Why is Fostering and Adopting so Scary???

We have a group that meets monthly for foster parents.  It is not through the government, but rather through missionaries who came to Belize to foster and to minister to foster families.   It is on Friday so normally just the girls and I go.  The older kids watch the younger (other teens in the group are also homeschooled).  

Last month, they did a family night that was so fun.  It was at their house, which is like a small farm.  We made homemade pizza in their outdoor pizza oven and they had an outdoor movie when it got dark.  Before that, the kids just enjoyed playing and riding horses.  Our Social Worker even came and brought her own two year old son.  I thought it was a special time for her to see the kids in her care just having fun with their foster families.  And it was a special time for our family to just relax and have fun with other families that look like ours.

Each month, the leaders bring a big basket of books that have something to do with fostering or adopting or on being healthy families.  It is nice to have access to resources that are so relevant for our lives.  Yesterday, I picked up a small book on stats about fostering and adopting.  I just began it but it really got me to think.

The stats are from 2013, the Barna group.  A whopping 38 percent of Christians seriously consider adoption, while only 5 percent actually adopt.  That is so crazy.   Why aren't more people stepping out?  As I began to look through the reasons, a lot of it has to do with fear of the unknown or not knowing where to get started or thinking it is too expensive.

Another statistic that got me is that out of the parents who have adopted, 75 percent adopted one child, 23 percent adopted 2 and we fall into the category of 3 percent that adopted a third child.

I think part of that, is once you step out in obedience, it is easier for the Lord to pull on your heartstrings a second and even third time.   But as someone who has walked the journey, with each child, I became more and more scared to tell people what God was telling us.  And with each child, I definitely worried more about how we would provide (but its not us...its truly the Lord).  I worried how the new child would fit into our family.  How the first children would react.  

Our foster meetings are good.  There are no social workers.  It is just foster parents or those considering fostering.  It is safe place where we can share our struggles, and then pray with and encourage each other.  The leaders are definitely skilled and do an amazing job in making us leave encouraged.  Yesterday, we had a lady in our church who is considering adopting a child from one of the children's homes.  Another couple has two foster children that are extremely difficult and they were sharing that they were thinking of returning them to the social worker.  But as they shared their struggles, others in the group were able to share our victories.

Parenting is hard.  Parenting and having to undo unhealthy behaviors that were built in a dysfunctional home...is harder.  It is so much easier to start with a brand new baby.   It is so much easier to parent only those children that you have protected right from the womb.

But there are so many children out there who desperately need the same chance as our birth children.  Who need a chance at a better life.  Who need a healthy upbringing.  How do we change the world?  One child at a time.

The blessing is we serve a healing God.  Time and love truly do heal so many deep areas.   There are so many testimonies of powerful men and women of God, who were adopted.  So many stories of someone who loved them and parented them and gave them a chance in life.

I believe with all of my heart that Jesus rescued each of my three (adopted) girls.  At different stages of their lives.  But I believe He rescued them and brought them into my and Lee's life for a reason.  Because He wants to use them.  Sometimes the Spiritual Warfare along the way is overwhelming.  Sometimes I want to give up.  But then I see the fruit of what Jesus has done.  I look at Erika and the powerhouse she is.  And that she identifies what a miracle her life is.  I look at my sweet, sweet Kailey, who dances beautifully before her Lord.  Who now is thankful and sees God's hand on her life and how He placed her in our family.  And then Aviya.  Aviya will have a powerful testimony one day.  Aviya wants with all her heart to please us.  She wants with all her heart to live a life for the Lord. 

 Life is a journey.  We are always growing.  He is always stretching us.  Fostering and Adopting has stretched Lee and I in ways we could never have expected.  But its a beautiful stretching.  We have walked through things that if I had known in the beginning, I would not have stepped out in.  So thankfully, sometimes we walk in not knowing the bigger picture.  But the bigger picture is so much more beautiful than we could have ever thought.

Being Hurt

 A few years ago, I read the book, The Bait of Satan, by John Bevere.  I have since lent it out, but at the time, I took some notes and led the Youth Net one night on the subject of offense.  The ministry time that evening was great because literally everyone in the room had something they needed to deal with.

If we are alive, we will be offended at some point...or many points in our life.  I feel like if you are in ministry, all the more so.  People hurt people.  Sometimes on purpose and sometimes totally unaware.  I know I have hurt people.

So what are we to do in this world of people hurting other people?  How are we to handle this as mature believers?  It is not easy.  In fact, I feel that it is easier to forgive a non-believer than a believer.  We expect more from those who follow Christ, so our disappointments are greater.

