As the House Empties

So much has happened since my last post.  Our house feels a little emptier.  We are beginning to sell some of the bigger furniture.  Today, we sold my dish set and one of our kitchen tables.  Dinner will be cozier now.  We have sold everything outside.  We are just waiting for the office to be picked up this week.  Our back yard is so empty.  Our porches are empty.  The wooden deck is empty.  It is weird.  The bedrooms are beginning to empty and fill with the plastic crates we moved here with.  They have been stored for seven years and were very dirty.  The 11 year olds and Lee have cleaned them and brought inside as we begin to pack what we will ship.  It is definitely here. 

Its funny.  There have been times over the years, when we have gone through some pretty hard struggles, that I was just ready to go home.  But now that it is here, my heart is heavy.  As
 I go about my errands, I realize it will soon be different.  I have relationships where I shop.  I go to the produce stand where the ladies know me well.  They know my girls.  I smell the small bakery behind and walk around and get some wheat rolls for dinner.  The owner also knows me well.  I go to the grocery store where I have the same check out lady each time.  Belmopan is small.  I will miss these relationships that I have everywhere I go.  People who know me.  Know my family. 

Today, I met with a friend over tea.  Tomorrow, I will have coffee with one of the first ladies we started the church with.  What I will miss most are the people who have become my family.  I want to cherish time with them, more than anything.  Lee is so super crazy busy.  We are so thankful for the progress on the building, but it also just adds to his and the new pastor's busyness.

A lot of missionaries don't make it long in Belize.  It is tough here for Americans.  But its kind of like once you make it, get through some of the trials and survive, that you don't want to leave.  It has become my home.  I belong now.  Yes, I still sometimes feel like an outsider because of the color of my skin.  But also, not so much here in Belmopan.  Because people know me here.  These people who I was once so foreign to, have become my people, my city, my home.

Please pray for us as we begin a new journey.  We do not know where the Lord will send us next and that is a little scary.  Yet, we are covered in His peace.  That is what is so cool about serving the Lord.  We know that wherever He sends us, He has ordained.  We know that He has gone before us.  And we are so grateful for that.

The Journey Home

**I started this a couple weeks ago, but could not log into my account. Thanks to Lee for fixing it:)

1/17/18

The Journey Home

In two weeks, we will have lived in Belize for seven years.  That is a really long time.  This Sunday, Lee will announce that we are beginning the process of going home.  There are so many things going on that it overwhelms me.  Yet, I also have peace.

We have built a life here over these years.  We have added two more children to our family.  We have birthed a church of people, who have become our dearest friends.  There are areas of faith that have been tested and gone so much deeper in these years.  God has always been faithful.  No matter what.

As I was bringing in the laundry, that has been drying outside, I thought that I will probably not do that in America.  It is so different there.  I don’t have to worry about the ridiculous electricity costs there.  But I’ve kind of grown to love my times of hanging laundry...on nice days like today.  It gets me outside.  I check for snakes as I step carefully.  Although in seven years, I have never seen one. I check the lime tree to see if there might even be just one.  Because they always seem better from my own tree.

I look where the trampoline once was.  It sold quickly.  I look at the picnic table that has hosted many Net gatherings of youth, smores parties, serious meetings.  Soon, it will be gone too.  I see the empty office, as the guys have moved over to the new building.  So different to not see Lee all day long, or only for a quick lunch.  We are in a different season.

We will have our first garage sale in a couple weeks.  We are trying to go through things.  What to trash.  What to ship back and mostly what to try to sell.  We need to sell so much so that we will have finances on the other side as we once again start over.

And where will that be, Lord?  We have very little material wise left in Texas.  Some ornaments, a few special dishes and pictures.  Our worldly possessions lost their meaning when we were told to “Go”.  I grieved during that time, giving up what we had accumulated over the 18 years.  But also began to realize it is freeing when you have less “things”.

So, once again, we begin the journey of getting rid of stuff.  We will sell our furniture, appliances.  Things are worn out.  Belize has been tough on our things.  Our sheets are in bad shape.  Clothes that have been washed too much and blankets that have holes in them.  We will just keep the best.  The things that are still usable.

Sunday will bear many emotions.  There will be deep sadness.  Some people do not know at all.  Others know, but not how soon.  We will cry and learn to savor the last months with those we love.  I feel like I have a deeper understanding of Tori’s journey last spring.  I thought she would be excited to go.  Back to America.  Back to an easier life.  Back to Air conditioning.  LOL.  But although that life sounds fun, we have a life here too.  And there is deep sadness in leaving.  Being a missionary, your heart is in two places.  You long to go HOME to your family.  But you also long to stay where you have built a new home.

