Trust

I think of how as a child, if we grow up in a stable home, we just trust.  As a child, I always knew my parents would take care of me.   I never knew hunger.  I always had a safe place to stay.   Even during times of transition.

Several people have asked me how am I doing.   Not knowing what’s next.   And honestly, I am totally covered in His peace.   I’m in a season of feeling God very close to me.   Or I’m close to Him. I have no idea where I’ll live in six months, but I am peaceful.   I love worship.   You know that by now I’d you’ve read my blog.  God speaks to me so powerfully as I worship at church or alone.

My current favorite song is, “I am no victim.”    Here’s the link if you want to listen.  I am no victim

This particular verse just keeps playing over and over in my spirit.

Cause He is my Father, I do not wonder

If His plans for me are good

If He'll come through like He should

'Cause He is provision and enough wisdom

To usher in my brightest days

To turn my mourning into praise

I do not know where we will go next.   I know that my Father God knows Lee and my giftings.    I know that He also knows the desires of my heart.   I know that He has never let me down.   And that He loves our family.   And that is just the most beautiful place to be.  

Mission Accomplished

This is what I feel the Lord telling me these days.  It is a weird place to be...the transition.  But I feel like He has been telling me thank you for doing what I sent you here to do.

Seven years ago tomorrow, we got up in freezing cold temps, with two kids throwing up, a dog in a carrier, an active preschooler and seven suitcases and many carry-ons and headed to the airport before dawn.  Just a few hours later, we landed in Belize City.  We were already weary, but thankfully were greeted by missionary friends who just loved on us and welcomed us into this new, very hot life that God has called us to.  We spent the first night with them and it was a friendship that we really treasured over the years.

Even that first day, we felt the beginning of the spiritual battles that we would endure over the years.  Our poor kids.  But we survived and only were made stronger through each experience.

The next day, we came and moved into a hotel for seven days.  We went and ate lunch at a restaurant of a couple that would become one of our first families in the church.  I just met with her yesterday and she shared how they look to us as parents and how much they will miss us.  God called us to be spiritual mom and dads to the Belizean people.   To teach them what healthy, real, godly families look like.  And we have many sons and daughters now here in Belize.  So many young women that I love like a daughter.  Lee has so many sons.  So many marriages that we have walked through hard times with and seen them come out victorious.  I think we have also taught what a healthy church should look like.

Today, Lee posted the newest picture of the new building.  It is still a little surreal.  For so long, we worked and worked on raising funds for the building.  For so long, we prayed to be in the new building.  Now, it is all happening.  Lee and Kudzai are overwhelmingly busy as things are moving at the building and pastoring the church.  But I am so thankful we are still here for this part.  That we get to see the dream come to completion.  To see what God asked us to do, come about.  It is the most beautiful thing.

Coming and leaving.  It is always such a long process.  Today, I looked at an apartment for our final months here.  I am not sure if we will get that one.  But the landlord is who we had for a month seven years ago.  She remembered us well.  She couldn't believe how big Erika is.  As we sell all of our things, figure out what to ship home, there are just so many details to deal with.  Yet, I feel peaceful in the midst of it all.  I feel God's arms around me in a deeper way than I have in a while.  Just a sweet contentment in the season we are in.

I want us to leave in a healthy way.  And I feel that we are.  I feel that God has been in every step of the transition.  I feel that the people at LifeNet are at peace, as well.  There has just been such a sweet presence of the Lord in our services lately.  The set up of our current sanctuary is intimate.  Something that was lacking at George Price.  I am thankful that we had someplace to rent all of those years, but there is something about worshiping in your own home.  Being able to set the atmosphere.  Not the sterility of a rented facility.

God is so amazing.  I am so grateful to Him for the way He has been just so faithful to Lee and I all of these years.  How He is faithful to Josh and Tori at their college.  Tori calls me all the time and just tells me how thankful she is for where she is at.  I love that she wants to share what she is learning in class or at chapel.  God knew that SAGU would be the perfect place for our kids to land after years on the mission field. 

Please continue to pray for LifeNet, that they will go to the next level without us!

Please pray for our family, as we don't know what is next.  We pray that soon we will have some direction.  Pray as we integrate our children into a very different culture over the next year.  We are excited to see where God will use us next.

As the House Empties

So much has happened since my last post.  Our house feels a little emptier.  We are beginning to sell some of the bigger furniture.  Today, we sold my dish set and one of our kitchen tables.  Dinner will be cozier now.  We have sold everything outside.  We are just waiting for the office to be picked up this week.  Our back yard is so empty.  Our porches are empty.  The wooden deck is empty.  It is weird.  The bedrooms are beginning to empty and fill with the plastic crates we moved here with.  They have been stored for seven years and were very dirty.  The 11 year olds and Lee have cleaned them and brought inside as we begin to pack what we will ship.  It is definitely here. 

