Homeschooling on the Mission Field

I love seeing all the pictures of everyone getting ready and sending their kids back to school.  And sometimes I'm a little jealous.  I miss sending my kids to school each morning.  And then having a quiet house:/

Yesterday was back to school Sunday at LifeNet.  We are about a month into school.  Someone asked me how the homeschooling is going.  In my  head, I pictured Jack Black from "Nacho Libre".  I thought, "It's FANTASTIC...I get to wake up every single morning, with the pressure of cooking, cleaning and laundry for seven people...and then answer a million questions throughout the day.  I never really get time to myself...that is, until I fall into bed at night completely exhausted."  But yeah, homeschooling is going well.  Of course, often I wish my kids went to school like everybody else.  I wish I had more support here in Belize.  I wish there were more things that my girls could be involved in...that were safe spiritually and physically.   Just so we could all have more breaks from each other.  The house can get really small.  Everyone working and schooling and mom trying to run a house.

BUT THEN, as I walked with my eldest girl this morning, I realized what a privilege it has truly been to get to homeschool her for the last seven years of her education.  How homeschooling her, has definitely been the right choice.  In fact, even though some days are long and hard and frustrating...I feel it has been the right decision for all of my children.  It has definitely been a place of health and bonding as we have added more girls to the family.  Rather than sending them away all day and them coming home and doing homework, they do school...and are finished.  So we can spend our evenings together.  Whatever that may be.  Right now, we have been working on a puzzle.  But often, it is family games or going out for ice cream.  Swimming when Erika is healed.  And I get to be present for all of it.  I don't have to sign up for room mom for everyone else's kids.  (Although I think that is so important for us as moms to do.)  I get to pour into my own kids.

So, as I tried to mop this morning, and do laundry, and keep kids in their rooms (especially the resident 9 year olds), and tried to grade work and answer questions, I know the Lord wants to remind me how blessed I am...to be entrusted with so many amazing kids.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:", Ecclesiastes 3:1

Being a Mother to the Broken

Sometimes you look at your life and think...wow, this is wasn't what I was thinking my life would look like.  Sometimes I feel like I don't have the time or energy for things that used to be important to me.  My life is sometimes consumed just keeping my family fed and clothed and educated.  Sometimes I feel I have nothing left to give.  But then sometimes, God gives me little rewards along the way...that make it all worth it.

The other day, one of my children told me that she never would have dreamed that she would have the life she has now.  That she never would have dreamed to have the family that she has.  And that...makes it all worth it.  Every fight I have had on my knees, with the system, and even with adjustments that have come along the journey.

Mothering the broken means teaching basic life skills, order to living in a home.  Sometimes it is exhausting, costly, messy.  But out of that messiness emerges health, a feeling of being nurtured, cared for.  Mothering the broken sometimes means even teaching the roles of mom, dad, siblings, because the roles were not healthy and have to be relearned.  Correction can bring fear, because in the past, it was a scary thing.  But an opportunity to teach healthy correction and discipline.  That rules are made to protect them.  Just as the rules that God gives us in His word are also for our protection.  That God corrects us because He loves us, and so that we can grow.

Last week, in the midst of coming home on Tuesday, starting school on Wednesday with FOUR girls, trying to catch up on groceries and cooking, laundry...just a lot of chaos...., Lee and I were interviewed on Adoption.  It was for a Christian radio station on San Pedro.  Clive is a great guy and the interview was really cool.  And maybe just a reminder to what we are doing.  Not just as a church, but as a family.  That even though sometimes it is hard, it is worth it.  That even though there are sacrifices along the way, it is worth it.  To save a life.  Not us, but Jesus using us.

