Re-entry

Sometimes I wonder if anyone still reads this...now that we are home.  But I still love writing, so it is nice for me to look back at, nonetheless.

Before we went to Belize, we went to Missions Training in Los Angeles.  Before we went to that, we had to read 7 books.  One of those books was on re-entry.  Every time we have come home in May, or for a surgery, or for whatever, there has always been some culture shock.  But there is a different sort of culture shock  now that I live here again.  And it has come in waves.  I feel like the wave right now is that we have our own home again.  It still does not feel real.  Because for eight years, we did not have our own home...we were always living in someone else's home.  In Belize and in Katy.

Ironically, the home we bought is very similar to the one we left.  It is the home that best fit what we were looking for.  It is also very close to where we used to live.  BUT, my life is totally different.  My girls go to brand new schools.  I shop in an area that is also new.  We are planting a totally new church that is unlike any church we have ever planted.  The nice thing is that our family and many of our friends are still here and many are in our church plant.  We are all a little older and wiser:)  But I am once again the new lady.  Today, I will volunteer at the girl's school and I do not know anyone.  It is hard always having to start over.  I pray this is the last time:)

As we have settled into our home, I am constantly overwhelmed and reminded of how different my life is than just a few months ago.  I live in constant air conditioning.  I feel a little guilty about that.  I can buy whatever I need at Walmart...or wherever.  I am just so used to going without things until we would come home in May.  I don't have to stock up now, but feel like I do.  When I see something, I think I may not be able to get it again, so I better get a lot.  I'm amazed at how many groceries I can buy compared to when I was in Belize.  And there is a generic for everything so it is cheaper.  And the variety and choices are actually a little overwhelming. 

I sleep better than I have for 8 years!!!  You guys, this is huge.  Sleep has been a major missing piece in my life for so long.  My room now is dark, air conditioned, and my bed is so comfortable.  I feel a little guilty about this one too, but the world looks so different when you are resting well.  This year has probably been my biggest and hardest struggle with sleep.  I remember begging God to help me just be able to lie down like normal people and sleep.  And now I do.  And I am so grateful.

One huge difference is sending the girls to school each day and picking them up each afternoon.  It is  a nice break for me.  I am typically busy while they are gone all day, but it is nice to just have Kailey.  There is definitely some former Homeschool mom guilt about that.  I'm so used to having all the kids with me all the day.  And I do feel a little bad that they are gone so much now.  My influence over them is shrinking.  Life here is so busy though, in a different way.  Like cooking and cleaning are easier here.  My girls are going to get lazy:)  There is not the constant sweeping.  Cooking is so much faster in so many ways.  And then the dishwasher...you just load it and push a button.  And the washer and dryer are just so quick and easy.

The drive time to anywhere...wow.  I'm so used to being in the car for just five minutes to get anywhere.  If we went 30 minutes, that was a long drive.  Now, I feel like I am constantly driving somewhere and everything is at least 20 minutes.  Erika has had to start allergy shots and it is 20 minutes just to get to her doctor.  It adds an hour to the end of the day just going and waiting and coming back.  But I am thankful for good medical care.  I remember Erika having trouble when she was a baby and every time we come back, so praying these shots will help her build her immunities.  She had no allergies in Belize (to the air or trees or grass).

When we didn't know where we would go, my constant thing was that I wanted to be close to family, but God also has blessed us that we are near friends that are like family as well.  It is nice to be loved, to feel loved, not to have to earn love.  We have many  new people in our lives, in the church plant.  But we are also blessed with people that we have a history with.  People that we know deeply and are known deeply by.  Friday, I spent three different little "coffee" dates with three of those women.  One of my fondest memories of Katy was the amazing friends we have here.  I feel so overwhelmed that God would let us come back to this.  So many of the girls that are now wives and mothers that I ministered to in the past, but now my ministry to them will look and feel different.  That is fun too.

Fifteen years ago, when we built our house in Katy, Lee and I were excited to plant roots and stay here forever.  Honestly, there was deep grief when we had to give that up.  But God had good plans for our family in Belize.  He did and taught us things there that we would have never got here in America.  He stretched us, added to our family, grew our faith deeper than ever before.  And even more than that, He protected us when the enemy would attack us.  He brought us home.  He let us come back to where we wanted to be and now it is an honor to get to serve Him by planting another church body.  Reaching a city that continues to grow.  Everywhere I look, I see so many people who need Jesus.  And authentic love.  What an honor, that He would let us be His hands and feet here in Katy...again.

Feels like Home

The last two months have been a whirlwind.  We left Belize on July 11, not knowing where we would live, and now two months later, just moved into our home. 

