Working Out

A couple years ago, after I had my gall bladder removed, I had a real awakening to my eating habits and exercise habits.  So I have changed a lot of the way I eat...some of which was forced by my body not handling fats well anymore.  And I committed to walk three times a week.

I have loved being back in the states.  Close to my home are some nice walking trails and I also love just walking around my neighborhood.  Either alone or with Kailey.  When I am alone, it is great spending time with the Lord.  When I am with Kailey, we have some of our best talks:)  So it is a win either way.

We also have a treadmill, but I prefer outside because I am forced to continue.  With the treadmill, it is easy to stop.  When I am on a trail or in the neighborhood, I am forced to continue.

This morning it is freezing outside, so after I took the girls to school, I hopped on the treadmill with a distance goal in mind.  I also have a million things to do today, like cleaning the house, laundry, etc.  It is a Monday for me.  So halfway through, I was just going to stop, justifying that I would burn calories cleaning the house.  But I was also listening to worship and felt even though I was really tired, I needed to push through.  We never regret working out at the end of the day.  And the Lord really related it to our walk with Him.  When the going gets tough, we want to give up.  Whether it is walking with Him in general, or doing something He has called us to do.  And kid you not, the second half of my time flew by as I just focused on time with the Lord.

So many have walked away from the Lord because a "man" hurt them.  It doesn't make sense to me.  Don't give up on God just because a human hurt you.  That is what humans do...they are imperfect.  God is faithful.  I am 45 years old and He has never failed me yet.  Quite often when we get to that mountain, we want to give up.  So many miss out on so many blessings from the Lord simply because they were not willing to fight the battle in the spiritual realm.  Those of us who are seasoned in the Lord need to help those who are just starting out.

I do not say these words from a teaching.  I say them because I have lived them.

Every church plant.  Every building project.  Every mission trip.  Every adoption.  Every sickness.

I have fought so many battles.

And sometimes I am just tired.  I just want to stop.  Coast for a while.

But every single time...I push through.  And every single time, I have seen His promises fulfilled.

So, stay on the treadmill.  Just focus on the Lord...He will give you a strength that you don't know where it is from.

Six Months

Today marks 6 months of being back in the U.S.  I believe there is significance in time.  I remember when we moved to Belize, they told us it would take about a year for it to feel like home.  I feel like with each of my kids, whether by birth or adoption, it has taken about a year to adjust to the "new" person.  So I am halfway there.  My home is feeling more like my home with each new memory we make here.  Getting a puppy brought a new life to our home.  Made it more homey.

I notice that I feel the sting of reverse culture shock a little less.  But it is still there.  I feel it is easier to move to America than to move to Belize.  Things are more convenient here.  But there are things that are harder here.  More pressures to keep up, do things more professionally.  Some of that is living in Katy.  Planting a church here, 18 years after the first time we planted here, the pressures are higher.  Life is more complicated here too.

The holidays were different for me.  Like better in some ways, but then not in other ways.  I was thankful to be with family.  We have missed that.  I loved bringing in New Years with old friends.  I love celebrating with the familiar.  But I found that I missed some of the simplicity of our Belizean holidays.   I missed the way everything just shuts down for days around Christmas in Belize.   I missed going swimming at the beach the day after Christmas with just my kids.  Its a tradition we started in our later years.  I miss a lot of the foods from Belize.  I made Stewed Chicken, Rice and Beans this week, but it was not the same.  Even with Marie Sharps.  There is no comparing to Morencos!

I am loving our church family.  Some I knew from before, but some are new in my life.  I love the hospitality of the people in our life.  Love the community that has developed so quickly.  Love that we have a church full of people who are willing to serve.

I loved having all my kids here for Christmas, in our new home.  It was cozy and just pure joy to me.  I love having a daughter in law.  Love that Tori lives close and so we actually see her pretty often since she is brave to drive back and forth to college now.

Six months.  Wow.  A lot has happened in that time.  More than my brain can wrap around.  Hopefully the next six months will be a little calmer.

Weight of the World

Yesterday was our first big event as GO Church.  As people began to come, and we were starting to worship, I just felt the weight of the world.  God has brought us the most amazing people, hungry to serve and reach out to this huge city of Katy.  But He has also brought us many wounded hearts.  I know the weight of being in ministry.  I have been most of my life.  I know that many people are in our congregation that have been hurt in other congregations.  I don't ever want to be that...the person who hurts another.  I want Lee and I to always encourage and walk with people where they are.  Love them as they walk with God. 

At the end, I went and talked to a few different people, just trying to connect.  Even if we pastored them before, a lot has happened since we were gone.  Their family dynamics have changed.  And so have ours.  But out of nowhere, I just felt complete exhaustion.  Like I was not sure I would be able to carry my crock pot to the car and drive home.  But I did.

