How Am I Doing?

A lot of people ask me how I'm doing? It is hard to answer sometimes, but I am thankful that people care. I look around and I have a million things to do, but don't know where to start. I make lists all the time and just chip away a little at a time. It is surreal to really get that we are leaving the country. I am constantly second guessing myself...should we get rid of more stuff or will I be dissappointed not to have familiar things with me? Should I get rid of more of Erika's toys or will she be totally bored if I do? We have gotten rid of SOOOO much, but I look around and we still have so much left. The houses there are furnished, for the most part, but its the little things...

We need to redo our will, get Erika's social security card, make those final dental and medical check ups, prepare to relocate in another 3 months and then another 2 months after that, and have two girls birthdays and Christmas in the middle of all of that. The list goes on and on. Not to mention the everyday things that just need to be done for living...and homeschooling on top of that.

But I really know that I am seeing God's grace and peace I have never known before.

It is still weird/awkward for me at the church we planted/pastored for almost 10 years. I go to events of things I used to be in charge of administering. I am thankful to have those pressures off of me, but sometimes don't know where my place is...but I do know, actually. My place is just there to support our new pastor's family. I know the things they deal with like no one else. The pressures of the Senior Pastor's family are gone from our home, yet, I still remember what it feels like.

My heart is ready. I still sometimes get nervous about the details...about how it will all flow. But, have learned to live day by day. That is the only way to live. Make plans, of course, but live the day you are in.

We are finishing up the kids gap paces and then will take a break for about a week. Then the kids will start Junior Hight and High School (and preschool). I am looking forward to more of a routine. It has been challenging to make the kids do schoolwork, when their friends invite us to do things. You see, I am torn. Because I know our time here is short, I want to savor every moment of being with friends. The problem is that when we don't get the school work done first thing in the morning, it just doesn't get done. But we are near the end of this phase. And all their friends will soon be back in school too, so I am sure that will help.

This is kind of a random blog. But there are a few things I wonder about Erika...and wonder if they are things that are just her personality or because she is adopted. I really think that I am just paranoid...and she is my baby. Yesterday, I took her to the dentist. It was the first time I didn't have to hold her down. She sat in the chair all by herself as they did the xrays. But after a while, she began to call for me. It tore my heart in a million pieces. I wanted to reassure her that I was there, but didn't want her to know I was there, to see if she would just comfort herself and relax. Well, the dentist wanted me to come in. She did sit in the chair, but wimpered as they cleaned her teeth. It made me feel so bad. I don't want her to think I will put her in situations that will scare her, but I also need to take care of her health. And she has to learn to sit and let her teeth be cleaned even if its uncomfortable. Because that is just life. But there is such a balance to that because I also don't ever want her to be in a bad situation and think I won't help her. Isn't love a funny thing?

We are about to visit several different churches over the next few months. It is fun and hard. Because it is funner to go to Life Church where I know and love everyone...and where my family it. But it is also fun to see how other church families function. It is a learning experience for us. And for our kids. To realize that we, as Christians, can worship God in different ways. And that He is just pleased that we Love Him.

Well, it is time for me to settle for the night. Tomorrow will be a busy day for us.