The Power of the Human Touch

One of many lessons I have learned in the past weeks, or have been reminded of, is how important it is to touch people.   Especially during times of hurting. 

I have been covered in prayer by many these past weeks, but I've also had people come see me.  It's amazing how much it meant to see my parents waiting for me at the airport, hugging my son the weekend before surgery, and grabbing my husband's hand as I was wheeled into my room after surgery.   I am so blessed to have a Christian doctor who grabbed my hand to pray with me before she operated, a lady named Carrie, who checked me in and then came and prayed for me before surgery and checked on me after.   I had close friends who visited and waited with my family in the waiting room.  And of course my family.  

In this age of technology, I can talk to my kids through the Internet, see their faces, tell my husband I miss him.  But what technology can't do is let me hold my almost 9 year old close to me or hug my older girls.  I will have to wait to go home for that.   I have a new sympathy for those who are serving overseas.   I already know how hard it is to be separated physically from my parents and siblings, nieces and nephews.   I know what it is to send my first born to college.   But being separated from my younger children and especially my husband is so much harder than I could have ever imagined.  It has made me only fall deeper in love with him.   And although his time with me was short, I am so thankful he was here on my roughest days.  His very presence brought such comfort.  

I am thankful for my parents.  They have served me, taken care of me, run me places I needed to go.  They have loved me while I'm away from home.  

I've been blessed with people bringing treats and meals and flowers.  I've been loved by the body of  Christ.  My mother in law is blessing me by taking care of my family in Belize.   This is no small task.  

I am recovering every day but am still weak.  But I know that it will only get better from here and am thankful.  

I'm reminded the next time I know someone is hurting or sick how powerful even a simple visit will be.   God created us to love and be there for each other.  Something technology cannot replace.  

Coming before the Lord

Today began all my preparations or my final preparations for surgery.  I've only had two surgeries, both emergency.  I had an appendectomy when I was 19 and a few years later a c-section.  I went through prep but not like this.  I've had two weeks plus of thinking through my surgery.  And now 24 hours of more intense prep.  

As we gathered the things I needed and the nurse went over my preparation, I couldn't help but relate it to how we need to come to the Lord.  

I am on a liquid diet until midnight then nothing at all until surgery.   Coming to the Lord in times of fasting.  Sacrificing food for the benefit of God pouring into us.  Like I am sacrificing food and drink in preparation for the surgeon operating on me.  

I have to take two showers with special cleansers in preparation for surgery.  Do we thoroughly clean our hearts before we approach our Father God?   Before we minister in His name?  I admit that I have not always done this.  

Then, when I go to the hospital, I am to go in comfortable clothes, no jewelry, no make up, no lotion, no nail polish...all the things that cover me up.  I am to go vulnerable and comfortable, ready for the surgery.  Nothing hindering me.  Much like how we enter the house of worship.  We need to lay down our burdens, our problems with others, the concerns of this world and just worship Him and fellowship with others truly loving them like Jesus does. 

This has been a hard time for my family, yet God continually is showing us He is with us.  Little miracles along the way.  Divine appointments.  He has put people who love the Lord everywhere I turn.  He has put me with parents who are nurses to help me physically regain my strength for surgery, but who also are supporting me and encouraging me. 

I miss my husband and girls more than I can convey.   But I have had time to rest that I have not had in years.  I have had time with the Lord where He has my full attention and I'm not distracted by laundry and housework.  He is pouring into me and reminding me of the important things.   He is restoring areas of my life.  My heart.   

I would never choose this.  Being here away from my children who need me.  But I feel like Jesus has given me permission to take care of myself.  Let Him heal me.   Then I can go home whole and better than before. 

Grateful

In just a few days, we will celebrate Thanksgiving.  This will be the first Thanksgiving I've had in the states in five years.  It is tinged with sadness, though, because I won't be with my children or husband. But I am grateful I will be with my parents and extended family.  I may even get to see my son this weekend.  There definitely will be tears if that happens.  

My thoughts turn to what I am thankful for.  I live in a third world country where people die from routine surgeries.  Not all of them, but it happens.  I am grateful that we have health insurance.  I am grateful that I have family to take me in and care for me while I wait for surgery and then as I heal from the surgery.  I am grateful for a husband who values me getting good medical care and is sacrificing right now.  For children I normally care for, who are now learning to do laundry and cook and clean themselves.  I'm also grateful to Elizabeth and my mother in law for helping keep life going in Belize.  

This has been a season of rest for me.  Not having the regular things to do each day.  It has also been a special time with my parents.  We have missed these times with us living so far away.  And now that I have a son in college far away from me, I understand so much more.  We have our children, they are exhausting work to raise, but then they are on their own and we would do anything to have them back in our home again.  

I am grateful that we have family in Belize and family in Texas.  And that in both places, there are people walking beside us in this unexpected season.  

I am Not Alone

Sunday morning, we sang this song, I am Not Alone.  I wept through it all.  I have felt very alone lately.  Not because of anyone letting me down.  Actually, people have showered me with love and support.  But I have had to make a decision to go to the states and seek medical attention.  It is a decision I have wrestled over.  And Sunday, I knew I needed to go.  It was time.  And so I wept.  Thinking of missing my kids and husband.  Thinking of missing my youngest's birthday.  Thinking of missing the Holidays with them.  Because that is probably the hardest part of it all for me.

