Quiet

This morning I have a rare moment of quiet.  All I hear is the fan blowing and dog barking.  It is beautiful. And rare.

Everyone is out doing a VBS in the neighborhood, but it may be rained out.  And I have a lunch date with a friend, so stayed home to get ready...and get their lunch going, of course:)

Life is crazy busy.  Last weekend, Elizabeth and I went to LifeNet's first women's conference.  I was a speaker and that was way out of my comfort zone.  I found it challenging to even find quiet moments to prepare.  But once I got up there, I truly felt confidence in what I had prepared...absolutely the Lord carried me:)

My life is full with homeschooling...probably more this year than ever.  Kailey's first language is Spanish and although her English is very good, it makes school from the states quite challenging at times.  Erika began 4th grade this week.  Finally, we seem to have found her challenge.  The tail end of 3rd grade was slowing her down a little.  Friday was the first day that she actually was still working on school after lunch.  Tori is busy as she is in her second year of high school, but is doing great.  I am so proud of all my girls.  They work hard (most days) and I love the flexibility that homeschooling allows our family.

We still have much ministry in the children's home.  I go every other Saturday, but there are times in between as well, when the housemom will call and ask for Lee or I to meet with a specific girl.  I have such love for these girls.  

Elizabeth has been a blessing in so many ways.  She totally has taken over children's ministry, which helps me so much.  She works hard all day for LifeNet, and then helps around the house too.  She is a blessing in our home in so many ways.  She brings a new life and joy to everyone she meets.

I had another birthday this week.  The girls bought me gifts (with Lee's money:), and made me some too.  I think the homemade ones were the most special because it shows how well they know me.  I was surprised with yummy brownies and didn't have to cook all day.  I have such a great family.  Erika and I even snuck away on a little date in the afternoon because I had some free time.  We have begun rotating taking dates with Erika, Kailey and Tori.  It has been a good decision, as they love the one on one time, and we love it too.

Recently, Erika and I began attending a family Net on Thursday nights.   For many different reasons, but mainly because my life is so full of pouring out into young people, I felt that I needed some pouring into me, as well.  And Erika needs to be around some kids her age.  I also feel the Lord is using me even in this Net, challenging me in new and different ways.  It does feel strange to get ready and leave as my home is filling with young people, but I found that we were in a season of lots of leadership and felt I was not needed as much here anymore.  I love how God allows us to go through seasons of change and grows us during those times.  Erika loves the Net because her BFF is there and now they get to see each other more.

Josh still continues to do well at school.  It is always such a joy to hear his voice.  I now wish I would have called my parents more when I was younger.  It is a blessing with technology that we are able to talk through the internet.

This week, we also received two new interns who will be helping with LifeNet.  I should have taken their picture, but haven't yet.  They are a blessing already and we have spent much of the week helping them settle in and just hanging out with them, as they adjust to their new life here in Belize.

Well, I am going to enjoy these few moments of quiet while I have them...

Challenges

Life is full of challenges.

I just read an article that was sharing the importance of living in the now, not waiting for the next thing.  I feel that I have savored the seasons in my life most of the time.  Just not the tough seasons.  Those ones I want to pass quickly.

I think of Josh's last year here at home.  EVERY SINGLE THING would get me choked up or in a full fledged cry.  Knowing there were so many "lasts" that year was so hard for me.  But now that he is at college, I really do have so much peace.  Don't get me wrong.  I miss him incredibly.  (I do have a bit of jealousy when my fellow freshman college parents are getting to visit their kids and it has now been over three months since I last saw my son.)  And knowing the wait til I see him again is long.  But, I am peaceful in this season for him.  I am thankful for the way that the Lord is taking care of him even better than I ever could.  I am thankful that he is blessed to attend such an amazing school.

Back to challenges.  Yesterday I met with someone who wants to adopt.  I feel I have become an adoption advocate.  Because every child deserves a mom and dad.  A children's home, no matter how amazingly it is run, is never the ideal in a person's life.  But adoption is challenging.  Sometimes the hard days outweigh the good days.  But you also begin to savor the easy days.  The Happy days.  And our eyes must not get caught up in the here and now, but the goal.  We must lay down of ourselves, over and over.  And we must ask our first children in the home to lay down of themselves too.  And we must never give up.  It is not an option.  People looking into adoption must count the cost before beginning the journey.