Transitioning back to life in the states has stages.  Especially, because it took about a month for us to get clear direction from the Lord as to what our next step would be.  We really did not think we would ever church plant again, but here we are, planting our fourth church.  There once was a prophecy that we would have a child for every church we pastored.  We pastored in Ohio and then now are planting for the fourth time.  Five kids.  So, yes, this will be it:)

Erika and Aviya started school about three weeks ago.  They love it.  It is a new junior high about five minutes from the house.  It is nice to have a little routine, sending them off each day and I keep busy during the day until they come home.  Kailey is working on her senior year here at home with me.  Tori is back in school at SAGU and working on campus this year.  Josh is also still living in Waxahachie in an apartment, while working in Irving.  He will get married in just two months!

About a month ago, we received very clear direction that we were to plant a new work here in Katy, where we came from.  We really hesitated, wanting to know God wanted us to do this, and confirmation after confirmation came.  So, by faith, we stepped out and the response was overwhelming.  The new church is made up of many people we have pastored before that just have not connected anywhere and new people who we did not know before.  It has been an exciting ride as we meet with people and hear their response to us obeying God's call.  Another reminder of how our "yes" affects other people than ourselves.

Lee is crazy busy.  He is trying to help me settle the house, while also working very hard to get the church going.  Just so many things that people don't even realize go into a plant.

Sundays, we are meeting from 9-11 am, so leave the house about 7:30 am.  After church on Sunday, I was exhausted.  But I also was just so filled with peace.  There is this amazing peace of being right where you are supposed to be.  There is peace of being surrounded by amazing people.  What a blessing how quickly we found church family again. 

Thank you for praying for us during this time.  Moving in on Thursday just brought this calm.  I am finally home.  Our home already feels comfortable and cozy.  The night we closed, Lee and I came to bring some things and I just cried as I felt so blessed that the Lord would let me love my home again.  We prayed that this will be a place where our first ministry of our children, can grow and be nurtured and beyond that, that the Lord would use this home as a place of deep ministry to many.  That we would be a light in this neighborhood.  That our home would be used to God's glory.

One of the reasons, I felt our time in Belize was ending was to be closer to my parents.  Who would have guessed I would end up in the same city?  My dad has had a hard time physically lately.  Last week, he had his shoulder replaced, which is a pretty major operation.  Please pray for him as his recovery has not been easy.  It is a joy to me, though, that I can be close enough to visit and try to help my parents again.  God is in the details.

Transition

The Transition of LifeNet is going great.  Pastor Kudzai is doing an amazing job.  As we have returned, it is a little hard to find where we are needed anymore.  That is what is supposed to happen.  But it is a transition for our family, as well.  To become attenders only.  Because that is not who we are.  It is hard to just "sit".  Of course, we are still doing things.  I recently spoke to the women.  Lee spoke last Sunday as well.  I will lead my Net Group this week...for the last time.

The reality of everything becoming our last is getting real.  As I say goodbye now, I realize it will be for a while.  It is a hard reality.  As we leave every May, and always come back.  I feel like those around me grasp the reality of us leaving more than I do.  I have gone back and forth so many times over the past seven and half years.  It just feels like I am going on another trip again.  And part of that is because we do not know where we are going.  We do not have a home we are moving to.  Our possessions are in two crates in my in-laws barn.  We have no furniture, no appliances.  It is a weird place.

And transition is hard on the ones leaving.  Yesterday, we went to help set up the chairs and they didn't really need us.  They had already done it all.  They sent Lee home on Friday because they have surprises they are working on and needed him gone.  It is a freeing feeling, but also a feeling of what is my purpose now?  When for seven and half years, we have lived and breathed to pour into a church body. 

Our days are a little boring.  Our evenings are spent eating dinner with different friends in the church.  We will have a special dinner with the council on Monday and all church party on Friday.  Then a team comes.  And we will fly out in the middle of the team being here.  All the teams we have hosted over the years, and now we don't have to host them anymore.  Another strange feeling.  Its a relief, but also sad.  We always looked so forward to teams coming.

Lee and I came to plant and raise up young men and women to pastor and be leadership in the church.  We have seen it happen beautifully.  The journey was long and so often I just wanted to give up.  At times, it was excruciating.  The spiritual warfare was so intense at times.  We watched old videos over the past years on Friday.  It was a reminder of all we have gone through.  But now, we sit in the fruit of all the warfare, all the work, all the sweat, all the prayers.  GOD HAS BEEN FAITHFUL.  And He truly has never let us down. 