This morning, I took a walk in my neighborhood.  One for the exercise.  Two, just to be alone with Jesus.  He reminded me that this burden is not from Him.  He takes the weight.  I need to just walk close to Him, listen to His heart, as He is sending the people to Lee and I because He trusts us.  This is the same word He gave to me before we went to Belize.  That He was sending us, because He trusted us with the people who He would send to us.

Please pray for us.  This journey of church planting is intense.  God is doing great things, but the spiritual warfare is heavy.  Whenever God is about to do big things, we know the battle is real.  We need His strength as we make decisions.  We need His strength as we pour into people.

Public School

The two youngest in the family have now been in public school for almost six weeks.

Last night, we went to meet all of their teachers.  They were so excited to take us to all their classrooms.  They have a beautiful school and I am so thankful for all of their teachers.

I was amazed how each of the teachers really seemed to know my children.  In just six weeks.

I have homeschooled Erika her entire life until now.  It is weird to have someone else pouring into her life.  It is nice too.  And I love how they see her strengths just like me.  And two teachers said she didn't act homeschooled at all.  I guess that's a compliment:)

Aviya, we have not had as long, but I definitely know her very well.  I loved how the teachers spoke encouraging words over her life.  That they saw how smart she was and a hard worker.  I know for her it is a greater transition, but I was so proud to see that she is a joy to her teachers.

I feel like both of my girls have an opportunity to bloom outside of me now.  And I have an opportunity to do whatever it is that God has for me in this new season.

I remember last year feeling that I could not even complete a thought at times.  That I did not have any time just to think or anything.  I am thankful for this new season.  I am still busy, but there are some breathing breaks in between.

Coming home from Belize is a journey.  I am very thankful for my life here.  I feel very blessed.  But I realize at times that I am still transitioning.  Sometimes the enormity of it all, the decisions, little things really overwhelm me.  It is just an entirely different culture here and I am still getting used to it again.

September 21st

Today is Belize Independence Day and once again there are tears in my eyes as I still have my heart in two countries.  One of our biggest outreaches was that we passed out 7000 waters each year to the people along the parade route.

Honestly, I hated the work that day entailed.  The unbearable heat mixed with rain.  The long wait to begin.  The exhaustion afterward.

But I LOVED that day because it was a day the whole church worked hard together.  And after we would go get Barbecue.  And then we would crash and call it a day.

One of my friends just sent a video of everyone working hard, setting up.  And I began to cry as I saw all the people I loved.  And that was my life for so many years.

I love my life here, but just as there was sadness of things missed while I was in Belize, now there is sadness of things and people missed now that I am in Texas.

The life of a missionary is forever loving two different families.

Re-entry

Sometimes I wonder if anyone still reads this...now that we are home.  But I still love writing, so it is nice for me to look back at, nonetheless.

Before we went to Belize, we went to Missions Training in Los Angeles.  Before we went to that, we had to read 7 books.  One of those books was on re-entry.  Every time we have come home in May, or for a surgery, or for whatever, there has always been some culture shock.  But there is a different sort of culture shock  now that I live here again.  And it has come in waves.  I feel like the wave right now is that we have our own home again.  It still does not feel real.  Because for eight years, we did not have our own home...we were always living in someone else's home.  In Belize and in Katy.

Ironically, the home we bought is very similar to the one we left.  It is the home that best fit what we were looking for.  It is also very close to where we used to live.  BUT, my life is totally different.  My girls go to brand new schools.  I shop in an area that is also new.  We are planting a totally new church that is unlike any church we have ever planted.  The nice thing is that our family and many of our friends are still here and many are in our church plant.  We are all a little older and wiser:)  But I am once again the new lady.  Today, I will volunteer at the girl's school and I do not know anyone.  It is hard always having to start over.  I pray this is the last time:)

As we have settled into our home, I am constantly overwhelmed and reminded of how different my life is than just a few months ago.  I live in constant air conditioning.  I feel a little guilty about that.  I can buy whatever I need at Walmart...or wherever.  I am just so used to going without things until we would come home in May.  I don't have to stock up now, but feel like I do.  When I see something, I think I may not be able to get it again, so I better get a lot.  I'm amazed at how many groceries I can buy compared to when I was in Belize.  And there is a generic for everything so it is cheaper.  And the variety and choices are actually a little overwhelming. 

I sleep better than I have for 8 years!!!  You guys, this is huge.  Sleep has been a major missing piece in my life for so long.  My room now is dark, air conditioned, and my bed is so comfortable.  I feel a little guilty about this one too, but the world looks so different when you are resting well.  This year has probably been my biggest and hardest struggle with sleep.  I remember begging God to help me just be able to lie down like normal people and sleep.  And now I do.  And I am so grateful.

