nation. But it is also weird that we will not be a part of it.
But it is also a season moreso of rest for me. Lee is still super busy. He still goes into the office Tuesday through Friday. But I no longer have to set up for things for church events. I simply go. It is a different season for sure. The girls and I spend the days just trying to find things to do. Kailey is working on her Senior year, so she keeps busy. We were blessed by a friend who brought a huge bag of things to do for the girls this morning. They have made friends with lots of girls in the neighborhood and spend the afternoons playing outside. It is very different than where we lived before.
There is also much anxiety about our future. So many things up in the air. It is hard for me to sleep at night. Most nights I toss and turn. I know it is not good, but it just is.
The girls and I made the "Promises of God" in art form and covered the apartment with them. Everywhere I look, I am reminded that God is holding our family. That His ways are higher than our ways. But that does not mean it is always easy.
We still have not bought our plane tickets to move home. We know it will be soon, but need some answers on some things before we can. It is hard not even knowing that...when we will leave. It is hard when people ask.
Please hold our family up in your prayers. Our prayer requests are long and many. But we just need some miracles so that we can move to the next step. Whatever that may be:)
Sunday, we officially released Pastor Kudzai and Tanya as the LifeNet Pastors. We have known this day was coming. It went beautifully and felt covered by the Lord. It was truly a joy to be a part of. So many things have happened in seven and a half years. So much more will continue as we leave. I cannot wait to see how the Lord will use LifeNet in this nation. But it is also weird that we will not be a part of it.
But it is also a season moreso of rest for me. Lee is still super busy. He still goes into the office Tuesday through Friday. But I no longer have to set up for things for church events. I simply go. It is a different season for sure. The girls and I spend the days just trying to find things to do. Kailey is working on her Senior year, so she keeps busy. We were blessed by a friend who brought a huge bag of things to do for the girls this morning. They have made friends with lots of girls in the neighborhood and spend the afternoons playing outside. It is very different than where we lived before.
There is also much anxiety about our future. So many things up in the air. It is hard for me to sleep at night. Most nights I toss and turn. I know it is not good, but it just is.
The girls and I made the "Promises of God" in art form and covered the apartment with them. Everywhere I look, I am reminded that God is holding our family. That His ways are higher than our ways. But that does not mean it is always easy.
We still have not bought our plane tickets to move home. We know it will be soon, but need some answers on some things before we can. It is hard not even knowing that...when we will leave. It is hard when people ask.
Please hold our family up in your prayers. Our prayer requests are long and many. But we just need some miracles so that we can move to the next step. Whatever that may be:)
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
Preparing for the Big Move
It is upon us. Our lives being reduced to piles of stuff. What to sell, what to ship, what we need to take in suitcases to live our very crazy lives over the next few months.
Please keep us in prayer. As things sell, we are living in a home of plastic boxes and suitcases. It is an emotional journey that is hard to explain. Moving internationally just has a deeper degree of stress that is hard to explain. We came with little and will leave with less. Selling things now that we thought we could keep. Seven years ago, I learned that stuff is just stuff. But also having to live means we need stuff. We need furniture and appliances and pretty things for our home to make it a home.
Today, we found a home for our dogs. That was another big thing we needed to happen. There is relief, but of course concern. Will the dogs have a good life? Be fed? Be safe. I know for Kailey and Tori, it is the biggest concern.
We do not know where we are going after this. That is huge. We are not leaving Belize because we have a better offer. We are moving because it is time. We are covered in God's peace about that. It is time for us to go. To release. But there are so many other questions in the air.
In less than a month, we have a graduation to celebrate. We are so excited and proud of Josh. And months after that, we have a wedding. This is an exciting time in our oldest child's life. And a time that I want and need to be present for. I have missed so much of his life these past four years.
Preparing to come to Texas in May is always huge. This year, it is even bigger. But it is different too. Knowing that we will come back, but only for a short time. Trying to figure out an apartment before we leave, but noone will hold it without us paying for the time we are gone. So, yet another thing that we just have to have faith that the Lord is in the details.
Please pray as Erika has been extra sensitive allergy wise and sickness over the past few months. I have also been battling congestion and fevers for the second time in just a couple months. We are normally very healthy. I feel this is an attack to distract us in our final months here. I want to get things done, and spend time with people. I do not have time to be sick.
We know God walks before us. We believe He is preparing a place for our family. The unknowns are at times daunting. The girls want to go to school. I want them to, as well. But need to know where that will be. It is hard to plan for the future not knowing where that future will be.
Please keep us in prayer. As things sell, we are living in a home of plastic boxes and suitcases. It is an emotional journey that is hard to explain. Moving internationally just has a deeper degree of stress that is hard to explain. We came with little and will leave with less. Selling things now that we thought we could keep. Seven years ago, I learned that stuff is just stuff. But also having to live means we need stuff. We need furniture and appliances and pretty things for our home to make it a home.
Today, we found a home for our dogs. That was another big thing we needed to happen. There is relief, but of course concern. Will the dogs have a good life? Be fed? Be safe. I know for Kailey and Tori, it is the biggest concern.
We do not know where we are going after this. That is huge. We are not leaving Belize because we have a better offer. We are moving because it is time. We are covered in God's peace about that. It is time for us to go. To release. But there are so many other questions in the air.