We have rented this house for seven years.  Although I have not decorated it like I would have a more permanent home, it still bears our mark.  The pictures on the wall are my kids, my family.  The table that we have eaten so many meals together with family and invited guests.  The living room that we have celebrated seven years of birthdays and Christmases and Easter egg hunts and nighttime prayers.  The bedrooms where many years of homeschooling have happened.  Victories and frustrations.  Our home has been a refuge for the hurting.  A living room that has housed countless teens over the years in a weekly small group.  God’s presence has been in this home in the form of his people.  There are many memories.  Trials we have walked through as a family and answers to prayer celebrated.

Today, I have gone through drawers.  Three of us have lived here seven years.  One has lived here almost 4 and the other almost 2.  We each have to process this journey.  For each of us it is a different journey.

Season of Change

We are in such a season of change right now.

We should be moving into the new church building in the next few weeks.  I am excited because Josh and Tori will be here.  I feel like it is significant that we celebrate this milestone as a family.

Soon, the youth net that we have hosted in our home for almost seven years will begin meeting at the building.  What a change it will be not to have to clean up before and after every single Thursday.  I am sure it will change for them as well.  Moving to the building.  But I also feel that it will be a place where it can grow more as well.

Josh graduates in April.  As we prepare to go home and celebrate with him, this is also a time of change.  This will be the last Christmas he can probably come and hang out for two weeks.  Unless he becomes a teacher, his new job will probably not afford him that time.  It is probably the last time we can go to Foursquare Convention as a whole family.  Also a special time I am looking forward to.  As my children have become adults, I have treasured them even more.  Treasured every moment I have with them even more.  Realizing the moments are less.

Sometimes its hard to be Thankful

Wow.  Yesterday was a hard one for me.  Holidays on the mission field are hard.  Facebook and Instagram don't help.  All the people you are aching to be with.  All of things about the holidays you miss.  Like the kids playing outside all afternoon in the leaves after the big turkey lunch.  All of the foods you miss but are hard to find here or just plain expensive.  Sure, we had a big feast yesterday.  It was delicious.  But it was not the same.

Yesterday, we had a couple friends from the states around our table.  We have established some Thanksgiving traditions here in Belize.  But Erika doesn't remember and the other two girls have never experienced it in the states.  Only what I have been able to pull together here.

What I am so thankful for is that my parents drove up to Dallas this week and my two big kids spent the night at my brother and sister in laws house.  That they had family.  But even for them it is not the same.  They miss Lee and I.  Their immediate family.

I must choose thankfulness.  I must choose to be thankful that we are able to fly Josh and Tori here for Christmas.  That I will have my immediate family around me for two weeks.  There will be still be the loss of our parents and siblings.  But I am thankful we will have all of our children together.

Thanksgiving in Belize is not a holiday.  It is just another normal day.  And yes, some do have the big feast.  But even that is not the same.  Thanksgiving in the states is so big.  You do nothing but cook and watch the Macy's parade on TV and then all veg around all afternoon with your family.  Even if your family is not so great, the tradition is still like a 3 day event.  I miss it.  I miss my big kids.  Yesterday was heavy.  Even with facetiming family.   And it is something that I feel only other missionaries or soldiers understand.

Tomorrow we will decorate for Christmas and prepare for our special time.  I can't wait!

Lots of Emotions These Past Weeks

There has been so much going on these past few weeks, that I only can describe it as emotional.   There have been such extreme highs and lows.  Victories and losses.  Sometimes I have been overwhelmed by it all and just wanted to cry.  There have been completion to things we have been working on for years...so it should all be excitement, right?

My blog has always been very candid.  Where I share the heart of what living on the mission field is really like.

While we rejoiced in the victory of Kailey's full adoption and Aviya's provisonal adoption two weeks ago, there is also this tinge of sadness as we did not have our family with us.  Our older kids gone to college, very much wishing they would have been here as we went out to eat to celebrate.

The party was a tremendous blessing the following week.  Where we were missing our family, God showed up powerful as our Belizean family filled our home.  There literally was no extra space.  People everywhere to celebrate with us and pray with us over our beautiful Belizean daughters.  Yes, there were some Americans here, but it was mostly Belizeans.  The Belizeans who have become our deepest friends and family over these past seven years.

