Sometimes Moms just cry...

My husband and kids gave me the most special Valentine's gift.  A carafe filled with notes from all them and candy and lotions...Lee couldn't wait to give it to me, so I got it a day early.  I will actually read the notes tomorrow, but just thanked Lee for being so creative and thoughtful...and it made me cry.

Women cry.  It is just the way we are.  It doesn't mean something is wrong, necessarily...it is just how God made us.  Sometimes tears are actually very healing.

I remember taking countless pregnancy tests...that were false...and the tears that would so quickly come after another month of disappointment.  But, even when the test FINALLY came back positive, there were tears too...tears of joy that I was finally going to begin the journey I had waited my whole life to begin.

Other times I have cried...when my baby got his first shots, and the next and the next.  When I was so tired from sleepless nights and learning to be a new mom, and just was so tired.....  I cried the first time that little boy laughed...really laughed...right from his belly.  And on and on.  I am the mom that could barely hold it together through my kids' awards ceremonies, or if they performed at church or school.  Tears of joy and pride.

These days there are a lot of tears too.  That the journey of one of my children begins of life on his own.  I always dreaded this time in our life...but never realized how much he would really be on his own...with us so far away.  And each month that passes draws us closer to that time.  It feels as if life is speeding up, when I wish it could just pause for a while...

I feel sort of like I did all those years ago, when everyone else was getting pregnant...and I could not.  I felt all alone...that no one else could possibly understand how I was feeling.  That was not and is not true...but that is just how it feels.

Recently, a fellow missionary friend's daughter got married.  He has older children in the states who were unable to make the wedding.  He said...it is just some of the sacrifices of a missionary...that no

one else understands.

So pray for me...pray for Josh.  Pray for an amazing roommate, that he will truly embrace the church life and find a family there.  I will be very busy when Josh is gone.  But I will never stop wondering if he is doing okay...well, I guess that is how we make it...our moms never stop praying for us once we leave the house...maybe it even increases:)  And sometimes the tears of those mamas is what touches Jesus the most:)

LifeNet Groundbreaking

Yesterday, something very powerful in the Spiritual Realm happened.  LifeNet broke ground and claimed stake in Belmopan, Belize, for Jesus.  It is all for Jesus.  It the reason we take our next breath...to bring glory to Him.  It is the reason that 220 people gathered under a tent, ankle deep in mud, in horrible rainy weather yesterday.  To claim stake of some property that will be a lighthouse to the darkness all around.

There are 20,000 people, just in Belmopan, not the outlying little villages.  Only 5,000 of those people claim to be churched.  The harvest field is wide open.  And LifeNet now begins the process of building our own building, to be a lighthouse to the community, to the nation.

So much planning went into yesterday.  Tent rental, chair and table rental, food, bbqs, workers.  So much work.  And then Sunday morning at 2 am, it began to rain.  We did not need it to rain.  I woke up praying, asking God to please just let it pass.  And it did, but it came back before six and rained steady until church began at 10:30.  I just spoke to my parents and found out their church was praying at 10:30.  God is great like that:)

We had several photographers to capture the event.  We had one man who is a politician come.  Two families from the states, that have been supportive to LifeNet...and lots of amazing people from LifeNet.  We had 220 people.  I am confident we would have had near 300 had the rain not come...

The rain absolutely affected our attendance.  At one point, I was not sure I really wanted to go either:/  When I pulled up and saw all the MUD...I was like, um, no.  But, as I got out and began to see all the people of LifeNet who had gotten there before me, setting up, grilling, etc, my heart was so overwhelmed with love for this body we pastor.  Yesterday was all about the groundbreaking of the new property, but it felt a lot like Pastor's Appreciation.  As our National Leader, Pastor Caleb shared, as our Council shared...all thanking our family for what we have done these past three years.  It is hard to believe three years ago (and a week), we held "church" in our hotel room...as a family...praying for how  God would use us here in Belmopan, where we only knew one couple.  But God's plans are big.  He wants us to step out into what He calls us to.  And He uses us to get what needs to get done.

