On College

When my children were young, college and moving away from home was not really something I ever thought about.  Really, I guess I just thought by the time it was time, I would be ready.

I am too young for these feelings.  I am too young to be thinking about my oldest moving to college in the next year and half.  We had kind of thought Josh would take a few years of college here in Belize then head to the states.  But the more we have talked lately...he really wants to go to the states to go to college.  There are many reasons.   And I understand those reasons.  The last few days have been a reality hit for me.  Josh will be a senior next year and then, that is it.  He will probably be going out on his own.  We need favor and for the Lord to provide the finances, but I have a peace that He will.  And although I am struggling with feelings of missing him, I do feel a total peace about where he is choosing to go.

I know our families are there and will visit him and take him in when needed.  But I am struggling because I won't be there.  He won't be able to come home to me for the holidays, the summers...because it would be too expensive and he would probably need to work.  I may only see my son once a year...and that is breaking my heart.  But that is part of them growing up:/

I am being very transparent here.  But I feel the cost.  I feel the cost of our family being called here.  Sometimes the cost is very high and very hard to bear.

But then...on Sunday, after struggling with feeling the soon coming next move...there was a Word given by one of the ladies in the church.  She shared that the Lord was saying we are to be Obedient, in His Will.  We want to be blessed with our own way...and the blessings are in the center of His Will.  I know this.  But I needed to hear it and be reminded on Sunday.  Not only God's will for Lee and I, but also God's will for Joshua.  As he is his own person.  We have trained him in the way he should go.  So, we have to let him go, eventually.

I am also reminded to the fact that I got married soon after graduating...and never once thought, at that time, how hard that must have been for my parents.  Now, I am on the other side.

So, pray for me.  I feel my job is to treasure my son these next eighteen months or so, that I get the privilege of cooking for him, serving him and loving on him here in our home.  And to remember to treasure those times that I have with him once he does not live here all the time anymore.  I also am so thankful that I have had the privilege to have him home school the last four years of High School.  Because I feel that I have gotten to know him so much more.  And I am so proud of who he is.

Sometimes the future can be really scary.  But in those times, we just have to remember who holds our future.  And Who holds the future of our children.