The end of last week was Tori's birthday.  Another high/low for me.  There were tears over the fact that I could not be physically with her on her special day.  But there were also tears of joy that our family would drive all the way up to have lunch with her at college.  A great sacrifice of love that she and I will never forget.  That was also the day Lee and I received our nationalization.  We are now officially Belizean.  Again, an exciting moment, but no family here to share the joy.  We went out to eat as a family that night to celebrate.  It was fun, but a little lonely.

The other emotional battle right now is that my dad is sick.  He is going through chemotherapy.  It is brutal and recently he had to stay overnight in the hospital.  It is painful to see my mom and dad going through this and me not being there to help.   I rejoice when they get a good report or when mom tells me he is doing good.  But I'm sad when I hear of his struggles.  I have the best dad in the world and pray that when the chemo is done, his strength is rebuilt.  I pray and believe for healing for him every day.

The journey on the mission field is hard to describe.  Sometimes it feels like we miss so much back home.  Sometimes it feels like we are alone here in our rejoicing.  But then the Lord reminds us that He has given us a special family here as well.

The emotions of the past few weeks have been a little overwhelming for me.  Real life still continues.  Meeting with women in the church, homeschool, laundry, cooking, Sunday morning celebration, dance class.  Life continues amidst all the things.

This week, FMI highlighted our family.  It was kind of crazy time in the midst of so many other things going on.

I am thankful that the Lord allows us to have emotions and feel.  I am glad that our lives are fulls of the joys and sorrows.  We wouldn't appreciate life if every day was the same.  We look back and see so much clearer.

Adoption Celebration

This Sunday  morning is one of our biggest as a church.   Community of Cultures is always a packed out house.  It is the highlight of our year as we celebrate the different cultures of our church people.  

Then Sunday evening, will be a big celebration for our family.  Its hard to believe it has been seven years since we adopted Erika.

I'm excited about this time being a special time with our family here in Belize.  Those who have walked with us day by day.  Those who have prayed with us and believed with us.  It is a celebration for everyone of answered prayers.  The people coming to this party deeply love our girls.  I will miss our parents, siblings and especially Josh and Tori.

So, I wanted to share what I will be saying about our journey, before we pray over the girls on Sunday.  It will be a dedication of sorts.

Kailey Isabel means "laurel", "crown", "princess" and "devoted to God".  She is truly a beautiful princess who lives her life for the Lord.

Aviya Hope means "my father is God" and "expectation" or "firm assurance".  Aviya knows who she is in Christ and is a girl full of joy and hope.  She chose to change her name and we love it!

This is what I will be sharing::

I want to thank each of you for coming tonight.  You were invited because you have been a support to Lee and I, our girls, our family.  We rejoice in the adoption.  We invited you to rejoice and celebrate with us, but also to pray over the children the Lord has blessed us with.

Ephesians 1:4-5 New King James Version (NKJV)

4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 5 having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will,

GOD LOVES ADOPTION.  I love adoption.  Since I was very small, I always wanted to adopt.  My older sister was adopted.

In 2007, we met a beautiful 14 month old little girl that was in foster care and needed a family.  The moment I met her I knew I was her mom.  The journey to adoption took almost two years, but I “adopted” her the moment I first held her.  I felt that our family was complete.  

During that journey, was when the Lord called our family to move to Belize.  

In 2013, we were at Marla’s with a mission team.  We came to Belize with no intention of growing our family anymore.  BUT GOD.  When Kailey’s name was mentioned, the Holy Spirit came over me, Tori and Lee, like a wind.  I barely knew who she was, but I will never question that God spoke in that moment that she was my daughter.  One other thing is that before we even moved here, when Tori was 11, God had given her a vision in worship one day.  It was of a girl who was about her age, who needed a home.  The Lord told Tori that she needed to share her room, share her clothes and that the Lord would use this girl.  When God spoke to us that day at Marla’s, I remembered Tori’s vision that she had written down and we went back and looked.   I never knew it would take 4 ½ years to complete the adoption.  But the journey is a celebration of the faithfulness of the God we serve.  When God speaks something, He will bring it to completion.

The journey of adoption has been just as much about what God has done in Lee and I, as what He has done in the lives of our girls.

Faith is easy when everything is going great.  But when it is hard, we want to give up.

Do we trust what God said or not?

It took a year for Kailey to be able to move into our home.  We would sometimes have her on weekends, sometimes not.  The waiting was hard.  I still do not understand all the reasons.  But Kailey was older, so the transition was harder for her.  We are so excited in what the Lord has done in Kailey and how she has longed to be adopted by us.  We love her very deeply.

