Some Reflections

I feel like I need to "blog" to update on this past two month's happenings.  Truly, it has been a whirlwind, a time of joy, a time of sadness, a time of feeling God holding me...and my children.

When I think over the past few months, the biggest and most prominent event that sticks out to me is leaving my son at college...by himself.  It was a thing that I truly dreaded for about a year...and the dread only increased as it got closer.  The Sunday before Josh and I headed up was probably my most emotional day.  But someone very special to me prayed for me...and it is like when we left Monday morning, I truly was okay.  I felt God's hand continually blessing.  It seemed as Josh was just covered with God's favor.  First, by him receiving a car...for free...but then a million other things that happened along the way.  God truly loves my son more than I do.  And on top of that, I just thoroughly enjoyed having the last week with just him.  The girls were with their grandparents...and although we talked every day, I was able to focus on Josh.  And that is something I will forever be thankful for.

Another thing I realized on this trip was that I am really close to my children.  Like when I compare my relationships with them to other people.  Tori would facetime me when we were apart for that week.  My sister in law commented that she hoped when her daughter grew up, that she would be that close.  And then since I left Josh, he has facetimed me every day.  I do not say this to brag or boast, rather it is a comfort to me...and a blessing...that when they are not with me, they still actually want to call Mom.

The girls and I stayed three weeks after Lee this time.  That ended up being a really long time for us to be apart.  I think both of us really learned to appreciate the other and the roles we play in parenting and just friendship with each other.  We really missed each other.  And I had some difficulties, that all worked out, on the ride home and just knew Lee would have handled them better.  But, on a positive note, because of me being alone, I was pushed out of my comfort zone.  I took a few roadtrips with the kids that in the past, I never would have felt comfortable driving.  So I was proud of myself handling it on my own.

I was blessed to go up to Dallas for my sister's oldest son's graduation.  The trip was quick, but so special to me.  Erika loved her cousin that is the same age.

The other huge thing going on in our lives is that we have had a sweet girl move into our home, with the hopes of permanent placement with our family.  It is something that the Lord spoke very supernaturally to Lee, Tori and I, last summer when we were visiting the home.  We have simply walked in obedience over the past year.  It has not been an easy road and may not be in the future still.  But God has bonded our hearts to this 13 year old girl.  So, I arrived home late Tuesday night...and woke up Wednesday morning to go pick her up and bring her to our house to live.  When I walked into the children's home to get her, I was overwhelmed with emotion that I had not expected.  Another confirmation of what God is doing.  Since she got here, she has helped us move the bedrooms around, with ownership.  It is her home.  And that is what blesses me the most. She is so comfortable with us and missed us when we were gone.  She has very long hair and the first thing she wanted to know is if I would take her to get a pretty haircut.  Tori and she looked online and found a picture for me to take to the beautician...and it turned out beautiful.  And it was a joy that I got to be the one to take her:)

And finally, we are expecting an intern, who we are very close to, to come in a little over a week from now.  We are excited that the Lord is bringing us help as there is much to do.  She will relieve me a little from children's ministry, and that will allow me to focus on the homeschooling and household tasks.

It is great to be home.  It has been extremely busy getting the house moved around and cleaned.  But as I was cooking lunch today, I thought how good it is to be back in my kitchen preparing food for my amazing family.  And after lunch, I got a call from Josh.  My heart couldn't be fuller:)

Can we please slow down time?

I wrote this a couple weeks ago but didn't publish it at the time:)

Tonight we took Josh to a very fancy restaurant that he has always wanted to go...because we are proud of him graduating and beginning his life in University...I am all about all our last moments before leaving him...

But all I want is for time to stop, to stand still for a while.  Every wonderful day we enjoy here is another day closer to me having to tell Josh goodbye.  I don't want these last days to be filled with tears, but I just feel like I'm not ready...that he can't possibly be ready yet.  Lee is so laid back.  "He's 18.  He'll be fine."  But I don't always see a man.  I still see the little boy who was full of questions and curiosity.  I still see the little boy learning to ride his bike.  How can he be ready to work and go to college and drive a car?  Of course, in my mind, I know he can handle all these things and handle them well.  I could when I was 18.  But in my heart, I am just having a hard time letting him go.

Time seems to be moving so fast now.  Of course, its time to now walk out all we have planned.  Its time to let him soar.  Its time for him to be able to spread his wings on his own.  And I know all of this is what we feel God has for him.  But it is so hard to let him go...

Please pray for me to have strength the next few weeks.  To enjoy, but not smother my son:)  That he will find a job that will be a healthy environment.  Of course, the car was a huge answer to prayer and we know the Lord has his hand on Josh.  He is so excited about his future...and so I am excited for him too!!

Jesus, the Ultimate Redeemer

Being a pastor's wife, I have worked with all kinds of people dealing with all kinds of situations.  We all have stories.  Our hearts must never forget to have compassion.

