God is in Control

I think the theme that the Lord has been trying to teach me this year is...Do I really trust God?  Do I really know He has our back?  That He is our Protector?

We have journeyed some difficult things this year.  None of these journeys we would have chosen to take.  But yet God has remained faithful.  He has continually shown us He is holding our family in His hands and that His purpose for us here in Belize is bigger than we even know.

I love the words in this song, "I Can Feel You" by Jenn Johnson.  It is my new song right now...really ministering to me.  Sometimes we don't "feel" like worshiping, but if we do and just are obedient, He is there.  We truly can "feel" Him.  Unlike us, who are tossed around by the emotions we are feeling in a current situation with many ups and downs, God is constant.  He is always there.  He is Faithful, even when we are not.

Sometimes I feel like I am alone...that God is not intervening like I think He should.  I get frustrated, confused, sometimes even angry.  But that is not right.  God sees things we do not.  He knows what is best.  When I look backwards, I can see this.  I just often cannot see it when I am in the middle of the situation.

Sunday morning I was struggling with a particular situation...something God has told us to do, but there are so many roadblocks.  It just seems unfair.  If we are obedient, it is supposed to be easy right?

As we entered worship, EVERY SINGLE SONG was relevant.  I feel I held back a little simply because I was afraid I may begin to cry uncontrollably:)  But one was "Give Me Faith"...  The words were so powerful.

The bridge:

I may be weak, but
Your Spirit's strong in me.
My flesh may fail, but
My God You never will . 

In my own flesh, I am so weak.  I am so thankful that He is strength when I need it most!

I Can Feel You // Jenn Johnson & Bethel Music // Tides Official Lyric Video

Its Official

Josh got his Belizean license today…YayJ  And he has done an online course…for six long hours…to pass his written test in Texas.  So, now we just need the actual Texas driver’s license and we are settled.  He is two years behind his friends in Texas since they can get their licenses at 16...but we are glad it is taken care of!

For Josh’s b-day, we had a few of his friends over for Barry’s homemade, delicious pizza and cheesecake.  We played a few games.  It was fun.  The last kid left around 11, which was way past Lee and my bedtime…we were tired.

Saturday, Erika broke out in a mysterious rash that looked like huge whelps all over her upper body.  All the clinics were closed, so we ended up having to take her to the hospital.  It came back during the night and so she has been on medication all week to keep it away.  So, our little trip to Caye Caulker, we were a little worried taking her so far from the hospital, but she was fine.  We just really tried to limit her sun exposure.  But she was okay with that because there was AC and a TV.  Two treats we do not have at our houseJ.

By the time, we finally arrived at Caye Caulker on Sunday, after church, lunch in the car, an hour drive to the city, parking, an hour ride to the island…I was exhausted.  But just getting away, eating out, relaxing….does so much for your soul.  The hotel we booked with has been updated and we were able to get a little two bedroom apt.  With our larger family, it was a blessing.  Everyone just had a great time relaxing.

Lee took the older kids to swim with the sharks on Monday, while Erika and I went swimming down at the split.  It was warm, but not too hot, which was nice.  But the AC in the room was awesomeJ!!!!

 It was a blessing to just get away with our little family.  Before we take Josh off to college.  It was only two days…but two really nice days.  And two days of remembering how blessed I amJ

Today, my Firstborn is 18

Wow.  Where have the years gone?  So many big milestones in such a short time.  Josh is 18 today.  He should have or will be getting his drivers license next week (you have to be 18 in Belize).  In a matter of weeks, he will have his first car.  And then his first job.  And then living on his own for the first time.  Lots of milestones in a short time.  We really need God's grace to cover Josh during these next few months.

Tonight we will celebrate with some of the friends he has made here the past few years in Belize.  Josh is my quiet one.  He is really, really funny...with the family and his closest friends.  He brings great joy into this home.

Next week, we plan to celebrate in a special way with just our family.  Our last family trip here in Belize, before Josh is off on his own.  Sure, we will take more trips over the years...but he will be an adult then:)  I am really looking forward to savoring the next few months.  Last night, the girls, Lee, and I wrote "love/encouragement" notes to give to Josh today.  I was moved to tears by some of the things his sisters wrote to him.  There is this whole special sibling relationship...that is just theirs....and so beautiful.  Josh has made Tori laugh her whole life.  When she was a baby, he was the only one who could make her laugh.  They have such a precious relationship.  And to Erika, this big brother who was "SO TALL" and could lift her up high...and who also is a lot like her.  We will miss the "big brother" part in our home so much.

Happy Eighteenth Birthday to an amazing young man.  Your dreams are big and I pray that, with God, your dreams are fulfilled.  That you are able to be used to your fullest potential.

We love you, Josh!!!

Getting Ready

Its just a few weeks away until we get to come home and see everyone...

