Being a Mom

Normally on Mother's Day weekend, or close to it, we celebrate with a mother/daughter luncheon.  I am missing that a little this year.  This is a picture of my newly adopted daughter last year, before we went to the lunch.  It was an emotional day for me, as it was a day of beginning to say goodbye to my friends, my family, my life.  The next weekend, we moved out of my dreamhouse.  The home that we brought this little girl home to.  But I was so thankful to have that day with my mom, my daughters, my friends.

This picture is of the year before.  I did not take Erika that year, but I love this picture of my mom.  She is so happy.  And Tori is so little.  Hard to believe that was just two years ago.

And I love this picture last year with both of my girls.  My friend, Alice, took it.  It captures how precious my girls are to me.

This next picture is a little random.  But I just love how Chris caught our family just having fun.  That is what I love about being the mom in this family.  I laugh daily.  My family makes me laugh and fills my heart with joy.  I am blessed to have three wonderful children.  I am blessed that I get to stay home with them and homeschool them.  I am blessed that I have had the privelege of raising them in a Christian home and surrounded by Christian grandparents and family and friends.

 Today, we were blessed with a care package of Dr. Pepper Jellybeans.  What a fun treat to receive at the post office.

 Tonight I am taking all the girls to a fashion show.  I am excited to just get to spend time with the girls.  We came home from market and put on face masks, painted nails, sipped lime water and ate watermelon.  All in preparation to be beautiful tonight.  I am sure the boys will play playstation or nerf wars or some other masculine type activity.

Being a mom is sometimes an unending, thankless job (or that is how we feel on our hard days).  But I am so thankful for this job.  I am thankful that the Lord entrusts my physical and spiritual children to me.  I had spiritual children in Katy, and now have some in Belmopan.  It did not take long, as there is a hunger in this world to have a mother, whether by birth or  not.  And God put a longing in me from a young age to be a mother.  It is all I ever wanted to be when I grew up.  And now, the Lord reminds me, I AM ONE.

I miss spending time with my mom this weekend.  And I know she misses her mom.  This is the first Mother's Day since my wonderful Grandma went to be with the Lord.  Our moms are important.  Its a big job.

This is one of my favorite poems.  It always makes me cry.

Before I was a Mom -

I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom -

I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never been puked on - Pooped on - Spit on - Chewed on, or Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and My thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom -

I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests...or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom -

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life

so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known The warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.



How Life has Changed

I was sitting in Erika's room, her fresh from a bath, looking at the sweat on her temples...and thought, wow, life has changed for me.

I do not like to sweat and do not like my children to sweat.  Well, now I have to look at it as all the impurities that are being sweated out of our systems.  I cannot keep my kids cool and comfy like I could in Katy.

I do not like dirt.  I do not like dirty feet.  But, I have given up the battle.  My floors were mopped today, Erika was bathed around 7, and somehow her little feet still got dirty.  I bathe her once a day and that is all I can do:)  We all just have dirty feet now from a marble tile floor that does not stay clean since our windows are open 24/7.  Just life in Belize.

Eating out now means do we want to go to a small fast food store, where we mostly love the nachos, or chinese, where it is fried?  But I definitely take any break from cooking I can.  Any meal I don't have to cook has to be a great one.  This Sunday will be a rarity in that we are planning to go out for lunch.  Hope something good is open.

I used to wake up to Good Morning America and go to sleep with the news.  Now, we have a tv in our room that is just a decoration, and I have watched Homeward Bound more times than I would like to say.  The TV typically stays quiet until Erika takes her nap and it is a 100 degrees in the house, and the kids and I will typically watch a movie with a fan pointed on us eating a popsicle.  That is the life:)

Cold showers used to be a bad thing.  Now, that is what I take every night before I go to sleep.  And I love them.  Erika says "Mommy, I'm a Belizean now...I take cold baths!!!"
I used to tell Erika to stay on the sidewalk.  Now, I tell her to stay on the road next to me, because the sidewalk puts her little hands too close to the all the guard dogs that line our street.