One thing that I learned in the book is that confrontation is not always the answer.  Not always what God would have us do.  Sometimes confronting things makes them worse.  But there are definitely times that the Lord does want us to bring it out in order to bring healing.  This is where it gets tricky.

But the other thing that happens in the body of Christ is that Satan gets a stronghold of offense.  He wreaks havoc on their lives and destroys relationships with those around them.  He blinds the believer by focusing on oneself and the hurt one feels.  But don't you know that God uses other people to sift us?  To make us stronger.  He builds humility in us as we handle offense with love and forgiveness.  I have learned and am learning that we must have grace for those around us.  We must try to see things through others' eyes.  We must have grace as they are on a journey as well.  

One of the other more difficult things the Lord has shown me is that we must truly pray for those who offend us.   Because they probably need it the most.  If they have offended me, then they probably have offended others.  So, we must birth those prayers in love.  Out of love for our fellow man, that God would reveal to them and bring healing in their lives so they will be considerate of others.

There are some offenses that will never be "taken care of".  There will be those in your life who continuously offend you.  This is where maturity as a believer comes in.  Where you love them anyway.   It is up to us to be the forgiver and not to let bitterness set in.  Bitterness and unforgiveness hurt you and those closest to you.  In fact, it repels people from wanting to be around you.

In our Christian walk, God does not promise ease.  In fact, the more you grow, the more of a target you are.  But have the victory.  Choose to forgive.   Choose not to be offended.  That is the happiest place to live.

Being Intentional

When I had my surgery, it required many changes in my diet.  Some of those changes are forever.  At first, I was sad.  Thinking of all the things I could no longer eat.  But I became very intentional when eating.  More intentional than I have ever been.  There have been a couple of times I have not stayed within my boundaries and have paid for it with pain in my sides.

I also decided to become more intentional about my activity level.  Even in those first weeks, I began walking.  I am very busy here, but exercise is something I have really struggled with.  It is 90 degrees in my living room right now.  So I am already sweating.  My flesh says to sit in a chair in front of a fan.  But when I walk, I feel so much better.  I sweat a little more, but since I'm already sweating, why not?  I was curious how much I was actually walking and so Lee had an old pedometer.  It has been fun to park a little further away so I am forced to walk a little more.   Or to realize I need to walk more to make my pedometer numbers to go up.

I realized over the past few weeks that I walk more in America.  Walking around the mall or inside Walmart.  Everywhere we go, we have to park so far and walk in.  Walking in Oregon was awesome because it wasn't too hot.  Here it is hot and I park right in front of the store and our stores are small.  So I have to be intentional to get my steps in.

The girls have enjoyed walking with me.  We clear all the furniture back in our living room, turn on some fast music and WALK.  It has been a time of laughing and singing together.  It is a season of creating some new memories with my last three:)

People are Watching

Lee and I are anglo.  We have three brown children living with us in Belize:)   Quite often, I see people staring at us. Especially when Aviya yells "Mom" or "Dad" loudly.  I am a very private person.  But I have seen how God has used our journey to help others to step out to foster and adopt.  It is not a journey for every family.  But I encourage anyone who is questioning if this is what God wants for their life.

Today, I was buying my produce.  The lady knows me well.  She sees me at least once a week if not more.  She sees me with all my different children at different times.  This morning, the stand was pretty empty.  I said something about the journey of getting one of my daughters to eat veggies.  And she said, "the dark skinned girl is not yours, right?"  Yes, she is mine, I thought.  But I told her that I am adopting two Belizean girls, have two birth children and we adopted Erika before we moved to Belize.  She grabbed her throat and got choked up and said she wanted to do that too.  It was just such a moment I feel the Lord used.  She shared some of her personal journey and began to ask me very personal questions.  I am used to this now.  When you foster, your privacy goes out the door because people are so curious.  But I encouraged her that if she was feeling that was what she wanted, to pursue it.  I always wanted to adopt.   It took me years to get up the courage to actually do it.  And I remember it was a couple who visited our church for only one month that the Lord used to help Lee and I to step out.

People watch our journeys.  Make sure you encourage others along the way.  You never know how many lives you may be changing.  We set out to adopt one child and ended up adopting three...

This Summer

This has been a crazy summer for me.   Just as I got home from a crazy busy trip to the states, and was just beginning to settle into our new life with a smaller family, life threw us a curve ball.

So I was back in the states and my poor family was without a mom to run the show.  Somehow they survived and I got some special time with my parents as my body healed.