I have prayed and prayed for God to heal me.  But I also know that sometimes God uses doctors.  And I have come to a place where more invasive things must be done and would rather be in my home country.  I hear news reports so often here in Belize.  Rats getting in an incubator of a newborn baby, a woman dying of a c-section, a young girl who went from hospital to hospital and every one of them missing her appendix needing to be removed, ending in her death.  So in wisdom, I feel I must go home.

Please pray for our family over these next months.  I am walking in faith.  I have no idea how long I will be gone.  And that is the hardest part.  How do you prepare to leave your children when you don't know if it will be two weeks or two months until you see them again?  I am thankful for my in-laws coming to help Lee and thankful for my parents who will take care of me in Texas. 

Please pray for special moments over these next few weeks.  Last night, I read books with Erika in her bed.  She is so big, yet still my baby.  She acts tough, but I know she will miss me...and I will miss her.  Tori and Kailey both have birthdays coming over the next couple of weeks.  I pray for special connections before I leave.  The burden of housework and cooking will fall on them some and I know they are not excited about that.  But I also know they want a mama who is well.

Please pray for wisdom as my doctor sees me.  For favor in getting whatever surgeries I need. I do believe the Lord walks before me and is preparing things I don't even know.   

Bible Study

I am just beginning Beth Moore's "Beloved Disciple" Study and Love it.  It is so powerful how Jesus chooses to be in relationship with us.  He is for us.  He is constantly using the things in our life to teach us powerful things.  So that we can pass those truths on.

Psalm 25:14 says, "The secret of the Lord is with those who fear Him,

And He will show them His covenant."

Well, I want to walk close enough to Jesus to know His secrets.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that He has made everything beautiful in His time...

Yesterday was our first day off from school.  We just all need a little break sometimes.  We woke up very early in the morning to go and support the opening of the Foursquare school in Cayo.  Then after an early lunch, we headed to the pool.

Kailey and I had an entire afternoon of just "connecting".  It was a very special moment that I didn't want to end.  She talked, I talked.  We just connected on a very deep level, and I am so grateful.  This morning as I do this study, I feel the message is very powerful and relevant.

"I truly believe that if we're willing to see, God uses every difficulty and assignment to confide deep things to us and that the lessons are not complete until their beauty has been revealed."--Beth Moore

Yesterday, as I visited with my third child, much of God's beauty was revealed.  A year ago right now was not a fun time in my life.  I felt God had called me to too difficult an assignment.  But now, looking back, I see that every difficulty or inconvenience or hard thing was worth it.

Something as an adoptive parent that is a struggle for me is why?  Why didn't God connect me to Erika and Kailey right at their birth.  I could have saved so much heartache.  It would have been so much easier.  But that was not God's plan in either of their lives.  And He will use those things, those hard things, to grow deep compassion and empathy within their hearts.

Recently, Tori (first), then Kailey, have both shared that they want to be social workers when they grow up.  Why?  Because they both know the importance of good ones.  Their life experiences have formed what they want to do in life.  They want to help children who need it.  They want to find families that are good for those children.  And this blesses my heart so deeply.

The other thing is at camp this weekend and when we visited the school, Kailey expressed thankfulness to me because of her opportunities.  She told me how smart she is now because of being homeschooled (yes, it is a little funny, but cool as well).  She told me yesterday if she would have not come to us, she would not have gone to high school.  It was just how it was.  She was always told that.  And that makes me sad to think about.  She is such a smart girl and I believe will be successful into college.  I am sad that she had to endure loss to be a part of our family, but thankful that we are able to change her future (with God's help).

We also talked about when the Lord told us to adopt her.  What a supernatural experience it was for us.  She said at that time, she only knew Tori.  She is who stood out to her and who she liked.  Isn't that the coolest thing?  Because it was when Tori was 11 years old, that God gave her a vision of Kailey coming into our family.

This afternoon, I will once again head to do the Bible Study at Hope for Life.  I am praying for it not to be raining, as that is right when it is supposed to hit.  And I want who is supposed to be there, to be able to make it.

Make sure you spend some time in God's Word today.  It is so powerful.

Exciting

It has been 95 degrees and higher inside my house for the last couple of weeks.  It is still 90 when we go to bed, but it feels cool after the heat of the day.  I have been taking a lot of cool showers and drinking a lot of water.  But this heat is exhausting.  The temps drop throughout the night.  We have a thermometer on the air conditioner in our room that we never use...and I get happy as I see the temps go down.  This morning I did not get up early.  I just laid in bed since it is cooler and enjoyed...because I knew the heat of the day would soon set in.

Yesterday, we celebrated 1 year of Hope for Life.  It is a Pregnancy Help Center that my friend, a fellow missionary, began.  We have had several ladies from LifeNet volunteer and our church family supports the center in any way we can.

This picture is when my mom came in November and visited the center.