When I was in the states with Erika, there were some reminders that she is adopted.  Filling out paperwork on family history that I don't know.  Checking her into the ER that we last used before she was adopted, under a different name.  But in my heart, Erika is not adopted.  When I was taking care of her, from the moment we picked her up from the Art Camp, and dealing with hospitals and doctors, she was  my baby, and I would do anything to fight for and protect her.  Yesterday, the girls wanted to watch Miracles from Heaven...which is my current favorite  movie.  But I could not watch it.  It is just too fresh.   No, Erika couldn't have died.  But what we went through.  The trauma.  It is and was just so much more intense living here with little medical care and dirt and I could go on and on.  Yes, I was blessed that I could leave and get help in the states.  But I had to leave my home, my other children.  And bringing her home is hard too.  Pray for me as I try to trust again.  It is so hard for me to even let Erika go to children's church.  It will be harder eventually to leave her somewhere.  This could have happened with me.  In fact, she has gotten stitches twice while I was in the same house.  So pray for me.  To put her in God's hands and trust.  It is a journey I am definitely on...

But one thing that is in my heart...is that we will reap a good harvest if we sow in love.  The days are sometimes long.  I get tired.  I get overwhelmed.  I get frustrated.  But I wouldn't change it.

On People's Hearts

The Wednesday before we had to rush to the states for Erika, I taught a Bible Study at Hope for Life. It was based on Matthew 25:31-46.   How when we minister to others through clothing them, visiting them feeding them it is as if we are doing it into the Lord.  

37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38 When did we see You a stranger and take Youin, or naked and clothe You? 39 Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’  Matthew 25:37-40

Little did I know that within a week, I would need people to minister to me in these ways.  

As meals began to come night after night, often with a visit from friends, and a prayer of encouragement and healing, I was just so overwhelmed.   About halfway through, the Lord began to remind me of the many meals I have also taken...to new moms, those who have lost a child or had sickness.   And He just loved on me saying, "Now it's your turn...and those serving you will also be blessed..."

One of the families who delivered a delicious meal in those early days said, "We are simply doing what you showed us..."   

We must live our lives beyond ourselves, beyond our own little families.  I have found in my life that the most generous people are often the most blessed.   We cannot out give the Lord.   

When I make a meal for someone in Belize, it is truly a sacrifice.  Because I am already cooking two full meals a day for a family of 7.  Groceries are expensive.   Cooking from scratch takes time.  But it is ok.  We always have enough.  God always provides.   And sometimes something like a meal and a visit is just what someone needs after going through something hard or traumatic.  

In this world of "taking care of ourselves," let us not forget that Jesus said to take care of others too.  

This morning, the nation that we serve in is waking up to devastation from a hurricane.  I am not there, but I know my family will be helping and serving.  We live in a solid home, but many do not.  Lee said the radio was full of people of calling for help.  Shelters are full.  So please pray for Belize.   And serve where He leads you.  

Waiting

I'm up early.   The house is super quiet.   Soon I will wake Erika and begin the long process of showering her and redressing her fingers.  It's the most un-fun part of our day and a reminder of why we are still here...waiting.  

I have a hard time sleeping.  I'm not sure why.  The bed is comfy.  The AC is nice.  I miss my hubby though.   I know it is also I am just anxious for home.  At home, I wake up and begin my day busy and stay busy and sweat a lot, so when evening comes, I'm exhausted and ready to sleep.  

This is more a time of rest for me.  I have cooked little.  Have very few chores.  The houses stay so clean in America.  I'm doing laundry for 2 instead of 7.  And we only use one outfit a day instead of changing because of being hot.  Erika and I take walks each evening. I love them.  We just talk and talk.  And then when we are so hot, we come inside to air conditioning. Ahhhh.  It's nice.  

I remember when I had my surgery in December, having many of the same feelings.  I love being here.  Love being with family and friends.  But this is not my home anymore.  I'm just a guest.  This is not my house.  I am borrowing cars, not my own.  I have one son and daughter here, but a husband and other daughters there.  So my heart is torn.  And I long to be in my own home again.  