In less than a month, we have a graduation to celebrate. We are so excited and proud of Josh. And months after that, we have a wedding. This is an exciting time in our oldest child's life. And a time that I want and need to be present for. I have missed so much of his life these past four years.
Preparing to come to Texas in May is always huge. This year, it is even bigger. But it is different too. Knowing that we will come back, but only for a short time. Trying to figure out an apartment before we leave, but noone will hold it without us paying for the time we are gone. So, yet another thing that we just have to have faith that the Lord is in the details.
Please pray as Erika has been extra sensitive allergy wise and sickness over the past few months. I have also been battling congestion and fevers for the second time in just a couple months. We are normally very healthy. I feel this is an attack to distract us in our final months here. I want to get things done, and spend time with people. I do not have time to be sick.
We know God walks before us. We believe He is preparing a place for our family. The unknowns are at times daunting. The girls want to go to school. I want them to, as well. But need to know where that will be. It is hard to plan for the future not knowing where that future will be.
Sunday, March 25, 2018
The Importance of Church Family
As we near the end of our time here in Belize, people often ask me how I'm feeling. It is a bittersweet time in my heart. I am anxious to be near my older two children and my extended family. There are many things I cannot wait to once again have that I can only get in America. And AC will be so nice once again.
But I will miss most of all...my church family. LifeNet functions are the highlights of my week:)
Last night, the girls had their final dance for the group they are in. It was in LifeNet's facility and many of our church family came to see the girls. They would have come even if it was somewhere else. But we have such a support system here for our girls. It is the church where we walked through adding not one, but two more children to our family. And our church family has embraced and loved our girls through it all.
The past two Sundays (and most Sundays), we have enjoyed lunch with families from the church after service. The choices to eat are about two different restaurants, so it is not about the food. But the laughter and just enjoying being family has blessed my heart in such deep ways.
Living in a country with a lot of missionaries, I am surprised how many of them do not plug into a local church with complete dedication. It is not uncommon for missionaries to feel they served all week with a team so take a Sunday to go to the beach or pool. I am thankful that we are church planters and pastors. I see how it has grounded us more. We have always lived our life around Sundays. If it is a Sunday, we are in the house of the Lord. I see how it has grounded our children. My heart breaks for the next generation of children who have not been taught the importance of commitment to a local church The simple act of faithfulness. Because what I have seen it is in that faithfulness, that people have a support system when they go through hard times. It is in that faithfulness of going to church when you feel like it and when you don't feel like it, God can meet you in those hard places. It is something I see in young believers. When they finally commit deeply and become faithful, it is where they really begin to grow deeper in the Lord. There is something very powerful about faithfulness to the local body.
A while ago, I went monthly to a support group for foster and adopted children, but as this past school year started, I decided not to go anymore. I really wanted to shift to us just being a family...not so focused on the "adopted" part. There is a shifting that happens that is hard to explain. But sometimes you just don't want to focus on that part all the time anymore. Recently I ran into one of the other foster moms, and we caught up. Then she said if you don't come, how will you have any support? And I thought for a second, and said, but I do have support. So much support. From my family and from my church family. I have a village around me, who encourage me. I have a very strong family in my NetGroup that meets each Thursday. And I realize how blessed I am because of it.
As we go into this next season, I pray that the Lord quickly provides where we are to pastor next. I want to begin the process of building new church family. I want my girls to have the stability of one solid, consistent thing in their lives again. I am so grateful to parents who taught me from very little the importance of being committed to a church home. I am so grateful that I have been married to a man who also was raised with the same values. And my prayer is that as my children move out on their own, that they will also value that in their lives.
But I will miss most of all...my church family. LifeNet functions are the highlights of my week:)
Last night, the girls had their final dance for the group they are in. It was in LifeNet's facility and many of our church family came to see the girls. They would have come even if it was somewhere else. But we have such a support system here for our girls. It is the church where we walked through adding not one, but two more children to our family. And our church family has embraced and loved our girls through it all.
The past two Sundays (and most Sundays), we have enjoyed lunch with families from the church after service. The choices to eat are about two different restaurants, so it is not about the food. But the laughter and just enjoying being family has blessed my heart in such deep ways.
Living in a country with a lot of missionaries, I am surprised how many of them do not plug into a local church with complete dedication. It is not uncommon for missionaries to feel they served all week with a team so take a Sunday to go to the beach or pool. I am thankful that we are church planters and pastors. I see how it has grounded us more. We have always lived our life around Sundays. If it is a Sunday, we are in the house of the Lord. I see how it has grounded our children. My heart breaks for the next generation of children who have not been taught the importance of commitment to a local church The simple act of faithfulness. Because what I have seen it is in that faithfulness, that people have a support system when they go through hard times. It is in that faithfulness of going to church when you feel like it and when you don't feel like it, God can meet you in those hard places. It is something I see in young believers. When they finally commit deeply and become faithful, it is where they really begin to grow deeper in the Lord. There is something very powerful about faithfulness to the local body.
