Married Life on the Mission Field

In the states, you always hear about how important it is to date your spouse.   I feel like it is so much harder, but so much more needed here.   There are less date opportunities and it's hard to find time.  

Today, after Lee's dental appointment, we will have a date.   I'm excited.   We are eating somewhere we have always heard about but never gone.  And with our growing family, not somewhere to take the whole crew.  

It was Tori who encouraged this date.   She said, "Go to the city with Dad.  I'll watch the girls."

It's hard for me to leave Erika.   Every day I think of her accident.  In fact, last night we were at the civic center, where it happened.   We went to the bathroom where they desperately tried to stop the bleeding.  I just have to release Erika and put her in God's hands but it's so hard for me.   Worrying something else might happen.  

So, today, I will focus on my marriage.  We get the long drive here and back with no kids.  Free to talk.   Of course, we will still talk about the kids☺️. But we won't be interrupted or have to be careful what we say.   We can share our hearts with each other.   And enjoy that the Lord has given us this time.   

Last night, we came together with all the churches for the National Day of Prayer.   It was the best one since we've been here.  It wasn't as hot as normal....but we did still sweat.   The worship was great.  One thing broke my heart, though, when they prayed for marriages.   The pastor's wife asked everyone who was with their spouse to stand and hold hands as they prayed for marriages.  What made me sad was how few couples stood in such a large room full of people.  Some were separated because a spouse was on stage...but still.  One of the things that God told me before we came here is that he was sending Lee and I to show what a healthy family could be.   I know and pray that we will continue to stand in that.  The enemy is definitely against our marriages and families and last night was a very visual reminder of that.  

When I think over the past five and half years here in Belize, it has been the hardest time for our marriage, but also the deepest, most amazing place our marriage has ever been.  And a reminder of how blessed I am that the Lord chose my husband for me.  

Begging

I'm sitting in Belize city at the dentist waiting for Lee as he gets work done.  

I'm asked for money most days in Belmopan, but it is definitely more here in the city.  Last week when we came, Kailey and i were out front just a short time on the street and asked several times.  Now, as I sit and wait, a boy of about twelve, that actually looks well cared for, just came and asked the receptionist and then turned and begged me for money.   He says he's hungry.  I asked why he's not in school.  He said no school today because the teachers are on strike.  I could have given him a dollar or two.  Made myself feel better.   And taught him that begging is the way to go.   

Foreigners are known for coming here and giving so much stuff.   So much money.   Don't get me wrong.  There is much need here.   But the money should be invested in education and things that better a person.   Not just feed them for today.   Because tomorrow they will be hungry again.  

So often when I'm asked for money, I want to explain.  That I actually am very generous.   Very giving.   But it is based on relationship.   I care for three girls that I didn't give birth to.   I invest in them.  For them to have an education and better future.   And for them to have a family.   I give sacrificially of my time to so many things that I can't explain to someone I just pass on the street.   But God knows.  And I believe we need to be careful where we sow.   That we are not just sowing into something that will never grow.  

Living in a country surrounded by so much need, I don't want to become callous.   But also living in this country, I see how much harm is also caused by just giving for the day and not helping them plan for a future.   

Fostering, Adopting, and all the Dynamics of Family

One of the quotes that I see often on Facebook is that...everyone has an opinion about Foster Care, but few actually step out and do it.

My intention years ago, was to adopt one child.  My family was full.   But apparently the Lord did not agree.  I remember one Mother's Day before I moved here to Belize, we had a few extra kids with us (who had parents...but were out of town or something).  We went to Los Cucos in Old Katy.  I remember looking around at all the kids...the full table.  And the Lord very clearly told me that I would always have a full table in Belize, as well.  And it has been true.  At the moment, we have seven at every meal.  I am learning pasta is my friend.  And rice and potatoes.  Because they stretch a little more.  Food is expensive here.  But God always helps me stretch it.  And no one is going hungry:)

The dynamics in my home are at best, interesting...and crazy.  We have lots of girls.  We have lots of big personalities.  We have lots of laughing.  But we also get lots of hurt feelings.  On most days, I feel I am a referee.  

But lately, I also see that in spite of all of that...our home is also a place of healing.  Healing is slow.  You don't see it immediately.  Sometimes you wonder if it is even happening.  And then one day, all of a sudden, you see it.

Erika's fingers have been that way.  At times, I have worried...are they healing okay?  Is this how they should look?  And then all of a sudden, they look so great.  We realize how far they have come in seven weeks.  This week, we sent several pictures to her surgeon and he was so encouraging and happy with how they have healed.  Which of course, encouraged me so much.

Emotional healing is so much the same way.  And then someone from the outside tells you what they see.  How they see that God has done so much in a person's life.  And then all of the sudden, you are encouraged.  To keep going...

