Sometimes Mother's Day is hard

Someone came up with a bunch of holidays a long time ago.  And that is great, except, that I think sometimes those "holidays" put pressure on people.

Don't get me wrong.  I had a great Mother's Day weekend.   I really enjoyed my children all weekend.  And am reminded constantly how blessed I am to have three beautiful, smart, amazing kids.

But this is the second mother's day that we were not with my mom or Lee's mom.  And that is a little sad.  But I know they are both very supportive of us being here in Belize and wouldn't want us anywhere outside of God's will.

Mother's Day can be very hard though.  Yesterday, in church, Lee had women share about their amazing mothers.  There were lots of tears, as everyone who shared, was not spending Mother's Day with their mom for one reason or the other.  I could not have shared because I was too choked up from everyone else sharing.  

Mother's Day is painful if you want a child and cannot have one.  It is painful if your mother has passed away or you have a strained relationship with your mother.

It is hard if you are a young mom in the midst of raising those babies.  For Mother's Day is a hard working day, just like every other.

We went to a nice restaurant after lunch.  It was crowded.  They had a the steel band playing, which was nice, although a little loud for conversation.  We helped juggled a friends' babies and enjoyed the fellowship of good friends.

But even at lunch, someone's Mothers Day became hard.  We were about to pay and our first waitress was brought up in  a police car...she had been hurt in a car accident and all the employees ran outside.  It was very intense, sad few moments.  The blessing is that Lee and I were able to pray with her sister, who was upset, after the police left.  But for that restaurant, there was sadness for sure yesterday...and we felt it.

Last night, we watched home videos of when Josh and Tori were babies.  That is always fun for me.  It makes me miss them being babies...it looks like it was so easy back then.  But I know that is not how I felt in those years.  I remember I was always busy, always worn out.  Yet, so thankful for their lives.

So, now, I have had 16 mother's day where I was a mother.  I really feel that I don't need a lot of hype.  I just don't want to cook that day and just want to relax maybe just a little that day.  And yesterday, those things happened.

But my heart was especially pulled yesterday for those that Mother's Day is hard.  In an effort to honor Mothers, which is so important, to be sensitive to those who are sad is important too.

Here are a few shots of our day:)

And in three days, I have a very special friend coming.  I am sure that we will take lots of pictures, but I am looking forward to hanging out and relaxing while she is here.  And praying for good weather. The rainy season is slowly coming early this year...and I am so thankful for that...

Happy Mother's Day, MOM:)

Tonight, my family went to Cayo for a Graduation for a young man who has gone through a 4 year Bible School Program.  It was a neat experience for us.

The couple who run the school are missionaries from Texas...and from the side, this lady looked like my mom.  My thoughts went to my mother all night long tonight.   Watching this couple minister just reminded me alot of my parents...still ministering in the church they attend, even in their retirement years.

So, I want to take a moment to thank my mother for all the things I have never thanked her for before.

Mom, thank you for wanting me...I am your middle child, your second daughter.  But, thank you for giving me life.  I come to realize in ministry how many children feel unloved.  Thank you for loving me and giving me that love that I would want a family so much one day too...

Thank you for nuturing me from birth.  Feeding me, holding me when I cried, creating a secure and happy childhood for me.  Thank you for the million and one meals you must have made for me for 18 years...and all the times I have come back home to eat.  Thank you for washing my clothes, creating a clean home for me to grow in.  Thank you for sacrificing to put me in a Christian school all those years in Dallas.  Thank you for giving me a dream wedding and blessing my marriage...which we now will celebrate 20 years.  

Some of my favorite childhood memories include: half day kindergarten...I would get off the bus and you would have soup and sandwich waiting for me...and then we would go sit on the back porch while Scott napped, moving into the bigger house in Bath...it was a dream home for you...and a great place to grow up.  I remember going for walks in the woods, riding the snowmobile, picking berries (while trying to avoid the snakes), the tire swing, our millions of rabbits.  I remember snow forts, and lots of sledding, big family get-togethers.  It was an amazing childhood.

And I remember parents that were obedient and left that life in New York to follow God's leading to Bible college in Dallas.  It changed the course of my life in so many ways.  And taught me to always follow God's will...cause it is always the best, even if at the time, it seems the hardest.  Thank you for your example of submitting to God.

Thank you for being a wonderful grandmother to my three children, and to your ten, soon to be eleven total grandchildren.  What a blessing for my children to be so loved by their grandmother.

Thank you for praying for a husband for me...and then keep praying as we are on this journey of life.

Thank you for setting an example of adoption, that I would follow.  And for supporting me every step of the way, even helping to care for her, once she came to our home.  I can never tell you how much your support meant...and how much I miss having you around here in Belize!!!

