Lots of Emotions These Past Weeks

There has been so much going on these past few weeks, that I only can describe it as emotional.   There have been such extreme highs and lows.  Victories and losses.  Sometimes I have been overwhelmed by it all and just wanted to cry.  There have been completion to things we have been working on for years...so it should all be excitement, right?

My blog has always been very candid.  Where I share the heart of what living on the mission field is really like.

While we rejoiced in the victory of Kailey's full adoption and Aviya's provisonal adoption two weeks ago, there is also this tinge of sadness as we did not have our family with us.  Our older kids gone to college, very much wishing they would have been here as we went out to eat to celebrate.

The party was a tremendous blessing the following week.  Where we were missing our family, God showed up powerful as our Belizean family filled our home.  There literally was no extra space.  People everywhere to celebrate with us and pray with us over our beautiful Belizean daughters.  Yes, there were some Americans here, but it was mostly Belizeans.  The Belizeans who have become our deepest friends and family over these past seven years.

The end of last week was Tori's birthday.  Another high/low for me.  There were tears over the fact that I could not be physically with her on her special day.  But there were also tears of joy that our family would drive all the way up to have lunch with her at college.  A great sacrifice of love that she and I will never forget.  That was also the day Lee and I received our nationalization.  We are now officially Belizean.  Again, an exciting moment, but no family here to share the joy.  We went out to eat as a family that night to celebrate.  It was fun, but a little lonely.

The other emotional battle right now is that my dad is sick.  He is going through chemotherapy.  It is brutal and recently he had to stay overnight in the hospital.  It is painful to see my mom and dad going through this and me not being there to help.   I rejoice when they get a good report or when mom tells me he is doing good.  But I'm sad when I hear of his struggles.  I have the best dad in the world and pray that when the chemo is done, his strength is rebuilt.  I pray and believe for healing for him every day.

The journey on the mission field is hard to describe.  Sometimes it feels like we miss so much back home.  Sometimes it feels like we are alone here in our rejoicing.  But then the Lord reminds us that He has given us a special family here as well.

The emotions of the past few weeks have been a little overwhelming for me.  Real life still continues.  Meeting with women in the church, homeschool, laundry, cooking, Sunday morning celebration, dance class.  Life continues amidst all the things.

This week, FMI highlighted our family.  It was kind of crazy time in the midst of so many other things going on.

I am thankful that the Lord allows us to have emotions and feel.  I am glad that our lives are fulls of the joys and sorrows.  We wouldn't appreciate life if every day was the same.  We look back and see so much clearer.

Adoption Celebration

This Sunday  morning is one of our biggest as a church.   Community of Cultures is always a packed out house.  It is the highlight of our year as we celebrate the different cultures of our church people.  

Then Sunday evening, will be a big celebration for our family.  Its hard to believe it has been seven years since we adopted Erika.

I'm excited about this time being a special time with our family here in Belize.  Those who have walked with us day by day.  Those who have prayed with us and believed with us.  It is a celebration for everyone of answered prayers.  The people coming to this party deeply love our girls.  I will miss our parents, siblings and especially Josh and Tori.

So, I wanted to share what I will be saying about our journey, before we pray over the girls on Sunday.  It will be a dedication of sorts.

Kailey Isabel means "laurel", "crown", "princess" and "devoted to God".  She is truly a beautiful princess who lives her life for the Lord.

Aviya Hope means "my father is God" and "expectation" or "firm assurance".  Aviya knows who she is in Christ and is a girl full of joy and hope.  She chose to change her name and we love it!

This is what I will be sharing::

I want to thank each of you for coming tonight.  You were invited because you have been a support to Lee and I, our girls, our family.  We rejoice in the adoption.  We invited you to rejoice and celebrate with us, but also to pray over the children the Lord has blessed us with.

Ephesians 1:4-5 New King James Version (NKJV)

4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 5 having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will,

GOD LOVES ADOPTION.  I love adoption.  Since I was very small, I always wanted to adopt.  My older sister was adopted.

In 2007, we met a beautiful 14 month old little girl that was in foster care and needed a family.  The moment I met her I knew I was her mom.  The journey to adoption took almost two years, but I “adopted” her the moment I first held her.  I felt that our family was complete.  

During that journey, was when the Lord called our family to move to Belize.  