Its funny.  There have been times over the years, when we have gone through some pretty hard struggles, that I was just ready to go home.  But now that it is here, my heart is heavy.  As
 I go about my errands, I realize it will soon be different.  I have relationships where I shop.  I go to the produce stand where the ladies know me well.  They know my girls.  I smell the small bakery behind and walk around and get some wheat rolls for dinner.  The owner also knows me well.  I go to the grocery store where I have the same check out lady each time.  Belmopan is small.  I will miss these relationships that I have everywhere I go.  People who know me.  Know my family. 

Today, I met with a friend over tea.  Tomorrow, I will have coffee with one of the first ladies we started the church with.  What I will miss most are the people who have become my family.  I want to cherish time with them, more than anything.  Lee is so super crazy busy.  We are so thankful for the progress on the building, but it also just adds to his and the new pastor's busyness.

A lot of missionaries don't make it long in Belize.  It is tough here for Americans.  But its kind of like once you make it, get through some of the trials and survive, that you don't want to leave.  It has become my home.  I belong now.  Yes, I still sometimes feel like an outsider because of the color of my skin.  But also, not so much here in Belmopan.  Because people know me here.  These people who I was once so foreign to, have become my people, my city, my home.

Please pray for us as we begin a new journey.  We do not know where the Lord will send us next and that is a little scary.  Yet, we are covered in His peace.  That is what is so cool about serving the Lord.  We know that wherever He sends us, He has ordained.  We know that He has gone before us.  And we are so grateful for that.

The Journey Home

**I started this a couple weeks ago, but could not log into my account. Thanks to Lee for fixing it:)

1/17/18

The Journey Home

In two weeks, we will have lived in Belize for seven years.  That is a really long time.  This Sunday, Lee will announce that we are beginning the process of going home.  There are so many things going on that it overwhelms me.  Yet, I also have peace.

We have built a life here over these years.  We have added two more children to our family.  We have birthed a church of people, who have become our dearest friends.  There are areas of faith that have been tested and gone so much deeper in these years.  God has always been faithful.  No matter what.

As I was bringing in the laundry, that has been drying outside, I thought that I will probably not do that in America.  It is so different there.  I don’t have to worry about the ridiculous electricity costs there.  But I’ve kind of grown to love my times of hanging laundry...on nice days like today.  It gets me outside.  I check for snakes as I step carefully.  Although in seven years, I have never seen one. I check the lime tree to see if there might even be just one.  Because they always seem better from my own tree.

I look where the trampoline once was.  It sold quickly.  I look at the picnic table that has hosted many Net gatherings of youth, smores parties, serious meetings.  Soon, it will be gone too.  I see the empty office, as the guys have moved over to the new building.  So different to not see Lee all day long, or only for a quick lunch.  We are in a different season.

We will have our first garage sale in a couple weeks.  We are trying to go through things.  What to trash.  What to ship back and mostly what to try to sell.  We need to sell so much so that we will have finances on the other side as we once again start over.

And where will that be, Lord?  We have very little material wise left in Texas.  Some ornaments, a few special dishes and pictures.  Our worldly possessions lost their meaning when we were told to “Go”.  I grieved during that time, giving up what we had accumulated over the 18 years.  But also began to realize it is freeing when you have less “things”.

So, once again, we begin the journey of getting rid of stuff.  We will sell our furniture, appliances.  Things are worn out.  Belize has been tough on our things.  Our sheets are in bad shape.  Clothes that have been washed too much and blankets that have holes in them.  We will just keep the best.  The things that are still usable.

Sunday will bear many emotions.  There will be deep sadness.  Some people do not know at all.  Others know, but not how soon.  We will cry and learn to savor the last months with those we love.  I feel like I have a deeper understanding of Tori’s journey last spring.  I thought she would be excited to go.  Back to America.  Back to an easier life.  Back to Air conditioning.  LOL.  But although that life sounds fun, we have a life here too.  And there is deep sadness in leaving.  Being a missionary, your heart is in two places.  You long to go HOME to your family.  But you also long to stay where you have built a new home.

We have rented this house for seven years.  Although I have not decorated it like I would have a more permanent home, it still bears our mark.  The pictures on the wall are my kids, my family.  The table that we have eaten so many meals together with family and invited guests.  The living room that we have celebrated seven years of birthdays and Christmases and Easter egg hunts and nighttime prayers.  The bedrooms where many years of homeschooling have happened.  Victories and frustrations.  Our home has been a refuge for the hurting.  A living room that has housed countless teens over the years in a weekly small group.  God’s presence has been in this home in the form of his people.  There are many memories.  Trials we have walked through as a family and answers to prayer celebrated.

Today, I have gone through drawers.  Three of us have lived here seven years.  One has lived here almost 4 and the other almost 2.  We each have to process this journey.  For each of us it is a different journey.

Season of Change

We are in such a season of change right now.

We should be moving into the new church building in the next few weeks.  I am excited because Josh and Tori will be here.  I feel like it is significant that we celebrate this milestone as a family.