A while ago, I went monthly to a support group for foster and adopted children, but as this past school year started, I decided not to go anymore. I really wanted to shift to us just being a family...not so focused on the "adopted" part. There is a shifting that happens that is hard to explain. But sometimes you just don't want to focus on that part all the time anymore. Recently I ran into one of the other foster moms, and we caught up. Then she said if you don't come, how will you have any support? And I thought for a second, and said, but I do have support. So much support. From my family and from my church family. I have a village around me, who encourage me. I have a very strong family in my NetGroup that meets each Thursday. And I realize how blessed I am because of it.
As we go into this next season, I pray that the Lord quickly provides where we are to pastor next. I want to begin the process of building new church family. I want my girls to have the stability of one solid, consistent thing in their lives again. I am so grateful to parents who taught me from very little the importance of being committed to a church home. I am so grateful that I have been married to a man who also was raised with the same values. And my prayer is that as my children move out on their own, that they will also value that in their lives.
Sunday, March 11, 2018
What is He up to?
This morning, I am just in this strange place. Not knowing where we are going next. It is a new, deeper level of faith for us. We don't have any idea what is next for our family.
I am having dreams like crazy. God is doing new things in me spiritually. And all I can do is think, "What are you up to, God?"
I feel like He is stretching Lee and I in new ways. Once again, we are having to learn to be flexible. The nester in me is tired. I want a beautiful home with all the luxuries I have lived without for the past years...but I moreso want to be in the middle of where God wants us to be. I want my kids to be "safe", but then I see how much living here, where it wasn't always safe, was so good for my older two. It built trust in God. They have a very real relationship with their Father in Heaven because sometimes it is all we have had.
I have done so much reflecting over the past seven years, especially as we celebrated the Anniversary of LifeNet last week. God has done so many amazing things. But for every miracle, a battle in the spiritual realm preceded it. But every battle has been worth it. I have had many dreams of my "spritual children" lately. It is crazy, but I think God just reminding me that every sacrifice has been worth it.
In America, I was so protected from real, raw hurt. Here, I face it every time I leave my gate. It is all around me. I understand more why desperate people do desperate things. I have a greater understanding what poverty does to a person. And how it affects future generations. I struggle to understand the amount of money spent on drugs and alcohol when there are starving babies at home. But I see how those strongholds make people not care. Sometimes my heart is so heavy, that I feel it will burst. But then, I realize that is when the Lord is building deeper compassion and understanding in me.
There is a popular saying in the adoption world. "I can't change the world, but I can change the world for one child." Sometimes we deal with situations or we visit old living places of my adopted children and realize that their world is so different simply because Lee and I said yes. And our lives are different too. They are stretched and pulled. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed and wish for an easier journey, but then I see...God is birthing in me deep compassion and I am learning what the word Grace means.
This place of trusting God for our next steps. Selling all we have and not knowing where it is that we are going. Knowing that the next time we come back to Belize, we will not have this "home" we have lived in for seven years. It is a strange place. But also a place where God has every opportunity to direct our every step.
I am having dreams like crazy. God is doing new things in me spiritually. And all I can do is think, "What are you up to, God?"
I feel like He is stretching Lee and I in new ways. Once again, we are having to learn to be flexible. The nester in me is tired. I want a beautiful home with all the luxuries I have lived without for the past years...but I moreso want to be in the middle of where God wants us to be. I want my kids to be "safe", but then I see how much living here, where it wasn't always safe, was so good for my older two. It built trust in God. They have a very real relationship with their Father in Heaven because sometimes it is all we have had.
I have done so much reflecting over the past seven years, especially as we celebrated the Anniversary of LifeNet last week. God has done so many amazing things. But for every miracle, a battle in the spiritual realm preceded it. But every battle has been worth it. I have had many dreams of my "spritual children" lately. It is crazy, but I think God just reminding me that every sacrifice has been worth it.
In America, I was so protected from real, raw hurt. Here, I face it every time I leave my gate. It is all around me. I understand more why desperate people do desperate things. I have a greater understanding what poverty does to a person. And how it affects future generations. I struggle to understand the amount of money spent on drugs and alcohol when there are starving babies at home. But I see how those strongholds make people not care. Sometimes my heart is so heavy, that I feel it will burst. But then, I realize that is when the Lord is building deeper compassion and understanding in me.
There is a popular saying in the adoption world. "I can't change the world, but I can change the world for one child." Sometimes we deal with situations or we visit old living places of my adopted children and realize that their world is so different simply because Lee and I said yes. And our lives are different too. They are stretched and pulled. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed and wish for an easier journey, but then I see...God is birthing in me deep compassion and I am learning what the word Grace means.
This place of trusting God for our next steps. Selling all we have and not knowing where it is that we are going. Knowing that the next time we come back to Belize, we will not have this "home" we have lived in for seven years. It is a strange place. But also a place where God has every opportunity to direct our every step.
Friday, March 2, 2018
What Would You Do?
This weekend was a crazy one for LifeNet. We had a team of young people here from Seattle, and I believe it is a trip they will never forget.
We had the demonic manifest on Friday night, had an amazing move of the Holy Spirit at the Life Advance on Saturday, and then another manifestation on Sunday morning during our service. But you see, God is more powerful and mightier than any schemes of the devil. And that is our confidence as believers. Our leaders were stretched, but it was a growing experience for all of us.