An umbrella used to be used to protect us from rain, now it protects us from the neverending sunshine here.

Going to Walmart to make my once a week fill the grocery cart to over flowing trip...was exhausting.   Now, I go to the store, the market, the water is delivered, the bread store, and the chicken store.  Sometimes even the water factory to pick up popsicles.  Now that is exhausting.

My husband used to be the last one up each day.  Now  he is up with the sun, typically between 5:30-6.  But Winnie says that is because he is old:)  But I think it is Belize.

I used to think a homecooked meal was because it was warmed up at home (ie a Stouffers Lasagne).  NOW, my meals are homecooked, for real...from scratch.  And the cake I made last night didn't turn out beautiful, but at least it tasted good:)  That is now my motto.  Fill the tummies with yummy food so they will be happy for a while.

Rainstorms have a whole new meaning as well.  I no longer look at them as an inconvenience to my day.  Rather, I am thankful when God sends the rain.  It typically means a cooler rest of the day and clearing some of the smoke we constantly smell.

The way I view my world has changed a lot in 3 months.  Some of it I can explain.  Some I cannot.  There are things I no longer take for granted.  I waste a whole lot less.  I try a little harder to see people through Jesus' eyes.  I love my family  a little more.

Whats Going on Today

I am sitting on my bed while a sweet little four year old naps.  I am so thankful she still naps:)

Today, Winnie went back to school after 2 1/2 weeks off for Spring Break.  It is good for all of us to have some structure back.

Josh and Tori worked on Homeschool.  They are in the final two and a half weeks.  YEAH!!!  Tori took a Math test.  She has just one Math pace left for the year.  Josh has one Science and one Spanish.  They are so close.  Today, I prepared all their info to reenroll for next year and to enroll Erika, and to once again apply for the Missions Scholarship.  That is such a blessing.  It helps so much.

Today was Victoria's first piano lesson.  One of the ladies from YWAM, also over the ballet studio, will teach her.  She came here as a missionary from Canada, fell in love and now they have two beautiful little girls.  The oldest will be in ballet class with Erika.  It was nice to get Tori started in piano again.

As I was driving her there today, I had this surreal moment, "Wow, we live in Belize.   Wow, we live in a foreign country."  Every once in a while it hits me.

It seems that our errands are neverending here.  Tuesday, we drove all the way to San Ignacio to pick up Lee's worker's permit.  Yesterday, we filled out forms and got more passport pictures of the kids and I.  Today, Lee went and made us all his dependants at the Passport office.  The next step is for Lee and I to get our drivers' licenses.  He is currently at the hospital getting a physical.  I will just get mine the next time I go to the doctor in a month.

Today, as I was hanging out laundry, I decided to change my attitude about it.  To see the positives:  My arms are getting strong, and tan.  And the fresh air has got to be good for me.  We are saving a ton of money.  I rarely use the dryer...maybe once every two weeks if I have too many towels or sheets.  And Erika's swing is right by the clothesline, so as I finish, it is fun for her and me to go and play on the swing for a little while.   And then go gather some limes (MMM...so juicy) off our tree, and maybe some guava before coming back inside.

I think the thing is that I have told myself "I am not an outside person" for so long, that I began to believe it.  I was always outside as a child.  And Erika loves to be outside.  It is her favorite place to be.  But now that I don't wear makeup anymore (except Sunday) and I am going to sweat inside anyway, outside is more appealing than it used to be.  It is breezier.  And I live in a beautiful country.  All the beautiful trees and flowers.  Lee just bought some nice wooden chairs for our porch.  So now I can go out and relax a little.  While Erika swings or rides her bike.

Tonight we will have our second discipleship meeting here at the house.  Just four kids.  But that is good, so we can really pour into them.  It has been a tough week in a sense, so I am looking forward to gathering with them.  Refocusing them.  Agriculture just brings all sorts of stuff with it.  And some of it, was getting their focus off of God for a few days...

