Giving our Burdens to the Lord

Everyone else is sound asleep.  I am wide awake.  I have a heavy heart.  I love checking ITunes every so often because I love music and always love finding new stuff.  Tonight I found this:


Blessings Video by Laura Story

I have played it over and over.  I feel that I have so many people I am praying for at the moment, going through trials...and the words just really spoke to me.

 "What if my greatest dissappointments, or the aching of this life is a revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?  Then what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights are Your mercies in disguise?"

I hate, absolutely hate, seeing those I love, suffer, go through difficulties.  In my flesh, I want to solve their problems for them, make it easier for them.  But I can't.  And this song really hit it for me.  God does not cause our problems...  But it is through our trials that we grow stronger, that we yearn for eternity, that we yearn for closeness to God.  It is when we cry out to Him the hardest, the most passionately.

I feel like I have gone through some trials the past couple of years...compared to some, minor, but for me, big.  Walking through the adoption process was a mountain for me.  I have never sought after God so hard.  I also have never seen His hand so real.  If I hadn't had to fight on my knees in the spiritual realm, I would never know what a miracle Erika being our daughter is.  Noone knows the tears and cries out to the Lord I made for that little girl...and still do, because I know God has a mighty purpose in her life. 

I just was so touched by this song.  It may be old news to everyone up in the US, but it was totally new to me tonight.  And just what I needed to hear.  I pray that this song is a blessing to one of you...or that you can use it to minister to someone in your life...

We had a great night of worship tonight with the churches of Belmopan.  The missionary/pastor who leads it shared that he was feeling about a year ago, time to go on, move on from Belmopan, the spiritual warfare was getting strong and bringing discouragement. He has been here over 20  years.   And in July, there began to be a breakthrough.  It excited me, because I feel it.  I feel the breakthrough in Belmopan, but the battle is strong.  I feel that too.  It is still surreal to me sometimes, that we are living in Belize.  Tonight, he changed a lot of the songs, singing over Belize.  Erika loved it, and would run and dance...and then come to me and say, "Mommy, he said Belize...that is where we are...we are singing for the people of Belize."  Such understanding of spiritual things even as a 4 year old.  There is something about the corporate worship, on the city office steps, that is just breaking strongholds in this city.

I have been in a real time of nesting, settling my family.  Today, that seemed to finish for me.  We are settled now.  We have all our household set up today...and I am ready, really ready to get this going.  I don't really know how to explain it.  But there has needed to be a season of getting settled, and adding Winnie to the mix, our first ministry right here in our home.  But now, after the testimonies of high schoolers flocking to the fronts of schools for altar calls, youth camps having more kids than they know where to put them...God is moving in the young people.  And I am ready to see how we are to be a part of it.

So, I am wide awake, just seeking God tonight.  And just wanted to share the song with you.  Good night.

The Advantages of Homeschooling

Seven months ago, I was overwhelmed with homeschooling...  I wondered how I would be able to do this forever!!!  Forever, because Erika hasn't even started kindergarten yet.  And honestly, some days, I still feel that way.  But seven months ago, I was dealing with sooo much change in my life.  Now, I am more used to all of those changes and have figured out my new life, you could say.  And also being settled in a home has made such a difference.  But homeschooling was a blessing along that process.  So, I was thinking, since today is Friday, and that is always a good day in the homeschool world, about why I love homeschooling.  And why we will probably never go back to sending our kids to regular school...

I love that I am the teacher, I am the one who decides when we do field trips, I am the one who decides when we get a day off...when we NEED a day off.  For obvious reasons, public school has to plan out things far in advance, because it deals with a lot of people's lives.   But it sometimes seemed that field trips, days off, needing something last minute for a project ALWAYS fell at the worst times when my kids were in school.  Or just when I would get Erika down for a nap, it would be time to do carpool.  Or a million other things.   Homeschooling means we get to plan a field trip Monday, which is also Josh's birthday.  So he doesn't have to do school on his birthday...so that is fun, right?  And the days we want the kids to run errands or go somewhere with us, they can.  It means they start school later so that is not good for every day, but awesome for once in a while.  If the kids are sick, they don't have make-up work, they just pick up where they left off.  I am no longer bound to school schedules (well, except we kind of are because of Winnie, but it is not the same). 

I love that my family eats together every meal.  Someone may miss here and there, but generally speaking, we spend a lot of time together.  And it is easier to make one big meal, than pack several lunches or pay for school lunches.

Now that my kids have their own rooms, with a desk, they each have a nice work area, where they can shut the door, if they need to concentrate.  But it is nice that they can come to the kitchen table if they need help as well.

I love that we can start and finish the school year whenever we want.  As long as we get the work done.  So, we are already planning next year to start early, so we can finish early for our trip to the states.  Working around public school would be difficult...was difficult in years past.

I love that my kids are being taught from a Christian perspective, and that they have scripture memory in every subject.  Not because of any other reason than the Word is cleansing, and the truth is so freeing.

I love when my kids have been struggling with something and then they Get It...and I love when I get to be a part of it.  Even with the little I have worked with Erika, seeing her writing her letters, recognizing almost all of them, counting, it feels so good that I have helped her do those things.