You can see more pics on Facebook...but here are some favorites that catch our special day...

Smart to wear boots...a few of the kids were wearing them too...I wish I had thought that for Erika:)

Yummy Shish Ka Bobs grilling.  The ladies in Maya Mopan made flour tortillas, that we wrapped around and wrapped in foil...perfect, easy to pass out, amazingly delicious meal!!!

Everyone enjoyed our very lively worship, with a Carribbean Flair...

Yesterday was just FUN!!!

Pastor Caleb Ortega, our National Leader, shared...

The Church Council each shared...

Telling the story of our family being called to Belize.

Anointing and praying over the land (corner of the new building) with oil...

 

Enjoying the yummy meal after service...everyone loved them!!!

 

And for those who have not seen yet, this is what we project the future building to look like.  Hopefully a modern looking all purpose facility, with a preschool, and able to be used for community and government events.

Time Away...short, but sweet

Sometimes you just need to get away.  Homeschooling, being a Pastor (and wife), being a parent...it just never seems to shut off.  There are always demands, always one more thing you need to do.  Your marriage can get lost in the "to do" lists.

Back in the summer, when our friends, Tom and Francine, came, we were blessed to get away for a night.  And it was glorious.  But life has just been busy.  And being the helicopter mom that I am, it is hard for me to leave my kids alone.

But I knew we needed a get away.  Just the two of us.  But I didn't even say it.  Lee just mentioned a couple weeks ago, that he had set aside a day for us to go...where would I like to go.  I wanted to stay in Belmopan...just in case.  But the selection is limited...for a couple getaway type thing.  Long story, but we ended up contacting the owners of a beautiful place where we often do baptisms.  And they blessed us with a complimentary night.  And it was a blessing.  You see, it is on the edge of town, but as you drive back, it truly feels like you are getting away.

We were there for less than twenty-four hours, with a few check ins with the kids via facebook chat...  But it was incredibly refreshing and relaxing.  And just what we needed.

I am so thankful for how God blesses us when we need it most.

But, then, you know, it was back to real life when we got home:)  Parents, make sure you get those times away with just your spouse...even if it local...it will do wonders...just to get away from everything.

Life...

So we have finished Christmas, grandparent visits and now are back to real life.  We have buckled down and are working hard on school.  Josh has such a light load, but his Math is so challenging.  Tori is chugging along her first year of high school and Erika is a few weeks into third grade.  I am so thankful that she is finally facing a challenge...yet, she is up for the challenge.  I love seeing her bloom and "get" new things.  She is learning Cursive.  It seems we are still getting down printing, but she is doing great.  Math is much more intense.  Literature, she has a literature book she is reading...and answers comprehension questions.  She is writing sentences.  I am amazed at this little seven year that is not little at all.

A while back, the girls and I were watching the Little House on the Prairie series on YouTube, until it was blocked.  That was a sad day around these parts.  Then I thought about getting the books and reading them.  I bought them used on Amazon and my mother in law brought them to us.  And then a teacher friend is letting us use an accompaniment book that goes through all nine books and gives you fun activities to do along the way.  If you  have a second-fourth grade (boy or girl), I highly recommend this to add some fun to your school day.  We read the book together.  Sometimes she just likes to listen to me read, cuddled up next to me.  We stop along the way and talk about things.  I love it.  And since we used to watch the show, she has some understanding of what hollywood portrayed.  It just has been a nice thing to add to our school day.  And she is learning so much.  The books are rich in history, vocabulary, and are just fun.

And then there are these pictures that Lee took last Sunday.  It was a fun, little, unplanned photoshoot, and the pictures actually turned out great.  Kailey spends the weekends and holidays with us.  We love having her and are excited to see what God is doing.  My poor boy is outnumbered, but he is an awesome big brother to all these girls.