But by Monday morning, Lee and I were just emotionally and physically wiped out. So we decided to take a day off and go visit Spanish Lookout. It is like a little piece of Texas and we have a family in our church, that we like to visit when we go. We always come back refreshed.
Lee and Erika had left a little before us to run an errand and drop off the van for mechanical work. So, the other girls are I were in the SUV on our way to pick them up and head out of town. As I was driving up the street, a local guy that I know, but would not normally stop for, waved me down. Not knowing what he wanted, I was a little unsure, but felt I was supposed to stop for him. A lady was on her way walking to the hospital (prob a 30 min walk from here) and was not going to make it. Could I take her to the hospital? Instantly, I knew it was the right thing. It is not America where you can just call 911 and even calling a taxi for her, I just felt there was no time.
I did not know this woman. I have never seen her before. I still would like to find the guy to see if he knows what happened.
As she got in my car, she was sweating profusely ( it is not that hot yet). She was barely breathing. Every breath was a battle. She smelled strongly of smoke, like she had been around it or just smoked. I immediately laid hands on her and prayed. I didn't even ask permission. Then began to drive, praying the whole way. Praying for God to keep me calm. I am not calm in emergencies. I began to think what will I do if she dies? Yes, it was that critical. The hospital has changed recently and I was not sure how to get her to the ER. I left the girls in the car so I could walk her in. It was just crazy. Noone there to help. No wheelchair to put her in. But God helped her walk in. But as soon as I got the security guard to open the door, (I had to scream at him that it was an emergency!!), the ER doctors were working on her immediately. I think she was having a heart attack. But the miracle and blessing is that I got her there alive. I pray that the few minutes she was in my car, she felt Jesus.
I also pray that I can see her again. That I can share Jesus with her. That I can tell her that it was not just a coincidence that I was driving by. That Jesus had me go at that very moment to help her because He loves her and cares about her.
We are in the final months of our time here in Belize...and it seems like God is just taking things up a notch as we go:)
We had the demonic manifest on Friday night, had an amazing move of the Holy Spirit at the Life Advance on Saturday, and then another manifestation on Sunday morning during our service. But you see, God is more powerful and mightier than any schemes of the devil. And that is our confidence as believers. Our leaders were stretched, but it was a growing experience for all of us.
But by Monday morning, Lee and I were just emotionally and physically wiped out. So we decided to take a day off and go visit Spanish Lookout. It is like a little piece of Texas and we have a family in our church, that we like to visit when we go. We always come back refreshed.
Lee and Erika had left a little before us to run an errand and drop off the van for mechanical work. So, the other girls are I were in the SUV on our way to pick them up and head out of town. As I was driving up the street, a local guy that I know, but would not normally stop for, waved me down. Not knowing what he wanted, I was a little unsure, but felt I was supposed to stop for him. A lady was on her way walking to the hospital (prob a 30 min walk from here) and was not going to make it. Could I take her to the hospital? Instantly, I knew it was the right thing. It is not America where you can just call 911 and even calling a taxi for her, I just felt there was no time.
I did not know this woman. I have never seen her before. I still would like to find the guy to see if he knows what happened.
As she got in my car, she was sweating profusely ( it is not that hot yet). She was barely breathing. Every breath was a battle. She smelled strongly of smoke, like she had been around it or just smoked. I immediately laid hands on her and prayed. I didn't even ask permission. Then began to drive, praying the whole way. Praying for God to keep me calm. I am not calm in emergencies. I began to think what will I do if she dies? Yes, it was that critical. The hospital has changed recently and I was not sure how to get her to the ER. I left the girls in the car so I could walk her in. It was just crazy. Noone there to help. No wheelchair to put her in. But God helped her walk in. But as soon as I got the security guard to open the door, (I had to scream at him that it was an emergency!!), the ER doctors were working on her immediately. I think she was having a heart attack. But the miracle and blessing is that I got her there alive. I pray that the few minutes she was in my car, she felt Jesus.
I also pray that I can see her again. That I can share Jesus with her. That I can tell her that it was not just a coincidence that I was driving by. That Jesus had me go at that very moment to help her because He loves her and cares about her.
We are in the final months of our time here in Belize...and it seems like God is just taking things up a notch as we go:)
Trusting God's Timing is Always Perfect
This Faith walk is at times, very puzzling. Often I feel like we are walking with a blindfold on. It seems as if each time, God stretches us a little bit more.
"Do you trust me?", He says.
We do, of course. We trust Him with our very lives. We trust that He will provide. That does not mean we sit back and do not do our part. Faith without works is Dead. We must trust and act, listening as He gently whispers in our ear. See, God doesn't ever give us the whole picture. Coming to Belize was purely obedience. We had to trust every little step. That He would find us a home. That He would bring people to build a church. But we had to go out, as well, and build relationships. But when He is in it, it is actually pretty smooth and pretty easy. That is how obedience is. Even with our children, it is always easier when they just listen. When they obey what we say without a fight, it is so much smoother.
I am in a time of stretching. God is stretching me in new ways. And a lot of it has to do with trusting this whisper of the Holy Spirit. Trusting that God truly is holding our family in His hands.
God's timing is crazy.
We have been trying to get in the building for years, and all of a sudden...it is coming to completion. Every day, Lee is excited to tell us the new thing that has been done. Every time I go to the building, there is something different. But the timing is perfect. Never early. Always right on time.