In 2013, we were at Marla’s with a mission team.  We came to Belize with no intention of growing our family anymore.  BUT GOD.  When Kailey’s name was mentioned, the Holy Spirit came over me, Tori and Lee, like a wind.  I barely knew who she was, but I will never question that God spoke in that moment that she was my daughter.  One other thing is that before we even moved here, when Tori was 11, God had given her a vision in worship one day.  It was of a girl who was about her age, who needed a home.  The Lord told Tori that she needed to share her room, share her clothes and that the Lord would use this girl.  When God spoke to us that day at Marla’s, I remembered Tori’s vision that she had written down and we went back and looked.   I never knew it would take 4 ½ years to complete the adoption.  But the journey is a celebration of the faithfulness of the God we serve.  When God speaks something, He will bring it to completion.

The journey of adoption has been just as much about what God has done in Lee and I, as what He has done in the lives of our girls.

Faith is easy when everything is going great.  But when it is hard, we want to give up.

Do we trust what God said or not?

It took a year for Kailey to be able to move into our home.  We would sometimes have her on weekends, sometimes not.  The waiting was hard.  I still do not understand all the reasons.  But Kailey was older, so the transition was harder for her.  We are so excited in what the Lord has done in Kailey and how she has longed to be adopted by us.  We love her very deeply.

Last year, in 2016, we were at a Marlas fundraiser.  Shelly Usher spoke of her journey of adoption and one of the things she said, was that we needed to ask ourselves, “do we have room for one more?”  Also on that night, for the first time, Aviya stood out to me.  Her smile, her energy, her joy as she danced to “When Jesus Says Yes”...The Lord has used that song repeatedly along our journey to adopt Aviya.  The next day at church, again Aviya came over and randomly started talking to me.  She did not know that Kailey had once lived at Marla’s or that we had adopted Erika.  She was so curious and wanted to know the scoop.  My heart was so drawn to her...

A couple weeks later, we went to Texas for our regular one month itinerary.  Every single day, God whispered Aviya’s name in my ear...and Lee’s ear.  Everywhere we went, I felt the Lord say that the next time, we would have Aviya with us.  He told me over and over again, YOU HAVE ROOM FOR ONE MORE.  Room in the van, room in your house, room in your heart.  He would not let it go.  

God is never early.  Literally every deadline, we have needed with these girls has been right on time.  God has intervened and we have seen miracle after miracle.

Sometimes along the journey, it would be so discouraging.  Dealing with the system.  Questioning why they would allow certain things.  But then looking back, I can truly see that the Lord has always had our girls’ best interest at heart.  Visitation that allowed closure where needed.  

No child wants to need to be adopted.  But God loves those children so much that He will move the heart of a family...that was only going to have two children...to adopt.

This is our journey.  Many of you know the stories, but I wanted to share:)

Sigh of Relief

Have you ever been fighting a battle for so long, that when it is over, you are just kind of in shock?

Wednesday, we became citizens of Belize.   There will be a ceremony later, but this was literally the "nick of time".

The adoption for Kailey was final yesterday, two days before her 17th birthday, also the "nick of time."

Aviya was granted a provisional adoption which will become final in six months, because she has not lived with us as long as Kailey.

The weeks and months preceding this week, we have fought some ferocious battles.  And it seems that the victories never come early, but at the final hour.

This morning, we had our women's breakfast and during the teaching, I was just thinking, why am I not jumping up and down and running around this place?  All of the things we have been asking for the Lord are coming about.  

Four and a half years ago, God spoke powerfully, literally with a gust of wind, and told me to adopt Kailey.  That she was my daughter.  The journey we have taken has been long.  For her, as well.  But God.  

But yesterday, we legally adopted Kailey.  THIS IS HUGE.  It is what we have been working toward for so long.  Because we feel that ADOPTION is important.  We have loved Kailey deeply.  But this is the thing...she is now our daughter now in every sense of the word.  She can have the same opportunities and blessings as our other children.  We can make decisions for her and do not have to rely on Human Services anymore.  God is so great.  And we are so thankful.

And this girl?  A year and a half ago, the Lord told us we had room for "one more".   She radiates joy wherever she goes.  By her own choosing, she wanted to change her name to Aviya Hope and it fits her so perfectly.   We know that God has great plans for ALL of our children.  

So I guess we are that family who adopted a bunch of kids:)  We have two amazing and beautiful birth children that my heart is so proud of.  And now we have three amazing and beautiful daughters through adoption.  And we are blessed for it.

During the journey and times of waiting, the Lord spoke to me through so many different songs.  One song in particular that spoke to me is "Take Courage" by Bethel.

Here it is if you are waiting for something...

Tori and I were texting back and forth all day yesterday.  It was such a stressful day.  We were preparing to go to court in Belize City at 1:30.  I was straightening the little girls hair and we were getting dressed up to leave at 12.  We found out at ten minutes before 11, that court had moved up to 11, and we could not make it.  It was so frustrating.  Just waiting.   Not knowing.  Wanting to be there.  The attorney's assistant called us at one point, making us even more anxious.  But during that time, I played this song.  Minutes later, Tori texted me and said they sang this song in chapel and she cried, as we had waited so long.  Because Tori was as invested in this journey as we are, she wanted to know her sisters had been adopted.