I picked up a book yesterday about the Twenty things adoptees wish their adoptive parents knew.  I have literally only read the dedication...But she is standing over her adoptive parent's graves, thanking them.  Thanking them for loving her when she was unlovable.  Pouring into her when she seemed unreceptive.  That she was thankful for everything they had done.  Every time they had fought for her. 

Adoption is one of the most challenging things I feel I have done.  And now, here we are in the middle of it again.  But when I look to the future, when I see God's bigger picture, and I am reminded that this is the season He has put our family in...it is not so hard:)

What season are you in?  Are you allowing God to mold you or becoming resentful?

There once was a girl with a botfly in her leg...

Several weeks ago, Tori went cavetubing with one of the teams that had come to minister with LifeNet.  She got bit by a mosquito...which is just life here.  The difference is that this bite would never heal.  She was very concerned and worried that it may be a bot fly.  Warning:  Google at your own risk...its pretty disturbing.

A couple weeks ago, I decided to take her to the doctor.  The doctor had never seen one before but assured us it was just a bad bite and would heal with time.

Still the mysterious bite did not heal.

Yesterday afternoon, we once again began discussing what it could be, what we should do.  I suggested she clean it really good with some rubbing alcohol.  Apparently, that was the trigger.  She began to see yucky stuff come out and then just as Net was starting last night, she saw the head.  Yes, like an alien, coming out of her leg.  I don't know how, but Jesus, but she held it together through the NetGroup.  As soon as Net was over, we knew what we needed to do.  We piled vaseline to cover the hole and suffocate the worm so it would poke through.  And when Lee got home from the van run, he slowly, and carefully pulled it out...and it was fat....  Poor girl.

So, there once was a girl with a botfly in her leg.  Noone believed her, not even the doctor.

Well, she proved them wrong.

And I am glad this tale is over...

This Past Weekend

As I write this, it is pouring outside my window.  And I love it.  Rain brings in breeze and wind and cooler temps.  The only thing I don't like is the mud...but I don't mind cleaning up as much when it is not as hot:)

This coming week, we will have completed our first nine weeks of homeschool.  Tori has a full load as a sophomore this year and Erika has almost completed third grade.  We are anxiously awaiting the delivery of her fourth grade curricullum.  Kailey is adjusting to homeschool as well.   She likes best how it usually only takes half a day to complete her work, rather than all day long.  It is hard to believe we are already a quarter of a way through the year.  My days fly by between household and homeschool duties.

We are blessed that Erika and Kailey get to enjoy ballet and other dance classes through YWAM twice a week.  They both enjoy going so much and it is a great outlet for them.  Elizabeth, Tori and I walk most school mornings now and it is such a great start to our day.  Today, Tori began to take Art Lessons from a lady here in Belmopan.  She has so much natural ability and I cannot believe how much she learned in just the first lesson.  And I love that the girls now each have something, outside the home, because we are all home so much:)

This weekend was a lot of fun.  Friday night, one of the families invited over several couples.   They cooked us amazing Barbecue with all the fixings and then we played some games together.  There was lots of laughing and we lost track of time, not getting home until after midnight.  We let all the younger girls sleep in Saturday morning and Elizabeth and I got up and went to Marla's.  We had a great time.  

Sunday, our church participated for the third year in a row passing out waters.  The wait before we start is long and hot, but the joy of passing the cool waters to the hot parade watchers is awesome.  Erika and I ended up getting on the back of the float to help pass the waters from there, as that is where help was needed more.  But the whole weekend, I was just overwhelmed with our church family.  They are all willing to serve.  And believe me, this passing out waters is no easy task.  We all went to bed at 8 pm Sunday night and took Monday off:)

I want to give photo credit, as most of these pictures were taken by Tori.  I am amazed at her photography skills, as well as her artist skills:)

Elizabeth kept us all laughing as she danced the parade away.  But she was exhausted like the rest of us that night...

This collage is from Friday night and Sunday...

I love this selfie Tori took this summer.  Since she was the photographer, there were none of her at the parade.  Kailey and Tori both worked so hard passing out all those waters!!!

A few weeks back, we needed a getaway as a family.  It was an awesome field trip to visit an Iguana Farm.  If you know me, I should get big points for even going in the cage.  But I must admit, I did not hold any iquanas...  I was the designated photographer with Tori's camera, so she could enjoy the iguanas.

