She's All Mine

I wanted to share a little about Erika Ruth today. It has been two months since we officially adopted Erika, but life has literally been a whirlwind ever since. So I have had little time to reflect on what God has done in my heart.

First of all, the day we adopted Erika, lots of family and a couple of friends came to the courthouse with us. Then a few of us went to eat at Rainforest Cafe (by request of the special girl). It was an emotionally overwhelming day and we came home and fell into a deep sleep for about two hours. It was literally as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of our shoulders. Lee and I felt an immediate peace and even found that we looked at Erika differently now because SHE IS REALLY OURS now.

The first thing I did, as Erika's mommy, was to go and have her ears pierced. It was so cool to sign the paper. I was her mom and I could do that without asking foster care or CPS. Unless you have walked through this, it is hard to explain that feeling of freedom. I have always been confident as a mother until the state came in and began to dictate our every decision.

The next thing is that we began to allow Erika to sleep with Tori. Every night before this, we would fight and fight to get Erika to sleep in her toddler bed. I do not believe in giving into a child's every whim, but this was a battle I saw no point in fighting. I think her sleeping with her older sister in a huge bed is something perfectly natural and bonding. Our nighttime ritual now is peaceful and happy, the way God intends:)

Then we left to LA for two weeks of missionary training. I missed my kids desperately...all three of them. I no longer said my two birth children and a girl we are trying to adopt, but rather...my three children. So neat.

When we returned, Lee and I saw an absolutely different child, behavoir wise. No longer did we have long tantrums, and attitude every step of our morning rituals, but rather a happy, cooperative child. I was slow to recognize it, but after about two weeks of being home, the Lord showed me that He broke things in the spiritual realm with her adoption and our dedication of her shortly after. I am so thankful. She is still a strong 3 year old, but no longer do we have the issues we did before adoption.

Today, Erika and I had several errands to run. Just some fun shopping. In the past, I would have battled Erika all day to cooperate with me, to stay with me, not to fuss. No longer. We shopped at one store, went to the post office, then lunch and shopping at Target.

As we sat across each other at lunch today, I was overcome with emotion. Of course, Erika was adorable sitting there with her two braids wearing her bright yellow "Little Miss Sunshine" shirt and jean skirt. But she was just so cute eating her pizza and drinking her water out of her "Jesus Loves Victoria" canteen she found this morning when we were cleaning. I was overcome with such a deep deep love for this girl. Really, I forget I did not birth her. She is my heart. She brings such joy to me. Only the Lord can fill my soul, but Erika has filled a place that God kept empty...just so I would search for her. My heart overflows now. My life is full. Having this part of my life fulfilled makes me ready for this next step He has for our family.

Speaking of which, Lee is currently in Belmopan. Our new home. He has already found such favor. It blesses me. And comforts me. Sometimes I really think, is this a dream? Are we really about to move to a very hot place? Yes, we are. Reality knocks at my door every day right now. Today I bought some things. Every thing I buy these days...I have to think, will this go to Belize? If not, I don't buy it.

Today was a good day. And I am thankful that I got to spend it with a very special, very tiny little 3 year old.

I'm still here...

It has been awhile since I last blogged...That's because our house sold!!! Life has been crazy. Looking for an apartment, selling everything we can now before we move, preparing the house for inspection...the list goes on. All while still parenting 4 children. One of which is in transition to a new home.

There are lots of emotions going on around here as well. Erika does not want to move "Cause I like this house." So do I. Lee and I are stretched so thin right now. Yet, even as I fall into bed each night, I truly have the peace of God. I think over the past 10 days and am amazed at how much we have gotten done and it is because of Him.

We had a huge garage sale this weekend, also advertising our stuff on Craigs List. So it was very busy, but we really did clear out so much. And you know what? Saturday afternoon, we felt a sense of relief. Not missing the things that are gone, but relief that it is one more step to being free of the things that hold us here.

Lee is heading to Belize in the morning. I never like when he leaves. But I have a lot to get done while he is gone. Josh is sad because he wished he could go with him. It blesses me how excited he is to just GO. I have a feeling he will not be one to stay close to home as he grows up.

Life is busy and won't slow down for awhile. We will move in a few weeks, then head on a long vacation to Georgia (convention) and New York to see my family. I can't wait. I know the vacation will be busy, but am really looking forward to it. I am actually so glad the house situation and all this work will be behind us before we leave. God's timing really is best.