Soon, the youth net that we have hosted in our home for almost seven years will begin meeting at the building.  What a change it will be not to have to clean up before and after every single Thursday.  I am sure it will change for them as well.  Moving to the building.  But I also feel that it will be a place where it can grow more as well.

Josh graduates in April.  As we prepare to go home and celebrate with him, this is also a time of change.  This will be the last Christmas he can probably come and hang out for two weeks.  Unless he becomes a teacher, his new job will probably not afford him that time.  It is probably the last time we can go to Foursquare Convention as a whole family.  Also a special time I am looking forward to.  As my children have become adults, I have treasured them even more.  Treasured every moment I have with them even more.  Realizing the moments are less.

Sometimes its hard to be Thankful

Wow.  Yesterday was a hard one for me.  Holidays on the mission field are hard.  Facebook and Instagram don't help.  All the people you are aching to be with.  All of things about the holidays you miss.  Like the kids playing outside all afternoon in the leaves after the big turkey lunch.  All of the foods you miss but are hard to find here or just plain expensive.  Sure, we had a big feast yesterday.  It was delicious.  But it was not the same.

Yesterday, we had a couple friends from the states around our table.  We have established some Thanksgiving traditions here in Belize.  But Erika doesn't remember and the other two girls have never experienced it in the states.  Only what I have been able to pull together here.

What I am so thankful for is that my parents drove up to Dallas this week and my two big kids spent the night at my brother and sister in laws house.  That they had family.  But even for them it is not the same.  They miss Lee and I.  Their immediate family.

I must choose thankfulness.  I must choose to be thankful that we are able to fly Josh and Tori here for Christmas.  That I will have my immediate family around me for two weeks.  There will be still be the loss of our parents and siblings.  But I am thankful we will have all of our children together.

Thanksgiving in Belize is not a holiday.  It is just another normal day.  And yes, some do have the big feast.  But even that is not the same.  Thanksgiving in the states is so big.  You do nothing but cook and watch the Macy's parade on TV and then all veg around all afternoon with your family.  Even if your family is not so great, the tradition is still like a 3 day event.  I miss it.  I miss my big kids.  Yesterday was heavy.  Even with facetiming family.   And it is something that I feel only other missionaries or soldiers understand.

Tomorrow we will decorate for Christmas and prepare for our special time.  I can't wait!

Lots of Emotions These Past Weeks

There has been so much going on these past few weeks, that I only can describe it as emotional.   There have been such extreme highs and lows.  Victories and losses.  Sometimes I have been overwhelmed by it all and just wanted to cry.  There have been completion to things we have been working on for years...so it should all be excitement, right?

My blog has always been very candid.  Where I share the heart of what living on the mission field is really like.

While we rejoiced in the victory of Kailey's full adoption and Aviya's provisonal adoption two weeks ago, there is also this tinge of sadness as we did not have our family with us.  Our older kids gone to college, very much wishing they would have been here as we went out to eat to celebrate.

The party was a tremendous blessing the following week.  Where we were missing our family, God showed up powerful as our Belizean family filled our home.  There literally was no extra space.  People everywhere to celebrate with us and pray with us over our beautiful Belizean daughters.  Yes, there were some Americans here, but it was mostly Belizeans.  The Belizeans who have become our deepest friends and family over these past seven years.

The end of last week was Tori's birthday.  Another high/low for me.  There were tears over the fact that I could not be physically with her on her special day.  But there were also tears of joy that our family would drive all the way up to have lunch with her at college.  A great sacrifice of love that she and I will never forget.  That was also the day Lee and I received our nationalization.  We are now officially Belizean.  Again, an exciting moment, but no family here to share the joy.  We went out to eat as a family that night to celebrate.  It was fun, but a little lonely.

The other emotional battle right now is that my dad is sick.  He is going through chemotherapy.  It is brutal and recently he had to stay overnight in the hospital.  It is painful to see my mom and dad going through this and me not being there to help.   I rejoice when they get a good report or when mom tells me he is doing good.  But I'm sad when I hear of his struggles.  I have the best dad in the world and pray that when the chemo is done, his strength is rebuilt.  I pray and believe for healing for him every day.

The journey on the mission field is hard to describe.  Sometimes it feels like we miss so much back home.  Sometimes it feels like we are alone here in our rejoicing.  But then the Lord reminds us that He has given us a special family here as well.

The emotions of the past few weeks have been a little overwhelming for me.  Real life still continues.  Meeting with women in the church, homeschool, laundry, cooking, Sunday morning celebration, dance class.  Life continues amidst all the things.

This week, FMI highlighted our family.  It was kind of crazy time in the midst of so many other things going on.

I am thankful that the Lord allows us to have emotions and feel.  I am glad that our lives are fulls of the joys and sorrows.  We wouldn't appreciate life if every day was the same.  We look back and see so much clearer.