This morning, a family is taking us to breakfast.  Erika is very social so these things are so good for her heart.  This afternoon, we will run some errands with Josh.  We have been so overwhelmed with love here.  People from all different churches feeding us, helping us financially, visiting us...just being Jesus' hands and feet.  Erika even received a care package from Josh's church in Waxahachie, complete with a blown up framed picture of when she was there in May. 

Please continue to pray for supernaturally quick healing of Erikas fingers.   Our prayer is that the doctor would remove the stitches on Monday and then we could fly home.  I am a little nervous taking her home...but also am so ready.  We have felt every prayer and are so thankful.  

Feeling Loved

Ten days ago, our lives were thrown a loop and into a spinning whirlwind.   I feel like this is the first time I can sit and share my thoughts.

Mondays are always super busy for me.   It's when I run my errands, do lots of laundry and just try to get things in order around the house.   Tori and I had woke up at 5:45 to walk the ring road and my day was non-stop after that.  In retrospect, I'm glad that Monday before I knew that I would be leaving was so productive.  It probably helped my family that I left behind...I had gotten the car inspected that morning while the girls were at cooking class and ran to a couple of stores and market. We went home and had a quick lunch.   Then the girls headed to art camp for the afternoon.   I had asked Kailey to go and sent her with a phone.   A simple decision that I'm so thankful for.

Tori and I spent the afternoon working on school supply gifts.  Something I always do before school starts each year.   I had just put everything up and covered with a towel on my desk and sat down to watch a movie with Tori.  Lee ran out of the room and said to "come on."  Kailey had called and Erika was hurt really bad.  It's amazing how fast things can change.   We were there in prob three minutes but it felt like eternity.   I'm glad Lee was driving.  They met us in the parking lot with Erika who was crying and holding a paper towel.   I looked as we raced to the backseat and saw mangled fingers and lots of blood.  It's so hard to be strong in that moment.  My baby.   Lee raced to the ER.  Probably another three minutes.   He dropped us at the ER and they had us in a bed immediately.  I couldn't breathe.  Just pray.   Pray like I've never prayed before.   I didn't care if I offended anyone.   I wanted God to guide these doctors.   It was painful.  They gave her a shot in her bottom.   But also in each tiny little finger.  Four of my baby's fingers.  Two were crushed and two were amputated above the knuckle.  Within moments, Lee and I knew I would need to bring her to the states.  I couldn't think or plan.  Only live in that moment.   Hold Erika.   Pray over her.  Trust God.

Looking back, the doctors and nurses in the ER were great.   They treated her quickly and calmly.  When we go back to Belize, Erika and I will go visit them and thank them.

My head swirled.   Throwing things in a suitcase.  How long would we be gone?    How would we handle it in the states?   I knew I'd have a support system when I got here.  But did not know exactly what the details would be.  Even now, I am truly living one day at a time.  That's about all I can handle.

That first night, we had four sets of visitors come to see Erika.  And you know what, she smiled through it all.

 The next morning, Lee and Tori took her back to the hospital to redress her wounds.  This poor girl has now had her wounds redressed so many times, we have lost count.   I am now the one doing it on a daily basis.  And it breaks my heart every single time.  Then the long ride to the airport.   She left the house in Belize at 6 am on Tuesday morning and we arrived at the ER in Katy about 6 pm that night.   With little snacky type meals along the way, but no real full meals.

Both sets of grandparents and Josh met us at the ER.  I was blessed to have a friend get us there from the airport.  I was tense, tired, and not liking having to wait.   I felt they weren't taking her injuries seriously:(.  But then, things finally got moving.  We started blood work and they got her a room.  Hooked her up to an IV.   But it was getting late.  And things still were slow.   Why weren't they helping my daughter??  I told our parents to go home.   That I would let them know.  Then they said they were sending us home.  Would give us somewhere to go tomorrow.   Mama got mad then.  I came to the states for help.  I did not want to take her home.   With these wounds.   Further risking exposure.  I sent out prayer requests and then a miracle happened.   A hand surgeon would come see her.  First thing.  In the hospital.   They would admit her.   Aaaahhhhh.  Relief.   I sent Josh home.  And about 1 in the morning, we were admitted to a room three doors down from where I was in December.   The nurse went and found food and juice and water for Erika and me.   We ate and I changed.   I was thankful I had packed my backpack to spend the night.  And then we slept.   Which is good because I did not sleep the night before.   I may have only slept 3 or 4 hours but it definitely helped me for the next day.   Wednesday.   My third very long day in a row.