So my plans this week are to really begin to downsize my kitchen stuff!!! Only keeping the minimums for the apartment and then taking some of that to Belize. We will have another garage sale in a couple of weeks. We have pretty much decided on an apartment. It will be a little less than half of this house. It is nice. It is close to the church. The kids will all share a room for awhile. Oh, and it has two pools. I know we will take advantage of that!!!

So many changes in the next couple of months. Our summer is already packed full of little trips with family and going to Belize. It will be a special summer for my kids. They will probably really appreciate things that used to be ordinary. I know since I found out we were going, I really look at my pampered life differently.

Then this fall beginning the process of homeschooling.

Our House Sold Today

I should be sleeping.

But I can't

Our house sold today.

My mind races.

Where will we move?

What should we keep?

What should we sell?

How will we get everything done in time?

Where do I start packing up 7 years of love?

Its just a house, right?

Just a house that we have posed for pictures in front of a million times.

Just a house that we have celebrated many Happy Birthdays.

Just a house that has been a place of refuge from the storms of life.

Just a house where we have wiped tears away, held sick kids and cleaned up messes.

Just a house that we have hosted many overnight guests, cell groups and dinners.

God, I thank you for allowing us to live in this house and to make it a home that honored you.

Thank You that You fulfilled my dream to adopt a little girl and bring her to this home.

Thank you that it is just a house...and I can surrender it to follow You.

So, we take that first step into the unknown.

We know God has called us, because He provided a buyer.

We know that He is with us on this journey.

And that His plans for us are good :)

Rekindling my Cooking

Since I began working seven years ago, we began eating out more. Simply because it is easier and yummier to eat out. After almost twenty years of marriage, sometimes I just get sick of cooking and tired of trying to come up with ways to nourish my family.

In August, our family grew once more and we became a family of 6. And our youngest is getting older and is no longer satisfied sharing meals with mommy anymore. So going out has become more expensive as of late. Especially when limits are not set before going in the restaurant. A simple fast food restaurant easily tops out at $30...one third of my grocery budget for the week.

So, once again, our life is taking a turn back to the way things once were. We are eating more meals at home these days. Needing to get creative began my quest for a better cookbook. One of my friends is a huge fan of the Pioneer Lady. One day I decided to go check out her fascination. This lady really is cool. She lives on a ranch, homeschools and cooks amazing meals and photographs the process step by step. And has a great website.

The Pioneer Lady recently came out with a cookbook. I was inspired. Afterall, she feeds four kids and a husband and they are all happy with her food. I found her book at SAMS and was so excited as I looked through all the pages with beautiful pictures and envisioned my happy family sitting around the table thankful for my homecooked meal :) At first, I thought I would try to make all the meals in the book, like one of my fave movies "Julie and Julia". But I realized there were some things that my family would just not eat. And I wanted to skip the fried foods...for our health.

Before we went to LA, I made the first recipe. They liked it except one ingredient so I marked that in my book. Tonight I made Chicken Pot Pie. I loved it. Even the crust was homemade. But it had thyme. I think they didn't like the Thyme...so I marked that for next time.

The bottom line, though, is this. It does take much longer to prepare a meal from scratch. Making sure you get all the ingredients from the store. But there is such satisfaction when your family sits around the table and eats together. And it feels so much healthier because I know what is in it, rather than all the processed stuff they get from a restaurant.

Once again I am enjoying cooking. I am sure I will be doing a lot of it in Belize. But the thing I have struggled with is that cooking takes time. Which is something I have not had much of lately. When I am in and out all day long, it is difficult to take the time. But I am learning to create the time. To do things in the morning before I leave for work, if possible.

And it was worth it tonight when we all sat down and ate together. That made my heart happy.

My New Reality

This morning, I woke up and bought a bunch of plastic containers to begin sorting what we are keeping to store and what we are taking to Belize. I only filled one box full of winter clothes so far. I am constantly going through things to keep or get rid of. It really makes you look at your "stuff" differently. Like, do I really need to spend the money to ship this to a foreign country or ask my family to store it for me...for many years possibly. You end up deciding that a lot of stuff in your home really isn't that important. The other thing is when to sell stuff. We are having another big garage sale next weekend. I would like to get rid of a lot things just to clean house, but will our home look too empty when people are looking at it? And how to sell the big furniture? I don't want people trampling through our home...

But what is REALLY important? My friends. I spent the day with a good friend today. The heartbreaking part is how sad she is that we are leaving. Us? It makes me feel loved, but also so sad that my major life change is hurting her so much. I just wish I could take my friends with me. But that is not reality. So, the only answer is to spend as much time pouring into my friends before I go. We will have Skype, and will come home to visit, but I am just beginning to get the reality that is my new life.