We live our journey of fostering and adopting so publicly.  We are pastors.  If our children have a bad day (especially on Sunday), we feel judged.  We feel people are watching...trying to see "how it's going".  Yet, with our birth children, there is not that same pressure.  We like when people think we are doing a good job.  But when they say something negative about our child or our decisions on parenting, it hurts even deeper.  Because we are doing our best.  We are seeking God at every moment in this journey.  Asking Him to guide us, give us wisdom.  And also finding that He is there, helping us.  Helping me to see when one girl needs a little more of my attention.  Or where there needs to be grace instead of discipline.  Or vice versa.

Next Friday, I am excited that one of my fellow foster moms is starting a monthly gathering of our families.  Our families that look a little different.   Our families that have birth children, adopted children and foster children.  And we will all get to be with other families just like us.  Who understand the dynamics of our family.  All of my girls are so excited.  Because they, because of our family, have a heart for fostering and adopting, too.  And can't wait to hang out with everyone.

Friendship on the Mission Field

This morning, I am preparing my Bible Lesson for Hope for Life next Wednesday.  I am going through a study on being a godly mother.  It has really been good...even for me.

Next week, I will teach on the importance of godly friends.  How having friends in the same boat with you is so helpful.  I am curious how it will go.  Do these women have godly friends who are encouraging them?  Or am I that for them?  Am I the only one who encourages them and lifts them up during the week?

Then I thought alot about my journey in friendships here over the past almost six years.  I have made friends...they have moved away.  I relate mostly to other missionaries, but they are so busy.  But the Belizean friends I have are so busy, too.  Most of them work full time outside of the home.  And I am busy too...all the time.  But I love the moments I do get.  To grab coffee or a coke with a friend.  We typically try to find somewhere there is AC.  And then I have so many friends still back home.  Twice, this past year I have had to fly home for surgery for myself and then Erika.  And twice, my friends back home have welcomed me and loved on me.  I have been blessed both times to get times to just sit and catch up.

Our friendships are so important.  Lee is my best friend....but I need friends who are women, as well.  I am so thankful, that even though people come and go, the Lord always seems to bring me good friends.  I have learned as I have gotten older that sometimes our friendships have seasons.  That our lives change directions, and so do our friendships.  Sometimes our friendships change.  Sometimes we realize that a friend is no longer healthy for us.  Sometimes things change, yet we choose to fight for that friendship.  I recently went through something so hard.  Having to stand up for something that we strongly believe in...but needing to separate the friendship from that stand.  It was hard for me to walk through.  It was scary.  How would it work?  But it did.  And God helped the other woman and I to walk through it bravely together and walk away still being friends....

If you have a friend, make time to spend together.  The different seasons in our lives can sometimes make it more challenging, but it is always worth it and refreshing to have a friend:)

Homeschooling on the Mission Field

I love seeing all the pictures of everyone getting ready and sending their kids back to school.  And sometimes I'm a little jealous.  I miss sending my kids to school each morning.  And then having a quiet house:/

Yesterday was back to school Sunday at LifeNet.  We are about a month into school.  Someone asked me how the homeschooling is going.  In my  head, I pictured Jack Black from "Nacho Libre".  I thought, "It's FANTASTIC...I get to wake up every single morning, with the pressure of cooking, cleaning and laundry for seven people...and then answer a million questions throughout the day.  I never really get time to myself...that is, until I fall into bed at night completely exhausted."  But yeah, homeschooling is going well.  Of course, often I wish my kids went to school like everybody else.  I wish I had more support here in Belize.  I wish there were more things that my girls could be involved in...that were safe spiritually and physically.   Just so we could all have more breaks from each other.  The house can get really small.  Everyone working and schooling and mom trying to run a house.

BUT THEN, as I walked with my eldest girl this morning, I realized what a privilege it has truly been to get to homeschool her for the last seven years of her education.  How homeschooling her, has definitely been the right choice.  In fact, even though some days are long and hard and frustrating...I feel it has been the right decision for all of my children.  It has definitely been a place of health and bonding as we have added more girls to the family.  Rather than sending them away all day and them coming home and doing homework, they do school...and are finished.  So we can spend our evenings together.  Whatever that may be.  Right now, we have been working on a puzzle.  But often, it is family games or going out for ice cream.  Swimming when Erika is healed.  And I get to be present for all of it.  I don't have to sign up for room mom for everyone else's kids.  (Although I think that is so important for us as moms to do.)  I get to pour into my own kids.