Don't get me wrong...it is not all easy.  There are still days we think what are we doing?  There are times I struggle to understand what they are learning and to be able to help them...especially Josh.  But I love that the kids are with me, I love that most days, they finish by lunch, and I love that they are getting a godly education.

Whats Going On?

beautiful rainbow outside our house the other day



Promise has his eyes on "supper"



we are back to four kids again...aren't they gorgeous? Winnie fits right in.  At our favorite eatery....

She is serious when she does her work...

Love Tori's social studies assignment...great wall decor too...



YAY...a little KSBJ was all I needed this morning



My neighbor, who lives in an itty bitty house with 3 kids and a husband next door, makes us food all the time...here is what she brought us for lunch today...   She is very sweet. 

I'll be honest.  I do miss having TV.  We don't have any TV.  No news, no kids shows, nothing.  Forgoing cable means nothing.  So I do miss it a little.  We have watched the same movies over and over...

The upside?  We play worship DVDs all the time now.  It changes the atmosphere.  I sit and play with Erika more.  The kids do stuff together.  They go for bike rides.  So, it is good.

And I read more.  I have read more since we got settled than I have in a long time.  We are in that in-between stage.  Our church family is very small right now.  So it is not as consuming as a larger congregation, obviously.  I am not driving really so am home most of the time, except when Lee chauffers me around:)

So right now I am doing a Beth Moore Bible Study on Daniel.  But I miss the DVD sessions.  And I am also doing a 5 Conversations you must have with Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney, and reading a book by my former Youth Pastor, now Pastor of the Oaks in Dallas, called ACT NORMAL.  It is also written kind of like a devotional. 

I have had friends who have told me in the past about reading 5 books at once and thought, how could their brain do that?  But it actually works.  I am getting so much.  Like God is filling my tank right now.   Preparing me to give out soon.

Well, Tori and I are about to walk to the store, because Lee is having computer issues. 

Fatherless Generation

I just finished reading a book called RECKLESS FAITH, that my friend had given me before leaving the states.  It is about a missionary in Mexico and her journey to a family of 9 children, 3 by birth, the rest either foster or adoptive, and her experiences working in orphanages in Mexico.  It stirred up all my emotions of our adoption/foster care process, and even now, caring for a daughter that the Lord has put us with for this time.

But before I share on that, here are some pictures from our first weeks with Erika...when we were blessed to go to DisneyWorld and Lee did a wedding on an island in Florida.  It was a dream.  Look at all that squishiness (of Erika), and perfectness, and how quickly she was bonded to our family...this is just within weeks of knowing Erika.  The Lord was so amazing to provide this time, preplanned for over a year before, to allow our family to bond.  And I was living my dream come true with THREE very precious gifts from the Lord.

Reading this story of adoptions, I could so relate.  It is so neat how God does this special thing in your heart.  Erika is my daughter.  She was the first time I met her.  God put a place in my heart before I knew her just for her.  I remember the first time she had a very painful experience and she ran to me and called me MAMA the first time.  I just held her and comforted her and cried, because she already knew I was there to comfort her.  And she still runs to me.  And I still love to comfort her.  And am so thankful that I am the only Mommy she has ever known.

But this book was just a reminder that I can't solve the orphan crisis.  My quiver is full.  I have what I can handle.  And I need to pour into the children I have.  And do what I can do with what He has given me.  Live one day at a time.  But it was a reminder for me to pray for those who are orphaned and pray for divine interventions for those children to be found by the right parents.  To be safe and loved.  Every child deserves to be loved by a family.

Even the situation of our home.  When I first found out that the Lord was setting us up to care for a teenage girl, I thought of how Lea was preparation for that.  To make me be willing and to know it was something I could handle with God's help.  Now, Winnie is not just some girl.  Now, I know her and love her and care for her.  I want to make her feel special and loved, like all of my children.  Winnie has parents, but now they are far away, so I am her mother, in a sense.  And God has put us in this home, not by chance.  He has put us here to pour into her spiritually.  And it is a day by day process.  It is slow.   And sometimes hard, but worth it.

There are so many out there, either without physical parents, but mostly without spiritual parents.  Please join with me to be open and pray for the Lord to connect the fatherless with those who are mature in the Lord. 

Starting Over

First of all, I want to thank everyone who is praying.  The last two days I have been feeling better.  I am slowly regaining my energy..and my legs are not feeling so flulike now.

We finally got our dryer installed.  I still will be line drying most things, but will have it for sheets and towels, which take up the most room on my clothesline, and for those rainy days, which we have had a few lately.  Or when I just get behind or need a break....the list could go on and on.

We also got the air conditioners installed in the kids' rooms and burgular bars on all our windows.  We already had one in our room.  We have not used it yet, but it is there when we need it.  We really want to try to go without it, because once you turn it on, it is hard to go without it.  The weather has been very nice, but it is supposed to get hot this weekend.

Here is a video of Lee biking with Erika...he had to move the seat back and was trying it out for me. She loves it.