But today we rise in the Victory.   Jesus won yesterday.  Kailey was fully adopted just in time.  And Aviya's will be final soon.  Waiting is so hard, but He teaches us so many things along the journey.

I feel like when I look back over my life how fostering and adopting children has taught me so much about the Lord.  About how He will rescue children and restore very deep things.  I think about how we have a choice to obey when He tells us to do something.  That we have a choice not to listen.  But there are such great blessings in obedience.  It does not mean the path is always easy.  There are ups and downs.  There are spiritual battles that we would rather not fight.  But really, it is God who fights the battles for us.  We just have to remember that we are opening up ourselves to these battles when we foster and adopt.  But it is worth it.  And we would want someone to do it for us:)

So today, although its a busy day, I take my sigh of relief...

How does Adoption Day feel?

Last night before bed, there was such excitement in this house.  I had a hard time sleeping last night...thinking about today.   It is a day we have talked about and waited for so long.

This morning, I woke up and got the girls breakfast from the bakery, just for fun.

But what does it feel like?  When you were told 4 1/2 years ago to adopt a child...and it is finally here?  When you were told 1 1/2 years ago to adopt another one?  That you probably wouldn't have considered if the other adoption had been completed?

Last night, I led Net Group on understanding God's voice.  One thing I am confident is Him telling us three very specific times to adopt.  Three very specific and very different ways, He wooed us to love one of His children who needed a family.  And these girls have become my family.  Today is just a formality of what God has already done.  But an important formality.

Today, there won't be a lot of chores done.  We will only do a few subjects in school this morning, but it is going to be more of a relaxing day of just enjoying the blessing God has given us.  Today we will become a family of SEVEN.   

Many times, people ask me, do you love your adopted girls like Josh and Tori?  This is a hard question, because what I have discovered is love comes softly and differently, but it is love, nonetheless.  Yesterday, I had a "date" with Kailey.  On the way home from Mexico, we stopped at the school where she spent many years.  It was a cool experience.  But she told me that seems like a different life to her.  I think it speaks a lot of the healing power of Jesus.   And the longer she has spent in our home, we have become her way of life.  We have become her family in every sense.  I remember when she first moved in, she was afraid to pray aloud at night.  And now, how she is the oldest in our home, running the show, telling the littler girls what to do.  I love Kailey very deeply.  She brings such great joy to my heart.  I am so proud to call her my daughter.  Her teacher from years ago described Kailey perfectly.  She said she had such a sweetness and worked very hard at school.  These are two of the things that I see in her as well.  Sunday, we will celebrate her 17th birthday, and thankfully, we will celebrate her being a Brockinton as well!!

Aviya is a child that is easy to love.  All who know her fall in love with her smile, her joy, her excitement for life.  She deeply loves our family and we love her.  Because of her being younger, affection has always come easy.  Sometimes I feel like she needs more affection to make up for years that she did not get it.  Erika and Aviya are the same age, but they are so different in personality.  Their likes and dislikes are so different.  But the blessing is that they really enjoy doing things together.  It is a journey for Erika not to be the youngest and not to get all the attention.  But I do think she has enjoyed having someone to play with:)  I deeply love my Aviya...my last child...the one that the Lord said we had room for one more...

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with all of my children.  Even though two are off at college, they are always on my heart.  But I consider it my greatest joy as well.   Today, I will wear my charm bracelet, which is a little old fashioned, but one of my favorite material things:)  It has one for my marriage and five beautiful charms with all of my children's name and birthdays.  When I wear it, I always feel like I have them with me, even the two that are far away.  I look down and the name that I see I begin to pray for.  I love my children and and so thankful that today, I will have two more.

Today is a little sad as well.  As we prepare to go to the courthouse, I am missing my two oldest children.  I am missing my and Lee's parents.  With Erika, we had so many people there to support us and today it will be just us.  But I rejoice that in a few weeks, our whole family will be together for Christmas and we will all be Brockintons this year.

My 44th Birthday

I'm in a season of life where all I want for my bday is to go away for a night.   There is something about having someone else take care of my kids for an evening and next day.

I slept so good last night.   I woke up and didn't even remember where I was.   There is something about the comfort of a hotel.   Sleeping in AC.  I'm used to sleeping to the whirr of fans and dogs barking in the night.  Motorcycles racing up and down the street.   I'm used to these things, but the quiet and darkness of our getaway.   Just the relaxation of not having a time to get up.   Or children to tend to.  I slept so good last night.