Thank you for coming to see us in December.  It made Erika's birthday so much more special.  And for allowing Lee and I to get away...the one night we had away from our kids over the past 18 months.  Thank you for teaching me how important marriage is.  And the example of your marriage with Dad for me.  You guys taught me commitment and putting your spouse before everything else.

I find that the older I get, the more I understand you.  And that I am so much like you.  I, too, now find the ocean soothing.  I love car rides and the closeness of my family being all together.  Now that I'm a mom, I just understand so much more.  I understand why you always cry at everything to do with the kids...now, that is me.  I am so emotional about my kids.  

We had several very special years of living close to you guys.  I'm so sad that we do not have that luxury anymore, but I am thankful that the times we have together now...will be even more special, because we will treasure them more.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom...I love you...

A Walk to the Park

This morning, Lee and I got a late start to market...and when we got there, it was hot.  

We ordered a little desk for Erika for First grade (next year, she will be able to do school in her room, like the big kids.)  SHHH.  Don't tell her...but I'm excited.  It will be just perfect for her, with a little drawer for her school supplies.

Then we saw Delores.  She excitedly told us about their first NetGroup last night in Maya Mopan.  She told Lee that he needs to buy more of those plastic chairs.  Praise God.  A missionary couple in our body is leading that LifeNet and it is a blessing that they are so hungry to come.  Delores also gave me the little over the shoulder green bag in the picture below.  I love it.  Of course, I'm afraid it makes me look a little like a tourist, but it is the perfect size and special because it was made with love...just for me.

This morning, I squeezed more OJ and froze it, made limeade, and various other kitchen stuff.  It was nice not to have the pressure of school.

After lunch, even though it was hot, the girls and I grabbed some change and headed to the little shop at the end of our street.  We got drinks.  Erika bought candy with her SHILLINGS.  And then we headed to the newly repainted park on the ring road across from us.  It was nice to get out of the house.  The weather is hot, but pretty dry.  It was just enough walk to enjoy and not be too tired.

Tonight, YWAM is opening the Destiny House, with a big concert.  The missionary couple that come to our church have played a big part of getting this going.  It is their dream for teens to come and hang out and for them to be able to pour into the kids.  It is where Erika used to take Ballet.  We will go tonight and enjoy and celebrate the end of school.

Its a great day:)

The End of School is here...

Its that time of year again.  We are taking about three showers a day.  Here is miss cutie...she wanted me to put her hair up like everyone else does.  The problem is the towel was WAY too heavy for her little head.  I cropped out my hand holding it on:)  But she is happy, and that is all that matters sometime.

Wednesday, we completed Kindergarten.  It is an amazing feeling to have the next couple of months OFF and not have to constantly be fitting school into our day.  Tori completed her work today.  I am proud of her.  It was a lot of work this year.  Josh is tying up loose ends still.  He has about 4 subjects, but right at the end of them.

Erika deserved some recognition.  One of the hard things about homeschool is not having the class graduation thing.  But never fear, mommy made a crazy, not very good, but Erika was excited about it...Graduation Cap.  We had a certificate, which Lee, as our official Daddy/Principal handed it to her.  As you can tell, she enjoyed it just as much, if not more, than sharing the day with 20 other kids.  Tomorrow night, we are going somewhere to get a special treat to celebrate.

Don't you love the classic--cover my face with the paper--shot?

We are looking towards June and the skies opening back up with some rain.  I am thankful that this year, the smoke is definitely not like it was last  year.  And although, it is hot, I do not think it is as bad as it was last year...or we are simply more adjusted.

This weekend, as most, looks to be very busy...starting with tonight.  We will begin having the LLT here at our house at 6, before everyone else gets here at 7.  Our Thursdays just got way busier...so I will look forward to my Fridays being low key.

We have been extremely busy planning our summer.  Our four weeks in the states are very full...but that is a blessing, as well.  We also have doctors appts, etc, scheduled.  We are really looking forward, but know that time will fly.  We also will have to set things in place for LifeNet to continue to run smoothly while we are gone.

Well, I am going to try to create new header with more recent pictures:)

I'm just like you...

The last couple days have been pretty good days.  Nothing special really...just nice.

It was very hot today, like 95, inside the house, when we came home from church.  After lunch, I was pretty tired, but too hot to nap.  I took a cold shower and then rested, fell asleep, but don't feel it was a good rest because of the sweating:/  But it is okay.  I was rested enough and got up and did some cleaning up.

Often, along this journey of coming to the mission field, people have said sweet things, like "I admire you" or "I could never do what you are doing."  I do appreciate the encouragement, of course.  And the blessings that people from the states send or bring to us...here in Belize.