This is where we really began to feel the love.   Someone set up a go fund me, people began to call and visit.   Meals were set up for our going home.  And best of all, the surgeon came.  A hand surgeon.   Who was confident he could help Erika.   The surgery was set for 5 pm and honestly the day flew by.  Someone brought me a chip so I'd have a flown.  Grandparents, Josh and Tyler came and visited.   Erika took over my facebook talking to people from everywhere.

That night, about midnight, we went home with my parents and I finally slept.  Erika slept too.  Actually a lot during all these days.  People began to bring meals daily.  Visits were often and so uplifting to Erika and me.  And even my parents.   We felt so overwhelmed with love.  The living room began to fill with flowers, balloons, candy, stuffed animals and even a cookie bouquet.  My heart was so overwhelmed.   After some of the hardest days I can remember in a long time, Gods people just wrapped their arms around us and loved us and prayed for us.

I think writing this blog was mostly for me.   To remember this time.   That even though it was a hard time, that God was always with us.  And that we have a family who loves us and takes care of us and friends who are truly there.

Pray for my family left behind in Belize.   Struggling with cooking and laundry and all the mom things I do...and homeschooling needing to start soon.  Please also pray for supernatural healing of Erika's fingers so we can go home soon.   I miss my husband and other girls.

Willing

There is excitement in the house.   Once again, we are opening our hearts and home to foster.   We will have her for the summer.   She is exactly 3 days younger than Erika.   Erika and I have cleaned and prepared her room for the past two days.  That is some sweaty work.  We ordered trundle beds from the Mennonites and should get them next week.  We have cleaned the closet and drawers so they can share.  We have dusted, straightened, mopped.   The room is almost ready.  

Each time, the Lord has brought a child into our lives, it has been very different.  This time, it has been the still small voice of the Holy Spirit whispering her name into our ears...daily.  It has been little things the girls have said.  About wanting another sibling.   It has been this little girl running up to us at church with the brightest smile you will ever see.   But it has most definitely been the Lord.  Even the song..."When Jesus says yes, nobody can say no..."

Adding another person to this already very full home is not something we take lightly.   But being obedient to the Lord is also more important than our comfort.   And there's always a little more stretch.   There's always a little extra we can give.   To change a person's life.  The girls are excited and willing to open their hearts and lives.   So it's a blessing to have everyone on board.  

Sometimes we forget our dreams as we grow up.   As I was spending time with the Lord, He reminded me that my best friend and I used to drive past the mansions in town and say when we grew up, we would take in lots of children who needed homes.   I don't have a mansion.   But I do have an amazing family.   And I'm excited to get to touch one more life.   

Please pray for our journey.  Pray for favor for us to get our citizenship soon.   And pray for this precious girl...that she would walk into our home and know just how loved she already is.  

I am preparing you for new things...

Last fall, when I had to make the decision to go to Texas for surgery...one of the things I felt the Lord kept telling me was to take care of myself.  At the time, that felt selfish.  My job is take care of my children, my husband, my church family.  But I kept feeling Him tell me it was okay.  Go home.  Rest.  Get well.  Get strong.   And I did.

When I first got to my parents' house, I slept A LOT.  I was weak physically.  I was so tired.  Looking back, I really do not know how I was doing it here in Belize at the end.  Well, yes I do.  I was barely making it.  I was taking 3 hour naps every afternoon.  It was such a crazy time for me.  We watched the VLOG today and Tori put on the trip we took to Chetumal in October.  I am thankful for that trip, but it was a hard trip for me.  I was in pain, uncomfortable.  Taking Advil like crazy just to cope.  But I am also thankful we had that time as a family before I left for 6 weeks.

