What is He up to?

This morning, I am just in this strange place.  Not knowing where we are going next.  It is a new, deeper level of faith for us.  We don't have any idea what is next for our family.

I am having dreams like crazy.  God is doing new things in me spiritually.  And all I can do is think, "What are you up to, God?"

I feel like He is stretching Lee and I in new ways.  Once again, we are having to learn to be flexible.  The nester in me is tired.  I want a beautiful home with all the luxuries I have lived without for the past years...but I moreso want to be in the middle of where God wants us to be.  I want my kids to be "safe", but then I see how much living here, where it wasn't always safe, was so good for my older two.  It built trust in God.  They have a very real relationship with their Father in Heaven because sometimes it is all we have had.

I have done so much reflecting over the past seven years, especially as we celebrated the Anniversary of LifeNet last week.  God has done so many amazing things.  But for every miracle, a battle in the spiritual realm preceded it.  But every battle has been worth it.  I have had many dreams of my "spritual children" lately.  It is crazy, but I think God just reminding me that every sacrifice has been worth it.

In America, I was so protected from real, raw hurt.  Here, I face it every time I leave my gate.  It is all around me.  I understand more why desperate people do desperate things.  I have a greater understanding what poverty does to a person.  And how it affects future generations.  I struggle to understand the amount of money spent on drugs and alcohol when there are starving babies at home.  But I see how those strongholds make people not care.  Sometimes my heart is so heavy, that I feel it will burst.  But then, I realize that is when the Lord is building deeper compassion and understanding in me.

There is a popular saying in the adoption world.  "I can't change the world, but I can change the world for one child."  Sometimes we deal with situations or we visit old living places of my adopted children and realize that their world is so different simply because Lee and I said yes.  And our lives are different too.  They are stretched and pulled.  Sometimes I am so overwhelmed and wish for an easier journey, but then I see...God is birthing in me deep compassion and I am learning what the word Grace means.

This place of trusting God for our next steps.  Selling all we have and not knowing where it is that we are going.  Knowing that the next time we come back to Belize, we will not have this "home" we have lived in for seven years.  It is a strange place.  But also a place where God has every opportunity to direct our every step.