Last night we watched Soul Surfer.  It was really good.  But I must say, I do miss the theatre.  That would have been a good movie to see in a theatre.  Instead, we could see someone's head in the movie. Yep, thats what we get here:)  It is a blessing that we can watch movies cheap though.  It is a blessing too that we are able to actually get quite a few pretty good family movies at the market.  Since we do not have TV, we watch a lot of movies now.  But our house is also a lot quieter.  I like to put on worship DVDs as I cook dinner. 

We have had little spurts of rain, nothing significant, but we are always so thankful for the rain.  It seems to cool things down so nicely.

Tomorrow night, I am taking the girls to a fashion show.  We will get all dressed up.  It will be fun.  One of the artists is another missionary's daughter (the one who is Erika's ballet teacher).  She designs and makes all her own clothes.  And they are beautiful.  Looking forward to a fun, girly night with the three girls.

Firsts are always Special

Today was a very special day for the smallest princess in the Brockinton household.  Erika has wanted to do ballet FOREVER.  When we would go and take Tori in Katy, she always wanted to go too.  When our life was so crazy the last year, she had to wait til we got to Belmopan.

Well, finally the day arrived.

Erika's first day of Ballet. 

And it has been a long day of waiting.    She thought 4:00 would never come.

waiting

Yea!!  Waiting in the hallway for her class to start.  She is so excited!

a pro already

dont you love how 4 year old girls are instant friends?

this blesses me...so sweet

Erika had the time of her life today.  I dont know how we will wait til next week.  I am so happy for her to finally get to do ballet like her big sister.  I think this is one of her favorite days:)

Celebrating 7 years of Foursquare

Good Morning.  I am so tired this morning.  My busy weekend has caught up with me.  But it is a holiday today so nothing is open anyway.  Just a nice day to get household things done.  Just need some energy. 

Saturday, we were busy and my house did not get any attention.  Just a little laundry done.  Sunday morning came early after our night out at the agriculture.  Church started small.  Many were at the agriculture again.  God has to constantly remind me that it is in the intimate small group that He is working.  We had 4 missionaries visit, making our total 21 people.  But in this smallness, we are challenging the people.  And they are growing.  It is the most beautiful thing to watch.  At the end of the service, Lee divided us into small groups.  It worked out perfectly that a missionary or strong leader was in each small group of 3.  We discussed the scripture on footwashing and then Lee challenged each person to pray out loud in the group.  This is a huge step and for many of our people, the very first time they have every prayed aloud.  This broke barriers in the spiritual realm.  How many people  hide in a larger church for years and never get even the simplest challenges?  Thus never being forced to grow?

After church, Lee wanted to invite the missionaries over to eat.  A million things racing through my head.  "I have nothing prepared"  "the house is a mess"  "we have a long evening ahead of us"  But I said Sure.  So, SPAGHETTI again it was.  Because it is the easiest thing to make and it makes a lot, quickly.  We also invited the two girls who we brought to church to come over and hang out as well.

So, I rushed in and began cooking in a very hot kitchen.  But it was so worth it.  To be able to spend time with people in the same boat as us.  One of the couple just got married and moved here in February as well.  They live close to Belize City.  But we just enjoyed fellowshiping with both of these families so much.  While we were eating, one of our young men came and brought some friends that needed immediate ministry.  We were so blessed that he was comfortable enough to do that.  And to add to that story, one of the missionaries said that he had ministered to that man just a year earlier and challenged him to serve Jesus.  What a blessing for him to see that young man walk into our church service that morning.

All that to say, we had a busy, full house yesterday afternoon.  As I washed the last pan, I saw that it was 3:30 and would soon need to get ready to leave again.  But God is good and gracious and gives us the energy to do what we need.