When we were in Dallas for Convention, we were eating at a Subway downtown and  a homeless woman came in.  Who knows what that poor lady had been through in her lifetime.  She came in to use the restroom and didn't make it.  As a family, our hearts broke for her.  She came over to our table, not a tooth in her mouth, and asked if we could just buy her a sandwich.  Obviously one meal won't change her situation.  But one meal helped her feel loved and worth something, even for just a moment.  I thought about her a lot that day.  We encounter so much poverty where we live, but it is everywhere.  Even in America.  And sometimes people are in those situations because of their own bad choices.  But sometimes people are in those situations because of others' bad choices.

This weekend, I was moved by someone I really love...who has found healing and made good choices that have affected her whole family.  I was reminded over and over that God is for us.  He wants to redeem broken lives.  And really, only He can.  We help.  We make decisions to go that way.  But we truly need God's intervention.

In eight short days, I will be moving Josh into his dorm.  We will enjoy a family vacation with both sets of grandparents and my brother and sister in law this week.  I am really looking forward to it.  Just relaxing and enjoying all three of my kids.  I'm missing Lee and so grateful to him for letting me have this time with Josh before I have to leave him.

Please continue to pray for the perfect job for Josh as we get him settled in Waxahachie.  He has been blessed with a beautiful, safe, sound car.  He has his Belizean license, but please pray that we can get his Texas Drivers License before I leave.  It would make me feel better.  He is doing great driving, although still novice, he is picking it up.  Pray for his protection as he drives and learns the way around Waxahachie.  I am feeling pretty peaceful at the moment, but as the time draws near to drive away and then fly home to Belize, this momma still sees this 18 year old boy as a baby...

Home

We have been in Texas for almost a week now.  One thing I can say is there is nothing like your family.  We have been overwhelmed with greetings and love from both sets of our parents and my brother and sister in law.  The first week has flown by so fast.  Our families have been so helpful, serving us in so many ways...and just reminding us how loved we are:)  I look forward to seeing both of my siblings and families over the next few weeks as well.

We also have been overwhelmed with love from our spiritual family here as well.  Friday night, we were invited to a gathering of a small group that many had attended Life Church over the years...and it just felt like family...seeing everyone again.  Saturday night, we attended Tori's best friend since first grade's quincerra.  Again, what a joy to just be around so many of our spiritual family that we have loved and missed so much.  And then this morning, Lee preached in a church that was birthed shortly after we birthed Life Church, by very good friends of ours.  Just feels good to be "home".

God has been gracious and blessing us, just like He always does.  Friday, we went and tried to purchase Josh a used car.  We just don't have a lot of time, and the search was extremely discouraging.  Josh had a great attitude and NEVER complained...was simply content with the fact that his car might not be as awesome as he might like.  We went to the party, knowing we would need to get up early Saturday morning and hunt again.  As we were leaving close to midnight Friday night, we were all exhausted.  Lee turned to me and said he just didn't feel like looking for a car anymore.  I was like, no, you have to...I can't handle that on my own!  But he was joking because at the party, someone pulled Josh and Lee aside and told them that they felt the Lord telling them to give Josh their old, but very nice, perfect condition car.  As they told me, I just was overwhelmed and began to cry.  One, because I was so relieved not to have to look anymore.  Two, because Josh is not just getting a car...but he is getting a very nice car.  Three, because once again God gently reminded me...He has Josh in the palm of His hand and is taking care of his every need.  I can go back to Belize, knowing that he has a safe, dependable car.  God is so good.

The other thing about this trip is that although I am now a pastor's wife in Belize, my heart has never left or stopped caring for the people here in Katy.  My heart broke for a very dear friend that has had a couple of rough years.  And it was just so easy and natural for me to pray for her...like we had never moved.  I got to see a baby that is now two...that I remember praying with her mom to conceive...crying with her, being with her at her wedding not too many years before that.  Praying over a girl that spent many years in our home here in Katy and tearing up as we watched the slideshow of years past, my daughter and her inseparable.

Sometimes coming home is very hard to see all we have left behind.  But then, I see a pic on Instagram of two girls in Belize...that I would consider spiritual daughters...and realize how deeply I missed seeing them Thursday, this morning, around town.  That is how it is in ministry.  You have your heart in different places.  I am so thankful for our support system here in Texas.  But I am also so thankful for the people in my life in Belize.  There are pros and cons to both lives, both places.  I love the AC here.  It is amazing.  I love shopping here.  But the traffic is insane...all the time.  And our schedule is just so busy, that we constantly are checking our calendars to make sure we are not missing something.  We literally have no free days.  EVERY SINGLE DAY IS PLANNED.

I am thankful for this time at home.  Thankful I got to each lunch with my parents.  Thankful that I got to laugh as Erika could not believe how the restaurant kept refilling our chips and salsa and drinks.  Thankful that she got to rock climb and that Tori got to be a part of her best friend's very special day.  But I am also thankful that God is using our family in Belize.  And I am thankful for the people he has in our lives there.

Everyone has asked how I am doing with Josh staying for college.  If I do not think too deeply, I am great.  He is excited and I am excited for him.  But I love my boy.  And I want to savor every single day we have over the next six weeks.   I covet your prayers for him, but for me too.  I want to leave him strong, not crying and falling apart.  I want him to be able to enjoy this time in his life for all it should be...

