Coming to Texas

Sometimes it can be hard to hear from God during this time we have in the states.   Usually we go to Convention.   I definitely feel a loss in my spirit in missing it this year.  Just because we are usually receiving ministry that our family definitely needs during this time we are home.  In the busyness of going place to place, endless to-do lists, and just being off schedule in every way, I have to really purpose in my heart to seek after Him.  

But where I have felt God is through the love of churches and fellow pastors who have welcomed us.  Loved us.  Just talked to us.  Also from our families.   We are so incredibly blessed to have family who love the Lord.   They miss us just like we miss them, but they also see that God sent us to Belize.   My brother and sister in law have thoroughly spoiled us.  My two eldest kids shared with me separately that they never feel like a burden.  That they always feel loved.  That blessed me.  

I sit on the edge of returning to Belize.  I'm anxious to get home, but don't want to leave.  It's always such a division in my heart.  It's hard to live in two worlds.  I haven't been here long enough.  Had enough time with people here.  Yet, I've been gone too long from people I love in Belize.  

Life here in the states is easier in so many ways.   Yet, in the midst of relaxing, we are always busy fundraising so it is not always a true rest.  And everything is off schedule and different.   That is hard for me as I'm a real scheduled person.  I think it's hardest on Erika too.  

So I feel ready to get home, sleep in my own bed, not have allergies, cook my own food...yet, I dread the weighing of the suitcases, the heat that awaits us, the bumpy roads...

I've heard it said before, but a missionary never feels truly at home again.  Home is not totally home ever again, because mission life changes you.  It's hard for me to spend money in some ways when I know so many who go without.  When I know how far that it could go somewhere else.   Yet, sometimes it's nice to get some new clothes, makeup, a purse.  

It definitely has been a month of refreshing, enjoying cooler weather, missed foods, catching up with family.   Lord, prepare my heart as we head home to get busy...continuing to pour into others, continuing to raise up spiritual sons and daughters.   

We have enjoyed being with our son.  His heart is good.  Today, Erika hit her head coming down the slide and he quickly was next to her, checking on her.  He teases his sisters, but that's his way of showing them he loves them.  We are proud of him being independent, responsible.   It's probably not easy for him to have parents so far away.  We are thankful for family that checks in on him and cares for him.   

We have one more Sunday that is full, a waterpark on Monday, then final preparation before heading home.   I'm ready, but torn.  

We have listened to the song, "Take me to Texas", several times on this trip.   We know the Lord has us in Belize but this song brings tears to my eyes because my heart is also in Texas.   So many people I love are here too.   Yet, I also love so many people in Belize.   This is what happens when you serve away from your home❤️