So, as I tried to mop this morning, and do laundry, and keep kids in their rooms (especially the resident 9 year olds), and tried to grade work and answer questions, I know the Lord wants to remind me how blessed I am...to be entrusted with so many amazing kids.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:", Ecclesiastes 3:1

Being a Mother to the Broken

Sometimes you look at your life and think...wow, this is wasn't what I was thinking my life would look like.  Sometimes I feel like I don't have the time or energy for things that used to be important to me.  My life is sometimes consumed just keeping my family fed and clothed and educated.  Sometimes I feel I have nothing left to give.  But then sometimes, God gives me little rewards along the way...that make it all worth it.

The other day, one of my children told me that she never would have dreamed that she would have the life she has now.  That she never would have dreamed to have the family that she has.  And that...makes it all worth it.  Every fight I have had on my knees, with the system, and even with adjustments that have come along the journey.

Mothering the broken means teaching basic life skills, order to living in a home.  Sometimes it is exhausting, costly, messy.  But out of that messiness emerges health, a feeling of being nurtured, cared for.  Mothering the broken sometimes means even teaching the roles of mom, dad, siblings, because the roles were not healthy and have to be relearned.  Correction can bring fear, because in the past, it was a scary thing.  But an opportunity to teach healthy correction and discipline.  That rules are made to protect them.  Just as the rules that God gives us in His word are also for our protection.  That God corrects us because He loves us, and so that we can grow.

Last week, in the midst of coming home on Tuesday, starting school on Wednesday with FOUR girls, trying to catch up on groceries and cooking, laundry...just a lot of chaos...., Lee and I were interviewed on Adoption.  It was for a Christian radio station on San Pedro.  Clive is a great guy and the interview was really cool.  And maybe just a reminder to what we are doing.  Not just as a church, but as a family.  That even though sometimes it is hard, it is worth it.  That even though there are sacrifices along the way, it is worth it.  To save a life.  Not us, but Jesus using us.

When I was in the states with Erika, there were some reminders that she is adopted.  Filling out paperwork on family history that I don't know.  Checking her into the ER that we last used before she was adopted, under a different name.  But in my heart, Erika is not adopted.  When I was taking care of her, from the moment we picked her up from the Art Camp, and dealing with hospitals and doctors, she was  my baby, and I would do anything to fight for and protect her.  Yesterday, the girls wanted to watch Miracles from Heaven...which is my current favorite  movie.  But I could not watch it.  It is just too fresh.   No, Erika couldn't have died.  But what we went through.  The trauma.  It is and was just so much more intense living here with little medical care and dirt and I could go on and on.  Yes, I was blessed that I could leave and get help in the states.  But I had to leave my home, my other children.  And bringing her home is hard too.  Pray for me as I try to trust again.  It is so hard for me to even let Erika go to children's church.  It will be harder eventually to leave her somewhere.  This could have happened with me.  In fact, she has gotten stitches twice while I was in the same house.  So pray for me.  To put her in God's hands and trust.  It is a journey I am definitely on...

But one thing that is in my heart...is that we will reap a good harvest if we sow in love.  The days are sometimes long.  I get tired.  I get overwhelmed.  I get frustrated.  But I wouldn't change it.

On People's Hearts

The Wednesday before we had to rush to the states for Erika, I taught a Bible Study at Hope for Life. It was based on Matthew 25:31-46.   How when we minister to others through clothing them, visiting them feeding them it is as if we are doing it into the Lord.  

37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38 When did we see You a stranger and take Youin, or naked and clothe You? 39 Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’  Matthew 25:37-40

Little did I know that within a week, I would need people to minister to me in these ways.  

As meals began to come night after night, often with a visit from friends, and a prayer of encouragement and healing, I was just so overwhelmed.   About halfway through, the Lord began to remind me of the many meals I have also taken...to new moms, those who have lost a child or had sickness.   And He just loved on me saying, "Now it's your turn...and those serving you will also be blessed..."

One of the families who delivered a delicious meal in those early days said, "We are simply doing what you showed us..."   

We must live our lives beyond ourselves, beyond our own little families.  I have found in my life that the most generous people are often the most blessed.   We cannot out give the Lord.   

When I make a meal for someone in Belize, it is truly a sacrifice.  Because I am already cooking two full meals a day for a family of 7.  Groceries are expensive.   Cooking from scratch takes time.  But it is ok.  We always have enough.  God always provides.   And sometimes something like a meal and a visit is just what someone needs after going through something hard or traumatic.  

In this world of "taking care of ourselves," let us not forget that Jesus said to take care of others too.  

This morning, the nation that we serve in is waking up to devastation from a hurricane.  I am not there, but I know my family will be helping and serving.  We live in a solid home, but many do not.  Lee said the radio was full of people of calling for help.  Shelters are full.  So please pray for Belize.   And serve where He leads you.