We have encountered some difficulties getting Josh's Texas Drivers License.  Please pray as we try to help leave him with as many things in place as possible.  He can drive on his Belize license for now, but we would feel better him getting his Texas license.

This afternoon has been very relaxing.  Which is great because tomorrow the whirlwind of activity starts at 8 am until....I don't know. 

I have not opened my computer since being here.  I am using Lee's.  But if you are my Facebook friend, there are pictures on there.

Right before we left Belize, the Lord gave me the following scripture to pray over Josh.  I am already seeing it come to pass...

Isaiah 55:8-9
⁸ “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
⁹ “For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.

Counting the Cost....and Counting it again and again...

Four years ago, when we began to sell most of our earthly possessions and planned to move to Belize, I counted the cost.  But what I didn't realize is that was just the beginning.  Over the past few years, I have to recount that cost over and over.  I have had to remind myself of the calling.  And realize that nothing good ever happens without a little sacrifice.  But I also have realized that there are great blessings of being in the center of His will.

Yesterday was one of those days.  You know...another holiday...without family.  Those can be really hard days.  A pitiful Easter basket with mostly old, spoiled candy:( (it is just hard to find good candy here...and you don't know until you open it:( That can be kind of disappointing.  A lunch with a friend that will soon return to the states.

But God intervenes...when we need Him most.  Lunch with friends that ended up being filled with laughter. helped cover the missing family from home.  Pictures on Facebook of candy that a sweet friend bought for my kids to get when we arrive in the states.  God always blesses when we need it most.

To round out the day, we had friends from church over last night for more just hanging out time.  Some of the people were playing Monopoly while we visited on the couch.  Tori didn't want to play.  She said, "Do you remember what happened the last time we tried to play this game?  We were having so much fun...and then everything changed..."  I didn't remember.  She said, "You know, the night she first came...and it began...all the months of craziness..."

This made me so sad.  That evening I was immediately swept up, an unplanned meeting in Lee's office with someone.  But realizing now that my kids...they were left to pick up the pieces, literally.  How sad it must have been for them, enjoying a fun family game time, only to be interrupted by but another crisis.

Yes, the cost is great.  Our kids have experienced a lot of things here.  They have sacrificed greatly.  They pay just as high a cost as we do.

But God always intervenes.  Sometimes the hardest days are right before we are about to go "home" for a visit.  But also, "home" is refreshing.  We get Christmas, Easter, birthdays, all in one month.  One month of being loved on, prayed on, blessed.  Memaws and Aunts who buy all our favorite foods and make us feel so loved from the moment we step off the plane.

Yesterday, as I spent some time with my daughter who once again has to say goodbye to another friend, her heart broken...God reminded me to remind her...that she does not sow in vain.  That she is sowing seeds that will bear good fruit.  When she goes and loves on twenty girls from babies to teens...at the children's home, she is planting good seeds.  That is why they smother her every time they see her.  When she pours into the girls in her small group, it is not in vain.  My girl is much like me.  Yet different.  Better.   But I know I was called to serve, really serve God when I was her age.  I see those same things in her.  And it is hard sometimes.  Ministry is really really hard.  Being a pastor's kid is not always fun...but the fruit, the blessings are abundant.  When God holds you in the center of his hands, there is such peace...and it is worth it all.

And just a few photos from yesterday that a friend took.  She is taking photos for anyone who wants on Sunday mornings...so I made my family dress up and scheduled the first slot this Sunday...  And I am so glad I did.

I love my sweet little family...so much:)

This is all I have so far...can't wait to see the rest <3 nbsp="" p="">

God is in Control

I think the theme that the Lord has been trying to teach me this year is...Do I really trust God?  Do I really know He has our back?  That He is our Protector?

We have journeyed some difficult things this year.  None of these journeys we would have chosen to take.  But yet God has remained faithful.  He has continually shown us He is holding our family in His hands and that His purpose for us here in Belize is bigger than we even know.

I love the words in this song, "I Can Feel You" by Jenn Johnson.  It is my new song right now...really ministering to me.  Sometimes we don't "feel" like worshiping, but if we do and just are obedient, He is there.  We truly can "feel" Him.  Unlike us, who are tossed around by the emotions we are feeling in a current situation with many ups and downs, God is constant.  He is always there.  He is Faithful, even when we are not.

Sometimes I feel like I am alone...that God is not intervening like I think He should.  I get frustrated, confused, sometimes even angry.  But that is not right.  God sees things we do not.  He knows what is best.  When I look backwards, I can see this.  I just often cannot see it when I am in the middle of the situation.

Sunday morning I was struggling with a particular situation...something God has told us to do, but there are so many roadblocks.  It just seems unfair.  If we are obedient, it is supposed to be easy right?

As we entered worship, EVERY SINGLE SONG was relevant.  I feel I held back a little simply because I was afraid I may begin to cry uncontrollably:)  But one was "Give Me Faith"...  The words were so powerful.

The bridge:

I may be weak, but
Your Spirit's strong in me.
My flesh may fail, but
My God You never will . 

In my own flesh, I am so weak.  I am so thankful that He is strength when I need it most!

I Can Feel You // Jenn Johnson & Bethel Music // Tides Official Lyric Video