Then Lee and I celebrated 25 years of marriage.  A marriage I am so thankful for.  I love who we are as a married couple.  It took many years and many trials to get to this beautiful place of contentment and joy in our marriage.   Realizing what a gift I was given 25 years ago.  We had an amazing trip to Oregon and were so blessed by the Besa family as we went for Bianca's wedding.  What an honor to be there as they are starting their marriage in ministry just like Lee and I did.  And what a joy to get a few days alone with Lee.  Even the simple thing that noone could call him there!  It was wonderful.

I came home for a week and worked with the girls on school, restocking the fridge and then was off to take Tori up to college.  I had such a special time with Tori.  We laughed, sang our hearts out in the car, had fun decorating her room.  I will always treasure that I got a few days with just her.  Of course, I also was so thankful for the little bit of time we got with Josh too.  He has been such a blessing in helping her get adjusted to all the new things of college life.  I was so proud of how well Wayne and Jodie had taught her to drive.  Of course,  I am nervous leaving her, but I felt so much peace on her college campus and know she is exactly where God wants her.

And now, just like that September is here.  A month full of celebrations for Belize.  It is the busiest time of year for LifeNet as well.  We have so many new things happening.  The girls are well into their school year...five weeks and doing well.  This week begins their activities, like dance.  Our house is much quieter now.  Elizabeth still joins us occasionally to play Catan.  We enjoy the fun she brings to the house.  It is still weird that she has her own house now.  It is beautiful and she is ready to receive girls to live with her.

Kailey will begin something new this year.  She will begin teaching dance at a tutor center in the village.  I am so proud of her and the way she is using the gift God has given her.  She is excited and taking it very seriously.  She will also be doing a devotional with the girls.  Many of the girls attend LifeNet.

Well, it is time for me to run my errands.  I need to go to the produce stand, grocery store, meat store and bakery.  I got spoiled the few weeks I was in the states and could just run to Walmart or HEB.

God is so Close to our Hearts

This morning as I was having my quiet time with God.  I came to Him with a million frustrations.  I poured out my heart.  My weariness with certain things.  I told Him I just needed to feel Him.  Right here in my room.  And God is so amazing.  He is right there.  He is listening.  He understands whatever we have to dump on Him.  I put in my earplugs and looked for a worship song I have never heard before.  God has always ministered to me through music.  And the song that came up...spoke to me as if it was written directly to what I had just poured out to Him.

I just felt that I was to share this to encourage someone.  We, as believers, are not always on the mountain top.  Sometimes we are in the valley and don't know how to get out.  But I challenge you...are you really spending time with the Lord?  Because when we truly get into His presence, we are changed.  Even if our circumstances don't change, our view of those circumstances will.

When God Writes Your Story

In a couple weeks, Lee and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage.

Life is crazy, guys.

When I was young, I had it all planned out.  What my life would look like.

There are so many things that I had not ever dreamed of.  There are so many things that we have walked through in these years that I never could have expected.

But its a GOOD life.

If we had not been obedient to God's call to adopt, we would have an empty nest now.  Some days that seems like it would be nice:)  LOL.  But I think I would be lonely and not ready to be kid-free.

I think over the years, the churches we have pastored, people that have been in our life.  People whose lives have been affected because of our obedience to plant churches and reach the unchurched.   Our lives are a ripple effect.  We will never know how our obedience to the Lord caused ripples in the kingdom...

But obedience has always come with a price.

Obedience is better than sacrifice...but obedience often requires sacrifice.

Serving often requires a sacrifice.

But obedience also results in so many blessings.  Blessings that cannot be contained.

Yesterday, a friend said how I have changed the lives and future of my adopted girls.   But, oh, how they have changed me too.  Changed my future.  Changed my views on things.  Deepened my belief in God and His healing power.  I am not the same person I was ten years ago before I made this journey into raising children I did not give birth to.  They have taught me so much about what love really is.  What love and family really means.

I also never would have thought I would be celebrating 25 years of marriage in Belize.  Some friends in the church are throwing a party for us.  It will be different than a party in an air conditioned church building.  It will be better.  We will have it at a friend's restaurant...outside.   We will probably watch the sunset at the party.  The kids will run around in the yard, all good friends.  I will probably sweat a little, but so will everyone else:)  I will enjoy fresh Belizean fruits and Lee will enjoy yummy homemade desserts.  No running to Kroger to pick something up here.

I miss many of our American comforts, but in almost seven years, I have also gotten accustomed to so many beautiful ways of the Belizean people.  I feel like things are just more special and appreciated here.   Because things take more effort.

Since I have been home, I have recovered so well.  I have been pretty low key.  The nights have been cool.  The days haven't been too bad on the scale of sweat:)   God is good and definitely my healer.