This week has been full of preparations.  Calling and making doctor's appointments, getting Josh a new passport, trying to finish the school year...or at least stay on track.  Planning two months of children's church...on top of what I do each week already.  So much to do.  Even doing some shopping online.  With free shipping, I have discovered it saves me so much time to just go ahead and buy things and have them waiting for us.  You see, when you only shop once a year, there is so much to remember.  So many things that I can only get this one time I come home:)

I always like to evaluate where I am "at" as we look towards a little break from missionary life.  The first time we were here for 18 long months with no break at all.  No running through a drive through, no trips to Walmart, and on and on.  By the time we got home, I was just overdue of so many things...emotionally, spiritually, etc.  Last year, we went again and it had only been like 9 months, with a short trip to North Carolina in between, so I went home not really "needing" it as much.  But this year, it has been a rough year at times.  I think we have walked through some of the most difficult things in all of our years of ministry.  BUT we have survived and our faith is stronger than ever.  I have done things out of my comfort zone this past year that I have never done before.  I have ministered in ways that I never have before.  But, I am ready.  Ready to see our families.  Ready for life in AC.  Ready for some shopping.  Ready for some different food!!!!  Ready for some rest.  Because life in ministry is intense.  And it is hard to get a break.  Really get away.  Because there is always something we need to do...

Emotionally, the hardest part is knowing that as the time draws near, the time with Josh gets shorter.  But, although I know it will be hard to leave him, I really feel that I am at a place of peace now.  Knowing this is part of having kids.  They grow up.  They eventually move out and start their own lives.  And he is so ready.  So, we have made all the prep we know to make.  He will get his drivers license here next week on his 18th bday...  He will finish his senior year soon.  And then we get two awesome months with him, before leaving him to find a job and then start college in the fall.  Praying that all the processes go smoothly:)

This year is full of change for our family.  As Josh leaves, Elizabeth will be joining us.  We are in the beginning stages of building our own church building.  And as I know from the past, that involves a lot of work.  So I am looking forward to a little relaxing in the states before this next year begins:)

Enjoying the Little Things

Life has been busy while Lee was gone for a few days.  Keeping the house running on top of the millions of things I needed to prepare for... A birthday party to shop for, children's church to prepare, game day at the children's home.  The list goes on.

But, over these past few days I realized what great kids I have.  They have helped do things.  And they are great company.  I was never lonely or bored for one moment.  Just keeping the dogs fed and watered sometimes feels like a full time job.  It is super hot these past days, so we are constantly taking them cooler water.

Erika slept with me the past couple of nights.  We both just happened to wake up really early this morning (5:30).  I had lots to do, but as we lay there talking, I was reminded what a gift I have in this little person.  Its been a long time since I have gotten to experience this "early morning sweetness" with her.  I told her, and meant it, that adopting her was one of the best decisions I ever made.  This strong, strong girl that is so full of love.  She loves people.  She is full of life and joy.  Everywhere she goes, she brightens up the room.  And I get to be her mommy:)  I am so incredibly blessed.  When I walk into stores and don't have her, she is always asked about.  They all love their Erika.

Tuesday while Erika had ballet, Tori begged to go hang out with the girls at the children's home.  I love this heart I see emerging in her.  She loves these girls.  She literally cannot get enough of their hugs.  And they love her so much too.  Wondering what God has in store for her future.  And out of her kindness, she is working on a photo album for a girl who just had a baby there.  Her skills are amazing and I can't wait to see the finished scrapbook we will make for her...

And Josh, my young man.  A couple of nights, he was out late with friends.  And I thought, wow, this is what it will be like when I come home in June.  Except he won't eventually yell in at the gate.  How can you miss someone so much even when they are still here?  I am so proud of him.  He is working hard to wrap up school.  And there are so many things we have to do on this end to prepare leaving him on that end.  And he always does as he is asked.  He will leave such a big hole in our home...

Today we go pick up Lee.  He is already travelling now.  What a long day he has ahead of him.  Can't wait to see him....and then we will be complete again...

MIss my Mom

Yesterday as I ministered to the girls at the children's home, I prayed with a couple of them.  The recurring theme seemed to be..."I miss my mom...it is so hard not to just have my mom..."  And what do you say to that?  They are children.  Children should be with their moms.  But they seem so much older...probably because of the lives they have had to live.  And I find myself a substitution mother to so many of these girls.  I am hugged a million times in the two hours I am there.  But I don't mind.  I love it...and I love them.  And I love that they talk to me and share their heartache and let me pray with them.

It is different, yes, but I miss my mom too...and all my family.  And just like they can question God why would they be at a children's home...I could also question God why He would send me far away from my family, when I was in ministry in the states already?  But then, I also can use this time to the fullest and I am.  I am ministering in ways here that I never did in the states.  And I am pouring into people and seeing their lives change...and that never would have happened had I just come here on short term trips.  It would not have had the effectiveness.

So, I challenge the girls.  Use this time...get all God has for you.  Let him show you why...maybe you will never know until you look back.

And I hold them while they cry and tell me how much they miss their mom...and I pray for them...because maybe God is protecting them from something that they will never know:)

And it puts missing my family into perspective...and I look forward to seeing them all soon:):):):)