We have lived in the same house for seven years. Slowly, we are selling things and it is feeling empty. But God is providing buyers, so that we will have finances on the other side to start again. The very fact that the landlord is ready to take the house back now...right when we feel it is time to go. God's timing is so perfect.
Kailey's adoption was right on time. The very last day that it needed to happen, it did. And we are believing the same for Aviya. Although this blind faith is difficult at times, when we are walking through it, hindsight is always easier.
Please do continue to pray for the transition of LifeNet. We are in such an exciting time. Every week, I can't wait to see what God is going to do. Which also makes it sad to leave. But I am confident that God will take the church to even greater places once we leave. I am excited as I am seeing new leadership stepping up.
Also, please pray for the next place for our family. It is so nervous not knowing where God will send us next. But we do believe God holds our little family in the palm of His hand. He knows our hearts' desire to be close to our big kids and our parents. And we await the good plans He has for us.
"Do you trust me?", He says.
We do, of course. We trust Him with our very lives. We trust that He will provide. That does not mean we sit back and do not do our part. Faith without works is Dead. We must trust and act, listening as He gently whispers in our ear. See, God doesn't ever give us the whole picture. Coming to Belize was purely obedience. We had to trust every little step. That He would find us a home. That He would bring people to build a church. But we had to go out, as well, and build relationships. But when He is in it, it is actually pretty smooth and pretty easy. That is how obedience is. Even with our children, it is always easier when they just listen. When they obey what we say without a fight, it is so much smoother.
I am in a time of stretching. God is stretching me in new ways. And a lot of it has to do with trusting this whisper of the Holy Spirit. Trusting that God truly is holding our family in His hands.
God's timing is crazy.
We have been trying to get in the building for years, and all of a sudden...it is coming to completion. Every day, Lee is excited to tell us the new thing that has been done. Every time I go to the building, there is something different. But the timing is perfect. Never early. Always right on time.
We have lived in the same house for seven years. Slowly, we are selling things and it is feeling empty. But God is providing buyers, so that we will have finances on the other side to start again. The very fact that the landlord is ready to take the house back now...right when we feel it is time to go. God's timing is so perfect.
Kailey's adoption was right on time. The very last day that it needed to happen, it did. And we are believing the same for Aviya. Although this blind faith is difficult at times, when we are walking through it, hindsight is always easier.
Please do continue to pray for the transition of LifeNet. We are in such an exciting time. Every week, I can't wait to see what God is going to do. Which also makes it sad to leave. But I am confident that God will take the church to even greater places once we leave. I am excited as I am seeing new leadership stepping up.
Also, please pray for the next place for our family. It is so nervous not knowing where God will send us next. But we do believe God holds our little family in the palm of His hand. He knows our hearts' desire to be close to our big kids and our parents. And we await the good plans He has for us.
Monday, February 5, 2018
I am doing a new thing
In 2001, Lee and I had been married nine years. We had two beautiful children. Tori was 2 and Josh was 5. We had pastored two churches ( the second one was a plant). In May of that year, we released the church but did not have direction what the next step was. Ministry had been hard on us. We were weary. I did not want us to be in full time ministry anymore. We moved in with Lees parents for a time of just asking God what was next.
It was during this season that I remember feeling discouraged. It was during this season that we met a man who has remained one of our greatest mentors. He never could have known then, but what his words of encouragement did for us. Our lives could have gone a very different way. But he believed we could do it. We could try again. We could plant another church. And we went on to plant two more healthy churches and see both moved into a building before the Lord releasing us.
This weekend, Dennis and Patsy Easter came to Belize. It was their 49 th anniversary and they came and blessed us. They blessed me in such deep ways.
I kept looking at Dennis as he ministered to our leaders, took our pastoral staff to dinner and ministered again on Sunday morning and could not believe he was really here. And his wife, Patsy, so down to earth and loving and encouraging to me. How she understood things about my life that her words just breathed life and energy into me. Dennis is a brilliant man. His ministry was annointed. I hung on every word as I felt God speaking through him to me.
Sunday morning, he spoke on Isaiah 43:18-19
The message was for our congregation but so perfect for what Lee and I are walking through.
Right now, I am sitting on a beautiful balcony overlooking the ocean.
Dennis and Patsy have and continue to support Lee and I here in Belize. Their desire was to take our family on a vacation so we could recharge for this final sprint of our journey. The heartbreaking part is that Patsy got sick and they had to go home. But allowed us to still stay here lwith our girls.
We would not have had a vacation now. Not here. Not like this. But God used them to bless us so we could just be as a family. We have so many big changes coming.
God is doing a new thing at LifeNet. We are so excited. But he is also do a new thing in our family. And we are excited about that too.
We are so thankful that He goes before us. He prepares us for what’s coming. He prepares the place we are going.
I sat on the beach this morning watching my girls attempt to body surf and having the time of their lives. Feeling that we don’t deserve this. And God just smiled and told me to soak it all in. To enjoy what He is doing for us. So I am.
It was during this season that I remember feeling discouraged. It was during this season that we met a man who has remained one of our greatest mentors. He never could have known then, but what his words of encouragement did for us. Our lives could have gone a very different way. But he believed we could do it. We could try again. We could plant another church. And we went on to plant two more healthy churches and see both moved into a building before the Lord releasing us.
