The Atmosphere

The atmosphere in our home, at times, is very heavy.   Ministry is heavy.  Foster care is heavy.   Life gets heavy sometimes.

The last week has been tough.  We should have been celebrating six years.   But it was just a heavy week.  

This morning my mom shared my blog from six years ago.  Wow.   It was so crazy for me to read.  The beginnings of our time here.  So new and full of hope.  Not any too bad experiences yet.   We were in the honeymoon days of mission life.   It was so good and healing to read that this morning.

Slowly, the sun shines again.   Slowly, we see that yes, Jesus is still here.   Still has us here.   He is not done with us.  On the contrary, much work to do.  But different work.  A different season.

This week, we began the huge job of planning our trip in May.  Registering for convention, buying plane tickets, renting a vehicle.   All things a little harder because of sketchy internet.   But rewarding as we get things done.

This week, we were given a hint of permanence.   Kaileys adoption homestudy finally scheduled.   Our newest one-- we were finally given permission to begin the process of passports and visas.

The atmosphere has changed.

When I took her for her passport photo, it was all so exciting.  I can't imagine the day we fly to the states.  But there was this hope.   Like her whole face, which is always happy, is more peaceful.  There is grief of a life with us.   It means she will never go home.   Adoption is mixed with grief on both sides.   I grieve that I never got to hold her as a baby or see her start preschool.  I grieve that I couldn't save her from sad things in her life.   But as just she and I ran errands today, I rejoice that Jesus entrusts me to take her the rest of the way.   That now I get to be her mom.   That every day she tells me she loves me and hugs me and tells me she loves living with us.   This is joy.  This restoration of a life.  And this changes the atmosphere in a home.   This is family.   Her skin is darker than mine.   Her hair straighter.   But I'm her mom.   What an honor.