Fast forward to my recovery after the surgery.  I followed the Doctor's orders to a T.  I knew I needed to fully heal.  Even during the time at my parents' home, I felt the Lord telling me He was doing a new work in me.  He was preparing me for new things.  That when I came back, I would not be the same, and that my life would be changing in some ways.

Here are the things that I have seen change so far...I am not afraid.  I am stepping out of my comfort zone.  I am not doing things I want to do just because it is expected.  I am listening and hearing God's voice more clearly than I ever have before. 

 My marriage is stronger, happier, more full of Joy than it has ever been.  This is not to say our marriage was bad.  It is just AMAZING now.  I so deeply appreciate Lee.  I am so honored by the way I watch him serve.  I love to hear him preach.  I love seeing how he fathers our children.  And we are just on the same page.  Our communication has gotten so much deeper.  I'm praying it only continues to get better.

I have spoken twice at the church.  But it is not just that.  It is that before, I have always felt so insecure.  And I just have really seen a change in myself.  I have confidence that if God tells me to do something, He will see it through.  He will be with me as I speak.  He will be with me as I minister.  I just have stopped second guessing everything and really started to trust God in such a deep, deep way.

Last Thursday was a crazy busy day for me (after a crazy busy Wednesday).  It was a day mixed with so many different emotions.  A lady that I met through Hope for Life finally had her baby early Wednesday morning.  She had a beautiful, healthy baby boy.  So I told her on Wednesday that I would take her home on Thursday.  It broke my heart because she was in the hospital alone.  Her husband was away trying to make some money for the family.  Her sister was watching the other three children at home.

It was crazy, me getting food ready for her...making sure everything was warm, because she would have no way to warm it at her house.  The older girls were babysitting, so Erika helped me at the hospital.  So different than the states in so many ways.  The ride home was hard on her, but she was grateful.  The roads are bumpy.  Each one she felt.  We got her home and the children were so happy to meet their new brother, see their mother.  So much love and Erika and I got to be a part of it.  We went inside and the kids told her the fridge broke while she was gone.  The electricity did not seem to be working either...and she was so hot.  I was dripping sweat like crazy myself.  I got her settled in a chair so her daughter and I could get the bed ready with a clean sheet.  The boy got the fan working.  YAY...  I came out and what do I see but Erika sitting in a little plastic chair grinning ear to ear as she gently held a two day old baby.  I asked her permission to take a picture.  Because I never want to forget this day.  I want to remember on the bad days why I'm here.   I am here to be Jesus' hands and feet when noone else is.  You see, this happens because I live here.  It has taken time, but this family loves us and trusts us.  Even in the most intimate of moments.  I have cried with this woman.  We come from two very different worlds, but yet the Lord has give me this deep, deep love for her.

Once we got her changed and settled in her bed.  After I gave clear instructions to the oldest girl (especially about mommy's need to rest).  After praying, hugging, loving on this family....we got to experience one tiny, but significant miracle.

As I saw her struggle in pain, I worried what would she do all alone...with four children, trying to recover from birth.  I prayed, "Lord, please let her husband come home".  The mother began to cry and said, "I just wish my husband was here"...and within a minute, the houseowner walked in with the phone and said "its your husband".  She began to weep as he told her he was on his way...God answers...

Their journey is not over.  This morning her husband had a pretty big seizure.  We picked him up from the hospital and took him home.  We saw the baby.  This family attends LifeNet.  We are helping where we can.  But sometimes problems are big and are many.  We do what we can, and pray a lot.

Sometimes my heart gets overwhelmed.  But I find that when I do things in my own strength I can't do it.  But I find when I truly rely on God, He gives me a strength and wisdom that I do not have on my own.

Sometimes He asks things that feel "hard"  or too much....but I'm learning that there is always a little more to give.  There is always a little more we can do.  But there is always a lot more My God can do!