But, you never know what you can do.  You never know how strong you are.  You just wake up every day...and be obedient.  When we adopted Erika through Foster care, I had many people say the same things.  But you see, God put this burning passion in my heart, first, for a third child, secondly, through adoption.  And He walked with  me every difficult step of the way.  And He gave me the desire of my heart.  Today, Erika randomly said to me, "I'm so glad you are my real mom...and that I get to live my life with you.  I can't imagine what my life would be if you weren't my real mom."  And that is why I was  able to walk the journey to adopt her.  That is why I am able to endure her strong temperament.  Because 4 years ago, around this time, I met Erika for the first time and in that very single moment in time, I became Erika's REAL MOM.

It is the same with coming on the mission field.  Yesterday, I held a meeting for Children's Church.  I really didn't want to necessarily be in charge of this, but I am.  And that is okay.  God has been teaching me things for a number of years...and it is my responsibility to pass those things on.  And might I say, the meeting was amazing.  We recruited three more spiritually mature adults and now have a rotation of four teams of three people.  The meeting was very productive and encouraging.  But three weeks ago, I was at a loss of how to move forward and organize our children's ministry better.  God has been pouring things into me and several of the others over these weeks and we beautifully pulled it all together yesterday.  It was quite encouraging.

Last week, we met with a group of missionaries...trying to solve the problem of discipling the Belizeans.  My and Lee's answer?  One at a time.  It is hard.  It is long.  It is at times frustrating.  But, it is the only way.  The only way in the states.  The only way in Belize.  See, I'm no one special.  But my job on this earth is to touch others.   And sometimes I cannot touch the masses. But I can pour my time and heart into one.  It is doable.  For any of us.  At any age.  Wherever we live.

I am spending a lot of time...probably too much time, thinking about coming to the states this summer.  When we go, it will be the first time we have been back in 18 months.  A lot has happened in that time.  I don't have TV, so don't really know a lot of the news that has happened.  But I know my kids have grown a lot...emotionally and physically.  I know my whole world has changed.  My hair is grayer (but don't worry, I'm going to take care of that first thing).  My clothes are stretched and faded from being hung on a line to dry.  I have lived a year and a half without Chickfila or Schlotskys....  And although, I look forward to getting my hair done, buying new clothes, and eating out.  I have been okay and survived without those things.

You know, I always dreamed of being a full-time, stay-at-home, homeschooling mom.  I did not know it would look like this.  I did not know it would be in a third world country and that it would be so hot...  But I love it.  I love my kids.  I love being a part of almost every moment of their lives.  I think I am realizing those moments go by so fast.

Today, Lee took Josh in the van to drive.  He did great.  He came back and said, "Mom, I thought women were good at multitasking...driving a standard should be easy for you."  Thanks, son.  But I love the joy at his accomplishment.  I love that I have a husband, that after a busy day, took the time to invest in our son.

Erika has recently been soooo good for us.  And this is a tremendous blessing in our lives.  We do not want her to be in trouble.  It breaks her heart.  So, either we are figuring out how to parent her...or she is figuring out how to obey.  Or maybe a little of both.  It is exciting to watch her continually love to learn, as well.  She constantly wants me to give her "homework."

Tori has been spending a lot of time with her new friend.  As a mom, this makes my heart burst with joy.  She is so happy and I am happy for her.

This is our last week of school.  That is very exciting for us.  All of us.  We are ready for the break.

Next week, someone very special is coming to visit us.  I needed my friend and she needed to come scout out planning  a missions trip for her church.  Maybe that is why the past few days have been so great.  Anticipation is an amazing feeling.

Just read this, "God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called."

I love this.   So often, I feel over my head in the ministry here.  It is so all consuming...all the time...sometimes I feel that I don't have anything left to give.  Some of that ministry is at LifeNet.  Some is in my own home.  But, His mercies are new every morning.  God gives me words to say.  He puts wisdom in there...that is not me.  It is really cool, actually.  When I pray for someone, and they come back and tell me God answered that prayer.  It builds their faith, but it builds mine too.

I'm just like you.  I was born in the land of oppurtunity.  To wonderful parents.  Who knew I would grow up and be a missionary?  I certainly did not.  But, I am honored that He thought I could do it.  And that is what I need to remember...when I feel in over my head:)

Ministry Tools

Its almost done...and not a moment too soon.  We are running our little gray van like crazy, here and there, around Belmopan, to Cayo, carting around people, sound systems...  It is one well used vehicle.  And now, we are just so close to being able to use the new (old) van we just purchased.  See its new tires?  And now she is in ready to get some dents pounded out and repainted...I am really hoping this van has AC all the way through...it would be a welcome relief on these hot days.

There is a local ministry going on where a missionary is teaching young men carpentry skills in order to help them get good jobs.  They build Stormi a doghouse...and now, look at these beautiful benches.  This is a practical way to serve the community we live in.  There are so many places you must wait in line and there never seems to be enough seating.  