This morning, we met with our family (with Winnie) and two other families.  Worship is a little hard because they do not know our songs, and we need live worship.  But I was sitting there thinking...here we go, starting over.  It was a surreal moment.  We are beginning now what God sent us here to do.  New beginnings are refreshing, but they are new.  As I was getting ready, picking up the house, preparing worship, etc, this morning, my heart was filled with excitement.  A year ago next Sunday, we shared with Life Church that we felt God calling us to Belize.  And since then, everything changed.  We began transitioning the church to the new pastors, began selling all our things, moving...and moving...and moving, then traveling to new churches every Sunday.  This morning my heart was filled with anticipation, as our new friends, our new church family would soon be here.  These two families are who we will look back and say, they helped us start this church.  Two Belizean families, one American family.  New beginnings...a little scary, a little uncertain, a fresh start for all.

Tori took the 4 children outside, read them a Bible story, colored with them, sang with them, gave them a snack.  She is a little me...working with the children.  We will eventually do a rotation for the spiritual pouring in, and hire someone for the physical needs of the children.  But I so appreciate Tori's heart to bless the parents by caring for the children, one being her sister.  She spends time preparing the lesson, getting everything all perfect and picking out the perfect snack at the grocery store.  I am very proud of her.  Josh helps as well, when crowd control is needed:)

The kids have a new pet...

Lee has named it "Supper", the girls have named it "Noli"...  Winnie's older sister, Vivian, bought it at the science fair on Friday and they can't keep it where she lives, so she came to visit, and did not take it with her...  I am not sure how this is going to work out, with Promise roaming around outside, but they are having fun with their pet for now.

Last week was a week full of having people over.  That is our heart's desire.  Just to begin building relationships here with the people of Belize.  I find myself saying home...referring to the US and to Belize.  It is a unique place for me...feeling I have two homes now.  I am getting used to my home, and it is feeling like home.   Friday, Erika and I walked something to a friend's home and then walked back home, and we went for a bike ride and this is feeling like home to me when we pull in.  A home where I pray others can come to find Jesus, find peace, find real believers, that are just real people, who love a real Jesus.

My next thing is just starting the process of  helping my kids get integrated into the community, to help them begin making friends.  I have not began driving yet, but am starting to feel maybe I can take little journeys.  It is kind of too late for the girls to do ballet this school year, but there are camps during the summer we may let them do.  And I need to get Tori started in Piano Lessons.  There is a group of youth that pray at the YWAM dance studio.  Winnie went this week, but we may see if Josh wants to start doing that to get to know some youth who are on fire for the Lord.  There is also a homeschool group that we just need to connect with.  It is such a process to get into a new community, but also a new country...

Just some pics of life here...

washing the car, or actually just playing in the water!!!

Erika loves Winnie...cant wait for her to get home from school each day

Tori and her hot pink bike...she is happy

My handsome boy will be 15 in 10 days.  It has gone by so fast...

The mom bike, complete with basket and child seat...it took Lee two hours to install this thing.  Haven't ridden with it yet because now Erika is sleeping...

While Erika is washing My Veggies...

We just got back from market and I am about to  make some salsa, recipe courtesy my sister in law.  So, Erika is washing my veggies for me.  Because they still have dirt on them.  The onions I just bought have the roots on them with dirt on them...yeah, I'd say they are pretty fresh.  We also stopped by a new bakery this morning.  The sweets definitely won my kids over...and I could even ride my bike with the big basket Lee got me over there in like 2 minutes, so I think we may start going there...

Just to give you an idea of what produce (which is the cheapest food  here) costs at market, here is what I got this morning for $17 BZ  or $8.50 US: 2 lg green peppers, 4 small gr peppers, 6 small tomatoes, 3 lg tomatoes, 6 of the skinny onions, 3 lbs red potatoes (the best in the world...), 16 oranges, 1 lg head of lettuce, and 2 lb bag of black beans.  And we will go through this and need to back on Tuesday.  I think we really eat more veggies than fruit.  The fruit is not always the cheapest way to go, and I use the veggies to cook.  For example, I bought a watermelon for $5 US when we first got here, but my kids are more apt to eat a banana which are 8/50 cents US and they are ready to go, so it is easier for me.  Then we  use the leftovers and make banana bread.  We just got the best recipe for that here.  I think the thing we miss already is variety.  It is kind of the same stuff all the time.  I still need to learn to cook with some of the other things there.  Grapes and Strawberries are a luxury, very expensive and I have been told not good.  We miss those things.

So, it is hard for me to judge...I think the produce is cheaper here, but we definitely go through more of it.  And some of that is because we are home more, my kids eat better at meals, because we just don't really snack much here.  I do buy some snacks, but it just eats up our grocery budget.  We buy a lot of meat, when I look at it on a weekly basis, but when I look at what we eat daily, we eat so much less than we did in the states. 

But we have sweets, they are just different and rarer here...so the kids gobble them up when we get them.  They are more of a treat, which is how it is supposed to be.

Oh, and I feel your prayers.  I woke up this morning starting to feel better.  It is beautiful weather today so that is a blessing too.

Now onto making some salsa.