This weekend, Dennis and Patsy Easter came to Belize. It was their 49 th anniversary and they came and blessed us. They blessed me in such deep ways.
I kept looking at Dennis as he ministered to our leaders, took our pastoral staff to dinner and ministered again on Sunday morning and could not believe he was really here. And his wife, Patsy, so down to earth and loving and encouraging to me. How she understood things about my life that her words just breathed life and energy into me. Dennis is a brilliant man. His ministry was annointed. I hung on every word as I felt God speaking through him to me.
Sunday morning, he spoke on Isaiah 43:18-19
Isaiah 43:18-19 New International Version (NIV)
18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
Right now, I am sitting on a beautiful balcony overlooking the ocean.
Dennis and Patsy have and continue to support Lee and I here in Belize. Their desire was to take our family on a vacation so we could recharge for this final sprint of our journey. The heartbreaking part is that Patsy got sick and they had to go home. But allowed us to still stay here lwith our girls.
We would not have had a vacation now. Not here. Not like this. But God used them to bless us so we could just be as a family. We have so many big changes coming.
God is doing a new thing at LifeNet. We are so excited. But he is also do a new thing in our family. And we are excited about that too.
We are so thankful that He goes before us. He prepares us for what’s coming. He prepares the place we are going.
I sat on the beach this morning watching my girls attempt to body surf and having the time of their lives. Feeling that we don’t deserve this. And God just smiled and told me to soak it all in. To enjoy what He is doing for us. So I am.
Trust
I think of how as a child, if we grow up in a stable home, we just trust. As a child, I always knew my parents would take care of me. I never knew hunger. I always had a safe place to stay. Even during times of transition.
Several people have asked me how am I doing. Not knowing what’s next. And honestly, I am totally covered in His peace. I’m in a season of feeling God very close to me. Or I’m close to Him. I have no idea where I’ll live in six months, but I am peaceful. I love worship. You know that by now I’d you’ve read my blog. God speaks to me so powerfully as I worship at church or alone.
My current favorite song is, “I am no victim.” Here’s the link if you want to listen. I am no victim
This particular verse just keeps playing over and over in my spirit.
I do not know where we will go next. I know that my Father God knows Lee and my giftings. I know that He also knows the desires of my heart. I know that He has never let me down. And that He loves our family. And that is just the most beautiful place to be.
Several people have asked me how am I doing. Not knowing what’s next. And honestly, I am totally covered in His peace. I’m in a season of feeling God very close to me. Or I’m close to Him. I have no idea where I’ll live in six months, but I am peaceful. I love worship. You know that by now I’d you’ve read my blog. God speaks to me so powerfully as I worship at church or alone.
My current favorite song is, “I am no victim.” Here’s the link if you want to listen. I am no victim
This particular verse just keeps playing over and over in my spirit.
Cause He is my Father, I do not wonder
If His plans for me are good
If He'll come through like He should
'Cause He is provision and enough wisdom
To usher in my brightest days
To turn my mourning into praise
I do not know where we will go next. I know that my Father God knows Lee and my giftings. I know that He also knows the desires of my heart. I know that He has never let me down. And that He loves our family. And that is just the most beautiful place to be.
Thursday, February 1, 2018
Mission Accomplished
This is what I feel the Lord telling me these days. It is a weird place to be...the transition. But I feel like He has been telling me thank you for doing what I sent you here to do.
Seven years ago tomorrow, we got up in freezing cold temps, with two kids throwing up, a dog in a carrier, an active preschooler and seven suitcases and many carry-ons and headed to the airport before dawn. Just a few hours later, we landed in Belize City. We were already weary, but thankfully were greeted by missionary friends who just loved on us and welcomed us into this new, very hot life that God has called us to. We spent the first night with them and it was a friendship that we really treasured over the years.
Even that first day, we felt the beginning of the spiritual battles that we would endure over the years. Our poor kids. But we survived and only were made stronger through each experience.
The next day, we came and moved into a hotel for seven days. We went and ate lunch at a restaurant of a couple that would become one of our first families in the church. I just met with her yesterday and she shared how they look to us as parents and how much they will miss us. God called us to be spiritual mom and dads to the Belizean people. To teach them what healthy, real, godly families look like. And we have many sons and daughters now here in Belize. So many young women that I love like a daughter. Lee has so many sons. So many marriages that we have walked through hard times with and seen them come out victorious. I think we have also taught what a healthy church should look like.
Today, Lee posted the newest picture of the new building. It is still a little surreal. For so long, we worked and worked on raising funds for the building. For so long, we prayed to be in the new building. Now, it is all happening. Lee and Kudzai are overwhelmingly busy as things are moving at the building and pastoring the church. But I am so thankful we are still here for this part. That we get to see the dream come to completion. To see what God asked us to do, come about. It is the most beautiful thing.
Coming and leaving. It is always such a long process. Today, I looked at an apartment for our final months here. I am not sure if we will get that one. But the landlord is who we had for a month seven years ago. She remembered us well. She couldn't believe how big Erika is. As we sell all of our things, figure out what to ship home, there are just so many details to deal with. Yet, I feel peaceful in the midst of it all. I feel God's arms around me in a deeper way than I have in a while. Just a sweet contentment in the season we are in.