This is Terry (in the ballcap).  He is the one training these young men and he drove around Belmopan with Lee delivering these benches.  The police department and immigration were thankful.  Our goal is to place one bench a month, meeting a real need here in the community.

This morning, I joined Lee on his monthly missionary gathering.  It is a time of fellowship and coming together to serve together.  It was probably the best meeting there has been, and many new missionaries joined us today.  We even had a Belizean who is over a ministry here come.  It was good to get his perspective on things.  Erika was pretty good during the meeting and so I rewarded her by taking her out to the playground for the last 30 minutes.  That was one happy girl.  Sweaty, we were, but so happy.

The day has been hot and busy.  We are preparing for a movie night tonight.  But this afternoon, we got a package.  What a blessing.  There were Dr. Pepper Jelly Beans, popsicles...and some other special things.

But one thing that really blessed me...is that there was a lady who came on the team to build the house in February.  Right before she came, she was diagnosed with cancer...and had surgery the day she returned home.  This lady is the most joyful person you will meet.  Well, she is now in the midst of radiation, and I can only imagine, not feeling well...  But when she was here, she shared this special bubble gum with Erika the whole time...and today, in that box, were like 10 packs of this gum for Erika.  That she would bless us in a difficult time in her life...I am speechless.  And she plans to come back in November to build more homes.  I am so thankful for these teams.  We now have quite a crew coming from that family to church.  And it all started with this missions team building a house for the mother of the family.

Teaching

Lee and I have been getting up at 6 a couple mornings a week and walking the Ring Road.  It is already humid, but not too hot yet, so just perfect.  I am a little tired right now, but have found it actually gives me energy the rest of the day.

Last night, I started working with Erika just a little bit, teaching her to read.  I think in the states, she would have learned to read in Kindergarten, but the curriculum we use, she will learn in First Grade.  But as I have shared before, she is really needing more of a challenge.  We have spent this whole year ingraining in her phonics. It was so cool as she was putting simple words together last night.  And she was so excited to be reading.  I am so anxious for her to really be able to read.  It will open up so much more independence for her. She already gets up each morning, makes her bed, gets dressed, brushes her hair and attempts to make her own breakfast.  She is so independent and I look forward to that added independence of reading by herself.

Teaching homeschool these past two years has been such a neat experience.  We are in our last week and a half.  But it is amazing process actually watching your children learn.  Actually seeing first hand their strengths and weaknesses.  I have always been an involved parent, but being with them all the time, grading their work...gives me a new perspective.  To see my children reach obstacles, then work through them, and come out the other side.  And this curriculum is quite challenging.  They must make an 80 on their test or must repeat the Pace.  There is no slipping through.

I love correcting when my children write.  Their personalities really come out.  Josh will intentionally write funny things for me to read when he writes for English.  Knowing it will crack me up.  Tori shares her passion for animals in her writing.  And I see how much my children have an understanding of God's word and principles...now that I am the one grading their work.

Trust me, we have rough days with homeschooling sometimes.  But there are so many rewards to it as well.

For example, Monday is their day off anyway...but we had to take Paul back to the airport.  The ride there, they were pretty quiet.  Erika slept, the older kids listened to their itouchs.  But the way home, we really connected and laughed all the way home.  It was so much fun and made me so thankful for the closeness of our family.  These are things we missed a little when our kids were gone to school outside the home all day.

God did some neat things yesterday that I want to share...

First of all, we have longed for a good friend for Tori...who is a strong believer and her same age.  Well, recently, we have connected with a missionary couple that lives two streets over from us.  Their oldest and youngest daughters are the exact ages of my girls...and have connected beautifully.  The whole family stopped by yesterday afternoon so the two youngest could play.  As we visited, the other woman confirmed what I was already feeling...that God not only brought our girls together, but was also connecting her and I.  I am so thankful to have someone close, that I can really connect with.  She is from Texas, they pastored a church in Florida for 12 years before God calling them here.  And the list goes on.  We just really have connected. And what a blessing that our children already love each other so much too.  I didn't hear from Erika the two hours they were here...she was having the time of her life with little Hailey...who, I might add...is just like ERIKA.  

Secondly, there was something that Tori really wanted to do yesterday morning.  But there were several reasons that I just did not feel it was a safe scenario for her to go.  We told her no.  She was disappointed because it involved a horse.  But she did not respond in rebellion.  She accepted what we said and that was that.  And you know what God did?  He rewarded her by the above family offering to take her to see their horse...that very day.  (yesterday was a holiday here in Belize).  So, she got to encounter an even better scenario in the long run.  God is faithful and cares for the smallest desires of our hearts.  And as a parent, that is such a blessing.