Life remains busy as we transition still to lots of changes in our household.  One of my great joys is when I get to hear from Josh.  He is doing great.  They have special things they do for the kids of missionaries and that blesses me so much.  He has also been blessed by visits from our families and care packages.  I miss him so much, but am so happy that he is enjoying college life so much.

Plugging Along

Sometimes it is in the monotony of serving day after day.  The little things.  The baby steps.  That is where we sometimes find ourselves right where we are supposed to be.  I have been in this spot of homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, laundry, repeat...  And sometimes I wonder what is the point of it all?  But there is a point.  I have a 7, almost 8 year old little girl, who was placed in our family to change her destiny.  So that she would know Jesus.  And I have an amazing almost 16 year old daughter, who I see blossoming before my very eyes.  She is beginning to babysit...and yes, it makes me nervous.  Yet, it speaks of the character that others, beyond myself,

 see in her.  And now we have a young teen that we are trying to mold, welcome, love, into our family.  And it is in the day to day that will happen.  It is in helping her learn many new things.  It is in teaching her simple things.  And it is in the family days where we just get out of here for the day.  Those days are exhausting physically, but oh so good for the soul.

 

After the cares of ministry were weighing us done a couple of weeks ago, we just left for the day.  And it was great.  Yes, it looks like paradise.  We won't talk about the hike there and back:)  But I saw lots of smiles that day.  And our packed picnic lunch tasted so yummy sitting beside the falls.  My heart was sad missing my Josh.  He would have loved this day.  But I am thankful that he is having new, fun experiences on his own.

Then this past weekend, the FMI Director, Jim Scott, came to visit us.  This is one of Tori's favorite people in the whole world.  We were so blessed just to hang out with this guy.  His sermon on Sunday morning touched a billion different points in my spirit.  One being that God calls us to do things that don't make sense to other people.  I feel like that is the story of my life (our life).  Why would we adopt a girl that is mostly grown?  Only because God Himself told us to.  And it's in the day to day, the little things, that we have to focus on the bigger picture.  Obedience to a Heavenly Father who knows what is best for his children.

Another really cool thing that happened this past weekend.  Just in the day to day.  Learning to hear God's voice.  I go to the children's home every other Saturday.  I had a hard time pulling something together this past week for Saturday.  And so I felt I should show a Christian movie instead.  As the movie played, I felt I was supposed to ask if any of the girls needed prayer.  This is not something I normally do.  I prayed with about ten of the girls, but THREE of them accepted Jesus.  It was all quite emotional...but special.  Because they are my girls...that I deeply love...and have relationship with.  And I got the privilege of praying with and for them.  

And that made the day to day stuff worth it all.

The Devil is a Liar

The last couple of days it has been just the two younger girls and I, while the others are on the Mission Trip to Caye Caulker.  As I took the girls to eat, I felt people looked at me...a white woman with two hispanic girls.  In a few years, this will be my norm, though, as Tori leaves and goes to college like her brother.  But I also think how God knew I would not be ready for an empty nest so soon, so he just refilled it:)

Raising two girls who feel rejected by the woman who gave birth to them, there is so much healing needed.  I am thankful that the conversations come up and we are able to talk, though.  This morning, one shared of a dream, where she was being told she was not wanted once again.  It broke my heart and I asked for the Lord to give me the words to say.  I do believe that love covers a lot.  That is my thing lately.  That our love for these girls can help defeat the lies that the enemy tells them.  That I constantly can share of my love for them and that I would never not want them.  And that maybe more than them not being wanted that maybe their birthmoms simply could not take care of them.  I shared of my older sister being adopted as a tiny baby...how my parents so desperately wanted her...

Some days I feel overwhelmed at the task the Lord has given me.  But most days I feel overly blessed that He chose Lee and I.  That He knew we could be the ones to build and grow these girls.  That He could use us to heal the deep wounds of the past.  When I was at lunch yesterday with the girls, we just had so much fun.  We have played games and laughed and laughed the past couple of days.  I am thankful for these days.  I am thankful for the two precious jewels He has entrusted to our care.

How many kids do you have?

When did such a simple question become so confusing to answer?  How many kids are legally mine?  How many kids live in my house?  How many kids am I mothering right now?  How many kids did I carry in my body?  How many did I carry in my heart?