One huge difference is sending the girls to school each day and picking them up each afternoon.  It is  a nice break for me.  I am typically busy while they are gone all day, but it is nice to just have Kailey.  There is definitely some former Homeschool mom guilt about that.  I'm so used to having all the kids with me all the day.  And I do feel a little bad that they are gone so much now.  My influence over them is shrinking.  Life here is so busy though, in a different way.  Like cooking and cleaning are easier here.  My girls are going to get lazy:)  There is not the constant sweeping.  Cooking is so much faster in so many ways.  And then the dishwasher...you just load it and push a button.  And the washer and dryer are just so quick and easy.

The drive time to anywhere...wow.  I'm so used to being in the car for just five minutes to get anywhere.  If we went 30 minutes, that was a long drive.  Now, I feel like I am constantly driving somewhere and everything is at least 20 minutes.  Erika has had to start allergy shots and it is 20 minutes just to get to her doctor.  It adds an hour to the end of the day just going and waiting and coming back.  But I am thankful for good medical care.  I remember Erika having trouble when she was a baby and every time we come back, so praying these shots will help her build her immunities.  She had no allergies in Belize (to the air or trees or grass).

When we didn't know where we would go, my constant thing was that I wanted to be close to family, but God also has blessed us that we are near friends that are like family as well.  It is nice to be loved, to feel loved, not to have to earn love.  We have many  new people in our lives, in the church plant.  But we are also blessed with people that we have a history with.  People that we know deeply and are known deeply by.  Friday, I spent three different little "coffee" dates with three of those women.  One of my fondest memories of Katy was the amazing friends we have here.  I feel so overwhelmed that God would let us come back to this.  So many of the girls that are now wives and mothers that I ministered to in the past, but now my ministry to them will look and feel different.  That is fun too.

Fifteen years ago, when we built our house in Katy, Lee and I were excited to plant roots and stay here forever.  Honestly, there was deep grief when we had to give that up.  But God had good plans for our family in Belize.  He did and taught us things there that we would have never got here in America.  He stretched us, added to our family, grew our faith deeper than ever before.  And even more than that, He protected us when the enemy would attack us.  He brought us home.  He let us come back to where we wanted to be and now it is an honor to get to serve Him by planting another church body.  Reaching a city that continues to grow.  Everywhere I look, I see so many people who need Jesus.  And authentic love.  What an honor, that He would let us be His hands and feet here in Katy...again.

Feels like Home

The last two months have been a whirlwind.  We left Belize on July 11, not knowing where we would live, and now two months later, just moved into our home. 

Transitioning back to life in the states has stages.  Especially, because it took about a month for us to get clear direction from the Lord as to what our next step would be.  We really did not think we would ever church plant again, but here we are, planting our fourth church.  There once was a prophecy that we would have a child for every church we pastored.  We pastored in Ohio and then now are planting for the fourth time.  Five kids.  So, yes, this will be it:)

Erika and Aviya started school about three weeks ago.  They love it.  It is a new junior high about five minutes from the house.  It is nice to have a little routine, sending them off each day and I keep busy during the day until they come home.  Kailey is working on her senior year here at home with me.  Tori is back in school at SAGU and working on campus this year.  Josh is also still living in Waxahachie in an apartment, while working in Irving.  He will get married in just two months!

About a month ago, we received very clear direction that we were to plant a new work here in Katy, where we came from.  We really hesitated, wanting to know God wanted us to do this, and confirmation after confirmation came.  So, by faith, we stepped out and the response was overwhelming.  The new church is made up of many people we have pastored before that just have not connected anywhere and new people who we did not know before.  It has been an exciting ride as we meet with people and hear their response to us obeying God's call.  Another reminder of how our "yes" affects other people than ourselves.

Lee is crazy busy.  He is trying to help me settle the house, while also working very hard to get the church going.  Just so many things that people don't even realize go into a plant.

Sundays, we are meeting from 9-11 am, so leave the house about 7:30 am.  After church on Sunday, I was exhausted.  But I also was just so filled with peace.  There is this amazing peace of being right where you are supposed to be.  There is peace of being surrounded by amazing people.  What a blessing how quickly we found church family again. 

Thank you for praying for us during this time.  Moving in on Thursday just brought this calm.  I am finally home.  Our home already feels comfortable and cozy.  The night we closed, Lee and I came to bring some things and I just cried as I felt so blessed that the Lord would let me love my home again.  We prayed that this will be a place where our first ministry of our children, can grow and be nurtured and beyond that, that the Lord would use this home as a place of deep ministry to many.  That we would be a light in this neighborhood.  That our home would be used to God's glory.

One of the reasons, I felt our time in Belize was ending was to be closer to my parents.  Who would have guessed I would end up in the same city?  My dad has had a hard time physically lately.  Last week, he had his shoulder replaced, which is a pretty major operation.  Please pray for him as his recovery has not been easy.  It is a joy to me, though, that I can be close enough to visit and try to help my parents again.  God is in the details.