Since we came back this month, each service at LifeNet is so special to me.  I feel like a grandmother looking around at my children, doing what I used to do.  I feel proud as I look and see different races and different cultures worshiping together.  I rejoice as I see mothers teaching their children to worship and know God, just like I have done with my children.  I see the men that Lee has poured into being the men of God they are supposed to be.  I see a lot of men...and that is not the norm in Belize.  Dads and moms worshiping together.  I rejoice as I hear of people who have co-habitated for years getting married.  I rejoice that the Lord used little 'ole Lee and Robyn to touch a nation and bring a church that was different.  A church that not only preached the Word, but walked it out day by day with people who were hungry for something more.  I watch as I see generations that are being changed.  A group of boys that comes from the roughest village, most without father, being raised to be men of God and change the future.

"Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it is what happens in the middle that counts...."

That is how I feel right now.  I am so nervous for what is next.  But right now, just rejoicing in what has been over these years.  Rejoicing over the new family I now have in Belize.  I am forever changed for these years.  My faith in God is so much deeper.  I know He is who He says He is.

This Season

So many times I start to write.  What can I share?  This is such a strange season filled with so many feelings.

Sunday, we officially released Pastor Kudzai and Tanya as the LifeNet Pastors.  We have known this day was coming.  It went beautifully and felt covered by the Lord.  It was truly a joy to be a part of.  So many things have happened in seven and a half years.  So much more will continue as we leave.  I cannot wait to see how the Lord will use LifeNet in this nation.  But it is also weird that we will not be a part of it.

But it is also a season moreso of rest for me.  Lee is still super busy.  He still goes into the office Tuesday through Friday.  But I no longer have to set up for things for church events.  I simply go.  It is a different season for sure.  The girls and I spend the days just trying to find things to do.  Kailey is working on her Senior year, so she keeps busy.  We were blessed by a friend who brought a huge bag of things to do for the girls this morning.  They have made friends with lots of girls in the neighborhood and spend the afternoons playing outside.  It is very different than where we lived before.

There is also much anxiety about our future.  So many things up in the air.  It is hard for me to sleep at night.  Most nights I toss and turn.   I know it is not good, but it just is.

The girls and I made the "Promises of God" in art form and covered the apartment with them.  Everywhere I look, I am reminded that God is holding our family.  That His ways are higher than our ways.  But that does not mean it is always easy.

We still have not bought our plane tickets to move home.  We know it will be soon, but need some answers on some things before we can.  It is hard not even knowing that...when we will leave.  It is hard when people ask.

Please hold our family up in your prayers.  Our prayer requests are long and many.  But we just need some miracles so that we can move to the next step.  Whatever that may be:)

Preparing for the Big Move

It is upon us.  Our lives being reduced to piles of stuff.  What to sell, what to ship, what we need to take in suitcases to live our very crazy lives over the next few months.

Please keep us in prayer.  As things sell, we are living in a home of plastic boxes and suitcases.  It is an emotional journey that is hard to explain.  Moving internationally just has a deeper degree of stress that is hard to explain.  We came with little and will leave with less.  Selling things now that we thought we could keep.  Seven years ago, I learned that stuff is just stuff.  But also having to live means we need stuff.  We need furniture and appliances and pretty things for our home to make it a home.

Today, we found a home for our dogs.  That was another big thing we needed to happen.  There is relief, but of course concern.  Will the dogs have a good life?  Be fed?  Be safe.  I know for Kailey and Tori, it is the biggest concern.

We do not know where we are going after this.  That is huge.  We are not leaving Belize because we have a better offer.  We are moving because it is time.  We are covered in God's peace about that.  It is time for us to go.  To release.  But there are so many other questions in the air.

In less than a month, we have a graduation to celebrate.  We are so excited and proud of Josh.  And months after that, we have a wedding.  This is an exciting time in our oldest child's life.  And a time that I want and need to be present for.  I have missed so much of his life these past four years.

Preparing to come to Texas in May is always huge.  This year, it is even bigger.  But it is different too.  Knowing that we will come back, but only for a short time.  Trying to figure out an apartment before we leave, but noone will hold it without us paying for the time we are gone.  So, yet another thing that we just have to have faith that the Lord is in the details.

Please pray as Erika has been extra sensitive allergy wise and sickness over the past few months.  I have also been battling congestion and fevers for the second time in just a couple months.  We are normally very healthy.  I feel this is an attack to distract us in our final months here.  I want to get things done, and spend time with people.  I do not have time to be sick.

We know God walks before us.  We believe He is preparing a place for our family.  The unknowns are at times daunting.  The girls want to go to school.  I want them to, as well.  But need to know where that will be.  It is hard to plan for the future not knowing where that future will be.

The Importance of Church Family

As we near the end of our time here in Belize, people often ask me how I'm feeling.  It is a bittersweet time in my heart.  I am anxious to be near my older two children and my extended family.  There are many things I cannot wait to once again have that I can only get in America.  And AC will be so nice once again.