And just an update.  The months of November and December were very difficult on us.  We are seeing the Lord clear up some of the trials.  Yes, we are stronger.  We know we tread on the enemy's territory.  We know our God is bigger.

Buying Clothes Once a Year

We are a little less than four months away from our annual trip home.  And you would not believe the planning that goes into a trip like that.  Especially this year, as I will be staying longer to get Josh settled.

But, we buy all (or most) of our clothes in the States.  Sometimes I will buy online and have a friend bring some or for our birthdays this year, my sister in law let us buy online (from her) and shipped them to us.  That was super fun.  But when there is no where to buy clothes where you live, sometimes you just really want to shop...and really just want something new.  I did not realize how much I love shopping for deals...until I could no longer go.  And now when we are in the states, we are so busy that sometimes it is hard to find the time.  But we always have a blast.  Even going to resale shops and finding deals there.

Erika has grown like crazy this year.  Every year.  Every time I do laundry, there is something I have to sneak out, because it is too small.  Her little legs have gotten so long that most of her shorts are just too short...but still fit her around the waist...so she wants to keep them.   Her t-shirts are getting tighter and tighter.  Thankfully, I usually buy some things for her to grow into.  But it is a hard thing to figure out what all she needs at the time and what for her to grow into.  Many of her shoes are too small...  I just keep thinking...just a few more months.  And then it will be fun getting her new things...that aren't stained or too short or too tight:)

Only buying clothes once a year definitely makes us try to save some good things...and take care of the other things.  I think it is harder on us girls than the guys.  But I know they like getting new things too.  This will be our third time to the states and I definitely feel like we know now what we truly need here.  Soon I will begin going through my clothes, and Erika's and making a very precise list of all I need to replace.  It is a big job because there are many things we get when we go home.  Books, school supplies, medicines, toiletries, just so many things that are too expensive or hard to find here.  Not to mention the to-do list for doctors and other appointments while we are there:)

Anyway, just folded up and tucked away a favorite little shirt...that has just gotten too small.  Oh...so sad when they grow up, but looking forward to shopping for a bigger girl wardrobe soon:) 

This Parenting Thing is Hard

Eighteen years ago, I was pregnant with my first child.  Even though he would be born in two months, I still did not know if he was a boy or girl.  I had so many dreams of what it would be like to have a baby.  My own baby.  I had babysat so many children over the years.  I had so much experience with OTHER people's kids.  Now, it was my turn and I was sure that I would be the perfect parent.

Now, I am at the end of "raising" this boy.  In just a few months, he will be totally on his own.

And it scares me so much.

I second guess if we have taught him everything he needs to know.  Everything he needs to be successful.  My worry level has gone so far up.

One of the biggest struggles is that these past four years when all his friends have been driving their own cars, getting their first jobs, going out all the time...Josh has lived a sort of protected life.  He has been homeschooled.  There has been no desire to get a job, where he would only make $20 US a day, if that.  And his experience driving is that around potholes and people on bikes.  Not the same experiences that his peers in the states are getting.

But he has had such crazy real life experiences here that his friends have not.  He has learned to go without so many things that his friends take for granted.  American snacks a must in every US home are merely a special treat here.  Our entertainment does not involve going to movies or other things his friends are doing.  But he has repelled down a 400 ft waterfall, learned that he loves riding horses, held snakes at the zoo, tubed in beautiful caves, ziplined in the jungle.   Yes, he has had so many experiences that are different.  He has helped his family plant a church...again.  He has learned so much about the third world...first hand.  He has helped build homes, had to learn creative ways to stay cool when it is 100 degrees inside the house, learned to be happy with a simple life.

So many of my friends in the states are going through their first baby leaving the nest.  And it is comforting, but still so different than what I feel I am going through.  If my baby needs me, I can't just jump in a car and get to him.  He will be one very expensive plane ticket away.  I won't see him on holidays and summers.  I will only see him when we come home each year...and if I can convince him to come here once a year:)  

I think a lot about this summer.  So much needs to happen.  He will need to get his license, then we will buy him his first car, get a job and he will begin life in a town that he does not know.  I will have to leave him with very little experience...