God really blessed us today. A friend in a church in Dallas facebooked today and said her church is sending us a love gift and will be praying for us. It is such a blessing to already see the little seeds God is planting to take care of us. He is constantly showing me that He is going to take care of us. I know He will, but also accept any confirmations He sends our way.

This Sunday, we will announce who the new pastor will be. And I will only be working the next couple of months. I will begin training my replacement. I am excited to be free to be a mom. It is enough. I will miss my income. That will be a big adjustment for me, as I have always brought some income into our family finances. But yet, God is teaching me in a very real way that things just aren't that important. Of course, we must have money to survive, but my way of survival has become more than what is necessary. My life is getting back to the basics.

Every day my new reality sinks in a little deeper. I know when we go on the trip to Belize this summer, it will become very real. I am anxious to see the town we will live in. I have never been there. The training taught us about culture shock. I can only imagine how that will be, as I go through culture shock every time we go. And that is just for a week. I think taking ownership of Belize really being our home will help.

We just have a few more weeks of school. Then we will begin homeschooling in the fall. It is amazing. Something I have always wanted to do, but never thought I really could...But here we go.

My theme song right now is "Walk on the Water" by Britt Nicole. "will you take that first step into the unknown? You know that He won't let you go." etc. "Don't be afraid to move, your faith is all it takes and you can walk on water too." I remember when this song first came out and I had this huge thing that I couldn't share with anyone (us being called to move to Belize). I would just listen to this and cry. But God has done so much in me this last year. He has conquered fear in my life. Although my future holds a lot of uncertainties, I do know that God has never let us down. If He asks us to do something, He walks us through it. And going to Belize is no different. He will never let us go!!!

Homeschooling

Today, Josh and Tori took the diagnostic testing for Homeschooling. It is coming at a very busy time for me. I really wished we could have waited, but in order for them to get into a school that will keep their records here in the states, we needed to get moving.

It was just that even though they had the day off from school, there were a lot of distractions, like needing to show the house this afternoon. The house really needed to be cleaned, so as I tried to keep Erika quiet and entertained, tried to clean, tried to cook three meals, I also was summoned to the dining room a million times to answer questions. It really showed me that it will be a relief to be living somewhere smaller when we homeschool, and that I really need to have some sort of preschool curriculum for Erika to keep her busy as well. It will also be nice to be a full-time stay at home mom at that point, so that we will be in a better routine. Right now, a lot of the way my life is, simply is because of me working and Erika being in preschool.

We left in the mid afternoon for the house to show. That was actually so good for everyone. We went to our new favorite park in old Katy and the kids released some energy and we all got fresh air. They were able to come home and finish and Erika and Lee took a good nap, while I made two huge things of lasagne. For me, it has been a busy day and I am looking forward to bed tonight.

My brother and sister in law will be here tomorrow. I am looking forward to spending time with them:) in the afternoon.

The Realtor thinks our house will sell fast :(

Yesterday I worked all day and did all the carpooling that a Tuesday in my current life entails...Next year will be so different. I can't wait.

As I was sitting on the couch contemplating what to make for dinner (I am currently working on using what is in my freezer and pantry up and only buying things to go with those meals), I got my first call for a showing of the house. Wow..that was way too fast. I am still mourning the For Sale sign in my front yard. I don't want anyone to actually BUY my house yet!!! Anyway, they wanted to come today at noon, but we are having the carpets cleaned today, so I declined all showings for today. Then proceeded to cook dinner. Lee got home and as we were sitting down to eat, our realtor called wanting to know why I declined the showing. When I explained about the carpets (which we should have done before we put the house on the market...but our life is too crazy!!!), she said okay. BUT also said..."I hope you are ready to move. We have SEVERAL very interested buyers."

So I freaked out a little. Well, actually A LOT!! I am just not ready to go. We don't have anywhere to move yet. We still need to get rid of so much stuff. I don't want to waste my energy moving stuff we are just going to sell anyway. We still don't know where Lea will go!!!

But God...He will help me through this. He will provide. I just have to have confidence in that. I just have to trust that He is in control. Because I am right in that we cannot walk through this in our own strength. Only through His.

So, today the carpets will be cleaned...and tomorrow, apparently, our house will be seen by several different families, and possibly one of those families will be blessed to get to live in this very special home that Lee and I have lovingly cared for over the past 6 1/2 years.