This Season of my Life

So, this is where we spend time every other day right now. It is a blessing that there is somewhere free to go that is fun so the kids can stretch a little after the small apartment. Erika's expression says it all...this is truly her favorite place right now. I am enjoying it too. I just swim the whole time unless the pool is full. We have been fortunate to have it to ourselves on several occassions...that is a good day when noone else is there:)

This morning, I took the kids to the dollar movie they offer in the summers here at our theatres. It was fun and cheap. Then we had our youth pastor's oldest daughter come over. I love that little girl. I just found a picture of her as a baby when we first met them 5 years ago. Those girls are so special to my heart. It is so hard to leave them to go to Belize. Maybe I could sneak them in my suitcase:)

So, this is the season I am in my life. Every day I prepare my heart a little for the big move. Lee calls me every day with good news that people are willing to partner with us and support us. This confirms every day that God is in this. I am excited about going to Belize. I am loving my new life already. It is the leaving part that tears my heart in a million pieces. Every person I spend my days with..( except my husband and children)...knowing that I must soak up every second while we are here.

There is a relevant song by Hillsong United, Desert Song:

One verse in particular really speaks to me...

and this is my prayer in the harvest

and favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

the seed I received I will sow

God has blessed me, poured into me, taught me so many things. There are plenty of people here to share with the lost...He needs Lee and I in Belize, where fewer people will go. Where we can share of God's blessings and minister to the hurting. When Lee first told me he felt we were supposed to move to Belize, that was my argument...that there are so many more people here in Houston, who we can minister to. But God wants us in Belize. He has called lots of people to the mission field, but so many are just not able or not willing to take the steps to GO...but He knew we would. Not because we are closer to God, or better than other people. He had just put us in a place and made it hard not to obey. He did something supernatural in our hearts that made the people in Belize more important than our nice home or nice things...or our comfort.

I was just thinking today, what a process this past year has been for me...and the process I am still in. I pray that my life would be an example. And if God called you too, that you would also obey. I look around me and think Americans are so blessed. They don't even realize it. I realize it more now that I ever have. Even though my kitchen is 1/10 of the size of my old one...at least I have one. At least I have food to cook for my children. I am so thankful that we are in a home with air conditioning. And that I have a car with air conditioning.

What are you thankful for?

ARGH!!!!

This morning has been so overwhelming for me. Beginning to work my way through the millions of boxes that line my living room walls. What to keep, what to take with us, what to store???? What to just donate to the youth garage sale so I can breathe??? There are some things that I just feel we should take to make our home feel like our home while in Belize. That is what is hard about living here...in holding...no decorations, no family pictures, no curtains, just lots of aqua blue plastic boxes, and a bunch of suitcases.

Last night as I went to bed, I had some good time with the Lord and felt so at peace, but woke up feeling so....chaotic. I am listening to Kim Walker and she just sang SURRENDER. I know the Lord wants me to surrender having everything my way, in my order. To fully surrender my life to who He wants to create me to be. And this is part of the process.

The other thing is that once again my 3 year old turned off the air. It is low, where she can reach. So, as I was rummaging through boxes, doing laundry, dishes, etc, I was sweating like crazy before I realized it. I think maybe God is trying to prepare me for Belize heat :) through my daughter.

I covet your prayers right now for clear thinking, organization, and just not worrying about it. I know there are so many things to do, but know it will get done. I think I just want to complete it all in one day and have to realize that it is a process. Just like we want the Lord to just miraculously fix things for us, but we have to walk things out one day at a time....

Blessed

Lee and I had debated back and forth on whether we should put Erika in preschool next year (at the church), but had agreed that it was not an option as our income would not afford it. I will begin homeschooling the kids this fall and had thought it would be good for her to go just to allow us to get in the swing of things before we moved. Plus she has done so well in the preschool the past two years.

Sunday, our preschool director asked if I was going to enroll her and I said "no". She said someone had offered to pay for Erika to attend. I was shocked. I don't know if you read my blog...but I am so blessed. Lee was so thankful as well.