Last year, in 2016, we were at a Marlas fundraiser.  Shelly Usher spoke of her journey of adoption and one of the things she said, was that we needed to ask ourselves, “do we have room for one more?”  Also on that night, for the first time, Aviya stood out to me.  Her smile, her energy, her joy as she danced to “When Jesus Says Yes”...The Lord has used that song repeatedly along our journey to adopt Aviya.  The next day at church, again Aviya came over and randomly started talking to me.  She did not know that Kailey had once lived at Marla’s or that we had adopted Erika.  She was so curious and wanted to know the scoop.  My heart was so drawn to her...

A couple weeks later, we went to Texas for our regular one month itinerary.  Every single day, God whispered Aviya’s name in my ear...and Lee’s ear.  Everywhere we went, I felt the Lord say that the next time, we would have Aviya with us.  He told me over and over again, YOU HAVE ROOM FOR ONE MORE.  Room in the van, room in your house, room in your heart.  He would not let it go.  

God is never early.  Literally every deadline, we have needed with these girls has been right on time.  God has intervened and we have seen miracle after miracle.

Sometimes along the journey, it would be so discouraging.  Dealing with the system.  Questioning why they would allow certain things.  But then looking back, I can truly see that the Lord has always had our girls’ best interest at heart.  Visitation that allowed closure where needed.  

No child wants to need to be adopted.  But God loves those children so much that He will move the heart of a family...that was only going to have two children...to adopt.

This is our journey.  Many of you know the stories, but I wanted to share:)

Sigh of Relief

Have you ever been fighting a battle for so long, that when it is over, you are just kind of in shock?

Wednesday, we became citizens of Belize.   There will be a ceremony later, but this was literally the "nick of time".

The adoption for Kailey was final yesterday, two days before her 17th birthday, also the "nick of time."

Aviya was granted a provisional adoption which will become final in six months, because she has not lived with us as long as Kailey.

The weeks and months preceding this week, we have fought some ferocious battles.  And it seems that the victories never come early, but at the final hour.

This morning, we had our women's breakfast and during the teaching, I was just thinking, why am I not jumping up and down and running around this place?  All of the things we have been asking for the Lord are coming about.  

Four and a half years ago, God spoke powerfully, literally with a gust of wind, and told me to adopt Kailey.  That she was my daughter.  The journey we have taken has been long.  For her, as well.  But God.  

But yesterday, we legally adopted Kailey.  THIS IS HUGE.  It is what we have been working toward for so long.  Because we feel that ADOPTION is important.  We have loved Kailey deeply.  But this is the thing...she is now our daughter now in every sense of the word.  She can have the same opportunities and blessings as our other children.  We can make decisions for her and do not have to rely on Human Services anymore.  God is so great.  And we are so thankful.

And this girl?  A year and a half ago, the Lord told us we had room for "one more".   She radiates joy wherever she goes.  By her own choosing, she wanted to change her name to Aviya Hope and it fits her so perfectly.   We know that God has great plans for ALL of our children.  

So I guess we are that family who adopted a bunch of kids:)  We have two amazing and beautiful birth children that my heart is so proud of.  And now we have three amazing and beautiful daughters through adoption.  And we are blessed for it.

During the journey and times of waiting, the Lord spoke to me through so many different songs.  One song in particular that spoke to me is "Take Courage" by Bethel.

Here it is if you are waiting for something...

Tori and I were texting back and forth all day yesterday.  It was such a stressful day.  We were preparing to go to court in Belize City at 1:30.  I was straightening the little girls hair and we were getting dressed up to leave at 12.  We found out at ten minutes before 11, that court had moved up to 11, and we could not make it.  It was so frustrating.  Just waiting.   Not knowing.  Wanting to be there.  The attorney's assistant called us at one point, making us even more anxious.  But during that time, I played this song.  Minutes later, Tori texted me and said they sang this song in chapel and she cried, as we had waited so long.  Because Tori was as invested in this journey as we are, she wanted to know her sisters had been adopted.

But today we rise in the Victory.   Jesus won yesterday.  Kailey was fully adopted just in time.  And Aviya's will be final soon.  Waiting is so hard, but He teaches us so many things along the journey.

I feel like when I look back over my life how fostering and adopting children has taught me so much about the Lord.  About how He will rescue children and restore very deep things.  I think about how we have a choice to obey when He tells us to do something.  That we have a choice not to listen.  But there are such great blessings in obedience.  It does not mean the path is always easy.  There are ups and downs.  There are spiritual battles that we would rather not fight.  But really, it is God who fights the battles for us.  We just have to remember that we are opening up ourselves to these battles when we foster and adopt.  But it is worth it.  And we would want someone to do it for us:)

So today, although its a busy day, I take my sigh of relief...