And then this new place we have found serves complementary breakfast with free room service.   So, I enjoyed the best Belizean breakfast in bed this morning.  It was glorious.   They have a garden here and all of the food is scrumptious as it's homemade goodness.   The freshest johnny cakes I've ever had with smooth retried beans.   Yes, I love the Belizean way of breakfast.   We also got a beautiful fruit plate with watermelon, pineapple, dragon fruit, guava.   Fresh jellies were brought for the johnny cakes.

Today, we will enjoy a leisurely lunch overlooking beautiful San Ignacio.   It's always a little strange to me when we are tourists in the country we serve.   The place we came on several mission trips as our two oldest children were growing up.  A place where we had long, sweaty days where we gave it all we had and then slept soundly at night.   Streets we walked many times, but now that are our home.

I always hesitate to share on my blog the treats of mission life.   But this morning, I just woke up with a full heart.  Mission life is hard.   In my Net on Thursday, my Net leader talked about dying to our flesh to follow Jesus and then pointed me out.   She realizes the cost of mission life...even though she is Belizean.  She realizes there is cost to my family living here.   But where you give your life to Him, there are also blessings.

I feel that Lee and my marriage has been tested and stretched and challenged like no other the last seven years.  But the blessing?   We have a deeper, stronger marriage now than ever before.

Living without AC in a very hot climate has challenged me in ways that I cannot explain.  But you know what?   I've survived.  And I've realized what a strong person I am.  And that strength comes from the Lord.   I have cried out to Him so many times.  And every time He's been faithful.

When Erika's hands were hurt, I remember standing next to her as she lay on the bed and cried and sometimes screamed.  I prayed God would protect her from disease and infection as I worried how dirty the ER room was.  I prayed for the doctors to sew her up properly (as I was planning my trip to the states with her in my head).  I prayed for God to help me when I felt so weak and helpless and sad and angry.  And He was faithful.   He helped us every step of the way.   And we survived.

So this overnight, getting away, is a blessing from the Lord.   We will stay until checkout and just relax.   We will thank Him that a man in our church got us a free upgrade.  We will appreciate Him providing someone to stay with our girls so I could relax.  And I will rejoice that even though there is much sacrifice in living on the mission field, we have also been blessed to stay at some beautiful places for an off season price.  

It has been a great 44th birthday.

Do you drink alcohol?

I am asked this question so much.  Just this week, by a member of a team who was visiting Belize and helping with our building.  When I was on the plane flying home this summer, I was asked by an unbeliever.  Even my children sometimes ask.  This summer, Tori asked me if we were on a cruise or in a destination that noone would know Dad and I, would I drink an alcoholic beverage?

Spending time in my devotional this morning, it also made me think about this question.

Sometimes the reason we do or do not do something is more than just about us.  It is about those watching us.  Our walk with the Lord is not just about us.  And I am not talking to just leaders, but all believers.  Because we are being watched by our children, our neighbors and even people we do not know.

I grew up in a Christian home where my parents occasionally drank, but never got drunk.  Once they went to Bible college, they did not drink anymore.  I was never around drunkenness until I moved to Belize.  I never dealt so heavily with the destruction of alcohol until I moved here.  So, my stance on alcohol has only become deeper.  It is a personal conviction.

Lee and I have never drank alcohol.  Except for the sip of wine where Jesus turned water into wine in Israel.   When we were about to celebrate our first anniversary, I was babysitting a seven year old girl and took her to the grocery store with me.  I picked up some Welch's grape juice in a celebratory bottle and she got so upset.  She said, "Even you and Pastor Lee drink?"   Because she had an alcoholic father at home, it was very upsetting that we, her children's pastors might drink.  I explained that it was only juice, but realized how you never know how you are affecting people around you.

Since moving to Belize, we have dealt with children who have been abused because of alcohol.  We know women who have babies because of alcohol (with damage to the poor baby).  We know women who live in fear because of never knowing when their husband will come home drunk and beat them.  Just this week, we took the team to eat, and there were men, who should have been home with their families, just sitting in a bar and drinking all night.  This part of alcohol...the drunkenness, is clearly a sin in the Word.   

So, why do we not sometimes just share some wine or drink a beer now and then?  Because as long as we did not get drunk, it would not be sin?  Because someone would see.   Someone is watching always.   And they do not know how many drinks we have had.  And my taking a drink is just a reminder possibly to deep pain in their life.   By choosing not to drink, it is not only for me, it is also for my children.  It is for those children who know the very negative effects that alcohol has.  It is reminder of hunger pains, because the man of the house drank up the grocery money.  It is a reminder of the physical pain that was endured because the man or woman was not thinking clearly when they acted out on the child.