I am excited to be home full time now, but with homeschooling for the first time and preparing for an out of the country move, my plate is full, just in a new way. So knowing now that I will get two days a week to purely focus on Josh and Tori, it is a tremendous blessing.

God is already showing us in so many little ways, that He knows our needs and desires and takes care of the details. It is very different for Lee and I to be in the FUNDRAISING mode. It is new and a little frightening. It is a totally different walk of faith for us. We cannot "earn our keep" as we have done in the past, but have to totally rely on the Lord to provide. We, of course, have always relied on Him as we have pastored churches over the years, but this is new and more extreme. But God has called us and we just have to believe that He will get us to Belize because He is the one who told us to go.

When we were at Convention a couple of weeks ago, Frances Chan spoke. This was very special to Lee and I because the week after we told Life Church we were called to the mission field, Frances and his wife also made the same announcement. As we watched it, he expressed so beautifully what we were feeling. At convention, he said so many things that just spoke directly to me, what I am experiencing right now. The most awesome thing he shared was that it is in crisis, or removing yourself from safety, that you are the closest and most dependent on God. That is so true. As Lee and I step out in total faith to what God has called us to do, I feel Him more, I seek Him more...This last year has been amazing as He has pushed me out of my comfort zone big time. But I wouldn't change it. There are so many things that are uncertain about the future, but one thing I know, God goes with me. When I am in Belize and come across a situation that I feel unprepared for, He will help me, He will guide me, and will give me the strength to walk it out.

Seizing the Moments

I am at a very different place in my life right now. I, for so many years, have lived in a rush. I find that I am changing right now. I am enjoying the moments.

Today, we went and visited a friend, who also blessed Tori with some amazing hand me downs. It was so relaxing just to sit and catch up with her and share the things the Lord has been doing in our lives. Then we ran a few other errands, came home and spent the afternoon swimming in the "fun" pool. I had such a great time just hanging out and laughing with Josh, while Tori played with her friend...and Erika did her own thing. I have laughed more in the past month, than I can remember in forever. Laughter is such awesome medicine for your soul.

We were not able to swim much on our trip just because we were too busy, but since we have been home, we have been swimming a lot. I want to enjoy this time. I don't know that we will have public pools in Belize... although I have an idea of creating one and using it as an outreach:) But anyway, I just want to enjoy the pools while we have them. And enjoy my kids while I still have them too....Hey, and I will have an amazing tan by the end of the summer:)

Another seizing the moment: I was able to pray with someone dear to me yesterday to receive Christ as her Savoir. I cannot explain how awesome that was. I was shaking as I walked back to my seat. I am so excited to now get the blessing of discipling her and connecting her to a cell group in the church. God is awesome and knew that this is perfect timing in my life...and hers.

And my first picture on here is my dear friend, Riqui. We spontaneously decided to stop and see her family on our way home. Riqui and have been friends since we were both just having our first babies. She is a friend that listens and encourages me every time I call. And what is so awesome is that our daughters also have a very special friendship. And that encourages me because we have not always lived in the same city as this family, yet God has sustained our friendship. We are always there for each other, even though we are miles away. So, as it is bittersweet each moment I have with my amazing friends here in Katy, I know the Lord will sustain what He has started even when we move to Belize....

Road Trip

I am so tired tonight, after riding in a car for 3 days, but wanted to begin to share about our roadtrip. I will share more details over the week to come.

First of all, we did a LOT in 13 days. We went from Atlanta, Georgia(for Foursquare Convention), to Pennsylvania (to see the Amish), up to New York state for a few days, then to Niagara Falls, Canada, coming back down to Ohio (where Josh was born and the first church we pastored), visited friends in Kentucky, then finally worked our way back home today.

It was a busy two weeks, we stayed at many different places, and I am exhausted...but so thankful for this wonderful trip.

What happened in a nutshell...

God spoke through many different people at convention...once again confirming His plans for our life...