We woke up Winnie and Erika from napping and started getting dressed up to go and celebrate 7 years in Foursquare in San Ignacio (about an hour from here).  We had such a nice trip there.  Listening to worship, singing at the top of our lungs, drinking a coke or red fanta and watching the sunset.

   The church service was very festive, decorated with the Foursquare colors.  It was a special evening for us as well.  As we have ministered with Pastor Caleb over these 7 years, bringing teams on missions trips from Life Church in Katy.  We have seen him go from meeting behind his house, to being in this big building, building a preschool/primary school and birthing two churches.  Each church brought forth special dramas and singing presentations.  Pastor Caleb's daughter and niece did a beautiful Panamanian dance.

They brought forward all the Foursquare pastors and their wives, including Lee and I.  We are the fourth church plant here in the past 7 years.

Everyone was dressed to the T.  Look at this beautiful little baby Erika was playing with.  The service was almost 4 hours long, so we couldn't keep her seated the whole time!!!

We have known this little girl for several years.  I cannot remember her name and feel bad, but we think her smile looks like Joy (our youth pastor's daughter in Katy).

This is Shermira.  Tori and her became instant friends when they were 5, on Tori's first missions trip.  Shemira is now an aunt.  We will always have a heart for this sweet little girl.

And this is Jennifer.  She was faithful to our VBS last summer.  For all of those who were on the team with us.  The girls from her church did a beautiful dance.  She is also an Aunt.

So, we did not get to go eat until 10 pm last night.  We were thankful that our favorite restaurant in San Ignacio was open.  Hodies.  We ate quickly.  And as we ordered, we saw that Osama Bin Laden had been killed.  Lee was so in shock over it, he accidentally ordered a Dr. Pepper.  The lady said they only had COKE.  Forbid.  But he needed the caffeine to drive his family home, so he drank it begrudgingly.

So, we arrived home at midnight to a Belmopan still partying from the Agriculture...today is a holiday, so I guess that they wanted to keep the partying going.  But we were happy to see our beds.  And all slept in this morning.

We head back to San Ignacio in the morning to pick up our workers permit.  Well, at least we will enjoy some good worship:)

LIving in God's Will

We just got a really neat email...

All I can say is that it is really neat living in the center of God's will.

I didn't say easy...cause Satan fights you harder when you start messing up his schemes.

It is peaceful.

It is going to sleep every night with a full heart.

Knowing that you are exactly where He has called you.

And it seems the harder the fight that day, the more God confirms to you that He is with you that night.

I remember a story of a group of people that were kidnapped and held hostage.  Once they were free, which they were thankful for, they all recalled never feeling closer to God than in those times of being held hostage.

I feel the same way.  I do not want to go through hard things.  None of us do.  We want our lives to be easy and comfortable.  But in those times, we sometimes do not know our purpose, and can begin to feel life has no meaning.

But in those times of great trials (because of serving the Lord), in those times, we are so close to God.  So close to His heartbeat.  And every day, we wake up with purpose.  We must not get distracted from that purpose.  There are a million things that will distract us.  But we must persevere and focus on His purpose.

And run with it.

No matter what the cost.

And He is with us, so the cost is not too high.

Have a blessed day at your church service this morning.  I know I am excited to see what God will do.

Agricultural Experience

trash...only got worse as the night went on

the cotton candy was good:)

This girl and her poses!!!  She had so much fun with Christopher.

and was happy the big girls saved her some cotton candy

loved the real live Mariachi Band

Lee and Terrance enjoying some darts...except one popped off and almost hit this baby who was already crying...poor baby being stuck in there while her parents worked.

the airplane...Andrea and I were thankful theirs was broke and didnt go up high...no seatbelts, some of the other kids were hanging out of them!!!

hard to capture the crowds...they were suffocating

Wow…we just returned from the Belize Agricultural…and boy, was it a taste of all things Belize.