Yesterday we were at a memorial service for a missionary friend who passed away in April.  A final send off from his Belizean friends.  A woman who has worked with him on mission teams asked me this simple question and it threw me for a loop.  It was so weird.  I have three girls that I am raising right now, but my adult son is living in the states, oh, yeah and we have an intern living with us.  But I legally only have three children.  But in my heart, I am mothering, feeding, loving on five children...even though one of them my love is only through phone calls at the moment...

Then the whole profile picture thing on Facebook.  My cover photo is only of my three legal children.  I wish we would have been able to have Kailey to be a part of that photo shoot.  So, now if we take a picture, there are only the girls...and Josh is still so needing to be in that picture.  So, I will have to wait until next summer and hopefully will get a picture of all four of my children:)

Twenty-two years ago, I was an eighteen year old girl madly in love with an amazing man.  I never could have thought or foresaw that our life would be like this.  I actually always wanted a large family...but he only wanted two kids.  Yet, God did something in his heart...because he loves these others girls so much.  Yesterday at the memorial service, I got a little choked up as Erika came and sat on his lap.  She laid her head on his shoulder.  Erika is so blessed to have this daddy...  As all the kids are.  He loves them each so perfectly.

This is my blog...so I will brag.  I am so proud of Josh.  I love every time he calls or asks me to call.  I love hearing his voice and seeing him on Facetime...even if sometimes he is just playing a game while talking.  I love just being in contact with him.  I love that he wants to share everything that is going on with us.  I love that he is a good worker and takes his job seriously.  I love that he loves his church...and they have taken him under their wing.  Just like we prayed.  I miss him so deeply some times...  When I make a favorite food of his, or we do something as a family, these are the times his absence is most felt.  This is such a new phase for me.  But my home is still full, actually fuller than it was.  And he is doing great.

And then I have this amazing girl, who is soon to be 16, and now the oldest kid at home.  I know she misses her older brother.  I know this is a time of major adjustment as she goes back to sharing a room.  But I also know her very life, her very love ministers to her newest sister.  I know that God will use her to bring healing where it is needed.  I love that even at this age, just like me at that same age, she is at a place of seeking God on her own...not through her parents.  Learning to turn to Him...sometimes in desperation...but that is the best...that God solve her problems, not mom.  I love her heart...that she loves deeply.  Loss is so hard for her...yet, that is what makes her Tori.  We watched the old home videos and her big brother was everything to her, right from being a baby.  But her little sensitive heart was there...even then.  I am so thankful for this very special girl.

And then we had this huge age gap when God finally answered my prayers for a third child.  And that third child is a fireball.  I can't wait to see how Jesus will use her.  Even already.  Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with parenting this strong willed little person.  But then another adult will tell me what an amazing girl she is.  A friend with the same age child told me yesterday how impressed she was with Erika.  Erika walked up, greeted her and hugged her.  She said her children would never be that comfortable to do that with an adult...  And this is so true.  Erika is this confident, little person (who is very insulted if you say she is little.)  Everyone loves her.  And she is well behaved when it counts (usually).  And the Lord gave us Erika so we could guide her and foster all the talents she has.  And she brings so much joy.  Even waking her up...she is usually so loving and happy it is a new day full of promise.  And she is an extremely bright child.  I am so thankful we are able to homeschool her, so she can soar...

We thought we were done with Erika, but God was not done forming our family.  And He did the most perfect thing.  He gave us a girl that fits perfectly between Erika and Tori.  She plays with and loves both of her sisters (and Josh).  Erika loves to have a hispanic sister who is also adopted.  They can relate in some very special ways that are just for them.  Kailey is the most loving, affectionate, sensitive girl.  At first, she reserved her hugs for the girls, but now, as she gotten more comfortable, she waits for me, coming and going, to hug me.  Sometimes, she just walks by to let me know she is there and that she loves me.  Sometimes I feel so honored and overwhelmed at the same time that Jesus would choose our family for Kailey.  Its such a heavy responsibility and so different to receive her as a teenager, mostly grown.  But it also has been so neat to watch how love truly covers so much.  We tell her often, but I truly believes she knows...God has put such a deep love for this girl in all of our  hearts.  We didn't choose her...God chose her for us.  And it is such a perfect fit.

I am sooo blessed....