I was overwhelmed with love by my family...and for my family

once again, I was reminded how much I love my kids and husband...it was a crazy trip with everyone in close quarters, but sp many wonderful memories were created on this trip

I laughed...alot...and it was great for my soul

I cried when I said goodbye to my Grandma...not knowing if I will ever see her again

I actually got so sick of eating out that I cant wait to cook tomorrow ( don't tell Lee)

I realized that even when you havent seen special friends and relatives for years, it is still easy to catch up where you left off

and

that although not settled yet, there is NO PLACE LIKE HOME!!!!

Counting the Cost

Well, the time is here...the huge transition in my life...ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. Life is not as it was just a month ago.

Last month, when we told everyone about our move to Belize, I was able to hold it together. People cried...and I was okay. I felt I had already cried it all out. Well, don't look, but it is hitting me now. I am on the verge of crying at every comment. Every time someone asked me "Are you Okay?" on Sunday, I almost lost it. I held it together when we were up front praying over the new pastors, but inside, I was so sad. I always thought we would pastor Life Church--forever.

So, today as I had lunch with good friends, it was very hard. Not because I am not excited about what God is doing in our lives. I am so sad for what I am leaving. I am finally a stay at home mom full time and yet will be leaving all these other wonderful moms that I have longed to spend time with. I want to take advantage of every moment I have left here... My apartment shows it too. I have so many things I need to be doing, but have set up lunch and coffee with friends all week. I am fixing to go on vacation, but it is more than that...I am counting the cost of following the Lord with everything I have. It means giving up my beautiful home, my spoiled American life, my amazing church family.

But there is not contentment in those things alone. There is only true contentment, true peace, when you fully listen to the Lord and obey.

So, although, I am incredibly sad today...I am still at peace. I still know that God is telling us to go to Belize...that there are people there that will only meet Him if we tell them. And that is worth it all...

But for all those who asked, yes, this is hard. My heart is breaking at leaving all of you. I love my family and church family here.

But I love my Father God as well, and His Approval is what I seek more than any earthly being. And I know, like I know, in the deepest part of my soul, that what He has planned is Good. For the Brockinton Family and for the Life Church Family. He has big plans for the this body. Things that He can only do through the Rudds. And He has big plans for Belmopan, that He can only do through us.

So....that is how it goes:)

day of emotions

Yesterday was a very busy day. After the crazy carpool and trying to get a quick shower when I could, we took Erika to her Preschool Graduation. Now, us moms always cry at things like that, but this year was more emotional knowing our future. Knowing Erika won't go to preschool next year or the next. We were so blessed with such great teachers. They showed a video of all the fun things the kids did the past two years. The preschool has been such a blessing for me while I worked. I just worked while Erika was at school, and she was blessed with an education and lots of fun. I lost it as they showed the video. Erika does not like it when I cry, so she started to cry....ugh!

Then we left and signed papers on our house. It is final. We no longer own the house on Goodwin Dr. It is just a house, but that made me sad. I loved that house~~~but I have to believe God has something amazing for us in Belize...and it may not "look" like what I wanted here. I believe He is changing my desires, my dreams, my life...

So the final emotional thing was that we went and watched Josh's best friend (a sweet, beautiful girl) do a play at the junior high. I am not sure why it was so emotional...just an ending to Josh's junior high and public school experience, relief that Tori will be homeschooled..., Josh giving flowers to this special girl (made me sad that they won't continue to grow up together), and a billion other things.

Coming to the apartment, I have really began to "feel" the experience of what it means to go on the Mission Field. I am really beginning to count the cost...and walk it out. It is good. I think in the house, even with selling everything, I was so busy, I just did not have time to feel what was happening. I am not working now...so that changes things a lot too.

Our family has experienced a tremendous amount of change in a very small amount of time. And there is more yet to come. I am sad about what we are leaving. I will miss Life Church people soooo much. And there is almost this awkwardness now. I want to enjoy every second, but it is bitter sweet knowing our departure is soon.

We are about to go on a two week trip. We are going to Convention and then to see my extended family in New York...and also Niagara Falls. There is so much going on with the end of school, but I need to get packing this week!!! It is hard to believe it is already here. But I am so thankful we are this side of the move....