It was definitely one of those CULTURE shock moments for me. The rides were VERY different and very old. We had to tell Erika not to stand up while the ride was moving, since there was nothing to hold her in, but Jesus! Erika had fun though riding two different rides with her friend, Christopher.

There was trash EVERYWHERE. Very few trash cans, and they were all overflowing…so the people literally just threw the trash all over the ground. Granted we were there on a Saturday night, when it had been going for two days already. But the trash would literally trip you up as you walked. UGH.

People from the whole country of Belize were here. Last year, they said there were 50,000 people. Looking at the crowds, it seemed that they were all there tonight. You had to squish your way through the crowds of people, and try not to lose the people you were with. This part was a little hard and scary for me. We had our two girls, an older girl, and sometimes Josh, trying to keep up with us. It was easier just to carry Erika. And the family we were with also had two small children and a pregnant belly.

Our dinner was very yummy. Barbecue chicken with the sides. Of course, it was 7:30 when we ate, but it was so good. We went with our restaurant owner friends. So they were good at picking a place to eat. But the only hard thing is that we couldn’t visit with our friends, til we were actually leaving because the music was SOOO loud.

The Agricultural is the biggest event here in Belize, and we saw so many people we knew. So many families out enjoying the evening. Josh and Winnie each took off with a group of their friends. Poor Tori had to stay with us. Today was a little sad for her. It is her best friend, Emily’s birthday, and it is the first time she has been away from her for her birthday for many years. So, we came home and skyped her BFF and I think there is joy back in her life now.


On a more serious note, there was one point, when we first walked through the very congested crowds.  People were drunk everywhere, the music was blaring, there was a military and Police presence, but the main thing I would say is that it was just mass CONFUSION.  I honestly felt that I was walking into the gates of hell.  I realize that I have had a pretty protected life.  I have not hung out at bars or party scenes, so am not really comfortable with all that.  But people are foolish and scary when they are drunk.  And having my children with me, made me all the more uncomfortable.  And being in a foreign country added to it.  And being in masses of people...I just did not like it.  I was so relieved when we kind of got through the madness area.  But we had to walk through a couple more times during the evening, just to get to one side or the other.  The other thing is that people would randomly drive through the crowds of people.  It was crazy.  But the second time we walked through, I felt God tell me to see the people through His eyes.  I wanted to cry.  All these people just partying like crazy...and acting stupid...really, there is no other way to put it.  And doing things for the rest of the evening that they may regret the next day.   My heart began to break...for Belize.  Because this is what they consider fun.  Not everyone, but a lot of people.  And the young people that we are ministering to...these are the adults around them.  I cannot change the culture of this country.  Only God can.  But I can change the culture of the young people in our lives.  And they can change the culture of this next generation.

Tonight was a little like a movie to me.  Kind of like "IS THIS REAL LIFE?"  I really thought that as I held Erika close to me, and kept my other arm on Tori.  I kind of felt like, Why did I bring my kids here?  Yes, we definitely got a taste of Belize.  Yes, it was very eye opening.  But even our time with our friends...we were so busy just trying to keep a hand on our kids, and the music was so loud, we couldn't even talk....  I was thankful though that we were with them.  They usually set up a booth and sell food, so it was new for them too.

I am thankful to be showered and in bed tonight.  And all my little chicas in bed as well.  Large crowds are not necessarily my thing.  But large crowds of intoxicated people...  Maybe next year, we will go in the morning:)

I do not regret going tonight, though.  Because I know this is all around me.  Belize is a party country.  Not so much Belmopan, but throughout the country.  It was a reminder to me tonight...that I am surrounded by people partying straight into hell.  And a reminder to keep on, to keep my eyes open for divine appointments.  And to press in, and to keep pouring into the kids.  One big thing I have seen is that they are hungry for good Christian music...and I love music, and have lots of it on my Itouch.  They all want to know the names of the songs, etc. 

Tomorrow, we celebrate 7 years of Foursquare in Belize.