But I also know this.  God gave me this boy.  I prayed (desperately pleaded, cried, begged God) for this child.  And God has taken care of Him all these years.  Yes, he has used Lee and I.  But He has always been the one...the one who has been there when we were or were not with him.  And He will continue to watch out for my boy as he goes.

As I prepare his little graduation video...and see all these pictures...all these precious moments I have had with this amazing child all these years.  My cup has truly runneth over.  I have been blessed with the most amazing son.  No, he is not perfect.  Yes, he drives me crazy at times.  But he has always treated Lee and I with honor and respect.  And I know that even as he leaves for college...that is who he is deep inside.  I know he is a young man of integrity and strong morals...even when he is not with us.

My house will be quieter.  I will miss Josh every single day.  Because when you have someone in your home, care for them, feed them, talk to them, love them...you will definitely have a huge hole.

But I am also so excited for him.  Because he is so excited.  He can't wait for his next step in life.  He is excited about the college he is going to.  He is excited about living in the states again.  He is excited to have a job and live on his own (albeit a dorm).

And when you love someone, truly love someone...you are excited with them:)

As I have been looking for songs to play in the video of Josh growing up...I love the words in this song...

Because I have truly had it all...

"Life Is Beautiful"

Through the window
I see you waiting
You are smiling
Cause I'm coming
Your eyes are a story
An ocean of memories
Pictures of faces and places
And all of the things
That make us feel like we have it all

All of the times
That make us realize
We have it all
We have it all

Life is beautiful
Life is beautiful

Living and dying
Laughing or crying
If we have the whole world or have nothing
I know there are long nights
But we'll make it
With every sunrise comes a new light
And all of the things
That make us feel like we have it all

All of the times
That make us realize
We have it all
We have it all

Life is beautiful
Life is beautiful
Life is beautiful

A father's love
A wedding dance
New Year's dreams
A toast with friends
A soldier coming home from war
The faith the hope of so much more
A brand new life, a mother's prayer
Shooting stars, ocean air
A lover's kiss, and hard goodbyes
Fireworks, Christmas lights

These are things that make us feel alive
These are the times that make us realize

Life is beautiful
Life is beautiful
Life is beautiful

These are the times that make us realize

Gonna miss Josh so much...but my nest will be far from empty.  Elizabeth will be joining us, I have two beautiful daughters...and well, my home is always full....

This parenting things is SOOOO hard!!!

Visit from Family

The Holidays ended and then we got a visit from Lee's parents.  SO our Christmas was really extended this year.  What a joy to have family come and visit.  There is no price for your family.  Even if they hadn't come laden with gifts (you know how grandparents are...), the visit still would have been amazing.  Erika was ear to ear smile the whole time!!!

We got a COLD front while they were here.  It was amazing.  But since we have no heater, it was pretty cold.  And I had told them not to pack anything warm...since it normally is so hot here even in the winter.  Thankfully they came in warm clothes since it was cold in Texas:)

The kids and I took them to the zoo.  That was a lot of fun.  And then as a family, we went to the ruins in Cayo and horseback riding.  The week flew by so fast.  But it was just awesome, even if brief, to get to have family here.

  I opted out of the horseback ride this time...and apparently they went in some really deep water.  Fortunately it was just Josh and Howard and they took the others another way...Whew.  I would not have handled that well:)

Monday we said goodbye.  Goodbyes are always the hardest days for us.  But we have gotten busy switching into gear with many things we put off over the holidays.  One of those things is making preparations for Josh to go to college.  It has become so real now and there have been many tears shed this week.  Its gone by way too fast.  I always knew I would not be ready, but never could imagine how hard this actually would be to walk through.  But he is excited and I am proud of the young man he is...and know he is responsible and will do great:)