The board members and volunteers had a lunch to celebrate yesterday.  As we were on the front porch, enjoying our nachos, the fellow volunteers and board members shared what they have learned over the past year.  I felt bad when they came to me, because my volunteer position is to lead the Bible Study each week.  A year ago, I went for several weeks in a row and noone ever came.  I would stand at the front door and pray.   I would walk around the little house and pray.  But noone ever came.  So, we decided for me to just hold on to the Bible Study until we had more clients.  About a month ago, I was going through some things in my room and found the Study...and decided to give it back to Jadine.  My room is so full of homeschool, children's church and personal books, I was afraid I would lose it.  It wasn't a week later and Jadine messaged me with excitement and asked if I was ready to begin the study.  She felt we had some clients who would be willing to come.  Just as a side note, they earn "bucks" for attending and can shop for baby clothes and diapers.  But that is good because I think rewarding them for making an effort to come is worth it.

A couple weeks ago, we began.  I think we had four students, some with babies or family members.  Last week, I was sick.  Just too sick to be able to teach.  So yesterday, I was excited to see who would come.  In all, we ended up have five clients.  Three were pregnant, two had newborns.  Plus a couple of family members.  Tori went with me as well and snapped a picture for the Hope for Life newsletter. She goes, so that if there are older children who need to be watched, she is available to play with them.  I appreciate her being there so much. I greatly distorted the picture for the women's privacy.  But I wanted to share a pic, just because pictures are powerful.

All of the women who are attending are more fluent in Spanish.  I have lived in Belize a long time and get by fine with my English, but never have wished so much that I was fluent in Spanish as well.  Just as you share the things of the Lord, it would be so much easier to speak in their native tongue.  Even with Kailey, so often I wish I could converse in Spanish with her.

One other funny story that happened earlier at the lunch that I wanted to share.  One of the Board Members is teaching Lamaze to the pregnant women.  She said it is ironic because she actually had 3 C-sections.  But Jadine's daughter was there and shared how what she taught her was so beneficial as she recently gave birth.  Then the board members began sharing how all these videos of birth, and diagrams, etc, were so graphic.  That they had never experienced things like that before.  I laughed and said, well, I grew up in a home with a mother who taught Lamaze, so remember seeing them and wouldn't think a thing of it.  It is just natural when your parents are nurses.  Well, the other Board Member began laughing and said, "Robyn, it is YOUR MOM who gave us all this stuff!!!"   It was funny, but also blessed me that even though my mother is far away, she had a definite impact on this little center when she came in November.

So, please pray for me if you think of it as I prepare.  I am trying to get some of the scriptures translated into Spanish.  I have such an opportunity to pour Jesus into these women.  I am so thankful and so honored.

Visiting the Ketchi Net

There are many things our family sacrifices in our obedience to serve in Belize.  Sometimes we handle it well.  Sometimes we don't.

Recently, Lee decided to start rotating around to the other NetGroups besides the one that meets here.  And so Erika and I will be joining him on these rotations.  Then, when he stays here with the young adults, Erika and I will return to our Net.

This past Thursday, we were going to visit a group in Maya Mopan.  I did not voice my complaints that were shouting inside my head.  I was resistant to go for very selfish, spoiled reasons.  Lets just say it was out of my comfort zone in many ways.  But I prayed through and asked the Lord to change my attitude.  Erika was also resistant, as it is a different situation, where she would need to stay in the Net, and not go off to play with the kids.

As we were getting ready, I still was carrying some inward apprehensions.  What if I needed to use the restroom?  I didn't want to get bit up...Dengue Fever is very bad right now.  And I am always the one to get bit, even with spray on me.  Or worse yet, I didn't want Erika to get sick.  What if it was so uncomfortably hot?  So many things.

But as we got there, we were warmly welcomed.  They were so happy we had come.  It was actually much, much cooler than my house, out in the village.  And Erika was great.

One thing I really enjoyed was just observing the culture out in the village versus the culture within the city limits.  The parents did not bring toys or cups. The babies/toddlers just nursed on and off throughout the night until they fell asleep and slept on the hard floor.  The children were all very well behaved and participated.  The Net was almost entirely in Ketchi, with Feliciano translating here and there.  The people gave testimonies and then sang a song with all their heart.  This is how the entire two hours went.  Giving praise to God for what He has done, then singing.  There were a couple requests to God, but mostly it was thanks.  Many of the testimonies were about Lee.  We do not want the people to look to Lee as their God, but I don't think they were.  They were moreso saying how he goes above and beyond to serve.  Even going way into the jungle the previous Thursday to pray for one of the families daughters...late at night.  And she was supernaturally healed.  They appreciated that Lee cared for their family.

I had many emotions, especially during the times when I didn't understand the words being said.  I just sat and looked around.  Thankful that God called us here.  To unite this group of people who draw strength from God and one another.  You see, we have been here almost five years, and I have never been to this Net Group.  Other Missionaries have assisted, but primarily it has been done by Belizeans that we have poured into.  We pour into the leaders and the leaders pour into the people.

So, yes, there are many sacrifices.  We live far away from family...and my son.  We sweat ALOT.  Life is harder for us here than in the states.  But going to that Net put it all in perspective.