But I will miss most of all...my church family.  LifeNet functions are the highlights of my week:)

Last night, the girls had their final dance for the group they are in.  It was in LifeNet's facility and many of our church family came to see the girls.  They would have come even if it was somewhere else.  But we have such a support system here for our girls.  It is the church where we walked through adding not one, but two more children to our family.  And our church family has embraced and loved our girls through it all.

The past two Sundays (and most Sundays), we have enjoyed lunch with families from the church after service.  The choices to eat are about two different restaurants, so it is not about the food.  But the laughter and just enjoying being family has blessed my heart in such deep ways.

Living in a country with a lot of missionaries, I am surprised how many of them do not plug into a local church with complete dedication.   It is not uncommon for missionaries to feel they served all week with a team so take a Sunday to go to the beach or pool.  I am thankful that we are church planters and pastors.  I see how it has grounded us more.  We have always lived our life around Sundays.  If it is a Sunday, we are in the house of the Lord.   I see how it has grounded our children.  My heart breaks for the next generation of children who have not been taught the importance of commitment to a local church  The simple act of faithfulness.  Because what I have seen it is in that faithfulness, that people have a support system when they go through hard times.  It is in that faithfulness of going to church when you feel like it and when you don't feel like it, God can meet you in those hard places.  It is something I see in young believers.  When they finally commit deeply and become faithful, it is where they really begin to grow deeper in the Lord.  There is something very powerful about faithfulness to the local body.

A while ago, I went monthly to a support group for foster and adopted children, but as this past school year started, I decided not to go anymore.  I really wanted to shift to us just being a family...not so focused on the "adopted" part.  There is a shifting that happens that is hard to explain.  But sometimes you just don't want to focus on that part all the time anymore.  Recently I ran into one of the other foster moms, and we caught up.  Then she said if you don't come, how will you have any support?  And I thought for a second, and said, but I do have support.  So much support.  From my family and from my church family.  I have a village around me, who encourage me.  I have a very strong family in my NetGroup that meets each Thursday.  And I realize how blessed I am because of it.

As we go into this next season, I pray that the Lord quickly provides where we are to pastor next.  I want to begin the process of building new church family.  I want my girls to have the stability of one solid, consistent thing in their lives again.  I am so grateful to parents who taught me from very little the importance of being committed to a church home.  I am so grateful that I have been married to a man who also was raised with the same values.  And my prayer is that as my children move out on their own, that they will also value that in their lives.

What is He up to?

This morning, I am just in this strange place.  Not knowing where we are going next.  It is a new, deeper level of faith for us.  We don't have any idea what is next for our family.

I am having dreams like crazy.  God is doing new things in me spiritually.  And all I can do is think, "What are you up to, God?"

I feel like He is stretching Lee and I in new ways.  Once again, we are having to learn to be flexible.  The nester in me is tired.  I want a beautiful home with all the luxuries I have lived without for the past years...but I moreso want to be in the middle of where God wants us to be.  I want my kids to be "safe", but then I see how much living here, where it wasn't always safe, was so good for my older two.  It built trust in God.  They have a very real relationship with their Father in Heaven because sometimes it is all we have had.

I have done so much reflecting over the past seven years, especially as we celebrated the Anniversary of LifeNet last week.  God has done so many amazing things.  But for every miracle, a battle in the spiritual realm preceded it.  But every battle has been worth it.  I have had many dreams of my "spritual children" lately.  It is crazy, but I think God just reminding me that every sacrifice has been worth it.

In America, I was so protected from real, raw hurt.  Here, I face it every time I leave my gate.  It is all around me.  I understand more why desperate people do desperate things.  I have a greater understanding what poverty does to a person.  And how it affects future generations.  I struggle to understand the amount of money spent on drugs and alcohol when there are starving babies at home.  But I see how those strongholds make people not care.  Sometimes my heart is so heavy, that I feel it will burst.  But then, I realize that is when the Lord is building deeper compassion and understanding in me.

There is a popular saying in the adoption world.  "I can't change the world, but I can change the world for one child."  Sometimes we deal with situations or we visit old living places of my adopted children and realize that their world is so different simply because Lee and I said yes.  And our lives are different too.  They are stretched and pulled.  Sometimes I am so overwhelmed and wish for an easier journey, but then I see...God is birthing in me deep compassion and I am learning what the word Grace means.

This place of trusting God for our next steps.  Selling all we have and not knowing where it is that we are going.  Knowing that the next time we come back to Belize, we will not have this "home" we have lived in for seven years.  It is a strange place.  But also a place where God has every opportunity to direct our every step.