I want us to leave in a healthy way. And I feel that we are. I feel that God has been in every step of the transition. I feel that the people at LifeNet are at peace, as well. There has just been such a sweet presence of the Lord in our services lately. The set up of our current sanctuary is intimate. Something that was lacking at George Price. I am thankful that we had someplace to rent all of those years, but there is something about worshiping in your own home. Being able to set the atmosphere. Not the sterility of a rented facility.
God is so amazing. I am so grateful to Him for the way He has been just so faithful to Lee and I all of these years. How He is faithful to Josh and Tori at their college. Tori calls me all the time and just tells me how thankful she is for where she is at. I love that she wants to share what she is learning in class or at chapel. God knew that SAGU would be the perfect place for our kids to land after years on the mission field.
Please continue to pray for LifeNet, that they will go to the next level without us!
Please pray for our family, as we don't know what is next. We pray that soon we will have some direction. Pray as we integrate our children into a very different culture over the next year. We are excited to see where God will use us next.
Seven years ago tomorrow, we got up in freezing cold temps, with two kids throwing up, a dog in a carrier, an active preschooler and seven suitcases and many carry-ons and headed to the airport before dawn. Just a few hours later, we landed in Belize City. We were already weary, but thankfully were greeted by missionary friends who just loved on us and welcomed us into this new, very hot life that God has called us to. We spent the first night with them and it was a friendship that we really treasured over the years.
Even that first day, we felt the beginning of the spiritual battles that we would endure over the years. Our poor kids. But we survived and only were made stronger through each experience.
The next day, we came and moved into a hotel for seven days. We went and ate lunch at a restaurant of a couple that would become one of our first families in the church. I just met with her yesterday and she shared how they look to us as parents and how much they will miss us. God called us to be spiritual mom and dads to the Belizean people. To teach them what healthy, real, godly families look like. And we have many sons and daughters now here in Belize. So many young women that I love like a daughter. Lee has so many sons. So many marriages that we have walked through hard times with and seen them come out victorious. I think we have also taught what a healthy church should look like.
Today, Lee posted the newest picture of the new building. It is still a little surreal. For so long, we worked and worked on raising funds for the building. For so long, we prayed to be in the new building. Now, it is all happening. Lee and Kudzai are overwhelmingly busy as things are moving at the building and pastoring the church. But I am so thankful we are still here for this part. That we get to see the dream come to completion. To see what God asked us to do, come about. It is the most beautiful thing.
Coming and leaving. It is always such a long process. Today, I looked at an apartment for our final months here. I am not sure if we will get that one. But the landlord is who we had for a month seven years ago. She remembered us well. She couldn't believe how big Erika is. As we sell all of our things, figure out what to ship home, there are just so many details to deal with. Yet, I feel peaceful in the midst of it all. I feel God's arms around me in a deeper way than I have in a while. Just a sweet contentment in the season we are in.
I want us to leave in a healthy way. And I feel that we are. I feel that God has been in every step of the transition. I feel that the people at LifeNet are at peace, as well. There has just been such a sweet presence of the Lord in our services lately. The set up of our current sanctuary is intimate. Something that was lacking at George Price. I am thankful that we had someplace to rent all of those years, but there is something about worshiping in your own home. Being able to set the atmosphere. Not the sterility of a rented facility.
God is so amazing. I am so grateful to Him for the way He has been just so faithful to Lee and I all of these years. How He is faithful to Josh and Tori at their college. Tori calls me all the time and just tells me how thankful she is for where she is at. I love that she wants to share what she is learning in class or at chapel. God knew that SAGU would be the perfect place for our kids to land after years on the mission field.
Please continue to pray for LifeNet, that they will go to the next level without us!
Please pray for our family, as we don't know what is next. We pray that soon we will have some direction. Pray as we integrate our children into a very different culture over the next year. We are excited to see where God will use us next.
Tuesday, January 30, 2018
As the House Empties
So much has happened since my last post. Our house feels a little emptier. We are beginning to sell some of the bigger furniture. Today, we sold my dish set and one of our kitchen tables. Dinner will be cozier now. We have sold everything outside. We are just waiting for the office to be picked up this week. Our back yard is so empty. Our porches are empty. The wooden deck is empty. It is weird. The bedrooms are beginning to empty and fill with the plastic crates we moved here with. They have been stored for seven years and were very dirty. The 11 year olds and Lee have cleaned them and brought inside as we begin to pack what we will ship. It is definitely here.
Its funny. There have been times over the years, when we have gone through some pretty hard struggles, that I was just ready to go home. But now that it is here, my heart is heavy. As
I go about my errands, I realize it will soon be different. I have relationships where I shop. I go to the produce stand where the ladies know me well. They know my girls. I smell the small bakery behind and walk around and get some wheat rolls for dinner. The owner also knows me well. I go to the grocery store where I have the same check out lady each time. Belmopan is small. I will miss these relationships that I have everywhere I go. People who know me. Know my family.
Today, I met with a friend over tea. Tomorrow, I will have coffee with one of the first ladies we started the church with. What I will miss most are the people who have become my family. I want to cherish time with them, more than anything. Lee is so super crazy busy. We are so thankful for the progress on the building, but it also just adds to his and the new pastor's busyness.