My devotional this morning talked of FREEDOM in walking in God's ways.  That God's ways are not to put us in bondage, but rather free us.  Satan will tell us that we can "live on the edge" of the world.  But I choose to be in this world and not of it.

My life is happier, more secure, more stable because of it.

I do not need alcohol to make me feel better, forget things, loosen up.

This is why Lee and I do not drink Alcohol:)

Meals

Food prep is this whole "thing" when you are a mom.  I feel like living on the mission field and homeschooling ups it a notch.   I always am having to think ahead what our meals will be.  There is no running to McDonalds if I don't plan ahead.  I cannot buy ready made food at the store here.   When I pack a lunch, there are no lunchables for the kids.  So typically I cook a few big meals and then we will have a few leftovers for when times get busy.   

Today is a cooking day for me.  We used up the leftovers last night.

So far this morning, I have cut up tomatoes, lime, onion, cilantro and jalepenos for our pico de gallo for lunch.   I will be making chicken tacos.  Our new norm since I am not eating beef anymore.  In a little while, the tortilla truck will come by with hot corn tortillas and Erika will run out and buy a bag for me.  They are $1.75 BZ for a pound, which we will use up today.  They are not something that lasts.  That is another thing living here.  Everything is fresh, which is great, but everything goes bad very quickly.  Like the bananas I bought three days ago.

Since the girls have dance this afternoon, I also have had to go ahead and prepare dinner.   Elizabeth used to cook on Friday nights to help me out.  But now, I have to plan a meal before we go.  So I am going to make chicken in the crock pot, baked potatoes in the oven (since Lee is here) and I just made a big salad.

And then I need to think about something for dessert.  Lee always seems to want something sweet after dinner.   And we don't keep a lot of sweets in the house.   So I will probably make him his mom's recipe of peach cobbler:)  For me, I make fat-free pumpkin bread.  But everyone loves it, so I share:)

I honestly don't know how women who work outside the home do it here.  But I know wealthier women have someone who works all week in their house, cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids.  A full time position for that would be about $150 BZ.  

Often I get overwhelmed with my daily tasks here.  Although it is so much easier lately with only five people.  And I do make the girls help with things.  But managing a home is a busy deal.  And it is hot, so tasks you would do in the states are just more miserable here.  Like laundry.  I hang about half of my laundry on the line to save electricity.  But that is hot.  And then if it rains (since we live in the tropics),  I often have to run out and save the laundry that is almost dry!!!  My floors are ALWAYS dirty.   Between the dog and three girls, it has to be swept daily.  We bought a vaccuum, but it just does not work as well as a broom.  And a broom is just more work.   I take turns between me doing it and having the girls help.   I make them each sweep their own bedrooms.  This morning, I have a lady coming to clean.  She comes once a week and I pay her $30BZ, which is good because she is only here about 3 hours.   She is such a blessing to me, though.  She will sweep and mop the whole house.  She'll do other things as well, but that is the biggest help.   She also cleans our windows, which is a whole thing.   They are constantly dirty.  I feel like my home here is always dirty.  Because our windows are always open.  We literally do not close them unless there is a hurricane.  Often the doors are propped open as well, to increase the wind flow.  So, dirt and bugs just blow in.  When we go to the states, it is always hard for the girls to remember how important it is to shut the door and keep the air conditioning in.

Often Americans will visit with us and ask us a lot of questions about moving here.   Lee's first response is that it will be more of an adjustment for the woman than the man.   It is so true.   I am grateful for the experiences I have gained here.   But it is truly such a different life than I lived in America.  I am thankful that living in Belize has forced me to learn to cook.  I have learned so many things and truly love home cooking now.   I actually prefer my own food to most restaurants, but still enjoy eating out just to have a break from cooking.  I am so blessed that I have been able to be home these years and focus on my children.  Some days I wish they all went to school.  But as I have sent off Josh and now Tori, I have seen that this homeschool life has knit our family very tightly together.   It has been a safe place for us to bring in other children and watch them thrive.   Sometimes the days are long.  But the weeks actually go by so quickly.   The other night, we had a city wide night of worship.  I don't know why, but out of the blue, I thought I only have five more grades with Erika after this year.   And I began to cry.   I remember praying for her as a baby and wanting the time to go slower than it did with Josh and Tori, but it has gone faster.   Erika is very strong willed, but has blossomed into such an amazing young lady.   

Alright, time to get off of here and get some things done.

Have a blessed Friday everyone!!