A lot of missionaries don't make it long in Belize. It is tough here for Americans. But its kind of like once you make it, get through some of the trials and survive, that you don't want to leave. It has become my home. I belong now. Yes, I still sometimes feel like an outsider because of the color of my skin. But also, not so much here in Belmopan. Because people know me here. These people who I was once so foreign to, have become my people, my city, my home.
Please pray for us as we begin a new journey. We do not know where the Lord will send us next and that is a little scary. Yet, we are covered in His peace. That is what is so cool about serving the Lord. We know that wherever He sends us, He has ordained. We know that He has gone before us. And we are so grateful for that.
Its funny. There have been times over the years, when we have gone through some pretty hard struggles, that I was just ready to go home. But now that it is here, my heart is heavy. As
I go about my errands, I realize it will soon be different. I have relationships where I shop. I go to the produce stand where the ladies know me well. They know my girls. I smell the small bakery behind and walk around and get some wheat rolls for dinner. The owner also knows me well. I go to the grocery store where I have the same check out lady each time. Belmopan is small. I will miss these relationships that I have everywhere I go. People who know me. Know my family.
Today, I met with a friend over tea. Tomorrow, I will have coffee with one of the first ladies we started the church with. What I will miss most are the people who have become my family. I want to cherish time with them, more than anything. Lee is so super crazy busy. We are so thankful for the progress on the building, but it also just adds to his and the new pastor's busyness.
A lot of missionaries don't make it long in Belize. It is tough here for Americans. But its kind of like once you make it, get through some of the trials and survive, that you don't want to leave. It has become my home. I belong now. Yes, I still sometimes feel like an outsider because of the color of my skin. But also, not so much here in Belmopan. Because people know me here. These people who I was once so foreign to, have become my people, my city, my home.
Please pray for us as we begin a new journey. We do not know where the Lord will send us next and that is a little scary. Yet, we are covered in His peace. That is what is so cool about serving the Lord. We know that wherever He sends us, He has ordained. We know that He has gone before us. And we are so grateful for that.
The Journey Home
**I started this a couple weeks ago, but could not log into my account. Thanks to Lee for fixing it:)
1/17/18
The Journey Home
In two weeks, we will have lived in Belize for seven years. That is a really long time. This Sunday, Lee will announce that we are beginning the process of going home. There are so many things going on that it overwhelms me. Yet, I also have peace.
We have built a life here over these years. We have added two more children to our family. We have birthed a church of people, who have become our dearest friends. There are areas of faith that have been tested and gone so much deeper in these years. God has always been faithful. No matter what.
As I was bringing in the laundry, that has been drying outside, I thought that I will probably not do that in America. It is so different there. I don’t have to worry about the ridiculous electricity costs there. But I’ve kind of grown to love my times of hanging laundry...on nice days like today. It gets me outside. I check for snakes as I step carefully. Although in seven years, I have never seen one. I check the lime tree to see if there might even be just one. Because they always seem better from my own tree.
I look where the trampoline once was. It sold quickly. I look at the picnic table that has hosted many Net gatherings of youth, smores parties, serious meetings. Soon, it will be gone too. I see the empty office, as the guys have moved over to the new building. So different to not see Lee all day long, or only for a quick lunch. We are in a different season.
We will have our first garage sale in a couple weeks. We are trying to go through things. What to trash. What to ship back and mostly what to try to sell. We need to sell so much so that we will have finances on the other side as we once again start over.
And where will that be, Lord? We have very little material wise left in Texas. Some ornaments, a few special dishes and pictures. Our worldly possessions lost their meaning when we were told to “Go”. I grieved during that time, giving up what we had accumulated over the 18 years. But also began to realize it is freeing when you have less “things”.
So, once again, we begin the journey of getting rid of stuff. We will sell our furniture, appliances. Things are worn out. Belize has been tough on our things. Our sheets are in bad shape. Clothes that have been washed too much and blankets that have holes in them. We will just keep the best. The things that are still usable.
Sunday will bear many emotions. There will be deep sadness. Some people do not know at all. Others know, but not how soon. We will cry and learn to savor the last months with those we love. I feel like I have a deeper understanding of Tori’s journey last spring. I thought she would be excited to go. Back to America. Back to an easier life. Back to Air conditioning. LOL. But although that life sounds fun, we have a life here too. And there is deep sadness in leaving. Being a missionary, your heart is in two places. You long to go HOME to your family. But you also long to stay where you have built a new home.
We have rented this house for seven years. Although I have not decorated it like I would have a more permanent home, it still bears our mark. The pictures on the wall are my kids, my family. The table that we have eaten so many meals together with family and invited guests. The living room that we have celebrated seven years of birthdays and Christmases and Easter egg hunts and nighttime prayers. The bedrooms where many years of homeschooling have happened. Victories and frustrations. Our home has been a refuge for the hurting. A living room that has housed countless teens over the years in a weekly small group. God’s presence has been in this home in the form of his people. There are many memories. Trials we have walked through as a family and answers to prayer celebrated.
Today, I have gone through drawers. Three of us have lived here seven years. One has lived here almost 4 and the other almost 2. We each have to process this journey. For each of us it is a different journey.
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